The silent treatment or the big row...

...which do you prefer?

Getting the silent treatment right now. But as I have an acute hangover, just thinking it's actually pretty welcome, I can't tolerate noise right now.

On the other hand, sometimes a good old row can be cathartic, and the silent treatment can be a little frustrating.

So which do you prefer?

Allinall

Conor74 wrote: »

...which do you prefer?

Getting the silent treatment right now. But as I have an acute hangover, just thinking it's actually pretty welcome, I can't tolerate noise right now.

On the other hand, sometimes a good old row can be cathartic, and the silent treatment can be a little frustrating.

So which do you prefer?

Get straight down to business.

Only way to end a row.

GLaDOS

Can't stand passive aggressive rubbish.

If someone has a grievance, discuss it with whoever it involves and sort it like adults.

racso1975

Blazing big argument which leads to angry make up sex.

Edit: This applies to all situations, family, friends amd randomers.

Brasros

Conor74 wrote:

On the other hand, sometimes a good old row can be cathartic, and the silent treatment can be a little frustrating.

Give me the dog houseðŸ˜႒

Boom_Bap

Tickle Fight.

niallo27

GLaDOS wrote: »

Can't stand passive aggressive rubbish.

If someone has a grievance, discuss it with whoever it involves and sort it like adults.

You do realise we are dealing with an angry woman here.

5rtytry56

Big HUG

Harry Palmr

Silent and with the ability to remove hurtful comments from Instagram :pac:

5rtytry56

Vent your frustrations with them on your Twitter account. With the most insulting obnoxious tweets you can think of. There. Nobody gets physically hurt.:pac:

Colser

Any connection between the picture no sound situation and your hangover OP?

Fr_Dougal

racso1975 wrote: »

Blazing big argument which leads to angry make up sex.

Edit: This applies to all situations, family, friends amd randomers.

Is that you, Mr Fritzl?

Penny Tration

I hate both.


OH and I have never done the silent treatment or a blazing row. We both prefer to sit down, think about what we want to say, discuss any issues and resolve them calmly.

sjb25

My OH always gives me the silent treatment drives me nuts I'd want to sort the argument and try talking to her she will not say one word to me till SHE is ready I get more wound up by this than any part of our arguments:) thankfully we don't have many but God I hate the silent treatment

On the other hand with my ex we used to have blazing rows doors banging shouting screaming both bad as each other not claiming I was a saint she broke her phone flinging it at me one day (delighted for her)

So been subject to both extremes I don't like either something in between would be grand or just not fight i suppose but that won't ever happen:)

PandaPoo

My husband doesn't row, he never shouts or even says anything when im going mad at him. So the silent treatment is the way forward. I don't do his washing, I don't cook or clean, I just let him stew.

Nice healthy relationship :P

Winterlong

Me and the OH just sit and discuss it like adults.
And then agree that I was right all along.

Colser

Think the OP is giving us the silent treatment....

evolving_doors

Just tell her she's overreacting and to calm down and chill out.
She'll come to her senses and realise how lucky she is to have such an insightful partner.
Job is Oxo....

PandaPoo

Gebgbegb wrote: »

Just tell her she's overreacting and to calm down and chill out.
She'll come to her senses and realise how lucky she is to have such an insightful partner.
Job is Oxo....

Yeah, but first ask her if she's on the rag, that will ensure she's nice and calm.

fergiesfolly

Big angry row.
Everything comes out(wimin be vicious) but then you can start from fresh.

However, you see these couples that row ALL THE TIME.
How can that be in any way healthy.
My head would be wrecked

The Raptor

GLaDOS wrote: »

Can't stand passive aggressive rubbish.

If someone has a grievance, discuss it with whoever it involves and sort it like adults.

Why is this so difficult for people?

I was blamed for something I didn't do. Tried to discuss it. And I got the silent treatment for two years.

Speedwell

My husband and I are both on the autism spectrum (I'm an Aspie and he's actually high-functioning autistic). What you folks call "the silent treatment" is a normal day around here; if we were any more silent, you'd think we were a monastic order. The cats "talk", and we talk back to them, more than we do to each other. Oh, we communicate, just not using actual words unless we are in the mood to. I don't think I could really explain it except to another autistic couple.

When we row, it sounds something like this:

Me (trying to think of how to say something critical without sounding like I'm having a go): "Honey, are you busy?"
Him (sensing something and answering sullenly): "What."
Me (wanting him to be receptive but failing the saving throw to CHA and WIS and saying defensively): "I just want to ask something, why are you annoyed?"
Him (not really annoyed before but starting to get annoyed now): "I'm not annoyed, why are you having a go at me?"
[Commence rowing about argument style, pretty much forgetting what the original topic was.]

Fortunately we are grownups and recognize a bad pattern when we've been hit over the head with it a few too many times. So we basically don't row anymore because our poor autistic nerves can't handle it. We talk, and the talk can get a bit tense or emotional from time to time, but it is not a row

youreadthat

I try very hard not to get into arguments with women. When they're mad they abandon all reason and logic in favour of a never ending spiral of wtf until your soul is broken and you give up. It's like arguing with a wall, you may technically win by default as you're the only one saying anything of substance, but you also lost because you're talking to bricks fixed in place with mortar.

I only generalise about women as this is my experience with women from Brits to South Americans, mother to sister to girlfriend!

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

It depends. If I know I'm partially in the wrong, I'll hit him with the silent treatment until I calm down, or if he's being moody or snappy I'll leave him to stew in it and think about what he's done before we argue about it properly.

If he's done something or said something that's really hurt me, I'll go mad at him, blow up. And then walk away because I won't even want to hear what he has to say until I calm down.

donegaLroad

fill a big bottle of water, switch off your phone, hop in the car and drive to the coast for a couple of hours. Recline the seat and grab 40 winks, drop into Lidl on the way home and get a bunch of flowers and a tub of Italian ice cream.

PandaPoo

donegaLroad wrote: »

fill a big bottle of water, switch off your phone, hop in the car and drive to the coast for a couple of hours. Recline the seat and grab 40 winks, drop into Lidl on the way home and get a bunch of flowers and a tub of Italian ice cream.

What's the water for??

the evasion_kid

A row,cant stand this "it's fine" sh!t....when it's anything but fine

FortySeven

Ahh, the joys of single life. Not having to fight with irrationality.

Lisha

I'm getting the silent treatment now.
Think it can wreak arelationship tbh

Penny Tration

FortySeven wrote: »

Ahh, the joys of single life. Not having to fight with irrationality.

You don't have to do that while in a relationship either. Plenty of people manage just fine without arguments.

FortySeven

Penny Tration wrote: »

You don't have to do that while in a relationship either. Plenty of people manage just fine without arguments.

Most don't.

Penny Tration

Lisha wrote: »

I'm getting the silent treatment now.
Think it can wreak arelationship tbh

I'm sorry you're dealing with it now.


You're right though. The silent treatment is passive aggressive, childish and upsetting. If one party needs space, you can ask for it rather than do the silent treatment. The silent treatment is used specifically to hurt the other person and make them apologise.

Robsweezie

the evasion_kid wrote:

A row,cant stand this "it's fine" sh!t....when it's anything but fine

Ah no its fine

Are you sure?

Yeah nothings wrong!

*slams door*

Shenshen

I'd much prefer the row over the silent treatment - I want things out there, discussed and decided on, then move on.
Unfortunately, my husband tends to be on the passive-aggressive side and resorts to the silent treatment when something is wrong. Well, not even silent, he'll drop hints but when asked outright will pretend nothing is wrong.

He once told me it's all my fault he acts that way because I always have logical reasons, explanations and solutions in a row and he hates that.
Thankfully, we normally get on quite well. And I'm working on being less reasonable in a crisis.

Penny Tration

FortySeven wrote: »

Most don't.

Many, many people can act like reasonable adults. If you've never experienced that, you've been with the wrong people.

suicide_circus

Silent treatment is great, could do with it more often.

FortySeven

Penny Tration wrote: »

Many, many people can act like reasonable adults. If you've never experienced that, you've been with the wrong people.

This thread is about people's arguments? By your logic everyone posting here is childish and with the wrong person?

Penny Tration

FortySeven wrote: »

This thread is about people's arguments? By your logic everyone posting here is childish and with the wrong person?

No. I responded to your post about irrationality. People who give silent treatment or have blazing rows for irrational reasons are childish. Rows happen, but being irrational about it is silly.

boobar

Bit of both to be honest.

Thankfully most of the time we get on just fine.

I'm friends with another couple, all over Facebook they big each other up saying what a great partner the have. The rows they have had in front of me have been savage affairs but the worst is the bitching they do about each other behind the back of their partner, my Mrs and I may have our moments but we keep them private.

Ficheall

PandaPoo wrote: »

What's the water for??

To prevent dehydration, presumably. If you're dehydrated, your urine smells much stronger, and the next time he gets up drunk in the middle of the night and pisses in those stupid ****ing shoes she bought because he doesn't make her feel like a woman any more since he's so tired when he gets home from work all the time while she's been making meals and cleaning the house and looking after the kids which were her ****ing fault whatever THAT is supposed to mean since it was him who didn't have a condom or is he not willing to take even that little bit of responsibility but he just meant she should have let him do her up the bum because he's just a ****ing pervert who doesn't want to look at her face but his penis is too small to do her doggy style because she has an enormously fat arse just like her mother who he shouldn't DARE say anything about even though we both know that she's a complete harridan but at least we know where she gets it from, and then he wakes up and realises is it was all just a bad flashback and he masturbates a bit and cries in the car because she took the house, and his eyes fill with the spray from the sea intermingled with his salty, dehydrated tears and they sting.

Penny Tration

Ficheall wrote: »

To prevent dehydration, presumably. If you're dehydrated, your urine smells much stronger, and the next time he gets up drunk in the middle of the night and pisses in those stupid ****ing shoes she bought because he doesn't make her feel like a woman any more since he's so tired when he gets home from work all the time while she's been making meals and cleaning the house and looking after the kids which were her ****ing fault whatever THAT is supposed to mean since it was him who didn't have a condom or is he not willing to take even that little bit of responsibility but he just meant she should have let him do her up the bum because he's just a ****ing pervert who doesn't want to look at her face but his penis is too small to do her doggy style because she has an enormously fat arse just like her mother who he shouldn't DARE say anything about even though we both know that she's a complete harridan but at least we know where she gets it from, and then he wakes up and realises is it was all just a bad flashback and he masturbates a bit and cries in the car because she took the house, and his eyes fill with the spray from the sea intermingled with his salty, dehydrated tears and they sting.

Wow :pac:

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

For those getting the silent treatment now, if it's annoying you so much why are you putting up with it? If a row would clear the air. Why not just come out with it? "What's your problem? I'm sick of this, sick of you. Spit it out."

Lucyfur

I love silence so much. My husband and I have never had a fight but I regularly ask him to please stop talking just so there can be silence.

There's nothing wrong with aguring in a relationship tho. Some people need it to clear the air. There's also nothing wrong with not fighting. I suppose it's all about finding someone on the same wavelength really.

s4uv3

I only ever had one partner who gave me the silent treatment. Christ never again. It makes me nervous, anxious, jittery when someone does it to me.
With my husband now, we've never had a proper row or gone quiet.
The worst it's been is "here ya bollix, what's up?" followed by "what did ya do that for ya lousy shyte ya" followed by an apology and the injured party gets tea made for them.
I think if we ever have a serious issue we'd just sit and talk it out, I'll probably cry if I get upset, but we're both reasonable and genuinely try to make each other happy.

How pukey is that

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

Robsweezie wrote: »

Ah no its fine

Are you sure?

Yeah nothings wrong!

*slams door*

What's wrong with you?
-Nothing

Are you sure?
-Yep

Ok..
-Right

Alright, I'm just going to watch the match/go to the gym/pub
-yeah well when you come back the locks will be changed.

LorMal

Lisha wrote: »

I'm getting the silent treatment now.
Think it can wreak arelationship tbh

Me too. It is the stupidest, most ridiculous and destructive way of having an argument. I have had many years of this being used against me. I am sick of it.

pauliebdub

I can't stand moody passive aggressive manipulatative childish crap. It's the one thing I'd never tolerate in a partner, had a lot of it growing up and it's toxic.

FizzleSticks

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FizzleSticks

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qo2cj1dsne8y4k

There's never any need to insult anyone in a fight. You can argue without personal insults.

Had someone who always used to do the silent treatment, drove me insane.
if you need space to mull it over before we talk then say so and go away
passive aggressive sh!te alongside "i'm fine i'm fine" is tiring and i don't think I would put up with it again