13 year old girl suffering anxiety

LWS

New to this but here it goes. I have a 13 year old daughter whom I would describe as a fairly balanced child, doing fine at school, sports, plenty of friends, gives no grief at home etc. Problem is she seems to be worrying unnecessarily about things, like I have to wake her and give her a kiss every morning before I go to work (at 7am) as she is afraid something may happen to me during the day. Or if she is invited to sleepover she will stress about whether she will miss us all at home and more often than not she wont go. She is very close to her little sister who is 11 and she insists on sleeping in her room every night. If her sister kicks her out (if they have a row over something) she has a meltdown as she doesn't like sleeping on her own. This has always been her way but I assumed with age she would grow out of it but at this stage Im fearing that she may be becoming more and more anxious about things with age. I don't want her to find herself at 18 having 'issues' and not living her life to the full but I have no idea where to start to try and help her overcome this before it starts spiralling. Do I consider alternative therapies accupuncture? Reflexology? Etc or do I need to find myself a child psychologist?? Have no idea how to help her.

livedadream

LWS wrote: »

. Problem is she seems to be worrying unnecessarily about things, like I have to wake her and give her a kiss every morning before I go to work (at 7am) as she is afraid something may happen to me during the day.

LWS wrote: »

She is very close to her little sister who is 11 and she insists on sleeping in her room every night. If her sister kicks her out (if they have a row over something) she has a meltdown

GP first, then they can refer onwards. 13 is a bit young to be getting a bout of the 'nerves' as my mom would call them.

what you are describing sounds very like OCD like behaviours or severe codependency (the stuff with her lil sister) sisters being close is normal but its the ''meltdown'' you describe would be a concern.

The Bishop Basher

Agree that you will have to go to the GP first however short of prescribing medication or referring you, they won't be able to do much.

They can however rule out any other medical issues that may be causing it.

It sounds like she's an anxious child anyway and will probably always be that way to some extent but when it starts interfering with her life and stopping her doing normal fun things like sleepovers, than it becomes a problem.

I would recommend a therapist that can teach her some simple mindfulness techniques and tools in combination with CBT.

These will not only help her deal with anxious thoughts and feeling as and when they arise, but regular practice will also bring down her overall anxiety level to a point where when she can just get on with living. It's really important that she gets to grips with this now as if left unchecked it can grow into something quite debilitating.

It's often said that depression comes from living in the past and anxiety comes from living in the future. From personal experience I would agree and from your post it seems your daughter is spending too much time worrying about what might happen, hence the anxiety.

There's no light switch fix and you may find it'll be a combination of things that help in the end but having spent 12 years battling anxiety, and eventually finding a "cure", age appropriate CBT and Mindfulness with a good therapist would be my first port of call.

Good luck with it whatever you decide.

LWS

Thanks guys. Yes I think I will try and go down the mindfulness/CBT route. Its really not a huge issue now but Im just fearful that its growing with age and that it may cause her issues in the future. Thanks for the advice.

Pecker31

LWS wrote: »

Thanks guys. Yes I think I will try and go down the mindfulness/CBT route. Its really not a huge issue now but Im just fearful that its growing with age and that it may cause her issues in the future. Thanks for the advice.

Hi so sorry to hear your daughter is going through this. I was in a similar position before. I was 13 and my life flipped upside down. I woke up one morning and I was worried. About everything! Friends/Family/School thinking of the what's ifs etc.

My trouble is I bottled it up til I was 30 so I've only recently come out the other side. I found CBT brilliant and also therapy mixed with acupuncture.

The best thing you can do is keep reassuring her tell her "a thought is just a thought and all thoughts can be changed"

That line stuck out for me for some reason in therapy. She won't always feel like this. Even tho she thinks she will

I don't know you obviously and my situation was different in that I had things happen as a child which sparked it off.

Hope this helps.

LWS

Hi Pecker - Thank you for your personal response. That is exactly what its like for her. She just worries and fears so much about things. I cant remember a time where she wasn't always looking for reassurance/cuddles etc even as a small child but this seems to have just grown with her and is now just beginning to interfere with normal 13 year old life. I will definitely try both CBT and acupuncture. I would have ideally liked to deal with this using alternative therapy and avoided psychologists but I don't want to waste any time as it could start to interfere with more day to day life for her if she doesn't acquire some skills for dealing with this and that in-turn could make it worse. I'm out of my depth as I have no experience with this at all. I really appreciate the response. Thanks

Pecker31

LWS wrote: »

Hi Pecker - Thank you for your personal response. That is exactly what its like for her. She just worries and fears so much about things. I cant remember a time where she wasn't always looking for reassurance/cuddles etc even as a small child but this seems to have just grown with her and is now just beginning to interfere with normal 13 year old life. I will definitely try both CBT and acupuncture. I would have ideally liked to deal with this using alternative therapy and avoided psychologists but I don't want to waste any time as it could start to interfere with more day to day life for her if she doesn't acquire some skills for dealing with this and that in-turn could make it worse. I'm out of my depth as I have no experience with this at all. I really appreciate the response. Thanks

I wouldn't say you are out of your debt I would say you come across as very much in tune with your daughter, when I was 13 my doctor told my parents to bring me to a psychologist and they never did, now it wasn't out of not caring it was just out of not knowing what was wrong, different time I suppose. I often think if they did bring me I would have got my teenage years and most of my 20's back.

I was very against psychologists because I wanted to do alternative therapy but talking is the best medicine, esp to someone you don't know.

She will feel worse before she gets better but when she gets better it will be like 40 stone has been lifted. From her, you and your family.

LWS

I could have potentially been a bit like your parents in avoiding that route. I am so glad you shared your experience as I'm clear now that i have to go the CBT route. Hopefully we can manage to nip this in the bud before it takes over her life. Thanks again for your help.

Pecker31

No problem, the best of luck.