Flatmate's new boyfriend has been here every night for the past 5 weeks

Mindset

Its always awkward when one flatmate has someone over everynight. Im sure its not what you signed up for, you're probably beginning to feel like a third wheel in your own house, especially as they seem to just sleep there instead of being sociable. You said its a new boyfriend so going out every night will soon end and they will want to stay in more. That might be at his or at yours, either way a conversation will have to be had. No one is saying your flatmate cannot have a boyfriend over but if its every night, thats taking the piss and he should be asked to contribute to the household bills or rent etc...Or get a place of their own.

Tipsy McSwagger

Hey OP, your housemate and her bf have zero respect for you. They should have realised this type of behaviour is not on after he was pulled up on it by his housemates. They see you as a soft touch and trust me slowly but surely he will start to move in and they may even try to force you out.

confusedguy1

Hi all, thanks for all the feedback - poz and neg.

I was away on holidays for three weeks and got back Sunday. Boy did they make themselves at home, rearranged furniture and hung up new pictures etc. I also noticed that they have been using my spare bedlinen and towels. I haven't physically seen either of them as they have been out all day and didn't get back until well after midnight the past two nights. I have texted my flatmate yesterday requesting to meet to discuss 'living arrangements' and have yet to get a response. Guess they know what I want to talk about. Looks like I may have to stay up late and corner them for a discussion. Not looking forward to this at all, especially if they come back with drink on them that seems to be the case mostly.

First thing I'd do is put the furnature back the way it was. I'd also question if they cleared having pictures with the LL.

When you meet them don't give an inch, state that he cannot stay in the house, even in her room for anymore than two nights a week and they can't be two nights in a row. Tell them they are totally out of order and extremely cheeky also.

dickiepower

hi op, this sounds like a horrible situation to be in. I hate to say it but it does sound like you'll have to bite the bullet and just confront them. Probably best to wait till the weekend probably more likely to catch them before they head out.

confusedguy1

dickiepower wrote: »

hi op, this sounds like a horrible situation to be in. I hate to say it but it does sound like you'll have to bite the bullet and just confront them. Probably best to wait till the weekend probably more likely to catch them before they head out.

Thanks, that sounds like a better idea - sure it's nearly the weekend anyway. I was extra frustrated last night as I was woken by them coming back late, talking loudly (they were drunk) and to add to that was kept awake a bit longer by some noisy bedroom antics. Just feeling extra cranky and tired but will hold out till Saturday.

maximum12

You don't need to discuss it with "them", just with your flat mate. The boyfriend's point of view is irrelevant.

Edit: don't be surprised if you're met with a sob story that he has nowhere else to go, so be prepared for that.

Elliott S

Request a meeting with just your housemate. If her boyfriend lingers or gets involved, ask him to leave. Only people who pay rent are involved in house meetings.

RabbleRouser2k

God...they sound extra horrible-like it's not just that they dirtied their own bed linen by all the sex, they have pretty much taken yours and will now soil them. Moving the furniture is ridiculous, like, seriously. I mean, if they had messaged you and said 'hey, do you mind us moving the couch to other side of room because it gets a better view' that would be fine(I've done that myself, messaged a room mate about moving furniture. She was cool with it, never uses that room, prefers watching stuff on her laptop). But otherwise, no, not cool.
Putting up pictures...if they are stuck to the wall, or nailed onto a frame, then your landlord may wish to have a word there. It's damaging the property, not cool, and really bad form.

Now your sleep is being affected, which is really disgusting. You need to sleep to get up and work, like, sleep is important. So if they are messing up your sleep, and taking over the place-yeah, it's time for a massive talk. No time for sob stories either.
He is not a tenant, he's not paying rent, so his voice is irrelevant. So if he is taking over, and disturbing your sleep, then it's time to move on-him I mean, not you.
If she doesn't like it, it's time for her to find a new place too.
Yes, both of you can customise the place to your liking, but one cannot completely take over the place. Like, if one has a place for their laptop, to work, then it's fine.

otwb1

confusedguy1 wrote:

Thanks, that sounds like a better idea - sure it's nearly the weekend anyway. I was extra frustrated last night as I was woken by them coming back late, talking loudly (they were drunk) and to add to that was kept awake a bit longer by some noisy bedroom antics. Just feeling extra cranky and tired but will hold out till Saturday.

Op. Sorry to say that you're not doing yourself any favours by delaying things. Am I right that this guy has now been living there for two months (and on their own for three weeks of that?) and now you are back for a week or so and not saying anything again?

If you are not getting a response from the text and you don't see your flatmate around then stick a note on her door saying that you want to meet her this evening to discuss the apartment.

She's not going to take it well, and I strongly suspect that she'll tell you to leave if you don't like it so you need to be ready with a backup plan. You were there first, did the landlord put her in to the apartment or did you find her? If the landlord put her in then you need to be ready to complain to them.

The best case scenario is that she agrees that he is there too much and cuts it to two nights a week. But you may have to be prepared to move if she won't be reasonable and the landlord won't do anything.

pwurple

Speak to your flatmate on her own. And don't be insulting.

athtrasna

As the OP has been site banned and we will never know the outcome, thread closed.
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