Sister's nutjob friend giving medical advice, please help!

LegacyUser

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

OP, I'm going to say this and I mean it in the kindest way possible: whether or not you like it, your sister is an adult. She will make her own choices. Same as if she chose not to vaccinate her children, hard as it may be for you to watch, it is actually none of your business.

I sense you are quite vocal about a lot of stuff. And I sense, even though your heart is in the right place, that you rub people up the wrong way. It's interesting that the friend has blocked you on Facebook but not your other sister. I think issuing her with ultimatums isn't going to make her suddenly realise you're only looking out for her.

I think you need to back off. Completely. Your sister, or her friend, don't respect your opinion or advice. If your other sister is still sort of in favour, then maybe she could be the one to approach your sister, maybe from a softer angle. I'd guess you've been as subtle as a sledgehammer When I said "box clever" earlier, I didn't just mean in what YOU say. I meant that if necessary you stay out of it completely. Keep all talk to idle chitchat. No mention of the test. No mention of the kids, or the ex. And definitely no mention of the friend. If she starts talking about her say "hmmm" and "yeah" and change the subject to Mrs Murphy down the road was telling you Mrs O'Brien over the road etc....

Leave the discussions to someone else. Or else accept, as an adult, and as the mother of her children she has made a decision for whatever reason. You don't have to like it. You don't have to agree with it. But you will have to accept it.

Personally, the only way I could go along with this is if the ex is on board too. It would be dreadfully unfair if he was kept in the dark about a serious decision about his kids health. I just could not in all good conscience keep him out of the loop. I couldn't do that either about vaccinations, but this sounds like a far more serious decision, vaccinations being a preventative measure for the Unknown - and this test being one for a known fatal generic risk.

I just couldn't live with myself if I didn't do something about the kids mother ignoring that risk and possible prevenative measures. What if one of them died from it?

rock22

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

OP, I'm going to say this and I mean it in the kindest way possible: whether or not you like it, your sister is an adult. She will make her own choices. Same as if she chose not to vaccinate her children, hard as it may be for you to watch, it is actually none of your business.

I sense you are quite vocal about a lot of stuff. And I sense, even though your heart is in the right place, that you rub people up the wrong way. It's interesting that the friend has blocked you on Facebook but not your other sister. I think issuing her with ultimatums isn't going to make her suddenly realise you're only looking out for her.

I think you need to back off. Completely. Your sister, or her friend, don't respect your opinion or advice. If your other sister is still sort of in favour, then maybe she could be the one to approach your sister, maybe from a softer angle. I'd guess you've been as subtle as a sledgehammer When I said "box clever" earlier, I didn't just mean in what YOU say. I meant that if necessary you stay out of it completely. Keep all talk to idle chitchat. No mention of the test. No mention of the kids, or the ex. And definitely no mention of the friend. If she starts talking about her say "hmmm" and "yeah" and change the subject to Mrs Murphy down the road was telling you Mrs O'Brien over the road etc....

Leave the discussions to someone else. Or else accept, as an adult, and as the mother of her children she has made a decision for whatever reason. You don't have to like it. You don't have to agree with it. But you will have to accept it.

Denying her children prompt, potentially life changing treatment, could amount to child abuse. She cannot disregard medical advice, especially on the basis of some dubious friend. She has a responsibility to her children. Importantly, her ex also has responsibilities here and should be brought into the picture.

Big Bag of Chips

I wholeheartedly agree. And I cannot get my head around what she's thinking. But the fact is she is making these decisions, and I can't help but think that maybe the OP, with the best intention in the world, is being a bit heavy handed in her approach. There's more than one way to skin a cat, and I think there are other ways to either convince the sister, or get the ex husband involved.

I don't see the need for threats or ultimatums. They haven't worked up to this point and have only pushed the sister closer to the dubious friend.

Turtle_

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

I wholeheartedly agree. And I cannot get my head around what she's thinking. But the fact is she is making these decisions, and I can't help but think that maybe the OP, with the best intention in the world, is being a bit heavy handed in her approach. There's more than one way to skin a cat, and I think there are other ways to either convince the sister, or get the ex husband involved.

I don't see the need for threats or ultimatums. They haven't worked up to this point and have only pushed the sister closer to the dubious friend.

To be fair, this is probably closer to jehovas witnesses refusing blood products for their dying child than it is to declining to vaccinate the kids. And courts have intervened before. Where there is a specific risk parents don't just get to decide that the kids get no treatment. It's not quite at the level of refusing treatment for a currently sick child, but it's also not purely the mother's decision that everyone has to just live with.

pookie82

kbannon wrote: »

The other half had an emergency cesarean. Don't they give you a general anaesthetic for it in which case she'd have been half asleep doing the procedure.


Anyhow with medical skills as good as this, she would also be on LinkedIn.
Do you know where she claims to be currently working. They might even confirm it with you.

Also, as if her post-c-section emergency surgery tale wasn't fabricated enough already, I'm fairly sure you wouldn't be allowed to operate on a relative, much less your own father, for ethical reasons.

amber2

Could you speak with your sisters GP that prescribed the antidepressants and voice your concerns.

cbyrd

I'm sorry for you loss OP.

I agree with Big bag of chips, let the ex husband know and leave them alone.
Comparisons to Jehovah's witnesses? I'm sorry, but not knowing what the illness is or it's timeline, no one here is qualified to say if it's stupidity on your sisters part or overreaction from grief on yours.

By your own admission you say you don't see your sister often. Tbh, this would let me know that your 'advice' is not wanted. She doesn't, obviously appreciate your input. Not visiting you would not ring alarm bells for me, more that she has a life beyond her family. You don't know this friend, maybe she actually doesn't have the influence on your sister that you imagine she does, maybe it's a touch of jealousy on your part that you're not as close?

She knows the illness, she knows the risks, you cannot override her decision not to test. She is the parent.
Maybe it's borne out of grief too.
Let the ex know and them let them deal with their family. It really isn't your business beyond that.