The one that got away.....

WhiteRoses

WhiteRoses wrote: »

I agree with a PP that said its not normal or healthy to fall in and out of love that many times. I've been in love twice, and that's more than many people I know.

Please reflect on the good advice given here. You need to work out why you keep falling in love with random strangers & find it hard to maintain interest for more than 6 months with girlfriends before you even think about pursuing another relationship.

I didn't say I fall in and out of love. I said that I fall in and out of relationships alright. Think I mentioned in my first few posts that if I am honest I've never truly loved any girl I was in any sort of long term relationship (weeks to years) with.

I have loved about 4 women, whom I never got into a relationship with sexually. Two of them I knew for a few hours only. The other two I was initially friendly with for a few months before I got to know them properly and then fell in love with. I'd say that I still think about each of them from time to time and regret not acting on my feelings when I had the chance. If I ever met them again I know the feelings would still be strong. I wouldn't say that I fell out of love with them. I know they were exceptional women.

If I met another woman tomorrow that I fancied and if we just clicked in the right way then I know I'd be in love with them as well. I don't really feel I have to hide that. I know that is the real me. I don't really subscribe to the notion that you meet one person and they're the "only one". There is probably a subset of the set of all women on the planet and that subset can be called "the ones" . The subset "the ones" would contain all the women who I would describe as "the one" . Not belittling women. Don't get me wrong. But I know I can love multiple women and I do.

SusieBlue

If you think that growing individually and as a couple, sharing experiences, overcoming difficulties, being there for each other through good and bad & making memories isn't real love, and that meeting someone over a drunk night out and falling in love over the space of a few hours is true love, then I give up OP.

You seem to want everyone to pat you on the back and tell you she's the one.

If you do happen to meet her again, I think your going to be sorely disappointed when you realise there isn't going to be a grand, dramatic, moment where ye run into each other's arms.

Your making love sound so cliche and like something from the movies. We can't all be wrong.

topmanamillion

topmanamillion wrote: »

Ah I don't know OP you seem extremely niave.
To be honest with you if you end up meeting that girl again she probably won't recognise you and there's a good chance she'll be chatting some other lad and being their best friend for the night.
Relationships are hard work and getting on with a girl while on the sauce is no indication that a relationship of any kind will ensue.

I encourage you to get out there and met different people, make friends and have relationships. You said you were shy in the past so maybe you didn't have enough of those experiences.

But you really need to get out of this "romcom" mindset you're in that every girl you had a laugh with is "the one" and if you make a mad dash to the airport (pub in Galway) you'll live happily ever after.

I'm not naïve about any of that. I've acknowledged previously that it could be an absolute disaster but I'm just going to see. "Could be a disaster" is not a great reason to not bother trying in the first place.

Also I said that every girl I truly fall in love with is "the one" or part of the subset called "the ones" . I already stated that its ****in hard as hell for me to fall in love with anyone. Its about 9 years I reckon since I met a girl that I loved truly. I think people are not reading all of my posts. I've covered off most of this already.

topmanamillion

[Deleted User] wrote: »

I'm not naïve about any of that. I've acknowledged previously that it could be an absolute disaster but I'm just going to see. "Could be a disaster" is not a great reason to not bother trying in the first place.

Also I said that every girl I truly fall in love with is "the one" or part of the subset called "the ones" . I already stated that its ****in hard as hell for me to fall in love with anyone. Its about 9 years I reckon since I met a girl that I loved truly. I think people are not reading all of my posts. I've covered off most of this already.

Fooking bizarre are the only words I can find for all that at 4:24 on a Sunday morning!

You were engaged & it's been 9 years since you met someone you loved???

In the nicest possible way, GROW UP.

retro:electro

Sorry op but you are way too intense. There is a strong chance if you ever meet this girl that she won't even recognise you. I've had conversations with strangers on nights out and have in a drunken stupor divulged every detail of my life to people I'll never lay eyes on again, and I'm sure I wandered off afterwards chewing the ears off my friends about how amazing that guy just was and how I want to marry him; and then I'd eat my chips in supermacs and literally never think of him again. This is what happens when people have drink in them; they talk sh1t. You are looking into this way too much and to be honest I fear for the girl if you ever meet her and what you may do if your feelings aren't reciprocated.

JellieBabie

[Deleted User] wrote: »

I know from experience that most people are not able to love the way I am able to love. Its hard to explain. I find most people you meet on a night out are emotionally retarded to a large degree or have never experienced the strong feeling of love that I have experienced. Its bizarre to me now but I can understand it. Before I fell in love the first time, I thought "real love" was bull**** and I would describe my feelings more as "lust" or "infatuation" up until that point. For me to feel real love I have to know someone deeply. Its very hard to get to know 99% of people that you meet deeply in a short space of time. But I know that there is definitely some women that when you meet them, they're an open book. You can just tell that they have this bubbly personality, that they're really out going, that they're truly a nice genuine person, a strong person, their confident and they're honest or whatever else it is that your looking for in a person. Certain things are hard to fake and women are crap at lying. You can always tell if someone is holding back information or avoiding a straight answer as well. There is just tell tale signs. I asked that girl in Galway some really personal questions that most girls would not answer but she was just straight up. She didn't give a **** if the answer wasn't good but I liked her honesty. A person like that you can get to know very quickly. Other girls you could be going out with them months and they wont tell you jack ****. For example, past relationships. My ex would tell me nothing about her past relationships. The girl in Galway probably told me too much about her screwed up past relationships. So in a certain sense I knew more about the girl in Galway than I did about my fiancée at the time.

I'm sorry OP to be harsh but what you've written here is actually bizarre and actually incredibly condescending to women.

You aren't special. You aren't unique. You aren't more capable of love than other human beings and you also cannot know someone deeply from a drunken night out! I'm sorry but you need to wake up! You don't know this girl. You only know what she told you for a few hours.

To actually claim that your 'love' with a stranger for one drunken night is more authentic than what another poster described as years of memories and experiences shared together with love growing bit by bit is frankly delusional.

ibarelycare

OP your arrogance and delusion is off the scale. You're contradicting yourself about the meaning of "love" but you're still insisting you're in love with this woman. The "scientific" description you're giving for love at first sight is actually chemistry or infatuation. But it's clear that no matter what anyone here says to the contrary, you're going to disagree with them.

Rachiee

OP i think the disconnect you are experiencing here is use of language. Love is a big word and the experiences you have decided must be love, we all call infatuation, crush, chemistry. Its not that we havent felt what you are describing, we have, but we dont call it love. What youre describing isnt special is just natural human chemistry.

Simply put its like you are speaking another language which is probably why you arent getting much understanding from other posters. Best of luck with galway girl, really though if you are always on the chase for that buzz and butterflies feeling you'll never be happy because it wears off eventually.

eviltwin

Forget the fact you only spent a few hours together and that you don't know much about this woman for a second. Instead focus on the fact you're just out of a long term engagement. It's way too soon to be looking for someone new, it's not fair on you, this new woman or your ex. Have a bit of respect for everyone involved and give yourself a bit of time before you start dating again. I read your posts and see someone very hung up on the emotional aspect of a relationship and how that makes you feel without seeing any of the regard for a partner that you would expect from someone genuinely in love. It's quite a narcissistic read. I don't think you love this girl at all, you love what she can do for you emotionally and how she makes you feel. That's not love.

LegacyUser

OK. Where to begin? I do actually get where you may be coming from OP. I have personally never experienced a relationship, although I have fallen for people, and people have fallen for me, but never anything mutual, so I understand the desire to experience something which may be mutual for once. It is an experience that most people have had and take for granted, and if you haven't experienced it, you will take a greater risk to get that experience.
I must also say that from a female perspective (which you may not take seriously, as you don't appear to take females seriously, if I can judge by some of the things you have posted here) that in the past I have clicked with many guys that I have met, had amazing, fun, intellectual conversations with them, BUT still not actually fancied them, so just beware that that is something which may be a possibility. In other words you can get on famously with someone and even 'click' with them in that way without being attracted to them. Not anyone's fault, it just means that she enjoys your company if that's the case.
I will also say that I agree with the other Rachael regarding your use of language. Personally I do not have much experience of mutual love (probably none tbh) but anyhow I believe the difference between Infatuation and Love to be the following:
I believe infatuation IS Love, but the difference is ''who'' it is you love. With Infatuation you don't really know the person yet, so you are in love with who you THINK they are. If you still Love them after say 6 months of Getting To Know Them (not just 6 months of liking them from afar or whatnot), then you are probably in love with the real person. But you have to properly get to know the person to find out which it is.
By the way, I can tell you that a lot of men ''put up an act'' too, by no means are men any better than women in these matters, I'm sure you were on your best behaviour with her that night, and probably if she could get to know the side of you that you have shown in your posts, she may very well be put off, and think that you had been putting on an act. Now, I could be wrong and you could be lovely in real life, but the posts hint of a superior attitude, and you generalise and misjudge women a lot. In fairness, if we were to start to generalise men, a lot of worse attributes than what you have described about women would be pointed out, as I'm sure we are all well aware of, but for the sake of being decent people, we won't be doing that, so you shouldn't either. On the plus side you sound well-educated and are probably a very interesting person, but perhaps you may be looking for someone who is perfect, and nobody, male or female, is ever going to be perfect. Not us, nor yourself. For a lot of people Attitude is more important than Intellect. Good God, I know this is a long post, but I have a lot of time on my hands right now :P Also, I apologise for using capital letters where they don't belong, it was for emphasis.

LegacyUser

To be positive, I think you did your ex fiancée a huge favour by breaking up with her.
You two weren't as compatible as she obviously thought you were and in time, I hope she meets someone who'll truly make her happy.

As for this girl in Galway?
I hope she doesn't meet you as I think initially you might come across as this great guy.
But as time goes on you come across as a tad needy, and clingy and emotionally immature.
Love is a wonderful emotion, but you absolutely cannot be "in love" with someone after a few hours of chit chat.
That is lust, desire whatever.

When I first read your opening post, I felt you should head down and see whether you meet her again.
But the more you post the less sure I am that this is the right thing to do.
Perhaps take a step back and give yourself time.
Seriously, it's all a bit intense.

batmanrobin

eviltwin wrote: »

It's quite a narcissistic read. I don't think you love this girl at all, you love what she can do for you emotionally and how she makes you feel. That's not love.

Yeah, that was the impression I got also.

OP, you mention that you rarely feel this way, yet if you read over your posts it sound like you fall in love at the drop of a hat. Hence why people are saying it doesn't sound like you really know or understand what love is.

You would have married a woman you didn't really love. That kinda speaks volumes about your personality.

You would benefit from therapy. I'm being serious here. You need to get to the root of why you chase after love the way you do as it sounds like any woman will do, whether you truly love them or not.

Your crack about women "dropping the act" after 6 months, whether said in jest or not, is quite repugnant. What act are they dropping? Has it occurred to you that they might be responding to your personality?

Sound Bite

This has to be one of the most bizarre threads I have ever read on boards.

I mean this in the nicest possible way but have you had a bad experience lately - severe shock, grief, post traumatic stress, concussion, brain injury etc?

I ask sincerely as your posts appear as somewhat detached from reality, there's a complete lack of logic or rationale & your thought processes appears obsessive, intense, delusional and unhinged.

If I were either girl in question, I'd run a mile from you. Surely your friends & family are worried about you too. I think you should talk to a therapist - even if you think you don't need one it might do you good.

Penny Tration

OP, you say you don't fall in love easily, but also state you were in love 4 times before this girl, two of whom you also only knew for a few hours? If you actually loved all five of these women, then you've been in love a hell of a lot more than average, and fallen incredibly easily.


What you're describing is infatuation. Not "i wanna bang you," but infatuation. It's not love.


Quite frankly if you'd actually been in love 5 times in your life, I'd be suggesting you see a therapist to discuss your need to be loved.


As it stands, you sound obsessive and a little narcissistic. You spoke to a woman for a few hours. That's not love, it's having a nice conversation and getting to know someone.


You should seriously avoid dating for quite a while and consider a counsellor because your thoughts are quite frankly scary, delusional and obsessive. Thinking the way you think isn't healthy or normal and you really should talk to someone about it.

K_P

What's really worrying about what you're saying OP is that you've apparently ONLY loved women who you've known very briefly and not been in a relationship with. Someone earlier asked you to think about that and you misunderstood and said you're always thinking about these women. Forget about the women for a second, they're not the issue here.

What do you think it says about you that you only love women you barely know? And not any of the women you've been in relationships with (who you seem quick to label as psychos)? You might think it means you feel love quickly and deeply when it's the right woman. To everyone else it comes across as naivety and that you're actually avoiding reality and intimacy by holding these unattainable women you don't know on a pedestal rather than trying to have a real and proper relationship with someone you could be with.

daisybelle2008

Deleted User wrote: »

If I met another woman tomorrow that I fancied and if we just clicked in the right way then I know I'd be in love with them as well. I don't really feel I have to hide that. I know that is the real me. I don't really subscribe to the notion that you meet one person and they're the "only one". There is probably a subset of the set of all women on the planet and that subset can be called "the ones" . The subset "the ones" would contain all the women who I would describe as "the one" . Not belittling women. Don't get me wrong. But I know I can love multiple women and I do.

So are you saying you are polyamourous?
If you are not limited to one person in this subset and could fall in love with multiple 'ones' in the subset whats the rush with Galway Girl plenty more fish in the subset/sea.
So Galway Girl could find out the day after ye get together that you met someone else and are in love with them as well?.

beks101

K_P wrote: »

What do you think it says about you that you only love women you barely know? And not any of the women you've been in relationships with (who you seem quick to label as psychos)? You might think it means you feel love quickly and deeply when it's the right woman. To everyone else it comes across as naivety and that you're actually avoiding reality and intimacy by holding these unattainable women you don't know on a pedestal rather than trying to have a real and proper relationship with someone you could be with.

I think this is fairly bang on. Sounds like the OP is harbouring some major commitment issues and these continuous crushes that are blown way out of proportion are a subconscious way of keeping intimacy at bay.

OP, you increasingly sound like Peter Pan, the young boy who doesn't want to grow up and face reality. Can't live in the moment with the woman you're with and need to constantly look over your shoulder, looking for someone better, chasing those butterflies, chasing "love" around in circles and getting nowhere, hurting your girlfriends along the way without a care in the world.

I think deep down you are very insecure and unable to face life alone, hence the over-emphasis and over-analysis of these completely normal social experiences.

Most drunk people will tell you their life story, and maybe throw in a few more dramatic ones for special effect, and spout nonsense about their previous relationships and deep dark secrets from their past and tell you how fabulous you are and how great it is that they've finally met someone who really understands them. I used to do it every day of the week when I was single. It's not real, it means nothing and it is the very definition of false intimacy. I'd barely remember the fella's name in the morning most of the time.

Forget about the Galway girl, forget about your ex, forget about "love" and spend some time figuring out what exactly you're over-compensating for here. Until you do that, you'll never be the kind of partner anyone needs.

sadie1502

<SNIP> - Not to required standard. Please read forum charter before posting again.

dudara

intheclouds

You broke off your engagement over a girl you spoke to in a pub for a few hours one night and you now believe you are in love with that girl and you have gone back to Galway to try and find her a few times?

I dont think you actually understand what love is. Love isnt a few hours of craic in a pub with someone pretty. Attraction, yes, love, no.

You sound like one of these people who likes to set up for failure by going after the unattainable. Generally speaking people who have commitment issues do this.

Im finding it difficult to understand how you were engaged if you werent in love with the person you were engaged to?

If I were Galway Girl and I found you stalking me after this one encounter I would be disturbed to say the least. If you gave me the "in love after meeting you once" Id be further disturbed and if I then heard you broke off an engagement I would be running a mile. Its not normal behaviour.

spud82

Was it cold feet?

Im in a relationship for a long time and sometimes when I am out I'd chat with a guy and have good fun dancing with them but I'd always tell them from the outset I wasn't single and in a relationship

Do you think you got cold feet about the wedding, and than fell for someone else, because you thought you could use the excuse for falling for someone else to end the relationship? you just fell head over heels with someone so you could end the relationship as you think you are in love for someone else, but the real reason is you got cold feet or scared about the wedding?

Just take a break dude seriously. i think the Galway girl was just an excuse to end the relationship as if you broke up with her fiancee for a girl you meet for a few hours you obviously weren't in love with her or ready to commit.

dellas1979

OP, have you ever heard of a character called Walter Mitty?

He is an interesting character, because he was generally disconnected from reality (would live in fantasy land). Walter wasnt aware, of course. Was all normal to Walter. Everyone told Walter he was a weirdo. Until one day, he faced up himself (something he changed in himself) that he wasnt living reality. He was living a reality he created.

We can all be Walters at times in our lives. And not want to face up to or deal with whats actually going on (something inside us).

Its usually a way of self protection.

You cant "be in love" with someone until you know them. Or have an experience(s) that makes you see the real them. True love would require truely knowing a person. Youve not demonstrated either of those.

leggo

OP everyone here has it nailed on. I know the advice you got wasn't what you wanted to hear, but there's some really life-changing stuff in here if you choose to open your eyes and pay attention to it.

If you're ever in a position where you're convinced the rest of the world is wrong, you're almost always the one who's wrong OP. I don't mean that confrontational, it's just...come on now. Enough with the madness.

Greenduck

Hi OP,

Just a different perspective. What happens if you finally make contact with this girl and she's not interested? I believe you have strong feelings for this girl so would be concerned for you if the feelings were not returned. You have built this girl up in your head without knowing how she feels about you.

You need to go cautiously and hold some of yourself back for your own good and mental health. You could end really lost, alone and heart broken if this doesn't work out for you.

anna080

anna080 wrote: »

Sorry op but you are way too intense. There is a strong chance if you ever meet this girl that she won't even recognise you. I've had conversations with strangers on nights out and have in a drunken stupor divulged every detail of my life to people I'll never lay eyes on again, and I'm sure I wandered off afterwards chewing the ears off my friends about how amazing that guy just was and how I want to marry him; and then I'd eat my chips in supermacs and literally never think of him again. This is what happens when people have drink in them; they talk sh1t. You are looking into this way too much and to be honest I fear for the girl if you ever meet her and what you may do if your feelings aren't reciprocated.

I think you're imagination is running away with you there a bit :rolleyes: I'd love to know what you are "imagining" up in your mind about what I'm going to do It must be absolutely dreadful.

Back in reality, we're either going to hit it off or she's going to tell me to take a hike. In which case I'm going to take a hike. Simples. I'm not going to flog a dead horse.

Greenduck

Greenduck wrote: »

Hi OP,

Just a different perspective. What happens if you finally make contact with this girl and she's not interested? I believe you have strong feelings for this girl so would be concerned for you if the feelings were not returned. You have built this girl up in your head without knowing how she feels about you.

You need to go cautiously and hold some of yourself back for your own good and mental health. You could end really lost, alone and heart broken if this doesn't work out for you.

Think I've said on a few occasions what I'm going to do if she isn't interested. I'm going to just walk away from it. I'm a big boy and I'm sure I'd get over it. I don't know really how people get the impression that I'm going to have a mental break down if I found her and she laughed in my face. You all seem to think I'm going to turn into the incredible hulk and lose the plot on the spot, maybe come back a few times or follow her :rolleyes: Again, your thinking is contrary to what I have said a few times now. I'd just like to meet her and see if the spark is still there. No big deal if it isn't and no harm done. Yort!

spud82

spud82 wrote: »

Was it cold feet?

Im in a relationship for a long time and sometimes when I am out I'd chat with a guy and have good fun dancing with them but I'd always tell them from the outset I wasn't single and in a relationship

Do you think you got cold feet about the wedding, and than fell for someone else, because you thought you could use the excuse for falling for someone else to end the relationship? you just fell head over heels with someone so you could end the relationship as you think you are in love for someone else, but the real reason is you got cold feet or scared about the wedding?

Just take a break dude seriously. i think the Galway girl was just an excuse to end the relationship as if you broke up with her fiancee for a girl you meet for a few hours you obviously weren't in love with her or ready to commit.

No I don't think it was cold feet necessarily. If I truly loved the girl I was with as I know I can love someone then I'd love to marry her. I don't want to be slagging off my ex at all. She was a lovely person. We got on perfectly. She was my best friend for nearly 7 years. We did everything together. We told each other everything. Sex life was perfect. We had a great time when on holidays or when just at home. We rarely ever had a bad moment in all those years. It was the best 7 years of my life so far and I was truly grateful always for the fact she was in my life. But I knew deep down always that the love I had for her was not the intense love that I've experienced in the past and I knew she felt that I was the one for her. Despite the doubts I had everything was perfect apart from that intense "love" feeling (try not to break my balls about using the word love for **** sake. Just build a bridge and accept that its the word I use). Throughout those 7 years there was occasions where I thought I should probably break up with her as there was just that something missing on my part but there was two problems. Firstly, I probably didn't have the balls to do it. Looking at breaking up with her, all I saw was a life that could in reality be ****. I knew how hard it was to even find someone as cool as her, nevermind having to try find "the one". I'm probably not alone in that. Its probably a frequent enough phenomenon amongst a lot of couples (I'm sure someone is going to take offence to that statement but save yourself the drama and calm down). Secondly, and probably most importantly, I knew if I broke up with her then I'd really really hurt her. For me that was hard to do. There was one occasion a few years ago when I attempted to break up with her over something but I literally couldn't pull the trigger. I could see her tearing up and I knew she was fighting it and I just hadn't the balls to hurt her. It literally felt like I was going to shoot her in both knee caps. It was always easier to just stay in the relationship. Again, it's a fine line for me. She was really close to being the partner that I dreamed of but she just wasn't the one. And I know everyone is saying that I need to get real as everyone has their weaknesses and faults and you need to accept them. That's fine. I understand and I in no way expect a woman to be fault free. I'd expect there even to be major issues with even the most perfect of relationships.

All I can say is that after meeting that girl in Galway, my gut instinct was screaming at me that this girl I met has real potential even if I don't know her inside out. I can only describe it as being like someone pumping heroin into my veins. It really felt like a drug in my system. It might be a stupid immature feeling but it was overwhelming and its the strongest feeling of love that I've experienced. It was absolutely clear to me that I never felt that way about my fiancée. I tried for weeks to ignore it. I tried to fight it but it was really eating me up. In the end I listened to my gut feeling and when I did I knew clearly what I had to do. I just had to be honest to my fiancée and tell her that I didn't love her enough and that I really struggled to walk away from that girl that night. The alternative would be that I married her knowing that I had stronger feelings for another woman I had met a few weeks ago. Meeting her also dredged up the feelings I had experienced for other women I had met before. With all that in my mind it would have been dishonest to marry her and possibly dangerous. It was better to end it now before we got married or had kids. I know that if I experienced meeting someone like that again then it could spell real trouble. Its a total **** up on my part but in the end I know I did the right thing. I miss my fiancée immensely, I feel a lot of guilt about hurting her and ruining the life we had built up together. The memories of our good times haunt me a bit and everything reminds me of her at the moment. I've lost my best friend and I accept I may never find another person like her again especially at my age. But it was the right thing to do even if I should have had the balls to do it years ago.

dellas1979

dellas1979 wrote: »

OP, have you ever heard of a character called Walter Mitty?

He is an interesting character, because he was generally disconnected from reality (would live in fantasy land). Walter wasnt aware, of course. Was all normal to Walter. Everyone told Walter he was a weirdo. Until one day, he faced up himself (something he changed in himself) that he wasnt living reality. He was living a reality he created.

We can all be Walters at times in our lives. And not want to face up to or deal with whats actually going on (something inside us).

Its usually a way of self protection.

You cant "be in love" with someone until you know them. Or have an experience(s) that makes you see the real them. True love would require truely knowing a person. Youve not demonstrated either of those.

Ok. Thank you for that interlude. Not sure how you think I'm deluding myself exactly. Am I deluding myself when I say in the strongest terms that I didn't love my fiancée as I know I can love someone? Or am I deluding myself when I say that I had strong feelings for a girl I met on a night out? Not sure exactly why I'm trying to delude myself to be honest. You'll have to explain that to me. You obviously know me better than I know myself which is an amazing feat considering you only know me from a brief encounter on the internet about one tiny aspect of my life

Anyway, I've said on multiple occasions that I acknowledge that the girl I met might not harbour the same strong feelings for me as I did for her so I don't know what is delusional about that. I would only like to meet her and see if the chemistry (am I allowed to describe the feelings as chemistry after meeting someone for a few hours???) was real. Even if the chemistry is gone on either her behalf or my behalf, there is certain things that are unchangeable in my mind. She was a really nice person (while with alcohol in her system), she was a fun person (while with alcohol in her system) and she did do something amazing when she was 19 which she wasn't lying about. Not sure why I have to keep defending why I thought she was a nice and genuine person. They do exist. Some people you meet and you just know straight away that they are a good person. She has plenty of faults I'm sure and she could turn out to be an absolute psychopath when she is sober. Who knows. I'd still like to know for sure. Only way that would happen is if I met her and if she possibly was still interested in letting me get to know her. I don't see what is delusional about that to be honest. Might be only a 30% chance she is still interested. Its hard to quantify. But needless to say, I will be using my own judgement as I was the one there on the night in Galway rather than using the judgement of a few people who were not there, who don't know me or her and only have the bare information I've fed you about what happened between myself and that girl.

tea and coffee

in that case(your last paragraph ), why did you ask for advice in the first place?

Anyway I didn't write this post looking for relationship advice or to argue about what true love is or isn't. Each to his own what they expect both to be or feel like. My experience will be different to others. I told the basic story so you might understand the situation but my only question in my original post was did anyone have any idea (or at least a better idea) how I might find someone I met. If you find it creepy that a guy meets a girl and there is chemistry and the guy tries to find her again then good on you. That's your prerogative. But I don't think there is much creepy about it. I did the right thing at the time. I walked away from her and didn't cheat on my fiancée. I set myself up so that I could never contact her or find her by not getting her number and forgetting her second name. It was on the tip of my tongue before I walked away from her to ask her to tell me her second name again as I knew I forgot it but I thought it best to have as little information on her as possible so I wouldn't be tempted to stay in contact. Alas that has all back fired on me now

On this matter I don't have all the answers and I think someone else's judgement would be welcome. There could be another way of finding someone that I haven't thought about and someone else might be able to suggest something obvious that I haven't thought about. Finding her on facebook doesn't work as I either have the wrong surname or bad spelling or she isn't on it.

retro:electro

What are you looking for here exactly?