Do you let your childs friends into the house?

spurious

When we were kids on a housing estate, there were houses we never got into to play in ( one of which, it emerged, was not at all the sort of house a parent would have wanted us to go near, but that's another story). Most of them were belonging to the sort of people who had plastic on the carpets.

The houses we were allowed in usually had a room we were let into and a 'good room' where we were not. There was never any repercussions from us towards the kids whose houses we didn't get into. It was just one of those things - they had narkier parents than most of us. No big deal.

Mountainsandh

I'm in the countryside and neighbours are far enough that I don't have your problem OP.

I do think though that it's better for your child's social development to have friends over once in a while.

I think in your situation I would set the simple rule that friends are allowed over on "official" playdates only, when there has been communication with parents only.

That is, a text beforehand, or a chat outside the school gates about little Johnny coming over until 5 pm later on.

That's fair enough, you can choose what times suit you best that way, you have no worries about people shoving responsibility for their child onto you for an indefinite duration, and although other parents might find you a bit strict or straight laced, you won't come across as the selfish/unsociable parent.

I know I wouldn't have any problem explaining to other Mums that that's the way it is over at my house, and that I'll be texting them or talking to them simply because I think it's safer that way. I bet you a lot of Mums will understand if you bring the safety aspect into it.

edit : I do understand that you don't like the thought of other kids spoiling your home or home time. But you know what, you can control the amount of noise, disruption, or mess to a certain extent by limiting it to one or two kids on a play date only, and letting them know what they can and cannot do in your house.
I find that very often when my kids have a friend over, I get a grand old rest as they're busy and not complaining about boredom.

dinorebel

Bored_lad wrote: »

So you've no problem with your daughter being in and out of her two friends houses but you don't want them to be in and out of yours?

Secret of being a good parent really.

1eg0a3xv7b82of

bucketybuck wrote: »

Those were the words of a homeowner, not a parent. One is obviously more important to you than the other.

let me guess, your what a call an Aunt Irene. every kid in town is welcome anytime.
But thats the difference between us, After a long day I want to come home and be with my Children, spend time with them.
You need the extra distractions of sleepovers and other codology to make up for the fact you obviously dont want to be a parent.

sorry if my post seems unnecessarily personal and unprovable, just following the marker set down by you.

casio4

I know these kids she plays with, they play in our front and back garden. I have a slide in the back garden and have set up the slide to slide into the pool for them to play in and they come and have great fun in their togs. I feed them, give them drinks, fill up their water guns, I just dont want them in the house

SarahS2013

casio4 wrote: »

I know these kids she plays with, they play in our front and back garden. I have a slide in the back garden and have set up the slide to slide into the pool for them to play in and they come and have great fun in their togs. I feed them, give them drinks, fill up their water guns, I just dont want them in the house

WHY is a very valid question here?
You said yourself you're running out of reasons...
So what is the real reason you don't want them in the house?

Macha

casio4 wrote: »

I know these kids she plays with, they play in our front and back garden. I have a slide in the back garden and have set up the slide to slide into the pool for them to play in and they come and have great fun in their togs. I feed them, give them drinks, fill up their water guns, I just dont want them in the house

Why? Is a clean house really the most important thing? Others have suggested ways for you to control the time they spent in the house plus laying out some ground rules.

But if you insist on never letting her bring friends home, you risk isolating her and having her singled out for teasing or worse, bullying.

brendane

Rosa Huge Roaster wrote:

let me guess, your what a call an Aunt Irene. every kid in town is welcome anytime. But thats the difference between us, After a long day I want to come home and be with my Children, spend time with them. You need the extra distractions of sleepovers and other codology to make up for the fact you obviously dont want to be a parent.


sorry if my post seems unnecessarily personal and unprovable, just following the marker set down by you.

1st of all, who mentioned sleepovers. The op was talking about not even letting kids in the door, never mind staying over.

You come across condescending and selfish. So it's more important to you that your children sit in and entertain you when you come home. Did you ever ask what they would prefer? Would they like to go out and play? Would they like a friend over? ie. What a good caring parent would do

bucketybuck

Rosa Huge Roaster wrote: »

let me guess, your what a call an Aunt Irene. every kid in town is welcome anytime.
But thats the difference between us, After a long day I want to come home and be with my Children, spend time with them.
You need the extra distractions of sleepovers and other codology to make up for the fact you obviously dont want to be a parent.

sorry if my post seems unnecessarily personal and unprovable, just following the marker set down by you.

I'm not female so your post was wide of the mark from the very beginning, though unfortunately not as wide as it was at the end.

Why not just be honest with yourself, its all about you and not your kids. Its good for kids social development to be able to visit each others homeplaces but because you don't want a mess and you want your quiet time then tough, they will have to do without. Thats your decision but I think anybody with that mindset should at least own it.

wokingvoter

casio4 wrote: »

I know these kids she plays with, they play in our front and back garden. I have a slide in the back garden and have set up the slide to slide into the pool for them to play in and they come and have great fun in their togs. I feed them, give them drinks, fill up their water guns, I just dont want them in the house

OP just set some pretty sensible rules like no shoes and no shouting and no going upstairs
I know it feels like " the invasion of the body snatchers"
I don't know what 8 year old like to watch on TV but on a rainy day you can say to your child "Mary and John and Paula can come in and watch Lizzie Maguire and you can have popcorn and Ribena if you like but only for an hour"

AllGunsBlazing

Rosa Huge Roaster wrote: »

In the 70s 80s early 90s there was no sleepover codology and community spirit was never as good.

Maybe we need a return to the spirit those times where children played outside together and then went home.

I grew up in the 80's and can't remember spending any time hanging out in friend's houses. You were told to get out on the street and play! And we did, gladly.

casio4

SarahS2013 wrote: »

WHY is a very valid question here?
You said yourself you're running out of reasons...
So what is the real reason you don't want them in the house?

my house is my little bit of peace, I dont mind them coming and going through the side gate to the slide and the pool, I work hard all day starting at 7.30am when I get home I have to cook dinner and clean the house, i'm lucky if I get to sit down by 5.30pm

SarahS2013

.....that's no different to anybody else who works and has kids? In fact, you're pretty lucky to be sitting down by 5.30! I'm lucky to be out of the office by that time. No add on the drive home, cooking, cleaning, occassional gymming and it's often 8/9pm by the time i "sit down." But I wouldn'y have it any other way. Personally I'd go stir crazy sitting in silence, watching TV and mindless soaps/reality shows until bedtime. I'm not saying that's what you do, but could you not afford your daughter even one of those precious hours?

kronnn

casio4 wrote: »

my house is my little bit of peace, I dont mind them coming and going through the side gate to the slide and the pool, I work hard all day starting at 7.30am when I get home I have to cook dinner and clean the house, i'm lucky if I get to sit down by 5.30pm

Honestly from your posts it seems like its all about you you you and not a single word about what your child might wan't/need. Have you asked your child how they feel about your no friends in the house policy or if they would like that to change? Have you made any effort to get to know your childs friends or their parents? And who's watching/parenting your child if they can just wander over to other peoples houses without you knowing?

SarahS2013

Judging from your other posts I think I have in fact hit the nail on the head. You're into your soaps, Coronation St and Eastenders in particular.
Kids coming into the house disrupts you watching your soaps.

Superhorse

casio4 wrote: »

my house is my little bit of peace, I dont mind them coming and going through the side gate to the slide and the pool, I work hard all day starting at 7.30am when I get home I have to cook dinner and clean the house, i'm lucky if I get to sit down by 5.30pm

Seriously lighten up. Your kid will be the better for it.

pwurple

Eh, we live in Ireland. It's raining half the time, do you just plonk them outside with raincoat?

I love it when children come over to play with my children. Sure, most of the time I boot them out the back garden where they set up dens and stuff, but if it's lashing rain they come in and play with lego or set up make believe hospitals with soft toys etc.

It's brill! They are having fun, I can work away doing my stuff.

I dunno OP, I think you're missing out on some fun.

jester77

I find this post very odd, even the idea of not letting my children's friends come into the house would never have occurred to me. You are setting the child up for a very lonely future imo. What is wrong with having the children in the house?

My 2 year old has his friends over, they can tear the house apart at times. Last week they got into a cabinet and managed to get some green liquid all over themselves, the carpets and walls. It was some job cleaning it up, but kids are kids and they also learned a valuable lesson from it.

And lucky to sit down by 5:30 :eek: It is at least 10:00 by the time I can sit and that would be the same for most families with kids. I am up before 7, kids to creche, off to work, home by 7. Get kids something to eat, bath, put them to bed, cook for myself, clean up, do odd jobs around the house. To sit at 10 is a good day.

My friends daughter is almost 21, she has always had basically an open door policy to all her daughter's friends.
I'll admit they drove me crazy when they were teenagers, traipsing in & out, shouting and yapping etc.
Didn't mind them when they were younger really.

But I don't have kids, and that's my thing.

My friend knows ALL her daughter's friends, knows everything about them & has a great relationship with her daughter.
Her daughter tells her everything, probably because she was always there whenever her friends were over. Her friends all think my friend is a cool mom, & she knows exactly what goes on, all the time.

So, what I'm trying to say OP is, while I totally understand not wanting a house full of annoying kids ( childless myself!) I think in the long run it really pays to know exactly who your daughter is hanging out with, and what they are doing.

Moonbeam

I envy you getting to sit down by 5:30
Personally I think that we all have our own issues but as far as possible we should not let them effect our kids .
You and only you know your reasoning for your decision and without knowing the full story none of us should be judging but you did post in a public forum .

Personally , I want to get to know all my children's friends and as they get older they can come and go as they like .

Moonbeam

Rosa Huge Roaster wrote: »

In the 70s 80s early 90s there was no sleepover codology and community spirit was never as good.

Maybe we need a return to the spirit those times where children played outside together and then went home.

Yes there were.
We had lots of sleepovers growing up.

SarahS2013

Sleepovers were the birthday party of choice when I was growing up

Moonbeam

SarahS2013 wrote: »

Sleepovers were the birthday parrty of choice when I was growing up

Slumber parties

Mongfinder General

SarahS2013 wrote: »

Sleepovers were the birthday parrty of choice when I was growing up

Kids at a sleepover? What if there was a paedo for a Dad in that house? I could never forgive myself for allowing my child to sleep at that house.

Mod note -
Keep on topic , posts like this will not be tolerated .

jester77

One thing that stood out to me was that the OP lives in an estate but doesn't seem to know the neighbours. Is that typical of how things are now in Ireland?

I live in Germany, but everyone in my estate knows each other. We have a facebook group and we keep up to date with whatever might be relevant for the estate. We have regular meetups, I play football with the dads every Monday, the moms meetup for breakfast once a week, we have a big Summer BBQ coming up in a few weeks where everyone will look after organising some part of it.

I would find it very odd, if not lonely, not knowing my neighbours. It's great having a network of people nearby that you can trust and rely on.

SarahS2013

Mongfinder General wrote: »

Kids at a sleepover? What if there was a paedo for a Dad in that house? I could never forgive myself for allowing my child to sleep at that house.

Better keep them away from all male extended family members too so :rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:

1eg0a3xv7b82of

brendane wrote: »

1st of all, who mentioned sleepovers. The op was talking about not even letting kids in the door, never mind staying over.

You come across condescending and selfish. So it's more important to you that your children sit in and entertain you when you come home. Did you ever ask what they would prefer? Would they like to go out and play? Would they like a friend over? ie. What a good caring parent would do

U come across as someone who has no kids Did u ever ask it fictitious kids if they just wanted to play with u
You are the most selfish non parent on this thread

Rosa Huge Roaster

Rosa Huge Roaster wrote: »

In the 70s 80s early 90s there was no sleepover codology .

As a child of the 80/90s...speak for yourself.

Atari/MegaDrive/SNES/PS1 sleepovers FTW

1eg0a3xv7b82of

Moonbeam wrote: »

Yes there were.
We had lots of sleepovers growing up.

Are u American or under the age of 25

Robsweezie

When I was your kids age, there was one parent of a friend who'd never allow us in, it was certainly noticed and not understood . There was a lot of " why can't you go over to theirs? " from my own parents. Sleepovers were also rare yet we had a good few in my gaff that were fairly frequent.

Give and take OP. You'd likely get a name for yourself, you may or may not care about this.

Why not just do a trial run instead of assuming how it will pan out with the kids?