Do you let your childs friends into the house?

Curly Judge

casio4 wrote: »

I didn't want her going in to their houses as I don't know the families I only just found out she has been going in

Quite right too .....they are probably all axe murdering paedophiles!

casio4

Curly Judge wrote: »

Quite right too .....they are probably all axe murdering paedophiles!

Well I know one of the kids she plays with gets hit by the dad i've seen her and her brother get slapped when a row has spilled out onto the street

casio4

Curly Judge wrote: »

Quite right too .....they are probably all axe murdering paedophiles!

Well I know one of the kids she plays with gets hit by the dad i've seen her and her brother get slapped when a row has spilled out onto the street

freddiek

casio4 wrote: »

Well I know one of the kids she plays with gets hit by the dad i've seen her and her brother get slapped when a row has spilled out onto the street

your children are the most important part of your life.

if you think they are dodgy don't let your child anywhere near them.

and ignore the idiots telling you what to do with your own child.

gabsdot40

Ugh, Parents like you annoy me. It's all take and no give. If you're going to let your child go to other peoples homes, make messes, eat their food, make noise etc then you really should take your turn to have their kids in your home.

Moonbeam

Curly Judge wrote: »

Quite right too .....they are probably all axe murdering paedophiles!

Can we please have less of these helpful comments.
Stay on topic.

dori_dormer

casio4 wrote: »

Well I know one of the kids she plays with gets hit by the dad i've seen her and her brother get slapped when a row has spilled out onto the street

To be honest this would simply make me want to have the kids play in my house even more. Where you can keep an eye on them.

Who is your child going to play with when the summer is over, and the weather turns cold again if they can't come to yours and ( I think justifiably given your update) you don't want her going to at least one of theirs? They aren't going to be able to maintain the friendships without a safe place to play and socialise.

Our house was very much open door policy from when we were young. But all the parents on the street knew eachother. Their were one or two children who couldn't have people over but we weren't very close to them. I don't think we really fed everyone, if you were hungry you went home and got your lunch, other than maybe some water and a biscuit.
We had a playroom also where we could bring friends if weather was crap. I think my mum is very glad when we became teenagers, that she knew all our friends by name, and also knew where they lived etc, when our social group went beyond our street. She would also get plenty of gossip from chatty friends about who liked who etc, so there were less secrets.
There are pros and cons and definitly a balance to allowing friends over!

Moonbeam

Mod Note

Any more unhelpful,off topic or silly comments will result in infractions.

wokingvoter

Hi OP
Your still here despite a lot of scathing comments.
My "child" (nearly 19!) is an only child , we live in an estate in a tiny 890" mid terrace house. My husband is ferociously territorial after a childhood spent in a similar sized house with 5 other kids and no privacy and nowhere to keep your personal stuff private.
He would never have let another child over the doorstep but I persisted.
The first thing I want to say is you have no idea, none, how quickly this stage will pass. It just melts away.
Secondly you have no idea how much it will mean to your child if you let her have 2 or 3 other children come in, just for an hour or so.
Thirdly, and alternative, is if you could bring your child and some others for an afternoon in the park or to feed the ducks or something. Or even offer.
I know that you don't want your child to be isolated and lonely because your house proud and jealous of your peace, but, How it appears at the moment is that you are satisfied to allow your child to inflict wear and tear on other parents homes but you don't want to return the compliment. It's very bad for your child going forward to give them that impression.
I'm 51 but my mother at 82 recalls the names of the children who were "sent" to play over in our house 40 years ago while no return invitation ever came.
It does leave a bitter after taste, all for the sake of a sofa and a shiny floor and so you can watch TV in peace.
As others have said, it won't be long until she is a teenager and I can garantee you that she will find away to be with her friends wether in or out of her home.
Which do you prefer?
My nephew (brothers child) was never allowed to go to anyone's house or have any one home on the basis of his mothers so called poor health.
He led a lonely isolated childhood and is now a 24 year old with all the social skills of a gnat. He went through his entire 2nd level and 5 years of 3rd level without making one friend of any significance.
He's now a gully qailified teacher but I don't know what kind of a school he will get a job in because he cannot react in a normal manner with other humans.
It's very sad.

Akrasia

When I was growing up it was in the countryside with only a few houses nearby. We were always told that we could visit our friends but not to be hanging around inside their houses all day getting in the way of the parents (in other words, to play outside)

With my own kids now, We live in a small estate where most of the houses have only just been sold, so people are still moving in and most of the children are very young. I have a 7 year old boy who had a friend in the estate, his friend was allowed in our house whenever he called, but we never allowed our kids into his house because we knew that the father was a very dangerous character.

That family has moved now and there aren't any kids my sons age in the estate but we've invited his school friends over and he's allowed to visit their houses if he's invited. He's only 7 now so we don't want him going outside of the estate to visit his friends on his own, but when he's a little bit older, I can see him heading off to hurling training with the local kids together and then he'll have the freedom to travel between his friends houses like I had

I have 2 daughters, 3 and 5. There are some other kids in the estate who they are friendly with but they tend to play with them when they're outside and Me or their mother can go outside and keep an eye on them to make sure they're safe from cars etc. It's coming up to summer holidays so they'll probably get to be closer friends over this time and if the weather's bad, I'm sure they'll be visiting each other.

If any of their friends asked to come into our house, they're welcome to, but only if they have their parents permission to be in our house

Sleeper12

freddiek wrote: »

your children are the most important part of your life.

if you think they are dodgy don't let your child anywhere near them.

and ignore the idiots telling you what to do with your own child.

Why post here at all. The very fact OP posted at all shows she knows her stance is unreasonable

Mountainsandh

It's a bit shocking the amount of disrespect for OP and self-righteousness on the thread.

I think it shows well this unhealthy "best parent" competition pressure that we're all quick to denounce.

We're all free to choose a way of life, and our own parenting priorities.

OP might be spending a lot more quality time with her kids than a lot of mums on here who claim they can't sit down until 8.30 at least.

We do not all have to conform to the "open house parenting policy", just as we do not have to conform to the hectic activity schedules of some families for example.

We do not have to conform to the notion that the child is king and what child wants child should get, or that a child's particular desire, in this instance having friends visit inside the house as opposed to outside in the garden, should always supersede a parent's preference.

That's fine if you think a child warrants you, as an adult and parent, making such a sacrifice.

But imo it's a parenting philosophy, or approach, not a parenting obligation.

It's clear from OP's posts that the child does get opportunities to socialize, just not completely on their own terms, and that should really be fair enough.

Sapphire

There might be very valid reasons why a gang of children might not be welcome in a persons house at random times of day - parents doing shift work and sleeping at odd hours, an infirm or elderly person who requires rest times, a parent working from home, a parent who has an illness they'd prefer not to have common knowledge and needing rest, or maybe you just might not want kids to go home and tell their parents what a slattern you are

Anyway, if none of those apply then a bit of balance and some ground rules that you are comfortable with is the way to go. Restrict it to rooms

Whenever I'd hang out with my friends as a child it was nearly always outside and rarely indoors -in all weathers. If it was really pissing down outside we played in the shed or garage. If it was freezing then we might be allowed to play in bedrooms.

freddiek

Sleeper12 wrote: »

Why post here at all. The very fact OP posted at all shows she knows her stance is unreasonable

oh really, "she knows".

It must be great to be a mind-reader. Lucky you

John Mason

casio4 wrote: »

my house is my little bit of peace, I dont mind them coming and going through the side gate to the slide and the pool, I work hard all day starting at 7.30am when I get home I have to cook dinner and clean the house, i'm lucky if I get to sit down by 5.30pm

OMG, 5.30pm :eek: You must be shattered :rolleyes:

When we were growing up our house was the go to house for everyone and that is how it is going to be in my house. Open door policy. that way I will know all his friends, where he is, no hanging around street corners etc.

The tea pot and toasty sandwiches will always be on duty.

Gator88

casio4 wrote: »

We live in a small estate and my 8 year old has 3 friends in the estate that she plays with, she is allowed in to their houses but I have never let them in to mine as I know the minute I do they will be in and out all the time and I just don't want them in the house. They are starting to ask why they can't come in and i'm running out of excuses. I have one child so there are just three of us in the house and we like it quiet most of the time, my daughter has no problem with her friends not coming in but the questions are coming everyday now? what do I do?

Not a subject I'd normally comment on but something jumped out with the OPs opening comment. "My daughter has no problem with her friends not coming in" The questions are coming every day now.. This seems to bother her a lot.

casio4

Gator88 wrote: »

Not a subject I'd normally comment on but something jumped out with the OPs opening comment. "My daughter has no problem with her friends not coming in" The questions are coming every day now.. This seems to bother her a lot.

she's not asking me, one of the four friends is asking me the other two know they just don't come in. Anyway thank you all for the replies i'm going to unsubscribe from the thread and not read any more, continue if you wish but I wont be reading them. Thank you again

eisen1968

Rent a house for them to play in

whatdoicare

My mam never liked kids in the house and tbh none of our neighbours did either. We all played outside. Never was an issue. I don't remember ever having a problem with it as a kid.

My own one plays with the neighbours outside or in the garden. No kids in anyones houses.

My husband goes halves with having our daughter at home during the day and I don't like the idea of him being in the house with a gang of girls on his own. All it'd take is one of them to tell stories (and there is one of the neighbour girls known for tall tales and lies) and then we're all in deep doo doo with no witnesses to back him up.

My next door neighbour used to let them in until one of them peed all over her bathroom floor and another was caught rooting through her drawers. That pit an end to that.

It's generally accepted now in our neighbourhood that noone is allowed into anyone's house but the garden is okay. Saves a load of headaches and everyone is happy.

Toots

whatdoicare wrote: »

My next door neighbour used to let them in until one of them peed all over her bathroom floor and another was caught rooting through her drawers.

:eek::eek::eek:

I can safely say that as kids it would never have entered any of our heads to go upstairs in one of our friends' houses (unless it was to get to the bathroom) and we'd never have dreamed of going into the parents bedroom!!

uck51js9zml2yt

casio4 wrote: »

she's not asking me, one of the four friends is asking me the other two know they just don't come in. Anyway thank you all for the replies i'm going to unsubscribe from the thread and not read any more, continue if you wish but I wont be reading them. Thank you again

Looks like the op didn't like the advice she was given

Ms2011

Ruben Little Rap wrote: »

Looks like the op didn't like the advice she was given

Or the tone it was given

Mountainsandh

Ruben Little Rap wrote: »

Looks like the op didn't like the advice she was given

Or the advice helped her make up her mind about what way she's heading with this and she doesn't need to read any more.

Ursus Horribilis

I don't think she was ever for turning :pac:

ishotjr2

Or the soaps are on