Are you from a well-to-do family?

Big Lar

My father was never well so my mother worked to keep and make the home, wore wellies and had holes in our trousers going to school nor like the others did we ever have any birthday parties hosted in the house, holidays or any of them things but we didn't care as you never miss what you never had. A family we used to hang around with up the road where both parents had drinking problems used to put tea in the cornflakes and eat them out of mugs as there was no bowls or never milk in their house at least we had milk in our cornflakes, so from that perspective we were very well-to-do indeed.

Permabear

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Kintarō Hattori

Ryder Tinkling Goth wrote: »

Nope, grew up in a flat in Ballymun. Left school when I was 13, was a little bollox for a few years.. Luckily got out of that environment by joining the army. Got lucky buying and selling a few houses and now live in a really nice area.

My kids are the first in my family to even finish secondary school!.. My son done an economics degree and is doing exceptionally well for himself and should never see a poor day.. My daughter is in her third year of her degree and she'll do similarly well for yourself.

So no, I'm not from a 'well to do' background. But I've broken out of that socio-economic background to set my kids up and no my grandchildren (when they start to arrive) can hopefully say 'Yes, I come from a well to do back ground'.

And just to add you're an exceptionally decent person in the real world..... dunno if you'll remember why. So fair play to you.

intheclouds

My parents both came from inner city working class families, my father in particular had a dysfunctional family, 17 children were born to his mother in a 2 bed council house, his father died when he was only a small child.

Both of my parents were had the notion of "fiddling da tax man" entrenched in them. Due to a "tax fiddle" my father managed to buy a lovely semi d in a good area in the late 70s, so in fact, I grew up in a good area, but the family attitude was working class all the way.

A deep mistrust of filling out any kind of government documents, a fear of banks, drinking problems, the view that the tax man was there to be fiddled, and that a 3rd level education was for the sons of doctors or solicitors.

Luckily I was smart and ended up going to college so as not to "waste" the smarts. I was the first in the family to have a college education. I remember filling out the forms for the grant and the deep suspicion that the government must not be allowed to know how much was earned or how much the house was worth.

My parents are both dead now and I can see that many of their notions were a direct result of a lack of education and general ignorance.

My father was alcoholic, he had left school after primary, a fact made all the more tragic because he was a smart man. I think he was permanently frustrated at his own ignorance.

We didnt have foreign holidays or private schools but really none of that matters, when I look back at my childhood it was the alcoholism that ruined it, not the lack of money.

livedadream

my direct family yes, ie my mom and dad-

my dad was the son of a butcher, my mom's dad an electrician,normal not well off but not on the bread line either, but my dad and mom both talk about leaner times when money was tight.

my dad paid his own way though college and ended up a solicitor my mom stayed at home with us.

all us kids went to fee paying schools and had the usual expectations- finish leaving cert go to college.

we all had jobs on weekends and summer holidays during school, if we wanted extras we had to save up and pay for them ourselves.

my parents were very focused on us knowing the value of money and knowing that our lifestyle wasnt the norm, my mom also worked hard against the attitude in our school that elite fee paying schools can sometimes instil in kids, that phones in 3rd year and cars for 6th year are expected and normalised.

i remember having war with her over wanting a new school bag in 4th year, there was nothing wrong with my old one but all the other girls in my year had mcwilliam bags and i wanted one and she was having none of it, told me i could get it myself out of the money i had earned working in a pub kitchen over the summer. surprisingly enough it didnt seem that necessary to me when i discovered it was 40 punts! a total fortune for me after earning 4 pounds an hour over the summer...

padd b1975

celligraphy wrote: »

My father was a successful business man owned Many restaurants cars had a mobile phone when they first came out , my mother stayed at home to mind us ,lived in a terrible council house in a horrible estate . My father would give loans and money to anyone , while my mother sister and I were locked in the bedroom with no food or bathroom from the time he left for work until he came home to beat us all... So grew up terribly poor ,until he decided to leave

But now I'm doing great im happy with my life and so is my family

House devil, street angel.

It is both sad and uplifting to read this thread.
There is no doubt in my mind that our family of origin impacts upon us.

Fortunately mine are wealthy in the only way that matters. I am loved. Not once have I ever questioned that. My mam and dad were not posh, we had a regular car and lived in a regular house. We didn't know people of influence. There were no golf clubs or foreign holidays. Instead there were hugs and games and storytelling and walking in the fields and drives to the seaside, swinging on my swing while my dad cut the grass or sitting with my mam beside the fire talking about the future.

All those years coming home from school and knowing she would be there with the dinner waiting and a hug and a chat. That's what being 'well to do' meant to me. Still does. On the material side of things I wanted for nothing and had every opportunity. There were nice toys and clothes and doing fun things.

Of course we had our ups and downs. My dad had his moments but really compared to many other families we were incredibly rich. I think it's because of my family that I'm not concerned about status and having the most money or the fanciest car. A bit of love and kindness and I'm happy

Maximus Alexander

Well-to-do families were the proletariat from our perspective.

lawred2

Bambi wrote: »

lawred2 wrote: »

My folks were from land owning farming backgrounds but neither would inherit so ultimately started out in life with little.. Pretty much everything went to elder siblings. That's 'the way it was(is) done' apparently.

However what they did have going for them is that their Dads would have had 'local' influence so Dad ended up working in the bank and Mom with the civil service.

However Dad was a traditionalist (and maybe a bit of misogynist) and ultimately my Mum left the workforce after getting married. That was what I would consider stupid. But today's norms didn't apply I suppose.

Probably not your old man, back in the day women had to leave the civil service when they were married/had kids

It was fairly misogynistic but it had a practical element. Families only need one bread winner back then so it was freeing up a public sector job for a younger person/couple.

They got married in 1978 - 5 years after that nonsense was done away with.

It was her choice but a choice very much in accordance with the way my old fella saw the world.

Melisandre121

I'm not from a well off background at all and I'm oddly quite proud of it.

I wonder where people feel there is more stigma, coming from very little or coming from a well to do family?

TSMGUY

Melisandre121 wrote: »

I'm not from a well off background at all and I'm oddly quite proud of it.

I wonder where people feel there is more stigma, coming from very little or coming from a well to do family?[/QUOTE]

Sounds like the tagline for Trading Places....

intheclouds

lawred2 wrote: »

It was her choice but a choice very much in accordance with the way my old fella saw the world.

It wasnt just how your old fella saw the world, it was how a lot of people saw the world then.

My mother was the same (got married a bit earlier but she didnt work in the civil service so she didnt have to leave her job), and it basically pushed her into a unequal dependency where she put up with alcoholism and bad treatment for years because she felt trapped with no way to earn money.

Brian?

When I was a child in a Corporation estate in Tallaght, we had a car, video player, "pipe" telly and a phone. We were considered well to do by most neighbours who usually had one but not all of these things.

We moved to a private estate when I was 14 and the standard changed significantly.

PowerToWait

Permabear wrote: »

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I attended a fairly middle class yet also fairly modest boarding school in the '80s. Most of the local 'power' families attended, it was tradition.

From my observations the shopkeeper / solicitor / builder / doctor / large farmer had a few poun', was a valued member of the golf club, drank in the right snugs.

But the nurse / guard / teacher wasn't wiping his hole with fifties.

Looking back I had more than enough, but things were simple. When I compared with my peers I felt they were 'loaded'.

Witchie

We would have been considered well-to-do and we were very privileged but it all came through hard work, mostly on my dad's part.

He left school at 13 and took up a trade as a cabinet maker but also decided he wanted to learn an instrument. Not sure why he chose a trombone mind you, but he did and he joined a showband at 16 years old. They rose to the high levels of Irish showbiz within a few years and by the time he met and married my mum and had my older brother and I they already had chart success and were coining it in. Five of them decided to go crack Canada and we all moved to Edmonton where the band had almost 4 years of success before my dad decided to come home coz his dad was dying.

While we were in Canada we would have been considered poor probably as we didn't seem to have a lot (apart from toys, had a whole basement full of the best toys ever!) but that was coz my dad was sending home money to pay of the mortgage on our family home and keeping his family's farm afloat. When we moved home my dad bought and ran a very successful chipper and then got into the renovation game and eventually set up a business in the building trade.

We had everything a kid could want. A spectrum computer was bought for my brother (much to my chagrin coz I wanted one too but had to wait til he was out of the house to use it.), 2 bathrooms, 3 televisions and 2 cars - all in the early 80's. I was the first of my friends to own a microwave, a dishwasher and a VCR.

In 1980 we went to America for 4 weeks on holidays. We spent 2 weeks in New York and New Jersey and then another 2 weeks driving down to Florida, visiting the White House, the house used in Gone with the Wind and the big one, going to see Mickey Mouse!

But it wasn't all loads of money. There were times when dad had a big mortgage to pay on a property he bought and we would be living on beans on toast for a few weeks, we had times there was no money for petrol for the car and I even remember the horror of not getting a Girls World make up head that I really really wanted.

My dad bust his ass all his life. He still does. He is 70 years old and lost millions in the property boom so is still up and away to work at 6.30 in the morning, sometimes 6 days a week. It makes me sad that we were so "well-to-do" but at the expense of my dad having to work from dawn to dusk all his life.

I have feck all money and have a great respect for it in the sense that I know what it takes to get it. I worked hard but made sure to always be there for my kids too and they have never wanted for anything, they have had the trip to Disney in Florida too, they have had a good life and now it is up to them. The eldest is working full time in a software company with his business degree in his ass pocket and the youngest will be starting in UCD hopefully this September. They know the good things in life but they also know the only way to get them is graft.

steddyeddy

intheclouds wrote: »

It wasnt just how your old fella saw the world, it was how a lot of people saw the world then.

My mother was the same (got married a bit earlier but she didnt work in the civil service so she didnt have to leave her job), and it basically pushed her into a unequal dependency where she put up with alcoholism and bad treatment for years because she felt trapped with no way to earn money.

Same with my mother and a lot of mothers back then. There was also more stigma attached to leaving back then.

steddyeddy

Witchie wrote: »

We would have been considered well-to-do and we were very privileged but it all came through hard work, mostly on my dad's part.

He left school at 13 and took up a trade as a cabinet maker but also decided he wanted to learn an instrument. Not sure why he chose a trombone mind you, but he did and he joined a showband at 16 years old. They rose to the high levels of Irish showbiz within a few years and by the time he met and married my mum and had my older brother and I they already had chart success and were coining it in. Five of them decided to go crack Canada and we all moved to Edmonton where the band had almost 4 years of success before my dad decided to come home coz his dad was dying.

While we were in Canada we would have been considered poor probably as we didn't seem to have a lot (apart from toys, had a whole basement full of the best toys ever!) but that was coz my dad was sending home money to pay of the mortgage on our family home and keeping his family's farm afloat. When we moved home my dad bought and ran a very successful chipper and then got into the renovation game and eventually set up a business in the building trade.

We had everything a kid could want. A spectrum computer was bought for my brother (much to my chagrin coz I wanted one too but had to wait til he was out of the house to use it.), 2 bathrooms, 3 televisions and 2 cars - all in the early 80's. I was the first of my friends to own a microwave, a dishwasher and a VCR.

In 1980 we went to America for 4 weeks on holidays. We spent 2 weeks in New York and New Jersey and then another 2 weeks driving down to Florida, visiting the White House, the house used in Gone with the Wind and the big one, going to see Mickey Mouse!

But it wasn't all loads of money. There were times when dad had a big mortgage to pay on a property he bought and we would be living on beans on toast for a few weeks, we had times there was no money for petrol for the car and I even remember the horror of not getting a Girls World make up head that I really really wanted.

My dad bust his ass all his life. He still does. He is 70 years old and lost millions in the property boom so is still up and away to work at 6.30 in the morning, sometimes 6 days a week. It makes me sad that we were so "well-to-do" but at the expense of my dad having to work from dawn to dusk all his life.

I have feck all money and have a great respect for it in the sense that I know what it takes to get it. I worked hard but made sure to always be there for my kids too and they have never wanted for anything, they have had the trip to Disney in Florida too, they have had a good life and now it is up to them. The eldest is working full time in a software company with his business degree in his ass pocket and the youngest will be starting in UCD hopefully this September. They know the good things in life but they also know the only way to get them is graft.

I don't know your dad obviously Witche but I'm sure working hard for his family made him happy.

andekwarhola

Until I went to university, I thought everybody's Dad looked like the Fat Controller from Thomas the Tank Engine, lit cigars with 50 pound notes and clinked champagne glasses outside grim factories stuffed with proletarians.

Was a real eye-opener, I can tell you.

looksee

Sh1tbag OToole wrote: »

They have a fully-fledged class system over there. We only had well-to-do families until recently

I think you possibly didn't understand your own first post.

Ruu

From the manor born. Well at least my mother keeps telling me that.

arybvtcw0eolkf

Kintarō Hattori wrote: »

And just to add you're an exceptionally decent person in the real world..... dunno if you'll remember why. So fair play to you.

Oh hey, you're still around!.. Yes, the time you needed that heroin fix

Thanks for the kind words from a few people here.

I really believe the key to getting out of a dire background is education (and a lot of luck).. Like I said earlier I left school when I was 13, hey I grew up in Ballymun in the 70's & 80's and that's what you did ~ well if you few up with the crowd I did!.

And as I said earlier my two kids went onto to third level, the first in the family and are doing well for themselves.

So education.. Well this sounds like nothing, but after Operation Cast Lead (the Israeli onslaught on Gaza in 2009) so set up a month direct debut of only €10 per month to go to a UN fund for education in Gaza.. That money seems feck all, and it probably is but when I was on UN service in Lebanon I seen how education was key to getting exceptionally poor Lebanese children out of their situation.. That plus boards.ie had a member who worked (and still does) with UNRWA [I won't identify him], his work in the occupied West Bank gave me a further insight into Palestinian lives.

I occasionally donate to a Lebanese orphanage too (we worked with them in Tibnin village) ~ I'm a fecking sucker for charities.

Anyway, education is key ~ that and the best piece of advice anyone can give/take and follow, as with ALL things in life ~ DON'T BE A DICK and you'll get along just fine.

I was exceptionally lucky. But I still work hard, I'm working two jobs. I still do things on the cheap because truthfully I don't have a lot of money to spend.

If you can give just three things to someone to be successful I'd say;

1. Education.. 2. Luck.. 3. Don't be a dickhead to people.

Walter H Price

CruelCoin wrote: »

They're not interested in the ugly **** that gets thrown at them. Mostly on a "well for you/silver spoon" vein.

yeh i get that impression , its pats on the back all round if you've come from kippy council estate or your mum was a single parent etc..and you've managed to become a functional member of society , college degree , decent job etc.

where as if you come from a nice area went to a good school had a stable family home plenty of money and creature comforts growing up , you'l be told you've only achieved because of that and have no right to be proud of it ... That's not just on here either that seems to a broader societal thing

I've often felt quite judged and uncomfortable in certain groups because of my family background , lot of begrudgery and chips on shoulders still here. Like My faience is from a horrible area and her mam was a single parent, but she educated herself (we actually met in college) and has a great job i would say my family accepted her much quicker then her family accepted me based on my background i.e having money and being from Dublin

TSMGUY

Walter H Price wrote: »

yeh i get that impression , its pats on the back all round if you've come from kippy council estate or your mum was a single parent etc..and you've managed to become a functional member of society , college degree , decent job etc.

where as if you come from a nice area went to a good school had a stable family home plenty of money and creature comforts growing up , you'l be told you've only achieved because of that and have no right to be proud of it ... That's not just on here either that seems to a broader societal thing

I've often felt quite judged and uncomfortable in certain groups because of my family background , lot of begrudgery and chips on shoulders still here. Like My faience is from a horrible area and her mam was a single parent, but she educated herself (we actually met in college) and has a great job i would say my family accepted her much quicker then her family accepted me based on my background i.e having money and being from Dublin

I'd say a bit of derision is a reasonable price to pay for coming from a good background. I'd be all too happy to trade places with you and suffer the occasional jibe. I mean it'd be unfair if you didn't suffer some sort of disadvantage from being wealthy. It's for the same reason making fun of a tall person is good-hearted fun but calling someone a shortarse is just malicious. Plus let's not deny the fact that a lot of mediocre but well-ff people end up achieving a lot more than they realistically should while a lot of gifted but working class people are set up to fail.

eviltwin

Walter H Price wrote: »

yeh i get that impression , its pats on the back all round if you've come from kippy council estate or your mum was a single parent etc..and you've managed to become a functional member of society , college degree , decent job etc.

Why do think that is? The person from the disadvantaged background has usually had to work harder to get there.

TSMGUY

eviltwin wrote: »

Why do think that is? The person from the disadvantaged background has usually had to work harder to get there.

Almost invariably. With the abolition of the 11+ and grammar schools, working class children are dealt an almost impossible set of cards.

jos28

Ryder Tinkling Goth wrote: »

Nope, grew up in a flat in Ballymun. Left school when I was 13, was a little bollox for a few years.. Luckily got out of that environment by joining the army. Got lucky buying and selling a few houses and now live in a really nice area.

My kids are the first in my family to even finish secondary school!.. My son done an economics degree and is doing exceptionally well for himself and should never see a poor day.. My daughter is in her third year of her degree and she'll do similarly well for yourself.

So no, I'm not from a 'well to do' background. But I've broken out of that socio-economic background to set my kids up and no my grandchildren (when they start to arrive) can hopefully say 'Yes, I come from a well to do back ground'.

Fair play to ya. You really should think of writing your biography - I'll give you a hand and then we can sell the movie rights . Seriously though, enjoy everything around you, you have worked hard for it.

Galwayguy35

Nope, came from a poor backround but had a happy childhood.

Permabear

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Aongus Von Bismarck

Permabear wrote: »

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I've always felt that the dilettante interest in self-absorbed philosophy is probably best left to the dotage period of our lives.

Ush1

Permabear wrote: »

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Jerry Seinfeld's old line. His son asks, dad, are we rich? He responds, well I'm rich, you aren't.