Adult ADHD Advice
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I looked these up today and I am unsure whether it will be an option for me at this time anyway.
It has been suggested to me that I could possibly have ADHD too which is something that I never expected or even thought of as I can study and learn when under pressure and usually if I have an interest in the subject.
I have some sensory issues that I thought until recently most people had. Eg clothing, nothing tight, short sleeves, wear socks inside out, woolen textures (🤢). I can’t look at phones, laptops without night filter, I can’t read them as it physically makes me feel nauseous, certain lights, lighting in shops etc. Noise, I wear ear plugs regularly to drown out noise etc. Can’t follow movies without subtitles (?) but these are manageable mostly.
However, surely these things impacted learning in school etc. I was always told I have great potential but don’t apply myself , easily distracted, good potential if I applied myself etc.
These are things that don’t have too much of an impact however other things have very bad impact when I was in college, internships, work etc . Lateness is a particularity challenging one. I often think HOW do people easily manage to be on time for things and function with day to day things that I struggle with.
I find day to day things can be overwhelming to the point I need to sleep or just have quiet for an hour by 2pm.
I have always been atrocious with deadlines, and have missed so many and then been frustrated by not starting sooner. It’s always the last minute that I start projects etc.
It is like I have no concept of time, set clocks forward, (doesn’t work) , set alarms to time myself getting ready etc ( still late). This doesn’t sound like a big deal but recently I’ve been told that I was late for four out of five important appointments and one of them I completely forgot about despite it being important. There has been a lot of unrelated stress lately so I can attribute some of the lateness to that but this has always been a pattern so I need to stop blaming stress.
I’m not sure if getting a diagnosis will be beneficial to me as I’m not sure about starting medication however I am going to call ADHD Ireland and ask them for coping mechanisms. I don’t want to label myself but it would be a relief to confirm that I’m not just lazy, uncaring, last minute person - that there’s a reason for it and to have strategies to manage it.
I have always been more productive in the middle of the night eg from 11pm - 4am etc and am starting to wonder is this due to having little to no distractions.
Please let us know how you get on. It’s nice to see a thread where other people can relate to some of the experiences and particularly people who have overcome them.
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3 months on
So, 3 months have passed since my diagnosis and I'd just like to share how things are progressing.
Medication
My original medication started giving me such bad anxiety after it wore off in the evenings that I had to discontinue taking it. To make things worse, it wasn't even having much of an effect in the first few hours after taking it. My GP made the decision to switch to Tyvense and it works much better for me. Lasts longer, less anxiety after it wears off and I definitely find it easier to regulate my mood.
Executive Function
Big, big gains here. I decided I needed to organise myself better for two reasons: 1) To get all tasks done at home during the day: making dinner, reading with 2 year old, brining children to football and soccer in time, not forgetting to put out bins or to clean the bathrooms etc.
In my last post I mentioned going down Wikipedia rabbit holes or getting distracted by the thought of foreign holidays and spending hours on it before realising that it was 3 p.m., no dinner was ready for the children and I was about to get an angry phone call from my daughter's school asking is anyone going to pick her up. This has stopped. My new medication has allowed me to stay laser focused on my schedule (I'll talk more about this below) and simply decide "Will this help me achieve my goals (for today/long-term etc.) No ? Okay, let's forget about this until another time" It sounds so simple that you'd wonder if I ever had ADHD at all (damn imposter syndrome again !) but the changes are real.
2) To pursue what I am great at
I was hopeless at managing my own goals and maximising my own potential that I neglected basic tasks in the home like cooking, cleaning, bills, looking after children. I just couldn't effectively split my time between the two without a large dose of 'rabbit-holing' and arsing about on the phone. In the end I neither made progress in my special interests or in running the house. Now I get up at 6 or 6:30, pursue my goals until 8, then devote my attention to running the house.
To sum up, I am so focused at getting things done that anything that doesn't help me achieve family/professional/self-development goals hardly grabs my attention at all.
So how did this happen ? It wasn't just the medication or the diagnosis. The medication allows you to focus, but only on what you deem important. The diagnosis shows you what your strengths and weaknesses are but it's up to you to work out a plan on how to capitalise on the strengths and minimise the weaknesses.
What has held me back the most is lack of executive function. I know I am capable of almost anything I put my mind to. Daily household tasks are simple, no rocket science here. So, my problem is structure. Repetitive tasks which one can easily fall behind in. Solution: schedule. I have attached the word doc I draw up every night, print it and tick it off as I go along. The great thing about this is: as long as I follow the schedule, I cannot mess things up. I leave 5 minutes between the end of one task and the start of the other. This is to keep the time allotted 'realistic' and in case small things happen e.g. nappy change, someone calls to the door, I get a phone call etc.
I break things down to the absolute minimum so I don't get overwhelmed e.g. put prescription in pocket. Okay, some people might say "Ah, do you not just bring the prescription to the pharmacy anyway ?" Sorry, I could easily forget this. As well, it's much easier for me to get started at cleaning the windows than just seeing "Clean the house" written on my schedule, that would be far too confusing and overwhelming for me. Also, it generates small wins and little dopamine rushes which allows me to tackle the harder parts of tasks with ease.
It's great for the children too. Before I used to not know what to do with them in the afternoon after dinner, by that time it would be late anyway and the house completely disorganised. Now, I have a list of 25 activities that we can all do together (mix of indoors and outdoors) so I just pick a random number between 1 and 25 (all activities are numbered!) and do that until I get through all the numbers then rinse and repeat. We're constatly adding new ones so it keeps things fresh.
Same for meals as activities. 30 meals, 15 different ones each week. Rotate every week. The beauty of this is that I can buy everything in one big shop at the start of every week. No last minute rushing to the supermarket with a toddler with a dirty nappy. No getting half way through cooking something before realising I'm out of rice or carrots ! It's so good to not have to be like "Oh Christ, it's 2 o'clock and I haven't anything ready for dinner yet" and getting really stressed about it and either getting chipper food or making a half-arsed attempt that wouldn't pass for prison food.
Same with certain household tasks that my wife is really big into seeing done but that I never could see. She just couldn't 'get' how something didn't strike me as needing to be done, but I just couldn't ! My aspergers makes me a bit 'binary', everything has its precise threshold and either something is above or below the threshold depending on the criteria. "Give it a wash when it gets a bit dirty" makes no sense to me. I can't tell what is 'dirty enough' to bother a person. So now I just do one of these 'big jobs' everyday. Regardless of whether or not it needs to be done, I do it anyway. Another load off my mind.
Result: So so so so so much pressure has been taken off my working memory. I know 90-95% what my day will be like tomorrow. I am prepared for my day tomorrow. I have the food and I know where I will be at what time. I know what needs to be achieved and as long as I follow my schedule I will achieve all this, cosily.
Anxiety and depression have gone waaay down. Not 100% but at least 66-75%. In the morning I can completely focus on me. Aftwerwards, I can completely focus on family and household tasks. Everyone stays happy.
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What I have actually achieved in that time:
- I got a job in a busy petrol station having never gotten a job on my own before
- I explored my psychologist's advice that based on my assessment results, I would be very suited to tech. However, I had no idea where to start, how could I see if I really had an aptitude for tech or not ? I contacted a university professor around my age here in Ireland on Linkedin. He was more than delighted to help and would you believe it, even mentioned that he had aspergers himself !
- Continued doing ADHD therapy and ASD therapy. Being able to relate to other people's stories and offer and receive tips and solutions is fantastic for my overall mental health.
- Applied for disability allowance which should be decided on by January.
In a less 'tangible' sense but equally as importantly:
- My family understands me much better now. It is a relief to all of us that I have amazing strengths and now I know what I need to pursue, that I can minimise or even 'fix' some 'low hanging fruit' weaknesses and that a lot of my 'quirks' and frustrating traits can now be explained.
- I am much better at emotionally regulating "Okay, what they said wasn't nice, and it was quite a burn at that, but will saying anything back make me feel better, fix the situation or help me achieve my goal ? (if the smart comment was about something I really wanted to do well in)" If it's best to let it go, it almost always is. 5 minutes later and I've forgotten about it. I'm always grateful that I kept my mouth closed. The alternative would have certainly made things much worse.
- I smashed my RSD to pieces. I am no longer afraid of hearing 'no'. I firmly believe that, on average, people want to see others do well. I believe that people love to root for the underdog. It costs me nothing to try my best, be it in a job application, asking someone for help etc. The more I 'fear' something, the more I believe it is beneficial to me ! It is not the absence of fear itself, but overcoming it ! No matter what it is "I already have a no, I could have a yes", "Let *them* reject you, don't reject yourself". These last two phrases completely changed me. Before I might have made 3 or 4 half-hearted job applications a year. Last week I got 3 job offers. That speaks for itself.
- I realised that the key for me to achieve anything is: if I'm not sure where to start, ask for help. I will keep asking until I find someone who is kind enough to help. I will break down the goal into as many parts as possible, I want to see the steps to the top of the mountain, not freak out by just looking at its peak, I will write all the steps down and I will put it in my schedule.
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I came on to ask for an update BK92, and it was there already! I love your post! Great tips! You've done an excellent job of identifying what changes meds help you make, and also the conflict/combination of AS and ADHD. You've done a lot of things I would recommend - by creating things like lists of options for lunch you're cutting down massively on the exec functioning needed - not thinking at 4pm - what will i do for dinner, and needing to go to the shops, and pick things, and get back etc. This really shows that meds are like a lifering, they enable you to get on with the things you want and need to do. They're not for everyone, but can be lifechanging, and as you highlighted, there can be a rough time between 4-7 when methyphenidate is wearing off. Glad to hear Tyvanse working for you - it was never prescribed 5 years ago, now hearing it being prescribed more and more which is great.
You've also highlighted the most important reason to get diagnosed: Knowing yourself, knowing your strengths and challenges, your family being more understanding, and as you said in your last post 3 months ago "To know that it is not your fault". Many people ask me whether its worth getting an assessment/diagnosis? It is worth it to be able to understand yourself and see yourself through a less judgemental lens, and be actually able to identify your strengths and challenges, and go from there.
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Wow BK thank you so much for sharing your story! I really couldn’t keep the big smile off my face reading it 😊
Congratulations on getting your job and everything else that you’ve accomplished, it’s so so inspirational to read. This might be weird as I don’t know you but I’m so proud of you, it’s no easy thing but you’re doing amazing ☺️
Can I ask when you say ADHD therapy, what exactly this is that you’re doing? Would love some recommendations from people with ADHD on the non-medicinal side of after being diagnosed.
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Been meaning to post an update myself for so long but my journey hasn’t been as inspirational and I’m still figuring a lot of stuff out 😄
But I think that’s also a good thing to share too as everyone’s experiences are different and it’s so great reading so many different perspectives.
I can’t say enough how much this thread helped me or thank everyone who’s posted and shared their stories and provided information. It can be hard to relate to other forums when not based in ireland as there seems to be a lot of differences and also the recommendations are so specific.
I’ll go into more detail on the impact it’s had on my life in my update when I get it out but thank you all and Feu for providing such helpful information ☺️
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This is amazing! Getting/staying organised is one is the biggest problems I have and seeing the specific practical steps you have taken is very helpful. More than that though, the positivity in your post is wonderful. I’ve been on the fence about whether to get assessed and this is encouraging me to just do it.
I apologise if you’ve mentioned this elsewhere in the thread but you mind sharing where you got assessed?
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Re tech ... just try some programming ...
Just install Python (or Java) on a PC and find a beginner's tutorial online. And just go from there. It only takes a little bit of time and before you know it you'll be hooked or certainly aware of what's possible.
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Hi all.
I've long since suspected I've ADHD - My post history could probably be given in evidence.
I'm on the waiting list with Dr. Murtagh but I was told the waiting list is very long, that was back in October.
I'm in the final year of my degree now and at this point I just need to get it seen to.
What's the quickest way to get an ADHD assessment?
Is going up North a possibility, irrespective of cost, what's the fastest way to get seen to?
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I was in contact with MyClinic in Dublin a couple of weeks ago and they had appointments for mid January at that time. Need to make two appointments at least a week apart. You can book them yourself online. No referral needed. I haven’t actually booked an assessment yet so I can’t say how good they are.
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Just checked with them there, nearest appointment is March, still probably the soonest I'll get seen too thanks!
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Got my assessment results today and turns out I suffer from mild-moderate autism. Social things like eye contact, low speaking voice, sensitive hearing and mood swings
A great relief and now I can work from there. Has anyone done Anger Management courses here ?
Medication is a no no for me due to past experiences (massive weight gain, low mood etc) and even though I made the recovery a lot harder for me but the template is there now
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its possible you get seen quicker by
Dr Michael Craig. http://www.craigclinic.com/neurodevelopmental-disorders [£525 for initial, £270 for follow up] UK based. Accepts virtual meetings from Ireland. [NO GP referral needed] contact pa@craigclinic.com Waiting list: 3-4 weeks.
I've heard positive things
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Do you know if anybody does assessments in the west of Ireland? Thanks
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Im not aware of any private psychiatrist doing assessments in the west - though you can be seen remotely by Dr Murtagh or Dr Craig (UK) that i linked to. Technically, the ADHD teams are being set up, and technically there was one in CH01, i think led by Dr Dimitrios Adamis (sligo). So in theory, everyone on this thread should be going to their GP and asking to be referred or waitlisted for their local ADHD team for assessment or post diagnosis intervention. This should be done to show the need for ADHD services. However, in practice, I find GPs are reluctant to refer, as they're not familiar enough with ADHD, or they're not aware of these teams.
i believe if you wait for someone local you will be waiting a long time.
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Ive no experience in anger management courses, but i would encourage you to get post diagnosis support, possibly from a group like https://www.thrivingautistic.org/ who have a lot of different kind of therapists, and its usually autistic or adhd therapists. Worth checking out! You can also email them and explain what you think you might or ask questions.
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Thank you. My GP is young and generally very good so I’m not too worried about that side of it. I think I’ll see about getting a referral in the new year. If I have to travel to Dublin, I will but obviously closer to home would be easier to fit in.
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ok that's great! A good GP is invaluable. and as i said, Dr Murtagh doing remote appointments for the foreseeable, so no travel necessary
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Curious if anybody here has experience with Neutofeedback training? I am generally reluctant to take medications. I always seem to suffer side effects. The Neurofeedback seems like it couldn’t do any harm though it is expensive. Would be keen for my daughter to try it too.
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Hi all,
Won't be able to give the update I wanted to today because the space bar and full stop keys on my keyboard are broken and I'm having to paste them in as I go along ! (puts 'get new keyboard' in the #1 slot on the whiteboard)
This past month has been a bit more hit and miss. The importance of using my schedule as previously mentioned to manage my time and not to over burden my working memory became strikingly obvious when I slept in one day, forgot to take my ADHD medication and didn’t have time to make my schedule. Even though I knew exactly what tasks had to be done, what activities I was going to do with my children and what we were going to eat, I was completely undone by time blindness. Without realising it, I spent way too much time on each task and quickly got overwhelmed. Also, things that wouldn’t normally be on my list, things that are not priorities, suddenly wormed themselves into my mental schedule for the day. By evening time, I was exhausted and downbeat. This is exactly why I chose to get assessed and was a stark reminder that while I can make the most of my ADHD ’superpowers’ and minimise the drawbacks through medication and therapy, it will never be 'cured'.
It’s also a reminder that dealing with our ADHD, from making the initial GP appointment to be referred to maybe living with ADHD as the CEO of a massive US-multinational company, is not a linear journey. It can often be the case of taking 1.25 steps forward and 1 step back! If I had looked back on that one day in isolation, I'd have taken a lot longer to shake it off. Fortunately, I was able to remember my own advice and looked at how far I have come in the last month or even since my diagnosis was made. I am loving this ‘perspective’ thing, as hard as it can be sometimes!
Work is going great. Everyone is friendly, competent, and helpful. Luckily for me they love to see me writing my own process documents or lists for the less intuitive tasks and the company that runs the petrol station has plenty of checklists. There are even pictograms to show me where to stock each product and how many products should be in each row and how many rows should be on each shelf. Everything has a method and a specific day and time to be done. It's like manna from heaven. No freaking out when I get to work thinking 'OMG what am I supposed to do?' then spending ages doing some random tasks well down the list of priorities just for the sake of not standing still. I know when I go there today, I will open my shift on the till, split up the tasks to be done with my co-worker, decide when they need to be done by and alternate with them between the till and the tasks each of us must do. (and breathe out!!)
@Feu Thanks for the kind words. It sounds like you have a through understanding of the challenges ADHD brings and I'm relieved to see that someone else can relate to my mealtime dilemma! In my own case, I like to keep lists to one page, it forces me to condense and prioritise. Also, I find having a list, whiteboard diary, etc for each 'timespan'(daily, weekly, monthly).and migrating each goal (and its sub-goals) to the relevant 'timespan' list as time progresses is perfect for combatting time blindness. Without it I would regularly be focusing on tasks that might be years from coming to fruition or plain old pipe-dreams!
Regarding not being our 'fault', it definitely isn't what we would have asked to be born with if we had the choice In a recent ADHD Ireland meeting (would highly recommend their online support groups, it honestly felt like I had found my 'tribe' when I participated in my first meeting, I don't feel 'alone' anymore) one of the participants shared something that really hit the nail on the head for me. Something that irritates both neurotypicals and neurodivergeants alike is the perception of using our diagnosis as an excuse for poor behaviour. NDs rightly get annoyed when their explanation for a completely unintended behaviour is seen as a 'copout'. Although it mightn't have been intentional, NTs have a right to feel upset if an ND forgets something really important or doesn't appear to be paying attention to something that a particular NT finds really interesting. What the partipant said is that we all must learn to seperate 'fault' from 'responsibility'. 'Fault', it is not our 'fault' as NDs that we miss or miss-intepret certain NT behaviours and expectiations. We were born this way and are trying our hardest to make the most out of our condition. 'Responsibility',even though it was unintentional and the NT must appreciate that, it still doesn't take away from the fact that we upset them and regardless of our intent and ADHD, we got it wrong. I love this perspective and will seek to use it more and more going forward. It strikes a great balance between 'Hey, I can't help it, you have to be more patient and understanding, I'm a really good person and have great talents, but I regret how I made you feel and I'm totally open to constructive criticism and doing whatever it takes to remedy the situation'
@houseyhouse I was assessed my Michael de Villiers, an educational psychologist based in Killarney. I found him to be both competent and friendly. As of August 2021 his fee was 800 euro for the assessment (including a telephone conversation with a parent) and a follow up meeting to discuss the findings of the assessment. I had to wait approximately 3 months before being assessed and met with Michael 3 weeks after being assessed to discuss his report. What I also liked is that he has a good working relationship with a nearby GP who is happy to prescribe ADHD medication, if required. Its a lot easier on the pocket to pay 50 euro each visit and the GP usually has an appointment within the next 3-5 days.
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Thanks for your update. Really is motivating to hear how a diagnosis has impacted your life.
I’m in Galway so Killarney not particularly handy to me but good to know there are people doing this around the country.
One question: I thought you needed a diagnosis from a psychiatrist to get medication. Was that not true your case?
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This "before" you sounds so like me! This is very interesting.
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Hi folks. Did anybody see the article on ADHD in adults/women in the Irish Times yesterday? I thought the comments were very interesting. Lots of people out there struggling with the same thing.
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Hi all
My young adult daughter has been asked by her Psycologist to be assessed for ADHD. She has been asked to contact Dr Sean O'Domhaill who has practices in Rathfarnham and Naas I believe. Does anyone have experience of this doctor and advice on what we are expected to bring with us?
I have read through this thread and had my eyes opened to a condition that I was previously sadly ignorant about. I am hoping that my daughter will find peace within herself with a diagnosis and treatment. From a parental point of view I can only say how distressing and helpless it is to witness the struggles of a loved one and not know why it is all happening.
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Hi guys,
I am looking for some advice. I'm considering getting referred to Dr Murtagh for a diagnosis. I want to know if my symptoms add up.
At the minute I am working in family business, my job is not too challenging but anytime I need to do a task that is time consuming or I don't want to do I will really struggle with it and keep putting it off. I never really had another job. So I can get away with taking days off here and things like that.
In college I failed continuously despite being intelligent. I never went into college lectures really because I had anxiety, then when I had to study for exams I didn't have the focus or motivation to do so. I tried to do online courses last year but failed to complete the assignments for it too.
In school, I got on alright because I had to go to the classes. Done quite well in LC without studying. In some classes where I could get away with it I would of been quite disruptive - trying to entertain the class and be funny the whole time.
I can't watch a movie at all, wouldn't be able to commit to focusing on something for that long. Wouldn't be able to watch a TV Series either. I tend to run late for everything - I nearly leave it so that it is a race to get there on time. I often forget where I've left things in the house be it my runners or airpods etc. I am easily distracted by my phone, some days I spend 7-8 hours screen time looking at the same things over and over again.
I am wondering if it is worth it for me to be assessed if anyone has more knowledge on it I would greatly appreciate some advice.
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You won’t know unless you go for an assessment. If I were you, I would because you do sound like you have many of the characteristics. I believe Dr. Murtagh requires a referral from your GP so at least visit the GP and see what they think about it. That is assuming you think your GP is knowledgeable/open-minded about mental health.
I’m no expert but my brother has recently been diagnosed, my daughter is awaiting assessment and I strongly suspect I have it myself though I haven’t got around to booking an appointment with my GP yet. I’ve read a good bit about it, but mostly as it impacts girls & women. I would recommend the Hallowell book, though I found it a bit patronising at times, it was a good introduction to the topic. Good luck!
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I have no experience with this doctor. If her psychologist recommended him, I would think that’s a good sign. Usually you will need to do screening questionnaires before the assessment (this was my brother’s experience and I have had to do some for an upcoming assessment for my daughter) but I’m sure they’ll let you know.
My daughter is waiting for an assessment with CAMHS. She’s still in primary school so a different experience to you but there are a couple of books I’ve found helpful for learning more about ADHD in girls and women. ‘Understanding ADHD in Girls & Women’ edited by Joanne Steer is one I’d recommend. It’s aimed at a UK audience so some of it is not really relevant here (how to get assessed etc.) but I found it very helpful both as a parent of a girl with suspected ADHD and a woman with suspected ADHD myself.
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Thank you so much for your reply. I'm doing alot of research at the moment to educate myself. I'm 100% sure that my daughter has another disorder in conjunction with ADHD, she's really struggling very badly right now and I fear for her. Dr O'Domhnaill is on holiday until Monday so I have no idea when she'll get an appointment
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I’m sorry to hear that. The Hallowell book, Driven to Distraction, has a section on subtypes, which covers a lot of comorbid neurological/mental health concerns, though not autism.
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Hi there
i think there is certainly sufficient here to go for an assessment, and these are certainly the kinds of things i see with the people i work with - particularly not meeting your potential, and not being able to sit through movies or tv, but still having a lot of screen time. However, GPs are not well versed in ADHD, and I would encourage you, in addition to the above identified areas, to complete an online screener e.g. the ASRS, and bring that with you when you go to talk to them about it. Don't hangabout, get working on it - especially if you want to go to Dr murtagh, the wait list is creeping up on a year now!
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