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Fathers day

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  • 12-06-2016 9:15pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Here's the deal.. my child's father and I were only together a few months whilst I was pregnant (which happened at the very start) n he was very emotionally abusive towards me. Our child is 2 now. He has access st my parents house (he doesn't have fixed accommodation thus being the reason he has access in my parents house). He has a court order for 2 hours but he every week turns up 35 minutes late n leaves 35 minutes early.

    Father's day is coming up and he wants me to get him something for it. Now I know in creche they make cards so I WAS going to get the staff to help her make him one (last year I got the fathers day card) but he has now demanded that he gets something and I feel like I shouldn't have to. I know ultimately it's up to me, n I should be thinking of the child, which I am, but this demanding is not on. What should I do?


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    #2
    Neyite
    Administrators, Politics Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,947 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Neyite


    What a knob. He cant demand you get him something. Did he get you anything for Mother's day a couple of months back? if the answer is no, don't you dare get him a thing!

    Something handmade from the crèche is sufficient for both mothers and fathers day.


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    #3
    draiochtanois
    Registered Users Posts: 2,655 ✭✭✭draiochtanois


    This post has been deleted.


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    #4
    Moonbeam
    Moderators, Education Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 18,953 Mod ✭✭✭✭Moonbeam


    A home made card is the best thing to get but if he insists on a present go to the euro store and buy the most tacky thing you can find:)


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    #5
    mdwexford
    Registered Users Posts: 11,276 ✭✭✭✭mdwexford


    Seriously, tell him to go get stuffed.


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    #6
    Orion
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,807 ✭✭✭✭Orion


    Personally I think father's day is a nonsense holiday invented by Hallmark. I never want anything for it. A handmade card for this is more than sufficient.


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    #7
    Orion
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,807 ✭✭✭✭Orion


    Also maybe point out to him that getting someone pregnant doesn't make you a father. Being there and helping raise your child does.


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    #8
    FishOnABike
    Registered Users Posts: 4,473 ✭✭✭FishOnABike


    To me a home made card and being woken up at an unearthly hour with soggy cereal, toast and coffee made with cold water (because they're not allowed use the kettle) all served with an enthusiastic smile is worth more than any shop bought gift. That's what father's day is about. Not material things.


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    #9
    dar100
    Registered Users Posts: 1,735 ✭✭✭dar100


    As a Father, please don't get him anything. Let the children make him a card, that enough. You are good enough to let him use your parents house, which he dosent even use to the full extent.


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    #10
    Big Bag of Chips
    Administrators Posts: 14,034 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Big Bag of Chips


    Fathers Day, mothers day, birthdays, Christmas, they are all occasions for the children! Well they are in our house. The looks on their faces as the present us with some God awful creation of glitter, glue and feathers and the "surprise" that we 'never expect'. That's what those days are about. (And at 2 your child hasn't a clue, anyway!)

    You can buy him something, but it doesn't have to be much. A mug, magnet, pair of socks. I wouldn't be pressured into buying something, but look at it as a present from your child to their dad. But saying that, if anyone demanded a present from me, they absolutely would not be getting one! A handmade card from school is what a huge majority of dads will be getting. I bet if he lived with you and you were a proper couple he'd be thrilled with that.

    I suspect the present is more for other people's benefit, so he can show everyone what a wonderful father he obviously is because look what he got for fathers day!!


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    #11
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Thanks for all your replies. I agree with you. I might get my daughter to draw a picture, fold it into a card n let her give that to him. I'd tell him all of what you said but he still uses emotional manipulation so best of just leaving it be.


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    #12
    pwurple
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,449 ✭✭✭✭pwurple


    Wha?

    How did this conversation even go?
    "Hey babymomma"
    "Hey dipshiit"
    "So, it's fathers day soon, i hope you're getting me something nice"
    "Huh"
    "Seriously, I insist you buy me a gift, here is my list"

    What exactly is he demanding?


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    #13
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    pwurple wrote: »
    Wha?

    How did this conversation even go?
    "Hey babymomma"
    "Hey dipshiit"
    "So, it's fathers day soon, i hope you're getting me something nice"
    "Huh"
    "Seriously, I insist you buy me a gift, here is my list"

    What exactly is he demanding?

    "Make sure X (daughter ) gets me a fathers day present"


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    #14
    ectoraige
    Registered Users Posts: 2,100 ✭✭✭ectoraige


    He'd look good in one of these , not sure if they'll deliver in time but hey, timekeeping isn't his strong point, is it?

    Give your child a sheet of paper and some crayons or paint, and give him whatever they create. That should be precious to him, if it's not, that's his problem, not yours.


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    #15
    Neyite
    Administrators, Politics Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,947 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Neyite


    demandingex wrote: »
    "Make sure X (daughter ) gets me a fathers day present"

    Ugh. He knows she's too young to actually buy him something. Please, do not spend a single penny on him. If you do, you'll be setting a precedent of a gift every year. Then he'll want Daughter (AKA you!) to get him a gift for his birthday. And Christmas. And when you get it wrong, or get him something useless or something he has already, he will use it to further verbally abuse you and /or your daughter in years to come.

    Start as you mean to go on with a handmade card and save your daughter years of this crap. He chooses to see her less than an hour a week and takes her nowhere. Chances are she sees more of the postman than her dad. If he wants to have a father's day card, then let him off and let him sodding well earn it.


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    #16
    January
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23,862 ✭✭✭✭January


    Tell him to cop on to himself.

    Did he buy you a mothers day present? I wouldn't even spend a euro on him. ****er.


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    #17
    Big Bag of Chips
    Administrators Posts: 14,034 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Big Bag of Chips


    demandingex wrote: »
    "Make sure X (daughter ) gets me a fathers day present"

    She can "get" him a handmade card from creche.


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    #18
    m'lady
    Registered Users Posts: 1,859 ✭✭✭m'lady


    Op did he organise a Mother's Day present for you?


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    #19
    pwurple
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,449 ✭✭✭✭pwurple


    demandingex wrote: »
    "Make sure X (daughter ) gets me a fathers day present"

    What a charmer.


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    #20
    WildWater
    Registered Users Posts: 727 ✭✭✭WildWater


    Ah come on now, lets look at the opportunity here. I would suggest a voucher for a vasectomy as clearly this AH should not 'father' any more children.


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    #21
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 1,007 ✭ [Deleted User]


    demanding ez wrote: »
    my child's father and I were only together a few months whilst I was pregnant (which happened at the very start) n he was very emotionally abusive towards me

    Tell him to eff off.

    Unfortunately you will be involved in a relationship of sorts with this asshole for many years to come, don't let him be manipulative and abusive to you in this relationship as well.


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    #22
    IvyTheTerrible
    Closed Accounts Posts: 14,949 ✭✭✭✭IvyTheTerrible


    Does anyone else think he's got an ulterior motive for asking for this? Like does he want to prove to someone else that he's an active father or something?


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    #23
    Neyite
    Administrators, Politics Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,947 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Neyite


    Yup. I do.


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    #24
    KERSPLAT!
    Closed Accounts Posts: 31,152 ✭✭✭✭KERSPLAT!


    It might be a Hallmark day but I'd love nothing more than a card on father's day. Couldn't care less about presents or anything but it would mean the world to get a card.

    For the OP. As someone has already asked, did he get you a mother's day card and gift? If not I'd tell him to get stuffed, if he did I would reciprocate.


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    #25
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Hi sorry no he never got me anything. I didn't expect him to either. N yes I agree I think it's all for show, same way he takes happy go lucky photos with her so he can show people "look how good of a father I am". I'll get my daughter to draw him a picture n that'll be it!


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    #26
    Coopaloop
    Registered Users Posts: 668 ✭✭✭Coopaloop


    It's too late now,but maybe for next year...


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    #27
    Coopaloop
    Registered Users Posts: 668 ✭✭✭Coopaloop


    It's too late now,but maybe for next year...


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    #28
    Coopaloop
    Registered Users Posts: 668 ✭✭✭Coopaloop


    Too late now, maybe for next year..
    https://goo.gl/images/RcEml6


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