Non - Catholic Wedding = Unhappy Catholic Parents

mayway

We see this type of thing all too often. It's frankly amazing that the poster didn't see this coming.

If, as you say, you were raised by Catholic parents then this reaction from them was logical. I'm not sure if you've had the wedding yet or not (usually in Ireland, happy couples like to wait for about 2 years after they get engaged to actually tie the knot for reasons that nobody understands) but if you haven't can I suggest that you just go ahead with your plans and do it your way?

It's a pity that people behave in this way but that seems to be the way of it these days. You can get married whatever way you like and no one has to turn up if they choose. It's a free society!

mayway

Nick Park wrote: »

Certainly. Over the last twenty years thousands of Irish young people from Catholic backgrounds have got married in Protestant, Evangelical or Pentecostal churches. Many of them have encountered opposition from their parents. This opposition has ranged from snide remarks about it not being 'a real wedding', through refusal to attend the wedding, all the way to a total cutting off of contact with their children.

Sad to say, I have also heard of cases where parents who belong to other churches have acted in similar ways when their children got married in a Catholic Church.

In every case that I've been involved with, I've advised the young people involved to fully celebrate one of the greatest days of their lives and not to let the bigotry of others to spoil it.

Parents, like most other people, do have the capacity to be extremely stupid. But grown up children don't have to allow the stupidity of their families to spoil their wedding day.

Harsh, but not unexpected.

Hotblack Desiato

mayway wrote: »

If, as you say, you were raised by Catholic parents then this reaction from them was logical.

Only if they're complete asshats who treat their adult children like they're still children.

Mature adults can accept difference and live and let live.

looksee

lazygal wrote: »

Why reply to such an old thread?

I replied to the quoted post in my post, but it appears to have subsequently been removed. So I was replying to a new question.

robindch

Just to clarify events here - nomo posted a response to the thread on Friday morning and looksee replied a short while later, then nomo deleted his/her post, leaving it looking like looksee's reply was a little more random than it actually was.

No worries - A+A is no stranger to dormant threads dezombifying and continuing where they left off - the issues often remain the same as the years drift by.

BlinkingLights

I think the simple solution to situations like that is say : ok that's fine! Don't bother coming then.

Eventually, parental love will overcome dogma and they'll mellow out and accept your choice or, if they don't, well that's really their problem and they're willing to put the church or what the neighbours think ahead of their own flesh and blood.

It's sad but that's the reality of it.

We away and married late last year after ten years together. Civil ceremony, two witnesses and nobody else.

Anticipated problems with one of her parents in particular, her choice was to let them know only a few weeks in advance that we were doing it that way. Dropped it fairly brutally on them and then after a few excruciating minutes we jogged on our way.

Radio silence apart from a few proxy attempts early on through her brother to do it properly - mass, decent notice period, big bash with all relatives and neighbours and what have you. Other than that no parental contact for her for a few months, not til well after the deed was done in fact.

Everyone else was thrilled for us, so all in all it wasn't a bad effort. If I ever have need to discuss it with her folks - frankly I don't see it coming up tbh- I'll tell them it was exactly what we wanted and nobody else's business and I genuinely don't understand anyone who would approach it any less baldly than that.

smacl

Deleted User wrote: »

Civil ceremony, two witnesses and nobody else.

Similar enough. Our witnesses were my sister in-law and her boyfriend who we then witnessed as they got married. Only other people there were our respective kids and the registrant. Mother in-law was initially a bit miffed at having gone from potentially attending two daughters weddings to none but look it well enough. We were together 17 years prior to getting married and didn't really want to but were advised by not getting married we could royally screw things up for the kids if either or both of us got killed in an accident.

robindch

Deleted User wrote: »

[...] nobody else's business and I genuinely don't understand anyone who would approach it any less baldly than that.

In terms of keeping things easy to deal with - that's a good approach.

In terms of wider family demands, I've a sibling who has an agreement with their SO that each partner decides, on their own, how they want to interact with their own family and the other person will row on in afterwards. Given that the extended family has to deal with Popette, that really does help reduce stress.