Funeral for an atheist?

rawn

This is all hypothetical, thankfully!

My partner and I were both baptised as Catholics but we would consider ourselves atheist. We're getting married in a registry office, completely removed from religion. A thread in Consumer Issues just got me thinking...

What would happen if one of us died? How do you go about arranging a funeral with no church/priest involvement? Is there such a thing? We always said that after we go we'd love to be cremated and put into one of those eco-tree urns that you bury, would a funeral home be equipped to deal with that or would we be pushed towards the traditional church/priest route?

annalee

I attended a humanist funeral ceremony of a close friend before Christmas and it was a very dignified non religious ceremony in a funeral home which had a crematorium attached. Family spoke of their loved one, poetry was read and favourite music of the deceased was played. Following the service the remains were cremated. Very respectful and conducted by someone who the funeral home employ to facilitate this type of ceremony.

garbeth

You can get cremated without any church/ priest involved. The funeral home would have all of the details. My mother was cremated last year in clondalkin. We had a mass for her before hand but you don't have to.

Best to tell people this is your wish so they can do it after you die.

Have a look at http://www.glasnevintrust.ie/funeral-services/burials-cremations/

_Brian

I attended a "funeral" in Sligo some years ago.
The undertaker coffined the chap in the mortuary in the hospital. No prayers or anything, no one went into the mortuary at all. He was brought by hearse straight to the graveyard. There were 4 of us present including his wife. The gravediggers helped myself and my brother carry the coffin and lower it into the grave. No priest, no prayers, no words. He was just buried and the lads started filling in the grave immediately. We left and went for tea. No one has been back to the grave and his wife doesn't remember where it was exactly and has no intention of returning.

My brother was quite shocked, thought it was surely illegal or something to just have a hole dug and lower a fella into it without anything.

rawn

I'm strangely relieved to hear all that! I just got this horrible feeling that we would be fighting against the tide to keep the church out of it

sheesh

A funeral home would facilitate this. for a big funeral consider hiring a hall. funeral home to graveyard function room in a hotel afterwards job done!

eeguy

Cremated would be my preference. All organs donated and the rest burnt and scattered somewhere.

Disgruntled Badger

rawn wrote:

I'm strangely relieved to hear all that! I just got this horrible feeling that we would be fighting against the tide to keep the church out of it

Im curious, Why do you think a church would make a claim over your cadaver? Have to admit that made me smile. The Christian Churches don't claim you even after baptism, that's up to you, but they'll always welcome you whenever you like.

Your nominated or appointed executors control everything, and Christian burial grounds are already highly sought after by Christians so it isn't always easy to 'get in'. If you are not a Christian you go where you can, noting there is strict legislation about the disposal of human remains. Not largely adhered to in the case of cremation it must be admitted, but if you've any designs on a public display there are legal implications if it is not a recognised graveyard, which are usually controlled by councils on an evangelical and also atheistic basis. I suggest speaking to a funeral home. They are experts in this. Hope this helps.

Peregrinus

If you feel the need for a ritual or ceremony, the Humanist Association of Ireland conducts non-religious ceremonies and can help you both with ideas and planning and by providing a celebrant, if needed.

And a further thought: If you don't think it would be too morbid, make sure that the wider families of both you and your partner know about your thinking and your intentions on this. If the grieving partner is "fighting against the tide" to keep the church out of the funeral, that tide won't be the church; it'll be the expectations, assumptions or wishes of your family. That's where any pressure is likely to come from, and you can hopefully avoid a lot of that pressure by managing everyone's expectations now, rather than when the matter of funeral arrangements become an immediate issue.

vibe666

take out anything useful that can be donated, then drop what's left of me out of a plane over the ocean. apparently water is harder than concrete at terminal velocity, and you'll be practically disintegrated and essentially become exotic fish food.

Peregrinus

The plane seems like a needless expense. Can we not just row out a bit and tip you over the side, suitably weighted? You won't be disintegrated quite so quickly, but I don't think that will bother the fish.

vibe666

Peregrinus wrote: »

The plane seems like a needless expense. Can we not just row out a bit and tip you over the side, suitably weighted? You won't be disintegrated quite so quickly, but I don't think that will bother the fish.

don't forget the old mexican gang trick of wrapping me in chicken wire, so that when i bloat, it chops me up into managable chunks for the fishes, instead of potentially breaking me (or big bits of me) free from my weighted shackles.

Peregrinus

The chicken wire seems like a needless expense, surely?

theteal

I've discussed this with mrsTeal before. She knows that under no circumstances will the catholic church be anywhere near my dead body. The plan is to donate everything, perch what's left in the corner of a room, invite friends and family over for a drink and to talk sh!t about how much of an obtuse belligerent poxbottle I was. Then stick me in a furnace and mrsTeal can do what she likes with the dust. I don't want my smelly dead corpse to be any more of a financial burden on her than its smelly live version currently is.

Squeeonline

theteal wrote: »

I've discussed this with mrsTeal before. She knows that under no circumstances will the catholic church be anywhere near my dead body. The plan is to donate everything, perch what's left in the corner of a room, invite friends and family over for a drink and to talk sh!t about how much of an obtuse belligerent poxbottle I was. Then stick me in a furnace and mrsTeal can do what she likes with the dust. I don't want my smelly dead corpse to be any more of a financial burden on her than its smelly live version currently is.

Well that's given me some ideas!

Perched in the corner posed with a sh*t eating Fr. Jack grin and a bottle of booze in one hand.

D0NNELLY

Ceremonies, rituals and wakes.. sounds all like a horse of a different name..

Just donate your bits to the college/science, then let them dispose of the waste along with the rest of their rubbish.

You won't care, you'll be dead.

Peregrinus

D0NNELLY wrote: »

Ceremonies, rituals and wakes.. sounds all like a horse of a different name..

Just donate your bits to the college/science, then let them dispose of the waste along with the rest of their rubbish.

You won't care, you'll be dead.

Careful, now. They organise regular (religious) services of thanksgiving for those who have donated their bodies. You don't want to find yourself being prayed for!

D0NNELLY

Peregrinus wrote: »

Careful, now. They organise regular (religious) services of thanksgiving for those who have donated their bodies. You don't want to find yourself being prayed for!

As i said, i wouldn't care, id be dead.

Ben Gadot

rawn wrote: »

This is all hypothetical, thankfully!

My partner and I were both baptised as Catholics but we would consider ourselves atheist. We're getting married in a registry office, completely removed from religion. A thread in Consumer Issues just got me thinking...

What would happen if one of us died? How do you go about arranging a funeral with no church/priest involvement? Is there such a thing? We always said that after we go we'd love to be cremated and put into one of those eco-tree urns that you bury, would a funeral home be equipped to deal with that or would we be pushed towards the traditional church/priest route?

I'm surprised that a boardsie wouldn't be aware of his or her options in regards to this, it's been discussed enough on here!

Humanist ceremonies within funeral homes are becoming more common even amongst those with some sort of belief.

Ceremony is delivered by a humanist celebrant, which if you're lucky to be in Dublin, there should be at least one available per area code.

The celebrant will meet family beforehand to discuss the departed.

The ceremony itself can be as long as you want it to be depending on who wants to talk, in which case anyone is free to say their bit.

Finally, in regards to burial, you don't need a priest to be buried in a cemetary. All you need is to own a plot/or be willing to stump up a ridiculous price to buy one. Cremation of course as others have said is the other option

Ben Gadot

D0NNELLY wrote: »

Ceremonies, rituals and wakes.. sounds all like a horse of a different name..

Just donate your bits to the college/science, then let them dispose of the waste along with the rest of their rubbish.

You won't care, you'll be dead.

I think even with humanist ceremonies that they're more for the older generation to have some sort of way of saying goodbye.

When my oul fella passed away we had a wake where all were welcome (let's just call it a session for those sensitive to certain "ritualistic" words) the night before the humanist ceremony, and I would have been perfectly happy with leaving it at that, and more importantly I know my oul fella would have been as well.

To be honest you're right, as it really is much of a muchness. I felt the same pressure sitting in the funeral home that I would have in a church. The last thing the family needs is to be put on show like that.

smacl

D0NNELLY wrote: »

Ceremonies, rituals and wakes.. sounds all like a horse of a different name..

Just donate your bits to the college/science, then let them dispose of the waste along with the rest of their rubbish.

You won't care, you'll be dead.

I organised a civil ceremony when my father died last year, as has been said no need for religious involvement of any kind though you may well alienate religious extended family. If you're dead. and I'm assuming an atheist, the funeral isn't exactly going to matter much to you one way or another, and is only an event for those you leave behind. If you like organising stuff that far in advance, maybe put your efforts into a good wake instead and consider how you can making things easiest for those who remain. Most important thing is make a will, things are awfully messy without one.

magicbastarder

when i die, my wishes are for my body to be dropped from 20,000 feet - naked and covered in mustard - onto bertie ahern.
my friends will be able to watch and gravely agree 'it's what he would have wanted'.

smacl

magicbastarder wrote: »

'it's what he would have wanted'.

You or Bertie? :pac:

magicbastarder

i wouldn't put anything past him.

Jacxel

I'm 27 so hopefully it's not something I need to worry about for some time but if i was to die tomorrow i would just want my parents to do whatever they needed to help them grieve. The priest can tell them all i've gone to visit his imaginary friend for tea and scones, it's not going to matter to me.

I have given my girlfriend some suggestions of songs i would like played at my funeral, one of which is Tonight We Fly by the Divine Comedy, which is, I think a lovely appropriate song with just a hint of questioning religion at the end.

beach_walker

Jacxel wrote: »

I have given my girlfriend some suggestions of songs i would like played at my funeral

Worth noting that more dioceses are banning this sort of thing (rightly imo) so I wouldn't plan on it if it's a Catholic ceremony. Free to do it after of course. And err, hopefully it's not something that has to broached any time soon

eviltwin

Important to discuss with your loved ones your wishes on the event of your death. Its very important to me not to have a church funeral and I've made sure I've expressed this to my husband and children. I have a list of non religious services they can access as it would be too much to expect people in grief to go hunting for information.

Jacxel

beach_walker wrote: »

Worth noting that more dioceses are banning this sort of thing (rightly imo) so I wouldn't plan on it if it's a Catholic ceremony. Free to do it after of course. And err, hopefully it's not something that has to broached any time soon

I was thinking graveside rather than in the church, in any case the songs I would like played are literally the only request I have made regarding my funeral. Be it on whoever's conscience to deny a dead man's only (and fairly reasonable) request. Like I said it won't matter a damn to me.

I'm not writing my will yet anyhow

smacl

beach_walker wrote: »

Worth noting that more dioceses are banning this sort of thing (rightly imo) so I wouldn't plan on it if it's a Catholic ceremony. Free to do it after of course. And err, hopefully it's not something that has to broached any time soon

Advantage of not having a Catholic ceremony so. For my father's funeral we played Bruckner's 9th which is pretty lively, and while not what you'd associate with a funeral, entirely appropriate. Not sure why anyone who wasn't a regular church goer in life would want a church funeral.

Harika

smacl wrote: »

Advantage of not having a Catholic ceremony so. For my father's funeral we played Bruckner's 9th which is pretty lively, and while not what you'd associate with a funeral, entirely appropriate. Not sure why anyone who wasn't a regular church goer in life would want a church funeral.

I think funerals are more for the surviving people than for the dead. That's why I told my wife, she should do whatever she wants with my corpse, so she can say proper goodbye in her faith. While I still will respect that she wants a catholic funeral if she jumps before me.

smacl

Harika wrote: »

I think funerals are more for the surviving people than for the dead. That's why I told my wife, she should do whatever she wants with my corpse, so she can say proper goodbye in her faith. While I still will respect that she wants a catholic funeral if she jumps before me.

I'm guessing it is not what you're implying, but the generalisation of the above is that a Catholic's wishes to have a Catholic funeral should be respected by the survivors, regardless of whether they're Catholic, yet an Atheist's shouldn't?

I'd also wonder why a Catholic would want to give a non-Catholic a Catholic funeral. Say the deceased has a number of family members of different religious persuasions, should they all be accommodated?

I ask this as it was something I had to deal with first hand organising my own father's funeral, where his sister didn't attend because it wasn't a church funeral. While this may seem harsh, my father was an atheist all of his adult life and had scant regard for the church, so anything other than a non-religious ceremony would have been utterly cynical and disrespectful. Each to their own.