Girlfriend driving me crazy

kmacs1988

Am I being unreasonable or what? Iv kept my mouth shut long enough now can't deal with it anymore..We have a 16 month old boy perfectly healthy no loss on him but in my opinion he's spoiled rotton..Until 2 weeks he slept in the same bed as his mother..Trying to get him to sleep in his own cot now is a mission ..I told my partner he should be in his own room long long ago but she disagrees..We have another child on the way and she's still treating our 16 month old like he's a baby..She sits with him until he falls asleep and expects me to help wen my way of doing it would be leave him to cry it out what harm is that? Hes fed changed and watered no loss on him its bed time..She never ever lets him cry ..Whenever he starts she runs to his aid no matter what she's at..she literally spends every minute of every day entertaining him I don't think he goes a minute being board during the day..The other day I was busy helping the landlord and herself had dinner on..She had to check on dinner and asked me to take the child for ten mins..I said put him into his play pen so she did..There's nothing wrong with his pen it's big and has lots of toys but of course he goes mad so she quickly does whatever she's at with dinner and runs back in to lift the child as if he was in server pain..I tried to tell her he was spoiled but she quickly got defensive so I dropped it..My mates child is the same age and goes to bed at 8pm doesn't wake up till 9 or ten a.m following morning...But my partner seams to think our boy isn't tired and he's sitting up every night till 10pm it drives me crazy ! Iv tried saying he should get his last bottle at 8pm up to bed and that's it but she won't listen..He wakes up the following morn at 7-30 or 8am..I tried telling her put the dummy back into his mouth tuck him in and he will sleep for longer but she cant do it...Don't get me wrong I'm glad she's a good mother but ffs I just think he's so spoiled..When mum goes away and iv to mind him he sits beside me on couch or in his play pen happy out..as soon as mum comes back he's crying and won't sit still..naps during the day are on the couch she sits with him until he falls asleep she refuses to put him into his cot and let him cry it out before his nap.. am I unreasonable? Or is he spoiled what's your thoughts people

NapoleonInRags

kmacs1988 wrote: »

Am I being unreasonable or what? Iv kept my mouth shut long enough now can't deal with it anymore..We have a 16 month old boy perfectly healthy no loss on him but in my opinion he's spoiled rotton..Until 2 weeks he slept in the same bed as his mother..Trying to get him to sleep in his own cot now is a mission ..I told my partner he should be in his own room long long ago but she disagrees..We have another child on the way and she's still treating our 16 month old like he's a baby..She sits with him until he falls asleep and expects me to help wen my way of doing it would be leave him to cry it out what harm is that? Hes fed changed and watered no loss on him its bed time..She never ever lets him cry ..Whenever he starts she runs to his aid no matter what she's at..she literally spends every minute of every day entertaining him I don't think he goes a minute being board during the day..The other day I was busy helping the landlord and herself had dinner on..She had to check on dinner and asked me to take the child for ten mins..I said put him into his play pen so she did..There's nothing wrong with his pen it's big and has lots of toys but of course he goes mad so she quickly does whatever she's at with dinner and runs back in to lift the child as if he was in server pain..I tried to tell her he was spoiled but she quickly got defensive so I dropped it..My mates child is the same age and goes to bed at 8pm doesn't wake up till 9 or ten a.m following morning...But my partner seams to think our boy isn't tired and he's sitting up every night till 10pm it drives me crazy ! Iv tried saying he should get his last bottle at 8pm up to bed and that's it but she won't listen..He wakes up the following morn at 7-30 or 8am..I tried telling her put the dummy back into his mouth tuck him in and he will sleep for longer but she cant do it...Don't get me wrong I'm glad she's a good mother but ffs I just think he's so spoiled..When mum goes away and iv to mind him he sits beside me on couch or in his play pen happy out..as soon as mum comes back he's crying and won't sit still..naps during the day are on the couch she sits with him until he falls asleep she refuses to put him into his cot and let him cry it out before his nap.. am I unreasonable? Or is he spoiled what's your thoughts people

You are being completely unreasonable - a bit of a dick to be honest.

Your girlfriend is doing her level best to be a good mother by the sounds of it. Babies don't come with instructions and every one of them is different - you shouldn't be so critical of her approach - and what other people are doing is irrelevant. She needs your support.

And a 16 month is very much still and baby. Also how you could think that a 16 month old baby - your baby - is 'spoilt rotten' is laughable really and doesn't cast you in a good light at all.

moving_home

Ok you and your girlfriend have very different parenting styles. I'd be on your girlfriend's size as I dont believe in letting my child cry either. Cry it out can have dangerous and harmful effects on a baby's developing brain.

http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/health-concerns/fussy-baby/science-excessive-crying-harmful

For what it's worth 16/17 months is a very hard stage sleep wise and everything as there is such development going on. Look up the Wonder Weeks. We are just through this stage and my daughter has gotten so much more independent. No time to reply more just now.

Ps you are being unreasonable and I still stay with my daughter until she falls asleep. Some babies just can't go to sleep on their own.

wakka12

Honestly you come across like the mother's jealous teenage son. Yes you are being unreasonable and beyond immature, I cant believe you ever started a family with an attitude like yours.

NapoleonInRags

NapoleonInRags wrote: »

You are being completely unreasonable - a bit of a dick to be honest.

Your girlfriend is doing her level best to be a good mother by the sounds of it. Babies don't come with instructions and every one of them is different - you shouldn't be so critical of her approach - and what other people are doing is irrelevant. She needs your support.

And a 16 month is very much still and baby. Also how you could think that a 16 month old baby - your baby - is 'spoilt rotten' is laughable really and doesn't cast you in a good light at all.

Ah I wouldn't say this now OP.
I can understand where you're coming from.
If you have another one on the way, things will change anyway. She won't be able to all she does now when there's two of them.

Having said that, maybe you need to take more of a role ? Do more, maybe make the dinner or you look after him when she is there, not just when she goes out.
And babies do need people & stimulation, you can't just leave them in a play pen on their own all day

December2012

Crying it out isn't good.

Your child is still a baby

You cannot spoil a baby.

Why are you so determined to be right?

I guess she has done more proper research than you into parenting, so maybe you should do that? There are Facebook groups all about Gentle parenting and attachment parenting. Have a look yourself and listen to the mother of your child instead of your buddy.

DoctorBoo

Your post reads very much like you're a bystander in your child's life. How much of an active part do you play in the parenting of your child?
It might be just the way you phrased it, but it reads like you are happy to leave most of the work to your partner and then criticise her every decision...

kmacs1988

Ok ye are all just deluded women! is there any men out there that understand what im on about..please read the post i do not run round and criticize all day I say nothing till my partner asks what to do when she gets stressed..I'm not determined to be right you silly woman read the post i barely say anything about it to my partner..leaving a baby to cry is a no no leaving a 16 month old to cry isn't that bad..I never said leave the child in play pen all day did i ? And he you .ca spoil a 16 month old child clearly!! I have the perfect example here...good day all ye perfect mother's!

fima

God you sound like an absolute nightmare. Is your girlfriend not paying enough attention to you ?? Awww diddums. Pity your girlfriend with two toddlers to manage and another on the way.

kmacs1988

kmacs1988 wrote: »

Ok ye are all just deluded women! is there any men out there that understand what im on about..please read the post i do not run round and criticize all day I say nothing till my partner asks what to do when she gets stressed..I'm not determined to be right you silly woman read the post i barely say anything about it to my partner..leaving a baby to cry is a no no leaving a 16 month old to cry isn't that bad..I never said leave the child in play pen all day did i ? And he you .ca spoil a 16 month old child clearly!! I have the perfect example here...good day all ye perfect mother's!

I take it all back!

I was agreeing with you until this rant.
I feel sorry for your girlfriend now

moving_home

He is still a baby. 16 months is still very young. My husband fully agrees with me and is on board with our parenting style. As a result we have a fabulous, articulate, fun, independent little girl with her own personality. I'm not perfect by any stretch but I do what I can to respond to my child's needs. And if that's cuddles at night time that's it.

It looks like you came on here to get answers that agree with you and you are throwing your rattle out of the pram as no one agrees with you.

You are wrong and being unreasonable. A 16 month old cannot be spoiled.

hearmehearye

moving_home wrote:

You are wrong and being unreasonable. A 16 month old cannot be spoiled.

Perhaps not spoiled, but excessively mollycoddled?

Sanjuro

Hey, OP. I'm a guy, father of a 23 month old girl. And yeah, you're being a dick, to be perfectly honest. You seem to be under the illusion that babies are rational and only cry when in distress. Crying is essentially the only form of communication they have. Babies cry for a multitude of reasons, distress, pain or hunger bring three of many. You're in for a world of stress if you think being 'tough' on your baby and letting him cry it out is going to change things. Crying it out is not a good way of 'training' your baby.

And for the record, your post about everyone disagreeing with you being 'all deluded women' is pig ignorant and borderline misogynistic. You wanna pull your head out of your ass, pal. Your girlfriend is a new mom. Show some respect and empathise with her a bit instead of whinging that you have to be a dad.

Delphinium

You are right to a degree. Babies need routine and it is important from the start to try to establish one. Babies also need to learn to get to sleep themselves. Perhaps you could start a routine of putting him to bed and gradually withdrawing from his room. This will take weeks but will be worth it. Don't believe in letting him cry it out. When number two arrives he will revert to needing loads of attention for a while. Spend time with him but gradually allow him to play on his own, a few minutes at a time. Mother must understand he needs to be a person in his own right. Study some books or do a parenting class. And enjoy him. He will be gone soon enough.

Emmadilema123

kmacs1988 wrote: »

Ok ye are all just deluded women! is there any men out there that understand what im on about..please read the post i do not run round and criticize all day I say nothing till my partner asks what to do when she gets stressed..I'm not determined to be right you silly woman read the post i barely say anything about it to my partner..leaving a baby to cry is a no no leaving a 16 month old to cry isn't that bad..I never said leave the child in play pen all day did i ? And he you .ca spoil a 16 month old child clearly!! I have the perfect example here...good day all ye perfect mother's!

My son was the very same. he came out of it at 2 and went to sleep on his own after a story. He is now 5 and has stopped going to bed on his own again as he has developed a fear of monsters (but only on the nights daddy is working away) he will come out of it and maybe back into again if something else is troubling him. That's parenthood.

Had my daughter and she slept from day one. Sings herself to sleep now at 3 with no assistance needed. Rarely see her after 8 at night to morning.

They are all different. Just because Sally down the roads baby goes to bed at 8 with no fuss doesn't mean yours will.

Also whinging it out is fine, full on screaming and wet face for a 16 month old is not fine.

Skatedude

Also a guy here and yep, you are been a dick. It's a newborn baby, not a puppy you are trying to house train

FortySeven

Perfectly reasonable op. My partner did the same with our first child, often with him still on the breast. He did not sleep through a night in 5 years.

We did it my way with our second. Straight to the cot. Let them cry. Slept like a baby after 3 days.

mud

This thread is horrendous. Surely we can put our opinions across without insults and raging sexism?

OP, you say you have another child on the way. Is your partner perhaps spending a lot of time with your son with this in mind? Youse will be busy when number two comes along.

You have different parenting styles and that's OK. You need to sit and chat (not argue) about your future parenting decisions.

alwald

Your girlfriend routine isn't good at all, letting the baby cry min that's ok but not for a long period of time.
Babies love being carried everywhere and once they get used to it, that's it, its hard to change it.
You are expecting a second child, your first born will be very jealous and your girlfriend will find it very very hard to mind both of them, by her own with the same level of attention.

Both of you need to find the right balance.

feardeas

Holy God there are times I'm very glad I won't be a parent and read in all this is one of those.

When I listen to some friends chat I am convinced I wasn't half rared and I'm very fortunate to be as good as I am. In my lay man's view there is no set way to parent and most do their best. It is undoubtedly one of the most important role ye will have.

Good luck with it. ( from a guy who's in the lucky uncle position of being able to hand the little darlings back )

Dravokivich

OPs tone aside, i think it's unfair to call out so agressively towards him based on it, without genuinely responding to the crux of the issue. Which drove him to the response he gave ye in this thread. This has clearly become a point of contention between himself and his partner and he's posting about it out of frustration, more so than intent to be as obnoxious as ye all took it.

His girlfriend does appear to be responding with too much attention to the child. We have all gone through it with young kids. They learn and expect a sequence of events. This child is crying and gets attention as a result of it. Cries and gets to sleep with mammy as a result of it. The child needs to learn they won't get that attention with crying and they'll stop.

At 16 months the child is still entirely dependant on adults caring for them, but is no longer a baby. They should be well able to sleep in a cot and you'd begin considering transferring them into their own bed in the next 6 / 8 months. Which will be really hard to do when you've a baby due soon and will be treating a toddler as a baby.

Neyite

Mod:

I'm shutting this mess down.

The insults flying around here is unacceptable - OP, dont dare come back to this forum until you figure out that this:

Originally Posted by kmacs1988 View Post
Ok ye are all just deluded women! is there any men out there that understand what im on about..please read the post i do not run round and criticize all day I say nothing till my partner asks what to do when she gets stressed..I'm not determined to be right you silly woman read the post i barely say anything about it to my partner..leaving a baby to cry is a no no leaving a 16 month old to cry isn't that bad..I never said leave the child in play pen all day did i ? And he you .ca spoil a 16 month old child clearly!! I have the perfect example here...good day all ye perfect mother's!

has more than a whiff of being derogatory towards opinions of posters you think are women. Continue like this and you'll get a ban.

All other posters - this is a discussion forum. Lately Parenting had a few of these threads where the first few replies are confrontational and this sets the tone for the thread to quickly spiral. I want you all to consider your posting style and if you cant give constructive criticism in a civil way and instead resort to name calling it will be dealt with. So the next time the second or third post is nasty and leads the way for more insults of the same, I will be issuing cards.