Starting to slip

drydub

My works shirts are tight. My skin is dry and flakey. My enthusiasm for sport and exercise is non existent. Motivation is low.

Off the back of some heavy weekend sessions. Drank all across the last weekend and last night a few pints too. I just want to stop. I just need to slow down. But i can't find it in myself at the moment. I am hoping i can catch a second wind and just knock the drink on the head but i can't seem to just sit still of late.

Kiltris

I know exactly how you are feeling.

But can I ask, did you make the decision to go out, did you instigate the "session" or was there an element of social pressure to be out drinking?

drydub

It was all based around the Ireland and Dublin game was the main one, although i had a couple drinks (6) on the saturday too which was just social out with partner and then friends.

But not lying, after the match on sunday night i had ample time to go home but stayed till the death in town. I had an idea this would happen as i took the monday off but just in general i know ive been drinking too much. I feel bloated and i know i can give up for long periods but right now at this moment i dont see it happening for me.

Last night i went out for a meal and wanted a drink. So had two pints, left it at that and walked home.

wally1990

Sound like myself.

Went on the tear Sunday and died a death on Monday. feel like crap and bloated etc etc. feel generally unhealthy and then ordered Dominos.

Prior to this week I was in gym 4 days a week and feeling great.

Just got to get back exercising and motivation and energy will come back.

I sometimes wonder is the drink worth it? a night of pints and written off the next day. Don't know my limit and my hangover Monday was worst in ages. hot flashes of sweats. couldn't sleep feel sick and unwell etc.

Why bother? ........ and not to mention I smoke when drink so it makes it feel 100 times worse.

Damn Ireland game:)

Kiltris

drydub wrote: »

It was all based around the Ireland and Dublin game was the main one, although i had a couple drinks (6) on the saturday too which was just social out with partner and then friends.

But not lying, after the match on sunday night i had ample time to go home but stayed till the death in town. I had an idea this would happen as i took the monday off but just in general i know ive been drinking too much. I feel bloated and i know i can give up for long periods but right now at this moment i dont see it happening for me.

Last night i went out for a meal and wanted a drink. So had two pints, left it at that and walked home.

By reading your last line there I think you know yourself that you have it in you to not drink, or at least to drink in moderation when you want to. However, I think as a nation we tend to immediately associate alcohol with any occasion that's coming up, like you booking Monday off because you knew Sunday night was going to be a "big one"!

The change that came over me was realizing that it was the occasion that I was looking forward to and not the drinking. The drinking was just a secondary thing that I had come to accept, except that the drinking was the only thing that I would regret, not anything else about any night out or occasion/event, just the demon drink.

You need to start appreciating the things that really matter most & enjoying the moment, whether out for a meal, sitting in the sun or watching a match, enjoy life & not the distorted, confused life that alcohol leads you to live.

Divelment

I stopped drinking 2 weeks ago, it has not been the huge struggle that I thought it would be. I've been a heavy drinker for the last 20 years, and in that timeframe, my drinking got heavier and heavier. I was drinking at home and drinking all weekend to fill a lonely void. Then when I got the urge, I'd drink a bottle of wine on Wednesday, (maybe 2), then Thursday, and sure Friday, Saturday and Sunday were all drinking evenings for me.

Since I've stopped, I've woken up every morning and reminded myself that I need to stay resilient & quietly focused and that I need to stop letting every stupid little fiddly farty thing that goes wrong in my life, become an excuse to have a drink. Every morning now, I take 10 minutes to have a cup of tea and to keep the horrible manky feeling that I used to get when badly hungover, the "fear", the panic attacks in the morning, sometimes getting sick, the sweats, the general sense of confusion that a heavy drinker will be coping with the next day, being useless in work, knowing that I probably often smelt of booze up until lunchtime on weekdays if I was drinking the night before, all these horrible feelings, I remind myself every morning over a cup of tea, that thank Christ I don't feel like that this morning.

I've tried quitting before and have been successful for a number of months, up until nearly a year, but I've fallen off the wagon for some stupid silly reason at the time, usually down to some bad date I've been on or something stupid like that. It might just be a drink with friends in a pub or a wine with dinner, but I know once I open the door again, I'm back to binge drinking on my sofa and 2 bottles of wine a night.

It's early days let but I'm over the worst of it I think, breaking all the short term habits, like popping down to Centra just before 10PM for a bottle of 2nd red, or stocking up the fridge with booze for the weekend, I've managed to terminate those bad habits that had all developed around my drinking.

The flying mouse

Well done devilment, keep us informed of your progress as well as helping yourself you will be helping and supporting others here. :-)

Kiltris

Divelment wrote: »

I stopped drinking 2 weeks ago, it has not been the huge struggle that I thought it would be. I've been a heavy drinker for the last 20 years, and in that timeframe, my drinking got heavier and heavier. I was drinking at home and drinking all weekend to fill a lonely void. Then when I got the urge, I'd drink a bottle of wine on Wednesday, (maybe 2), then Thursday, and sure Friday, Saturday and Sunday were all drinking evenings for me.

Since I've stopped, I've woken up every morning and reminded myself that I need to stay resilient & quietly focused and that I need to stop letting every stupid little fiddly farty thing that goes wrong in my life, become an excuse to have a drink. Every morning now, I take 10 minutes to have a cup of tea and to keep the horrible manky feeling that I used to get when badly hungover, the "fear", the panic attacks in the morning, sometimes getting sick, the sweats, the general sense of confusion that a heavy drinker will be coping with the next day, being useless in work, knowing that I probably often smelt of booze up until lunchtime on weekdays if I was drinking the night before, all these horrible feelings, I remind myself every morning over a cup of tea, that thank Christ I don't feel like that this morning.

I've tried quitting before and have been successful for a number of months, up until nearly a year, but I've fallen off the wagon for some stupid silly reason at the time, usually down to some bad date I've been on or something stupid like that. It might just be a drink with friends in a pub or a wine with dinner, but I know once I open the door again, I'm back to binge drinking on my sofa and 2 bottles of wine a night.

It's early days let but I'm over the worst of it I think, breaking all the short term habits, like popping down to Centra just before 10PM for a bottle of 2nd red, or stocking up the fridge with booze for the weekend, I've managed to terminate those bad habits that had all developed around my drinking.

Well done, it's nice to hear of someone who is strong minded and is able to deal with the AF life in a sensible way. Sometimes as adults we behave very childishly and will use any excuse to go have a drink, it's basically spitting the dummy out of the pram! Well done again & keep us updated on your progress.

Divelment

I've gotten through 2 weekends (and 2 full weeks), of non drinking now. I'm just posting this here because I think the first 2 weeks can be the trickiest, in terms of trying to change your life when you are a heavy drinker/alcoholic, or someone with a serious issue with alcohol.

I've managed to break the immediate continuity of what was an atrociously bad weekend and midweek cycle of very heavy drinking, to the point where I was genuinely not able to function as a person for at least half of the week (Mon-Wednesday) and then I would have been pissed Friday evening through to Sunday night, so the only 2 days of normality I had in my life were Wednesday and Thursday, assuming I didn't drink on those evenings, (I often did drink on a Wednesday or a Thursday)...

After the last 2 weeks, the every day habits or buying and consuming alcohol have been broken, and when I'm at home now, it feels normal to have a mug of tea instead of a bottle of wine. That isn't to say that there isn't some event or incident around the corner which will have me tempted to drink again, I'm sure there is, but I've made a commitment to myself to be a lot more resilient with regard to whatever may come in terms of the usual stuff that life throws at you and I've committed to myself that short of the roof falling in on top of me, I have to learn to get through whatever may present itself on any given day, while protecting the little bit of success I've managed to carve out for myself in relation to me managing to stop my drinking.

EDIT: I'm still having those 10 minutes in the morning to recall how shítty I felt after my weekend binges. Hope I'm not hijacking the thread here.

wally1990

Divelment wrote: »

I've gotten through 2 weekends (and 2 full weeks), of non drinking now. ''



Well Done Man!. Its like smoking the first 2 weeks are by far the hardest and time off/weekends is difficult. its all about keeping yourself occupied and if your out and about learning that life doesn't revolve around a pint of beer

well done

Divelment

wally1990 wrote: »

Divelment wrote: »

I've gotten through 2 weekends (and 2 full weeks), of non drinking now. ''



Well Done Man!. Its like smoking the first 2 weeks are by far the hardest and time off/weekends is difficult. its all about keeping yourself occupied and if your out and about learning that life doesn't revolve around a pint of beer

well done

thanks Wally. My problem wasn't so much out and about, that was actually when I drank somewhat normally. The problem was sitting at home at the weekend on the sofa each evening drinking 2+ bottles of wine a night.

tinpib

Divelment wrote: »

EDIT: I'm still having those 10 minutes in the morning to recall how shítty I felt after my weekend binges. Hope I'm not hijacking the thread here.

Post away! I like many others like reading what other people go through. We can all relate here. AA isn't a runner for me as I live abroad, so stories like yours plus other stories on here and on the stopdrinking subreddit are my AA.

drydub

Divelment, fair play to you.

Although i havent been AF for the two weeks i just tried to keep as busy as possible and have done one or two excursions that i would normall drink at but decided to drive to.

I didnt bother buying a ticket to sundays game becuase i want to break the cycle and association of drinking at the matches. Im going out for a game of golf with the lads on saturday and a sit down meal and maybe a couple beers, thats the true test,.

Divelment

Just an update from myself, I'm not the OP but just thought I'd add in the struggle I have with the same journey.

Well I fell off the wagon the weekend before last. I saw it coming, it was a night out down the country with friends (I'm single and I was heading out with female friends out of town). On the Friday, I started feeling like I knew I was gonna wobble, I had been off the sauce for the best part of a month, and I could feel myself going back to old ways and going on the razz with friends. Being single, I will be honest and admit that I associated having a few beers and being out with good company, with maybe meeting a gal and enjoying all that comes with that.

So on the Friday night, I cancelled my plans to head out with this gang and made my (very honest) explanation to my friend who invited me down and who I was staying with. This was accepted no problem. Then I woke up on Saturday morning and felt like I'd be grand and sure why would I pass up on a good night out because I wasn't drinking, and I contacted my friend, said I'd be down in the late afternoon, did a bit of clothes shopping, then came home, packed the overnight bag, had a shower, and jumped into the car and sped down the M50 out of dodge.

A few hours later I was enjoying a pint of water with ice and lime, and it didn't take long for the comments to start. "Why are you not drinking?"... One girl in particular wouldn't let it go, I felt so deviant, at a table full of drinkers, me drinking from a pint of water with a straw. Then after gulping that down, I said I'd have a bottle of Erdingers non alcoholic, which for some reason drew more curiously out of my friends than the pint of water I had previously gulped down. By this stage, I wanted a drink, so I had a drink, a pint of my usual beer. I didn't feel bad about it, I just saw it as a slip, even though it was one of those nights where we all ended up in a nightclub overdoing it.

So I drove home the next day, it hadn't been one of my more outrageous blow outs, I was fine driving home. That evening I had a bottle of wine with my housemate, and I told her (she knows of my struggle in this whole department), that I had been doing great work but I had ****ed up the night previous and I wasn't going to crucify myself over it, I was just going to get back on message the next morning and draw a line under it.

So that is what I did do and I feel that even though I slipped off message, and I was a bit pissed off about it, I thanked Christ that I didn't experience one of those motherfúcking hangovers from hell that had become all too familiar in recent times, where I literally cannot function, where I'm missing work, where I can make it into work but where I'm unable to think straight, where I'm ****ing up on a scale that could only be described as wholesale.

So I drew a line under that weekend and I feel that in my own head, and in my thinking, that I have accepted the point or the fact, that I simply cannot function properly as a person, if I am a person who drinks alcohol. I am sick of trying to manage this problem and me slipping up the weekend before last doesn't change a thing in that regard.

I feel that in my own head, I have managed to move firmly beyond the question of whether or not I should drink or not drink alcohol, or whether I should continue to try (and struggle) to manage my drinking in a way that allows me to lead a normal life, I firmly believe that I now have my answers with regard to those questions, and that my energy and focus now needs to be applied to the next question at hand, which is how to continue with my life into the future, as a person who no longer wants to drink, but wants to be able to enjoy things that I have always done, that I have always associated with drink.

One of those things is dating, being single, I struggle to even find women who will go on a date with a guy who isn't drinking on a first date. The worst headfúck of all recently (since I've been not drinking), has been arranging a date online, and once a gal hears that you aren't drinking, then she decides that she isn't drinking if we decide to go on a date. Twice in the last month, I've thrown in the towel with dates that were all but in the bag, when this was where I found myself with a gal I was hoping to do a date with. I don't know how other people feel about this but it absolutely boils my píss when I run into this, so much so, that I've deleted my online dating accounts & apps.

I met a girl last night for a pizza and neither of us drank, which felt great, but fúck me, we really do have such an utterly dysfunctional relationship with alcohol in this country where you are genuinely put into a box that has "Larry Murphy" stamped on it, if you say you are going on a date and not drinking in this country.

So I'm back on message, got through last weekend without drinking and will hopefully do so next weekend. I accept that I slipped up but I have decided to get back on message and have done a decent job of that so far.

It's my birthday next weekend (it's one of those milestone birthdays), and I've decided to not throw a party as I feel it would just enable a píssup that I will struggle with, due to my job and stuff I'd just have a gang of lads throwing gargle at me all night and they just wouldn't be into buying pints of water or non alcoholic stuff!

Sorry for the long elaboration here, getting this out actually does help me see where I am at with it. So, fingers & toes crossed for myself and the rest of us on here who are battling this devious fúcking disease, especially those of us who are trying to plan a transition in our lifes away from the mayhem, chaos, depression and confusion that we know comes with our drinking.

bonyn

Divelment wrote: »

Just an update from myself, I'm not the OP but just thought I'd add in the struggle I have with the same journey.

When you "go for pints" , it's not exactly that dysfunctional to drink!

Last xmas i met friends for drinks and sipped away on a 7 up, and also had a pint of water beside me. When ppl offered me a drink, i said "no thank, im just having this one"... many of them assumed i was nursing a vodka. Similarly, you could stay out of rounds and just ask the barman to pour your non alco beer. It's not dishonest, it's just not drawing attention.

And as for your dates not drinking either, well for 1000s of years drinking together has been as social thing. For example in some countries it is bad luck to toast with water. In ireland, there's a stigma with drinking alone. That's why your dates arent drinking.

For your birthday, see if your mates are interested in a bit of a hike. Im in my 30s and my friends and i do one every so often.

Hmm, not much else to say. Try to find friends whose lives resolve around interests other than booze.

Divelment

bonyn wrote: »

When you "go for pints" , it's not exactly that dysfunctional to drink!

Last xmas i met friends for drinks and sipped away on a 7 up, and also had a pint of water beside me. When ppl offered me a drink, i said "no thank, im just having this one"... many of them assumed i was nursing a vodka. Similarly, you could stay out of rounds and just ask the barman to pour your non alco beer. It's not dishonest, it's just not drawing attention.

And as for your dates not drinking either, well for 1000s of years drinking together has been as social thing. For example in some countries it is bad luck to toast with water. In ireland, there's a stigma with drinking alone. That's why your dates arent drinking.

For your birthday, see if your mates are interested in a bit of a hike. Im in my 30s and my friends and i do one every so often.

Hmm, not much else to say. Try to find friends whose lives resolve around interests other than booze.

It is dysfunctional and it's a uniquely Irish dysfunctionality, to be utterly amazed that someone in a group of people in a pub, isn't drinking alcohol. In no other country I've traveled to, are people so uncomfortable with you in their company if they are drinking and you are not.

Same for dating, this is the only country where I've seen people make a decision on what they are drinking, based completely upon what you might be drinking on the night.

bonyn

Divelment wrote: »

It is dysfunctional and it's a uniquely Irish dysfunctionality, to be utterly amazed that someone in a group of people in a pub, isn't drinking alcohol. In no other country I've traveled to, are people so uncomfortable with you in their company if they are drinking and you are not.

Same for dating, this is the only country where I've seen people make a decision on what they are drinking, based completely upon what you might be drinking on the night.

The pub thing.. there's some truth there, but part of socialising in a pub in our culture, and others, is the consumption of alcohol. It's not dysfunctional, and don't take it personally, but it's you who has the dysfunction with alcohol... perhaps others in your group too, perhaps not.

And as for the date thing... i stand by what i said there too. Ya know i wouldnt bother with desert if my date didnt. Ok that's a lie, but I'm unique. But you don't talk about a desert dysfunction.

Divelment

bonyn wrote: »

The pub thing.. there's some truth there, but part of socialising in a pub in our culture, and others, is the consumption of alcohol. It's not dysfunctional, and don't take it personally, but it's you who has the dysfunction with alcohol... perhaps others in your group too, perhaps not.

And as for the date thing... i stand by what i said there too. Ya know i wouldnt bother with desert if my date didnt. Ok that's a lie, but I'm unique. But you don't talk about a desert dysfunction.

I'm not taking anything personally, I'm just stating my own personal & recent views & experiences in relation to the attitude that is often presented to people who are socialising & not drinking alcohol in this country. This isn't the non dessert forum, it's a forum for people who wish to discuss non-drinking, people like myself who struggle with this and who may wish to share with others.

bonyn

Divelment wrote: »

I'm not taking anything personally, I'm just stating my own personal & recent views & experiences in relation to the attitude that is often presented to people who are socialising & not drinking alcohol in this country. This isn't the non dessert forum, it's a forum for people who wish to discuss non-drinking, people like myself who struggle with this and who may wish to share with others.

I know. But to say society is dysfunctional just because your friends drink in a pub and tease you because you don't is a bit strange.