Do you let your childs friends into the house?

uck51js9zml2yt

Interesting how the op is happy letting her daughter go outside unsupervised and encroaching on other parents. Nothing but double standards, not to mention dangerous for your child not knowing where she is.

Baron Kurtz

Bored_lad wrote: »

So you've no problem with your daughter being in and out of her two friends houses but you don't want them to be in and out of yours?

That's the other parent's prerogative. Can't see how your astute summary garnered so much thanks here to be honest. There weren't rules set out I'd imagine. Each family differs. The OP chooses not to have them over.

Armchair Andy

If I knew other parents weren't letting my 4 year old daughter into their houses it wouldn't bother me at all that's their call.
As it is they come into ours totally on the understanding they tidy up before they leave. I'm sure they see me as a bah humbug but my house my rules and they seem OK with it, despite their agonising and moaning at times.

Ann22

My sister usually has lots of her daughters mates in and she knows well the houses where she's not allowed in. She's always giving out about it.

casio4

SarahS2013 wrote: »

Judging from your other posts I think I have in fact hit the nail on the head. You're into your soaps, Coronation St and Eastenders in particular.
Kids coming into the house disrupts you watching your soaps.

I watch them online when my daughters in bed

Big Bag of Chips

I just find it baffling why people are so bothered by someone not wanting other peoples' children in their house!! It doesn't bother me personally, but we live rurally, and not beside any of their friends so when they come over they have no choice but come in! But I can 100% understand why in an estate you wouldn't want kids in and out. Even the constant knocking asking if such-and-such can come out would wear thing after a while.

Children nowadays seem to have enormous senses of entitlements. Reading the reactions of some parents here it's clear where they get it from.

OP, you sound like you welcome the children into your garden, you do plenty for them to entertain them while they're there. There's nothing wrong with not setting a precedence of having them coming in and out. Your daughter is 8. I'm sure as she gets older and wants to bring friends home your views will probably shift. For now, they're kids. The weather is lovely. They don't need to be in your house.

Why ANYBODY would take exception to that is beyond me! And when your 8 year old is out playing, in someone else's back garden, I challenge ANY parent to know exactly where they are. OP knew who she was playing with and assumed she was in their gardens. How on earth is she expected to know the child was in someone's house? Or do you now suggest when her 8 year old goes off to play that she follows her around and sits 3 feet away from her just so she can satisfy other people's outrage at her not "supervising" her child??

Cop on.

Sleeper12

Mongfinder General wrote:

Kids at a sleepover? What if there was a paedo for a Dad in that house? I could never forgive myself for allowing my child to sleep at that house.

While parents need to always be careful, Statically it's usually a family member that abuses the Child. Uncles, father's, aunts, sisters etc. Because you know them your guard is down. It's very rarely the stranger.

spurious

Ann22 wrote:

My sister usually has lots of her daughters mates in and she knows well the houses where she's not allowed in. She's always giving out about it.

This might be the difference between kids today and when I was young. If Mrs. Smith said we weren't allowed in, we would not have dared question it. It was her house. She was an adult. We went elsewhere, though mostly we were outside, not in anyone's house.

Then she shouldn't allow her kids into other people's homes. She is making her own kids the odd ones, of their group

Cabaal

Remember when I was a kid there was only one friend who's parents would never ever allow me in the house when over to play, it wasn't unique just to me of course they used to do it to all their sons friends. They'd only allow us as far as the hallway and I honestly never saw any other part of the house.

To this day I view the whole setup at the time as just really really odd and the parents as odd as hell, the parents had no problem at all with their kid going to other people's houses of course
:rolleyes:

OP, please don't let people grow up thinking your child and his parents are odd.
By all means establish ground rules or time limits but outright banning them is just odd.

Cabaal

Mongfinder General wrote: »

Kids at a sleepover? What if there was a paedo for a Dad in that house? I could never forgive myself for allowing my child to sleep at that house.

Seriously?
This is the nonsense you want to put into children's minds?

You better keep them away from all male members of your family then as statistically its likely to be a father, uncle, granddad etc

Of course to be fair a female member of your family could also abuse them too, statistically the chances are lower but again it certainly "could" happen.

Clearly the only solution is to put the child in a bubble and never leave them meet anyone

casio4

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

I just find it baffling why people are so bothered by someone not wanting other peoples' children in their house!! It doesn't bother me personally, but we live rurally, and not beside any of their friends so when they come over they have no choice but come in! But I can 100% understand why in an estate you wouldn't want kids in and out. Even the constant knocking asking if such-and-such can come out would wear thing after a while.

Children nowadays seem to have enormous senses of entitlements. Reading the reactions of some parents here it's clear where they get it from.

OP, you sound like you welcome the children into your garden, you do plenty for them to entertain them while they're there. There's nothing wrong with not setting a precedence of having them coming in and out. Your daughter is 8. I'm sure as she gets older and wants to bring friends home your views will probably shift. For now, they're kids. The weather is lovely. They don't need to be in your house.

Why ANYBODY would take exception to that is beyond me! And when your 8 year old is out playing, in someone else's back garden, I challenge ANY parent to know exactly where they are. OP knew who she was playing with and assumed she was in their gardens. How on earth is she expected to know the child was in someone's house? Or do you now suggest when her 8 year old goes off to play that she follows her around and sits 3 feet away from her just so she can satisfy other people's outrage at her not "supervising" her child??

Cop on.

Thank you that is exactly how it is

casio4

casio4 wrote: »

Thank you that is exactly how it is

Have you instructed your child to not enter their friends house?

casio4

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Have you instructed your child to not enter their friends house?

Yes

ThisRegard

jester77 wrote: »

One thing that stood out to me was that the OP lives in an estate but doesn't seem to know the neighbours. Is that typical of how things are now in Ireland?

I live in Germany, but everyone in my estate knows each other. We have a facebook group and we keep up to date with whatever might be relevant for the estate. We have regular meetups, I play football with the dads every Monday, the moms meetup for breakfast once a week, we have a big Summer BBQ coming up in a few weeks where everyone will look after organising some part of it.

I would find it very odd, if not lonely, not knowing my neighbours. It's great having a network of people nearby that you can trust and rely on.

You can't use one case on an Internet forum to judge a whole country. There's plenty of people who do what you do, don't make it another one of those only Ireland type things.

DSN

There have always been parents who don't have kids in their houses. It's noticed by kids & their parents, I rem one lad growing up & my mother still talks about him - he was always round ours but their place was out of bounds as his mum was house (& garden) proud. My mother used to feel sorry for him so always welcomed him. Least you let them in the garden which is good but what if (when!) it rains? We live the country so all our visits are arranged play dates & they free to play in & out. I wouldn't like constant knocking & traipsing in & out so there has to be some ground rules re. times & your kids friends only you don't want all the estate kids treating your house like a play centre! The way you get to know your kids friends is having them over - can really open your eyes sometimes!

Moonbeam

Rosa Huge Roaster wrote: »

Are u American or under the age of 25

No, I grew up in Dublin and Wicklow and unfortunately I am older.
Also ,stay on topic.

casio4

She has a friend that comes on a play date and they play in the house and in her bedroom it's having kids coming and going in the house all the time I'm trying to avoid

casio4

She has a friend that comes on a play date and they play in the house and in her bedroom it's having kids coming and going in the house all the time I'm trying to avoid

Big Bag of Chips

DSN wrote: »

Least you let them in the garden which is good but what if (when!) it rains?

You send them home to come back out when it stops raining?! Is that not how childhood always was?

Polo_Mint

casio4 wrote: »

She has a friend that comes on a play date and they play in the house and in her bedroom it's having kids coming and going in the house all the time I'm trying to avoid

Im just wondering if your parents denied your friends from coming into the house when you were a kid?

Sleeper12

It is odd & you are going to turn her into the "odd" child in the group. Modern parents try to have their children as sociable as possible

snor

Wow, Cannot believe OP attitude - beginning to think it is a windup.
I live in a small estate. I know all my neighbours and by and large they are wonderful neighbours and friends. My kids pop in and out of their friends houses all the time - some more than others granted. Their friends are always in and out of our home. It's our home and I would not want it any other way. Yes, it does annoy me sometimes as I am house proud but my kids and their friends know to tidy up after themselves.
One thing I have always encouraged is for them always to have friends over. I am constantly teling them their friends are always welcome - and I mean it. I hope it will stand to me in the teenage years when I can see who their friends are!

AMCCORK

My attitude with mine has been that I want them to see home as place to hang out comfortably with their buddies when they are teenagers so I have to foster that as smallies so yes I am willing to put up with a constant trail of kids in and out and I leave big jugs of diluted and plastic cups in the garden and have mr freezes etc in the summer. Most of the neighbours know if the kids are not on the road or the green they are probably in our house. It has paid off and my teenager and buddies are quite happy to spend time in our house so I know where they are, who their friends are and importantly they talk to me.

Walter H Price

I grew up in a fairly big estate , we were allowed into some peoples houses not into others it wasn't a big deal really , much preferred being out playing football anyway. some kids were allowed in our house but only the ones my ma knew and never gang loads like , we had a playroom but i could see how if you didn't it would be a hassle.

some peoples parents had rules about no shoes and going home when they were having dinner or whatever it was no big like you just did what the grown ups said , as a boy sleepovers were not a big thing in fact that probably would of been considered as "gay".

To be honest OP i think you've taken alot of stick somewhat undeservedly at the end of the day its your house , if your not comfortable having a load of kids in and out all the time that's fair enough sure you have your reasons like , i don't think your kid will be marginalized etc they just find somewhere else to hang out with their friends , if other parents are happy to let the in and out all day that's there choice no obligation on you to do likewise. were we live now we kno a handful of the neighbors not really bothered getting to know them all we dont socialise with them or anything more just say hello occasionaly.

FindersKeepers

Well this made me laugh, 5:30, I thought this was a joke! Get real, you want peace and quiet book a night away every now and again, I'm over the moon to have my child's friends / cousins over, rather my little one in a neighbours. Remember nobody watches your children like you do but at the same time at least you know your house is clean

5:30..... still laughing!!

farmchoice

casio4 wrote: »

my house is my little bit of peace, I dont mind them coming and going through the side gate to the slide and the pool, I work hard all day starting at 7.30am when I get home I have to cook dinner and clean the house, i'm lucky if I get to sit down by 5.30pm

you get to sit down by 5.30pm!! jesus christ its like being the Queen!!
we are lucky if we get to sit down by 8.30pm and to be honest i'm one of the lucky ones i know people who claim its later then that.

seriously though its your house and your call but in the long run either you are going to have to relent or your daughter is going to start getting singled out a bit for it.

hearmehearye

OP I'm a 21 yo nanny for a 7 year old girl.

She has two very good friends who are neighbors and they are always in and out to each other's houses.


I keep a firm hand, they're only allowed in the girls bedroom or the sitting room. Any messing and they go outside. I know both of their mums well and text/call them if little Annie is going to have dinner with us.


Why don't you want them in the house? Understandable on a scorching day, but on your average Grey day? Why? I never let "gangs" of kids in. 4 is probably the most I'll allow before sending them into the garden or outside.


I'll never know how many I'll be feeding. Mi casa su casa is a nice thing for kids of that age as long as the adults are respected.

AryaStark

Rosa Huge Roaster wrote: »

Are u American or under the age of 25

I am almost 40 and grew up in Dublin. Sleepovers were the best fun ever and we had at least one a week during the summer... we would all take turns having them in our houses and if the weather was great we could set a tent up i the back garden and sleep out there...

Moo Moo Land

Wowser, some very high horses in this thread! :eek: