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Kids in Cafes

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    #842
    kunst nugget
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,375 ✭✭✭✭kunst nugget


    namloc1980 wrote: »
    Not interested when it's a family wedding. My brother / sister doesn't want their niece or nephew at the wedding. Fine but don't expect me to attend either.

    I could have taken that stance with my brother's wedding but I would have created a massive rift in the family, spoilt their preparation for their wedding and probably left a black cloud over their day and I would have missed out on what was an absolutely fantastic day.

    Tell me, what good would it have been for me or them?


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    #843
    MeatTwoVeg
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 861 ✭✭✭MeatTwoVeg


    I can't recall being at a wedding where nieces and nephews weren't invited.

    I'd draw the line at children of cousins though unless you were especially close to them.


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    #844
    OldNotWIse
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,468 ✭✭✭✭OldNotWIse


    namloc1980 wrote: »
    Presumably you would invite the friend in the expectation you'll get a cash gift to offset the cost. Quite miserly really.

    That's the problem with presumption.


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    #845
    qo2cj1dsne8y4k
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23,646 ✭✭✭✭qo2cj1dsne8y4k


    namloc1980 wrote: »
    I'm not dictating. I'm going with their wish for no kids at the wedding.

    Well stay at home then, if you are holding threats over your families head, why should they put themselves out for someone who would act like that?


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    #846
    namloc1980
    Registered Users Posts: 18,244 ✭✭✭✭namloc1980


    average_runner wrote: »
    I also cited the ceremony part in the same post

    That was an "also". You're main reason was cost.


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    #847
    average_runner
    Registered Users Posts: 12,851 ✭✭✭✭average_runner


    namloc1980 wrote: »
    That was an "also". You're main reason was cost.


    They were two equal points. I didnt emphazie which was more important by numbers or anything


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    #848
    OldNotWIse
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,468 ✭✭✭✭OldNotWIse


    namloc1980 wrote: »
    That was an "also". You're main reason was cost.

    Cost is a factor in deciding how many guests. I don't see why that is an issue. if you can only afford to have a certain number of guests, it makes sense that you would want your friends there rather than other guest's kids. That doesn't mean you are inviting your friends because they will bear gifts.


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    #849
    Penny Tration
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,687 ✭✭✭✭Penny Tration


    namloc1980 wrote: »
    You're putting friends ahead of family in that scenario. And is it not possible to invite your friend and the children in your family? Why is it a one or the other choice.

    It is frequently a one or the other choice because people have budgets.


    As for putting friends ahead of family - a lot of people would prefer to invite a friend who's been there for them through difficult times, who loves them and supports the marriage, instead of a child who has never been able to support them (because they're a child), hasn't a clue what marriage is all about, and has nothing in common with them bar blood.


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    #850
    OldNotWIse
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,468 ✭✭✭✭OldNotWIse


    Penny Tration wrote: »
    It is frequently a one or the other choice because people have budgets.


    As for putting friends ahead of family - a lot of people would prefer to invite a friend who's been there for them through difficult times, who loves them and supports the marriage, instead of a child who has never been able to support them (because they're a child), hasn't a clue what marriage is all about, and has nothing in common with them bar blood.

    Yup this. After parents and sibling, my very close friends would be next on my list. I wouldn't mind people bringing their kids but I wouldn't expect a tantrum if a decision was made not to have children there.


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    #851
    namloc1980
    Registered Users Posts: 18,244 ✭✭✭✭namloc1980


    OldNotWIse wrote: »
    Yup this. After parents and sibling, my very close friends would be next on my list. I wouldn't mind people bringing their kids but I wouldn't expect a tantrum if a decision was made not to have children there.

    Just to be clear I'm talking about close family children i.e. nieces and nephews. Not every single child possible.


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    #852
    kunst nugget
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,375 ✭✭✭✭kunst nugget


    namloc1980 wrote: »
    Just to be clear I'm talking about close family children i.e. nieces and nephews. Not every single child possible.

    Like I said my children weren't invited to my brother's wedding. What good would have come from me boycotting their wedding?


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    #853
    namloc1980
    Registered Users Posts: 18,244 ✭✭✭✭namloc1980


    kunst nugget wrote: »
    Like I said my children were invited to my brother's wedding. What good would have come from me boycotting their wedding?

    Why would you boycott a wedding they were invited to?


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    #854
    kunst nugget
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,375 ✭✭✭✭kunst nugget


    namloc1980 wrote: »
    Why would you boycott a wedding they were invited to?

    Apologies, that should say they weren't invited. Would you boycott your sibling's wedding if there was a no child policy? What would you hope to achieve from doing that?


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    #855
    namloc1980
    Registered Users Posts: 18,244 ✭✭✭✭namloc1980


    kunst nugget wrote: »
    Apologies, that should say they weren't invited. Would you boycott your sibling's wedding if there was a no child policy? What would you hope to achieve from doing that?

    I'd have no choice as would have no one to mind them. Personal circumstances.


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    #856
    OldNotWIse
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,468 ✭✭✭✭OldNotWIse


    I can understand to a certain extent how one might bring a child because they have nobody to mind it (though even on that I'd be a bit skeptical given the lengthy notice people have of wedding dates) but this thing of bringing young children so they can enjoy the event when they probably haven't the foggiest what's going on is a different story. I recently graduated and a classmate insisted on having his two children aged 3 and 6 months at the ceremony despite it being stipulated that children would not be welcomed. The kids were too young to understand what was going on and one poor girl actually had the presentation of her degree interrupted by the 3 year old having a hissy fit. I thought it was just selfish beyond belief to ruin the experience like that simply because he wanted his children there. :(


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    #857
    Winterlong
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,759 ✭✭✭Winterlong


    I was once at a baptism that was ruined by a crying baby.


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    #858
    kunst nugget
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,375 ✭✭✭✭kunst nugget


    namloc1980 wrote: »
    I'd have no choice as would have no one to mind them. Personal circumstances.

    Out of curiosity, are you a single parent? That's the only instance I would say it would be churlish on the part of the couple not to allow those specific children at their wedding when there's absolutely no way of getting a babysitter. Beyond that, it's fair game imo.


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    #859
    MeatTwoVeg
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 861 ✭✭✭MeatTwoVeg


    kunst nugget wrote:
    Like I said my children weren't invited to my brother's wedding. What good would have come from me boycotting their wedding?


    Did you not think it was a bit 'off' for them not to get an invite?


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    #860
    kunst nugget
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,375 ✭✭✭✭kunst nugget


    MeatTwoVeg wrote: »
    Did you not think it was a bit 'off' for them not to get an invite?

    No. They expressed their desire to have a small wedding and everything was geared towards an adult wedding in terms of meal and afters. Didn't bother me in the slightest.


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    #861
    Sue Pa Key Pa
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,060 ✭✭✭Sue Pa Key Pa


    This thread needs a road map, as I can't keep up with all the different directions it has taken. Started with a rug rat upsetting the OP's Latte and now we have siblings falling out over wedding invitations. Not to mention the fact everybody has dismissed Sockgate...........

    Gotta love Boards :)


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    #862
    Sofiztikated
    Registered Users Posts: 6,995 ✭✭✭Sofiztikated


    I really think people are getting way too hett up in this.

    Cafe A has a policy of no children.
    Cafe B has a policy of children.

    Person A has wife, 2 kids, and a terrier called spud.
    Person B has a boyfriend, no children.

    If person A wants to get away from the kids, they can go to Cafe A.
    If person A wants to go with the kids, they can go to Cafe B

    If person B wants to go out, and be away from kids, they can go to Cafe A.
    If Person B wants to go out, and doesn't mind kids, they can go to Cafe B.

    Cafe A will have a market, look at this thread.
    Cafe B will have a market, look at this thread.

    Similarly, if you want kids at your wedding, invite them. We did, and we had a great day. There were parents that didn't bring their kids to, for one reason or another. That was fine, it left a gap in the table, but no hassle. It did mean though, that we had to pay for the meals, as we had agreed on numbers. But no hassle.

    If you don't, bang on ahead, we were at a wedding a while ago that explicitly didn't invite the kids. We had a great night, as far as I know the man and woman are still married, there's the usual family dramas, but that's going to happen anyway.


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    #863
    goz83
    Registered Users Posts: 8,034 ✭✭✭goz83


    LexieOnRale wrote: »
    That aside, I'm not getting why people think child free weddings are the bride and groom having notions (pretentious micromanaged affairs) I'm 27 and was never brought to weddings as a child so it's certainly not a new thing

    That's actually kind of sad. I can recall being at a couple of weddings when I was a kid. Me and the other kids rocked that place and showed up all those old fogies who couldn't dance :cool:
    anewme wrote: »
    I've been to weddings both where children were (and were not) invited. I did not think less of either party for their choice, just that is what the Bridal Couple want and their wishes should come before entitlement of any guest. Its really just about respecting the wishes of the couple getting wed.

    Your opinion is valid if you have children.I don't mean to be condescending or anything. It's just that you can't really understand both sides if you are not a parent and I don't know if you are.
    LexieOnRale wrote: »
    Because people aren't haemorrhaging 50 euro notes?

    Kiddies meals are usually considerably less. There were about 8 kids at my wedding. Adult meals were around €75 a head. The entire lot of kids meals was under €100. And the cost will generally be recovered by the attending parents, who don't need to pay a baby sitter.
    average_runner wrote: »
    What about the inlaws? Can they not mine them? No baby sitter?

    Get a baby sitter for 3-4 hours and head back home at 8pm to your kid.

    I attended a friends wedding. I was best man. Couldn't get a baby sitter for the whole night. Kids were not invited....but of course I attended, but could not stay for the whole wedding. I wouldn't let my kids be looked after by people I don't know, so an outside service was not on the cards.
    kunst nugget wrote: »
    No. They expressed their desire to have a small wedding and everything was geared towards an adult wedding in terms of meal and afters. Didn't bother me in the slightest.

    Was it a clothing optional wedding? :pac:


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    #864
    Penny Tration
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,687 ✭✭✭✭Penny Tration


    goz83 wrote: »
    Your opinion is valid if you have children.I don't mean to be condescending or anything. It's just that you can't really understand both sides if you are not a parent and I don't know if you are.

    And by that token, a parent cannot understand the thought process or mentality of somebody who has, from a young age, chosen to be child free. You understand what it's like to not have a child. You don't understand what it's like to be child free.


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    #865
    goz83
    Registered Users Posts: 8,034 ✭✭✭goz83


    Penny Tration wrote: »
    And by that token, a parent cannot understand the thought process or mentality of somebody who has, from a young age, chosen to be child free. You understand what it's like to not have a child. You don't understand what it's like to be child free.

    Well, considering that I wasn't always a parent and I do understand what it is like to be child free, I would have to disagree.


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    #866
    Penny Tration
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,687 ✭✭✭✭Penny Tration


    goz83 wrote: »
    Well, considering that I wasn't always a parent and I do understand what it is like to be child free, I would have to disagree.

    Child free isn't just "not having kids."


    It's a term used to describe people who actively choose to never have children. As such, you can't understand that mindset because, having children, you aren't childfree.

    You at one point did not have children. That's different.


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    #867
    Pac1Man
    Registered Users Posts: 4,394 ✭✭✭Pac1Man


    goz83 wrote: »
    Your opinion is valid if you have children.I don't mean to be condescending or anything. It's just that you can't really understand both sides if you are not a parent and I don't know if you are.

    Time to batten down the hatches. Just think of home. See you on the other side.


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    #868
    goz83
    Registered Users Posts: 8,034 ✭✭✭goz83


    Penny Tration wrote: »
    Child free isn't just "not having kids."


    It's a term used to describe people who actively choose to never have children. As such, you can't understand that mindset because, having children, you aren't childfree.

    You at one point did not have children. That's different.

    And how do you describe those who are unable to have children? I don't see any value in your point and tbh, it just seems that you're confronting my question with invaluable nonsense simply because we are on opposing sides in this discussion.

    Maybe the person I quoted can be allowed to answer my question.


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    #869
    Smondie
    Registered Users Posts: 1,193 ✭✭✭Smondie


    goz83 wrote: »
    And how do you describe those who are unable to have children? I don't see any value in your point and tbh, it just seems that you're confronting my question with invaluable nonsense simply because we are on opposing sides in this discussion.

    Maybe the person I quoted can be allowed to answer my question.

    Childless I think is the term for those who want to but can't

    Childfree is those that do not want.

    I stand to be corrected


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    #870
    goz83
    Registered Users Posts: 8,034 ✭✭✭goz83


    Smondie wrote: »
    Childless I think is the term for those who want to but can't

    Childfree is those that do not want.

    I stand to be corrected

    Thanks for clearing that one up.

    I still disagree with the other poster, as I at one stage was "child free". One can make a decision not to have kids and then either change their mind, or find that it happens anyway. The non-point was splitting very fine hairs


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    #871
    Penny Tration
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,687 ✭✭✭✭Penny Tration


    goz83 wrote: »
    Thanks for clearing that one up.

    I still disagree with the other poster, as I at one stage was "child free". One can make a decision not to have kids and then either change their mind, or find that it happens anyway. The non-point was splitting very fine hairs

    You were at one point childless. It's totally different to deciding never to have children, and sticking to it. As such, if you're going to tell childfree people they can't understand a parent's perspective, similarly you can't understand the perspective of one who is childfree.


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