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how dependent are you on your parents still?

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Comments

  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]


    Would agree with helping children if they need it, mine as adult have never asked me except for very minor things, it was different when they were teens, However if they though they were entitled to it then no.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,809 ✭✭✭Speedwell


    mariaalice wrote: »
    Would agree with helping children if they need it, mine as adult have never asked me except for very minor things, it was different when they were teens, However if they though they were entitled to it then no.

    Fledgling young people are entitled to help from their families. That is what families are for. If they're kicked out of the nest without the knowledge and resources to be able to fly, and parents and society allow them to blunder about helplessly on the ground, then it's their fault if the young one falls prey to those who target the vulnerable.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,330 ✭✭✭✭Dodge


    I left home as soon as I was working. Not out of any "I'm a strong independent man" BS but just because I wanted my own space. I haven't got any financial help since I left college but now I'd be LOST without my mam (and my mother-in-law) picking our daughter up from school

    Luckily, my mam adores her only grandchild so I don't feel like we're giving her any burden. I talk more to my folks now than I did when I lived there


  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]


    Speedwell wrote: »
    Fledgling young people are entitled to help from their families. That is what families are for. If they're kicked out of the nest without the knowledge and resources to be able to fly, and parents and society allow them to blunder about helplessly on the ground, then it's their fault if the young one falls prey to those who target the vulnerable.

    This is he way I see it, if a parent is doing the child minding because the children can barley afford to live that is a good and supportive family. If the children are asking the parents to do the childminding so they can have the money that should be spent on child care for a sun holiday they are taking that is taking advantage.

    I fully intend to help my children financially with major life events after all they will get it when I am dead and might as well have it when I am alive.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,109 ✭✭✭Electric Sheep


    Xyzforsure wrote: »
    No shame in asking the parents for a helping out when needed.

    Id imagine it is more common in today's cash strapped society.

    Today's cash strapped society?! I can assure you previous generations were much more cash strapped, but less entitlement minded.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,109 ✭✭✭Electric Sheep


    FTA69 wrote: »
    That's only because you've loads of money and they'll automatically assume then that it's solely your responsibility; "ah sure he's out in America earning a bomb, he'll take care of it. Book the old holiday to Spain there sure..."

    It's a very common thing in families and something I've had myself to a much lesser extent than yourself - dumping everything on a relative and opting out of responsibility. The sad thing is, it's not even about the money most of the times in these cases but about someone's basic willingness to help out a sibling in caring for someone who mattered to you both.

    Not only that - they think you "owe" them for emigrating. The hand is always out.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,809 ✭✭✭Speedwell


    The vulnerable elderly are also entitled to the help and company of their families. That's what families are about.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 35,024 ✭✭✭✭Baggly


    0-16 - dependant
    16-26 - independent
    Got married at 26, so was reliant upon their gift to help pay for the wedding.
    Had our first daughter at 27, and am dependent on my mother for child care 1 day a week
    Had our second daughter a couple of months ago, so she will be going to Granny for minding in a few months.


    Also reliant on my dad for general car advise and fixes.

    That being said, since i became a dad, my parents general strength and dexterity has taken a dip, so i am doing more and more handiwork around the house. It was cutting 8ft briars a couple of months ago. Oh and 24/7 IT consultations are FOC as well. And said consultations are called upon regularly.

    So maybe its a mutually beneficial dependency?

    Ah who am i kidding - im getting the better deal.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 349 ✭✭deathtocaptcha


    Not at all but I think it's an extremely loaded question designed to belittle people who live at home or can't support themselves for whatever reason.

    How about you mind your own business and stop worrying about how other people live their lives?

    You never know what people are going through or what their family status / situation is unless they open up to you and tell you. I know people who've moved back home to look after elderly parents. From the outside looking in, you could easily assume the person lost a job, couldn't find more work and moved back home as they couldn't support themselves but the reality is they're just good people sacrificing themselves to look after family...


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,196 ✭✭✭Shint0


    I would be similar to Speedwell in that I don't have kids but there are very few in the next generation of the family. I have decided I am probably not going to bequeath anything to them as they already stand to inherit generous assets so I might start thinking soon of a reputable cause to donate some of my assets.

    Having said that I might reconsider as one of those young children appears to be showing some difficulties. There isn't much of a relationship as things currently stand as their mother tends to like to have only her own family involved even though she is generously provided for in the marriage and contributed little to nothing in terms of assets herself. Such is life. I don't get involved but if that child ever found themselves in difficulty in the future my door would always be open for them.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,809 ✭✭✭Speedwell


    Not at all but I think it's an extremely loaded question designed to belittle people who live at home or can't support themselves for whatever reason.

    How about you mind your own business and stop worrying about how other people live their lives?

    You never know what people are going through or what their family status / situation is unless they open up to you and tell you. I know people who've moved back home to look after elderly parents. From the outside looking in, you could easily assume the person lost a job, couldn't find more work and moved back home as they couldn't support themselves but the reality is they're just good people sacrificing themselves to look after family...

    Good people also lose jobs, can't find work, and need to move home for a while. My husband's family has made it crystal clear that they think that's what families are there for. I'd be ashamed to take them up on it, but they would be even more ashamed of themselves if they didn't offer.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 39,022 ✭✭✭✭Permabear


    This post has been deleted.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 10,070 ✭✭✭✭pq0n1ct4ve8zf5


    Not dependent as such, but they'd still treat me or just give me money if they're flush. I don't ask but I don't refuse either. I had a pretty fractious relationship with them as a teenager and moved out asap, was wary of taking anything off them for years because I saw it as giving them ammo. Then I cashed in all my chips at once in my mid-twenties and moved back in for a year :D

    My sister and brother have no shame about asking them for money so I really try not to. Figure I'll be left the house that way.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,196 ✭✭✭Shint0


    Figure I'll be left the house that way.

    Cunning :D


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,809 ✭✭✭Speedwell


    My sister and brother have no shame about asking them for money so I really try not to. Figure I'll be left the house that way.

    Heh. I know what you mean, in a weird sideways way. My family in the US thinks money is how you show you love someone. I don't mean, "if you love someone, you share your resources with them". I mean something that is so twisted that when my mother's natural father didn't leave her as much in his will as he did his children from his second marriage, she was devastated for years. My grandmother is in her late 90s and reportedly has a significant inheritance. It makes me feel icky to even think of HER MONEY as an inheritance, but they tried to control me by threatening to cut me out of this, or not include me in that, or not leave me this knick-knack or other. I was glad to escape all of that garbage when I moved to Ireland. I don't even care if they cut me out; it's not my money unless she leaves it to me and I'm not living my life on the leash. My uncle threatened to leave me his bungalow in West Hollywood. I may or may not see it again in my lifetime, lol.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 10,070 ✭✭✭✭pq0n1ct4ve8zf5


    Speedwell wrote: »
    Heh. I know what you mean, in a weird sideways way. My family in the US thinks money is how you show you love someone. I don't mean, "if you love someone, you share your resources with them". I mean something that is so twisted that when my mother's natural father didn't leave her as much in his will as he did his children from his second marriage, she was devastated for years. My grandmother is in her late 90s and reportedly has a significant inheritance. It makes me feel icky to even think of HER MONEY as an inheritance, but they tried to control me by threatening to cut me out of this, or not include me in that, or not leave me this knick-knack or other. I was glad to escape all of that garbage when I moved to Ireland. I don't even care if they cut me out; it's not my money unless she leaves it to me and I'm not living my life on the leash. My uncle threatened to leave me his bungalow in West Hollywood. I may or may not see it again in my lifetime, lol.

    "threatened to leave me a bungalow" :D you'd hear a lot of stories like that, it's sad. There's a family in the village where I grew up where two branches haven't been talking to each other over some land that got left to someone. Fifty years ago.

    I was kidding about my parents' house though! It's been made very clear that whoever has the first grandchild gets it, unfortunately for me.


  • Posts: 26,052 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    One cousin has said that as my grandmother gets frailer, I should move back to Ireland to take care of her as I'm her favourite and she'll probably leave me everything. Absolving herself of all responsibility in advance, caring nothing for the life I have abroad, and of course my Gran has said no such thing about her will.

    That said, if my Gran needed someone to care for her (or my Grandfather in the UK) and the larger family didn't step up (they do, most of them), I'd drop everything and give them the few years with no hesitation whatsoever.

    My parents are both active 60's, recently 'retired' - but both still very active in their field. Again, when the time comes I know my siblings and myself will come up with a fair arrangement, but if push came to shove I wouldn't think twice about caring for them. I owe them everything, after all.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 614 ✭✭✭notsoyoungwan


    Not at all dependent on them now. Throughout my college education they were great, paid for accommodation, bills, food, books, transport etc. They said they never wanted any of us working throughout college, either during the academic year as it'd distract from our studies and not during the summer as soon enough we'd no longer have long carefree summer holidays. So they financed essential living expenses in college. They didn't give us enough money for mad socialising or new clothes etc, but enough for the essentials and an emergency fund. (I'm not complaining about that, just pointing it out). They really were very supportive for those years.

    Once we were working though, we were on our own. No more financing of anything, and rightly so, IMO. They got us all educated and in 'good jobs' so we were all able to stand on our own feet thereafter.

    Now, they are quite dependent on me, in particular. Not financially, but for practical things, eg housework, shopping, cooking, medical issues, any forms/'official' things, anything that needs to be done online etc. I don't live near them, so it really means doing a blitz of things the weekends I'm there.My siblings provide limited enough support, they can be a bit hit and miss.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,256 ✭✭✭metaoblivia


    Not at all anymore. I got a scholarship to college that covered 75% of my expenses and they paid the rest. Upon graduating, they bought me my first car - a little Toyota Echo. After that, I was on my own, except for my phone bill, which was on a family plan. And for years it was like that for me and my brother - we moved out and paid all of our bills, but mom covered the phone bill.

    Now I pay all my bills, including my phone bill, which is still on her family plan, but I send her a monthly check. That might be changing though because through my company, I get a great discount on phone plans and my mom wants to switch so we can take advantage of that. I might soon be the keeper of the family phone account!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,809 ✭✭✭Speedwell


    "threatened to leave me a bungalow" :D you'd hear a lot of stories like that, it's sad. There's a family in the village where I grew up where two branches haven't been talking to each other over some land that got left to someone. Fifty years ago.

    My husband just reminded me that the only reason my family has any money to leave in the first place is that they all got bits of the estate and royalties of a great-uncle who was a successful songwriter with a number one hit for Elvis Presley. What a bunch of moochers! I have to laugh, I can't cry.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 23,646 ✭✭✭✭qo2cj1dsne8y4k


    It's not a burden to take care of your parents. When my dad got sick I left my job. Went with him to his treatments and we watched movies and played snap and things like that While he had the chemo and what really surprised me was the amount of people having the same treatment but were by themselves.

    Towards the end he had to go into hospital and they wouldn't let him come home because he needed 24 hour care and he was too heavy for me to lift by myself. That was devastating. Felt like I was letting him down but I wouldn't have been able to look after him like he needed.

    I had a lovely few months with my dad, it was sad but we made the most of the time. The one comfort I had had when he passed away was there was literally nothing I didn't say to him or wished I had time to say. It was a massive comfort.

    Inheritance, meh. He made sure we were comfortable when he died. But none of it mattered. I haven't really touched anything he left me. I have 1/2 his business and 1/2 a house. My sibling lives there, I don't. Don't need the money from it. Wouldn't dream of ever selling it on my side anyway. He's the only family I've left too so I wouldn't even argue about it. It doesn't matter to me.

    Makes you think though. 23 and 25 years old, and we kept things civil and there was no fall out from the will, no arguements or squabbles. Then you see older more mature calmer more rational adults tearing each other asunder for what? For nothing. It would disgust you.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 513 ✭✭✭Two Tone


    Haven't asked them for money since I got my first part-time job, but they have given me money occasionally over the years - and I have not refused it; I don't see the shame in accepting it if they give it to you without putting themselves under financial strain (which they definitely don't). Part of the reason why they do so is because I never looked for money off them when younger and supported myself as soon as I could.

    I regularly help them out too and buy them gifts.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,962 ✭✭✭✭dark crystal


    I wouldn't take a red cent off my parents. They struggled for years bringing us up and they deserve every penny they now have to enjoy their lives. We're all big girls now, with families of our own, jobs of our own, so why would we ever have our hands out looking for money from a pair of pensioners?

    Now, when it comes to jobs around the house, I'd be lost without my dad. There's no job he can't turn his hand to and the money he's saved us over the years by doing jobs that would otherwise have cost us a small fortune is incalculable. Love that man to bits :o


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,085 ✭✭✭Charles Babbage


    I sound a bit like that person you are talking about whose parents are contributing to building work. I didnt ask for it, they are just strongly insisting. Their reasoning for it is that they would rather contribute now when they are alive rather than leave it all as inheritance for the tax man to take half of. They earned their money and do not want it going to the state, they would rather it stays in their family.

    I feel very lucky and grateful and very indebted to them.

    Is the tax for gifts or inheritance different or are they just evading the tax?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,786 ✭✭✭wakka12


    Still living at home while attending college. Hopefully in a few years Ill be mostly financially independent. The thought of borrowing money off of people/being indebted to somebody makes my skin crawl so I try to avoid it.

    As for emotional dependance , I don't know what Id be without them.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 32,386 ✭✭✭✭rubadub


    Is the tax for gifts or inheritance different or are they just evading the tax?
    you can get 3k a year from each parent. Tax evasion is illegal, this is legal tax avoidance.


    http://www.revenue.ie/en/tax/cat/leaflets/cat-treatment-receipts-by-children.pdf
    In addition to this €225,000 tax-free threshold, the first €3,000 of gifts to a child in any
    year is exempt from CAT under the annual small gifts exemption. This means that
    each parent can give a gift to a value of €3,000 to a child (or to anyone else) each
    calendar year without any CAT charge arising. So, two parents can make gifts to a
    child to the value of €6,000 in any year free of CAT. Indeed, two parents could, if
    they wished, gift €12,000 in total each year to each son or daughter and their
    respective partner (e.g. fiancée, fiancé, daughter-in-law, son-in-law) free of CAT.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 7,973 ✭✭✭RayM


    I was dependent on my mother until I was 30, in the sense that I lived with her, in a house that she had worked very hard to pay for. I gave her money every week, but it was a lot cheaper than renting. She liked having me around though, for security and company, especially after she became ill. I was definitely very emotionally dependent on her - something I didn't fully realise until after she died. If she hadn't died, I'd almost definitely be still living with her at the age of 34. And I see nothing wrong with that.

    As far as borrowing money is concerned, I live very frugally and I've always been more of a saver than a spender, so I never had any need to ask my parents for help. If I ever needed help, it wouldn't be a problem... that's what families are for.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 539 ✭✭✭Teach30


    I'm not really dependent as such but living at home and totally enjoying life because of it.
    Parents in fairness funded college etc and I got through it and went on to work in well(ish) paid job still don't have a Lot of Hours but I don't mind that.

    In total opposition to the majority here... I live at home pay no rent, food etc, and it's grand. I lived away for a few years but realised I'd save way more if I moved home. I do the "odd" job around the house and help out when I need to but that's it. Parents are great they pay my health insurance and car insurance and I'm ok with that.

    I know this won't settle well with some but I don't personally have a problem with it. Older siblings and my boyf ( surprisingly) don't either so gonna ride it while I can, I'm 31 so long may it last! .


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 513 ✭✭✭Two Tone


    Why would you have a problem with it?! :D

    I think there is a difference between a person's parents voluntarily giving them money very occasionally (and the gesture being reciprocated) and this not being a financial strain for the parents... versus a person looking for money off their parents every so often with no intention of paying them back.

    And I think people who work full-time (and I stress full-time to be fair) and live with their parents should be contributing towards bills, food and other household items - and paying rent if needed. Once a person is working full-time they are still family obviously but also should be contributing members of the household.

    If the parents don't expressly state they want money towards household outgoings I think the adult child should still give back something when they can.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 98 ✭✭Split


    Been dependent on them since April of last year due to falling critcally ill not for finances but a roof over my head, lifts , hospital visitors . Prior to that I worked hard from the age of 16 to pay for travel , luxuries etc .They did pay my university fees for my full stint in college. In return for living in their home I care for my grandmother when they are away, the dogs , sibling and help with babysitting the nephews.

    In years to come I can return the favor by choosing awesone nursing homes. Only late 20's now but have a 3 life long diseases .


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 426 ✭✭Utah


    Not since leaving college.

    They have offered to help with wedding and mortgage deposit, we haven't needed it though.

    Both parents retired recently so got lump sums, all siblings were given cheques which we didn't refuse!


  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]


    Teach30 wrote: »
    I'm not really dependent as such but living at home and totally enjoying life because of it.
    Parents in fairness funded college etc and I got through it and went on to work in well(ish) paid job still don't have a Lot of Hours but I don't mind that.

    In total opposition to the majority here... I live at home pay no rent, food etc, and it's grand. I lived away for a few years but realised I'd save way more if I moved home. I do the "odd" job around the house and help out when I need to but that's it. Parents are great they pay my health insurance and car insurance and I'm ok with that.

    I know this won't settle well with some but I don't personally have a problem with it. Older siblings and my boyf ( surprisingly) don't either so gonna ride it while I can, I'm 31 so long may it last! .

    I must live in a different world that everyone else what ever about living at home but at 31, you are happy to have your parents paying your car insurance and health insurance I am amazed!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,109 ✭✭✭Electric Sheep


    Completely financially independent since 18. The flow of money has always been from me to them since then, which I don't resent. Their lives were less easy than that of our generation.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 513 ✭✭✭Two Tone


    mariaalice wrote: »
    I must live in a different world that everyone else what ever about living at home but at 31, you are happy to have your parents paying your car insurance and health insurance I am amazed!
    To be over 30 and pay utterly nothing towards the household you live in is pretty incredible all right.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,127 ✭✭✭kjl


    This is my relationship with my parents exactly! Would talk every day without fail, and rely on them more than any one else in my life for advice.

    I am financially independent with about 5 years when I started working, and since I bought my car two years ago I would consider myself very independent. They put me through college and financed me living away from home for this, so I wouldn't dream now of asking for help. In saying that I know they would help out in a heartbeat if I was struggling.

    Sounds like you have great parents :)


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