"baby blues"

thehamo

My self and my wife had ab baby boy 10 days ago. all is great he is healthy and is a dream so far.

My wifehowever is suffering bad with "the baby blues". she is finding it very hard to cope at the moment and is afraid she wont bond with the baby. Im doing my level best to support her, looking after the baby while she gets out of the house for a while, taking the night feeds and allowing her to sleep etc, but she is still fining it very difficult.

I hate seeing her in this state, does anyone have any advice, or been through it them selves? Will it last long?

2xj3hplqgsbkym

Congratulations. I am sorry to hear your wife is having such a hard time.
I think the term " baby blues' is a terrible term used to trivialise what could be post natal depression ( not by you, I mean in general).
You or your wife should contact the PHN and talk to her about it. Or your GP if you don't have any help from the PHN. The sooner she gets professional help and support the better.

Lucuma

thehamo, your wife will have the 2 week check up this week. A chance to see the GP and discuss how she is feeling. Then the GP can see whether she maybe needs a little crutch to get her through this.

fro9etb8j5qsl2

I think the first 2-3 weeks are always tough because hormones are all over the place. Is it her first baby? If so then she is probably feeling the overwhelming sense of responsibility hard to deal with too. Nobody warned me about it and it hit me like a freight train after my first was born. Definitely mention it to the gp at the 2 week checkup though.

thehamo

Howard Thousands Tunnel wrote: »

I think the first 2-3 weeks are always tough because hormones are all over the place. Is it her first baby? If so then she is probably feeling the overwhelming sense of responsibility hard to deal with too. Nobody warned me about it and it hit me like a freight train after my first was born. Definitely mention it to the gp at the 2 week checkup though.

Nail on the head here. As she said her self she just wants to get away from it. Her biggest fear is that it won't go away.
The health nurse is here tomorrow and she is with the gp Wednesday

pooch90

I was exactly like that for about the first 4 weeks, it's a massive hormonal crash once you have the baby. You dont sleep well so that feeds into it as well. My OH and PHN were very good to keep an eye for PND but to be honest, all the constant 'watching' of me made me feel worse and more inadequate. We were really struggling with Breastfeeding and baby was screaming all the time (turned out at 3 months he was diagnosed with silent reflux). I wasn't hormonal during pregnancy so it hit me like a ton of bricks and I cried over absolutely everything. I also didn't feel like I was bonding with baby because I was just a milk machine.
Be patient with her for now, quietly keep an eye on her for now but it's still very early days to be pushing the PND diagnosis. The first 6 weeks do suck but then you should start to get something back from the baby and it makes it all easier.

LegacyUser

I'm a fairly level person, so the hormone crash after my first baby hit me like a ton of bricks. I couldn't believe it, it's like being hit by a freight train. Even after my second (now 12 weeks) - god, you just have to look at some of my posts in the breastfeeding support thread to see how I was feeling. The utter and total dependency, I'd forgotten.It drove me nuts, along with the sleep deprivation. You don't realise the overwhelming responsibility until the baby arrives. But it does settle after a couple of weeks and it gets better after 6 weeks when the baby starts reacting back at you. It really does. I remember on my first, the first 6 weeks took forever. Every day felt like a lifetime. I thought we would never ever get to 6 weeks. But you take it one day at a time, hang on in there and you get there (on your second it vanishes in the blink of an eye!!)

I know I read research before that said it takes 3-4 months for a mother to feel like a mother - to feel in control, know what they're doing and be comfortable with it. It was very true for me, I suddenly realised about week 10 I wasn't even thinking about it anymore and I was enjoying her. This time it was week 9, I suddenly realised I am used to having two kids, even if it is bloody hard work. They call the first three months the fourth trimester for a good reason!!

That said, she should certainly say it to both the GP and the PHN. The likelihood is that they will ask her in some detail how she's feeling and what support she has, I know both of mine did. She needs to be honest and tell them, because it is hard and you do need support and help.And you keep a quiet eye yourself too, but give it a few weeks to see do things settle a bit.

Cunning Stunt

Hi OP, I have also been there and its an awful situation. For me, like your wife, the feeling of responsibility was overwhelming and made me feel 'trapped' in a way. But I want to echo what the others say, in that it does get better! Try to keep your wife talking about what she is feeling - don't let her bottle things up.
Don't worry about the bonding - for some people it doesnt happen straight away - but it will come!!
All the best!

Mink

thehamo wrote: »

Her biggest fear is that it won't go away.

God it's all coming back to me now, I was EXACT same. You just get hit with this wave of doom and you feel like you're drowning in it but the worst thing is that you think you are now permanently like this and you can't remember being normal.

I came through it within a couple weeks. I was slower to bond with my son than most new mammies but each day/week we got to know each other. He felt like a stranger to me initially! Physically I didn't feel right til 6-12 months after.

None of this is particularly useful, sorry - only that she should know that she'll be okay and to keep her talking to you, her PHN. What I found most helpful was talking (verbally or digitally) to other mothers who'd been through similar. As with a lot of things, the sense of not being the only one that has felt that way, is very powerful and gives a lot of relief.

Kash

Another voice to say that the bonding worries and the difficulties coping were all part of my experience too. For me, it eased after about 2/3 weeks, and I got a proper handle on things about 6 weeks in (incidentally, when the baby started sleeping longer)

It is great that she is talking to you about it, that's a massive help - and yes, talk to the PHN/Doc.