Why do women flake?

SarahMollie

livedadream wrote: »

dont even need to PM it,

eg: im a 30 year old woman :eek:
i like talking about food (im a certified pastry chef), running (running my first 1/2 marathon in two weeks), politics (total nerdypants) studied in in college for a bit and im really passionate about charity work and helping marginalised individuals get a step/hand up.

my second/third (cant exactly remember) date with my current bf we had a full blown discussion about the poverty trap in Ireland, he didnt think it existed so i took my chance to educate him showed me he was open minded, willing to listen, wiling to look outside his community and his personal experience. he even offered to volunteer in a soup kitchen with me on our next date. he tells me he knew he liked me because i was so animated and passionate about it.

i have friends that if a guy started talking about Brexit on a date would run a mile.

any other ladies out there want to share what they talk about or would be interested in talking about?

I'm also 30. I've been off the market for the past 3 years but back when I was dating, topics that would have interested me include but are not limited to;

- food and eating out
- technology (not to be confused with an interest in gaming however)
- travel
- politics at home and abroad (although I'll admit I'd prefer to keep this light on a 1st date!)
- economics and any of the social sciences really
- animals (who I generally prefer to people)
- my friends and your friends - i think this can tell you a lot about a person
- my bleading heart liberal tendencies

I also like to do things to surprise people, for example last year I entered (and won) my boyfriends fantasy football league... not because I suddenly love football, but I wanted to challenge their perception that I couldn't do it.

I think my first date with my now boyfriend went so well because he came accross as;

- hilarious - not like he was doing a standup routine at me, but he was just very naturally witty
- a gentleman, peck on the cheek good night and made sure I got a taxi
- a normal person with normal friends
- intelligent and educated
- well traveled
- not a player
- not desperate

We talked about so many varied topics that theres no way he could have had mapped out responses ready past the first 5 minutes. He could have had the same date with loads of different girls and they just wouldnt have clicked like we did.

orubiru

rjpf1980 wrote: »

You cushion yourself by hitting on as many women has humanly possible so that it doesn't leave you in the lurch.

Again, this kind of works and kind of doesn't work.

OK. A guy who has decent manners, a laid back attitude, a healthy diet and some money to spend will undoubtedly be attractive to thousands of women.

The problem is that he can't have ALL of them. If he wishes to have a healthy and satisfying love life then (in most circumstances) he will inevitably need to focus on just one woman for an extended period of time.

Even if he wants to sleep around a bit and go on dates there is still a limit on how often this can realistically happen. There's actually kind of a limited scope for how interesting and stimulating this kind of lifestyle can be, I reckon.

Even if you were incredibly successful your life would become a pretty boring routine of working and then going out and using the same tired old lines to get the same tired old results. It would be great to have this on a 2 week vacation to Ibiza or somewhere like that but there would probably be some kind of "diminishing returns" situation going on if this was your everyday existence.

SarahMollie

To be fair, I don't think anyone has an issue wiht people who date a lot or put themselves out there - more power to them.

Whats galls me about the OP however is the cynical attitude towards dating, and the lack of any respect/consideration for women that shines through his posts.

Stealthfins

Hi op have you thought maybe you're a bit intense,and obsessed with having a woman.
You remind me of a guy I know he cant stand in a line for coffee in the local shop without intriguing with women.

Walks around town rubber necking young one's in their late teens early 20's and dresses like a teenager.

My female friends describe him as rapey looking and creepy..

He has a really young looking face on the body of a guy in his mid 50's

Odd looking bloke

This is no reflection on you only your behavior reminds me of that bloke.

mzungu

amacca wrote: »

Harsh, very harsh

I mean you've just condemned me to an unwanted life of solitude and loneliness!

I may have worded that a bit strongly!

Although 'solitude and loneliness' is certainly not part of the single life either. That can happen irregardless of relationship status. I think if somebody improves themselves because they want to be a better person, there is no issue there. But, this idea of self improvement just to 'play the field' or any of that kind of lark, I would not agree with.

There should be a hell of a lot more to life than devoting time to improve yourself just for the specific purpose of trying to appear more appealable to others. Essentially, it is seeking validation from others which does not solve any problems really. I think this is what leads to the things outlined by the OP in this thread. Too many people out there thinking they are somehow entitled to these things, when the reality is they are not.

Needless to say, if you embark on self improvement because it is what you want to do, then that's great. Self improvement should always be to boost ones own esteem, rather than trying to appear more desirable to others.

LeinsterDub

This ^ or many OP your system is just one tweak away from perfection. You sound like a gambler it's the horses fault they gambled away their life but they've a new tweak to the system and this time they'll win big.

rjpf1980

livedadream wrote: »

Pick Up Artists....

A pickup artist (commonly abbreviated PUA) is a person who practices finding, attracting, and seducing sexual partners. Such a person purportedly abides by a certain system deemed effective by that community in their attempts to seduce partners.

Never heard of it. I would imagine men have been trying to get with as many women as humanly possible since the dawn of time. Most men probably strike out 99 times of a hundred.

Women for whatever reason flake.

Men should shrug it off and move on.

LeinsterDub

rjpf1980 wrote: »

Women for whatever reason flake.

Men should shrug it off and move on.

So to clarify not only are the women who flaked (whatever this means) wrong ,everyone here telling you that you're the issue are wrong too?

livedadream

rjpf1980 wrote: »

Never heard of it. I would imagine men have been trying to get with as many women as humanly possible since the dawn of time. Most men probably strike out 99 times of a hundred.

Women for whatever reason flake.

Men should shrug it off and move on.

it turns out your the guy who thinks a girl letting

rjpf1980 wrote: »

people pass between us or walks on the opposite side of street lights and other obstacles when we are walking down the street

is a bad omen instead of her just being polite or trying to get somewhere faster

i have a feeling you might not be all there OP, you have a warped view of dating and women in general.

best of luck with it, they do say theres someone out there for everyone.

SarahMollie

rjpf1980 wrote: »

Women for whatever reason flake.

Men should shrug it off and move on.

So from this thread you have taken....precisely nothing.

El_Duderino 09

Rjpf1980, why do you think women flake out?

livedadream

El_Duderino 09 wrote: »

Rjpf1980, why do you think women flake out?

because we're defective and not falling for his tried and tested scientific methods of seduction.

for me at least anyone who talks about sex like:

rjpf1980 wrote:

the end goal for a man is to persuade her to be naked and allow him to penetrate her with his erect penis.

or even this:

rjpf1980 wrote:

Maybe he was not gentle during sex

and then there this...

rjpf1980 wrote:

A lot of hard work can be undone by one slip and you can be found out

isnt having enough of it or is Spock from Star Trek

El_Duderino 09

livedadream wrote:

or even this:

I don't know what you did with the multi quote function,but it looks like I said those things!

livedadream

El_Duderino 09 wrote: »

I don't know what you did with the multi quote function,but it looks like I said those things!

sorry i coped the wrong brackets (i'm a dumb blonde if it helps soz)
ive fixed it....

kunst nugget

El_Duderino 09 wrote: »

I don't know what you did with the multi quote function,but it looks like I said those things!

How could you say those things, El Duderino!!! I'm disgusted!

MeatTwoVeg

El_Duderino 09 wrote:

I don't know what you did with the multi quote function,but it looks like I said those things!

You should be ashamed of yourself.

rjpf1980

LeinsterDub wrote: »

So to clarify not only are the women who flaked (whatever this means) wrong ,everyone here telling you that you're the issue are wrong too?

In what sense are they wrong? It's just a fact of life that most men have to chat up loads of women until at least one agrees to go out. She'll change her mind however she feels like it. If she even turns up she will be looking for the first excuse not to go on a second date. Even if you get her naked and you are about to get inside her and she may suddenly change her mind. A man just has to accept it and move on.
If you are married your wife is more likely to seek a divorce than her husband.
A man just has to accept his relationships are always in jeopardy.

SarahMollie

El_Duderino 09 wrote: »

I don't know what you did with the multi quote function,but it looks like I said those things!

I thought that also! I was like...."please tell me there aren't two of them out there!"

livedadream

rjpf1980 wrote: »

If you are married your wife is more likely to seek a divorce than her husband.
.

any back up for that?

CSO.ie wrote:

The CSO stated that men were much more likely to remarry after a divorce, with 39 per cent saying ‘I do’ twice, but only 28 per cent of women walked down the aisle again.

livedadream

SarahMollie wrote: »

I thought that also! I was like...."please tell me there aren't two of them out there!"

im morto okay, can we move on please...:(

before my head falls off from hanging in shame...

eviltwin

rjpf1980 wrote: »

In what sense are they wrong? It's just a fact of life that most men have to chat up loads of women until at least one agrees to go out. She'll change her mind however she feels like it. If she even turns up she will be looking for the first excuse not to go on a second date. Even if you get her naked and you are about to get inside her and she may suddenly change her mind. A man just has to accept it and move on.
If you are married your wife is more likely to seek a divorce than her husband.
A man just gas to accept his relationships are always in jeopardy.

Do you always describe sex in such a mechanical way? If how you write is a reflection of how you come across in person maybe that's part of the problem.

Malari

rjpf1980 wrote: »

In what sense are they wrong? It's just a fact of life that most men have to chat up loads of women until at least one agrees to go out. She'll change her mind however she feels like it. If she even turns up she will be looking for the first excuse not to go on a second date. Even if you get her naked and you are about to get inside her and she may suddenly change her mind. A man just has to accept it and move on.
If you are married your wife is more likely to seek a divorce than her husband.
A man just has to accept his relationships are always in jeopardy.

Yes, a woman's prerogative is to change her mind if she is so inclined, but men can do the same

orubiru

rjpf1980 wrote: »

In what sense are they wrong? It's just a fact of life that most men have to chat up loads of women until at least one agrees to go out. She'll change her mind however she feels like it. If she even turns up she will be looking for the first excuse not to go on a second date. Even if you get her naked and you are about to get inside her and she may suddenly change her mind. A man just has to accept it and move on.
If you are married your wife is more likely to seek a divorce than her husband.
A man just gas to accept his relationships are always in jeopardy.

This is basically all nonsense. Maybe these things you've said can be true in SOME cases. In all cases? No chance. In most cases? No way.

If this is how you really think then you need to examine why you hold these beliefs.

You seem to have a pretty unhealthy distrust of women.

Might be a good idea to open up to some of the things people are saying on the thread here.

This attitude can't be good for you, or any women you might end up dating.

manonboard

Op,
Why don't you try something you haven't tried before and drop all your usual techniques?

you sound VERY gamey and ingeniune with women. The fact that you have the same word for word conversations really robs you of genuine authentic connection with people.
Don't AIM to sleep or 'get' the woman. Its a warped view that society conditions into men. Just aim to be yourself and see how others connect with you. Numbers do come into it, but only because women and men both play those silly games. There's also the fact that when your being authentic, your just not someones preferences. That's ok. Its not reflection upon you. Just that their preferences are for other dynamics.

Women like men, have very good intuition on these things. Especially after the fact. Niggling feelings get time to percolate and it turns us away from anything which triggers these feelings. Remember, for every date you've been on, she's probably been on it too.. and has equal experience in being gamed.

I hope you get the courage to stop trying to win a woman. You'll end up far happier if you know you need to do nothing to keep her near you because she wants to be there when you are just being yourself.

SarahMollie

rjpf1980 wrote: »

Even if you get her naked and you are about to get inside her and she may suddenly change her mind. A man just has to accept it and move on.

This is honestly the most rapey sentence I've heard in a long while. Who thinks like that?!?

livedadream

i have to say nothing makes me go weak at the knees more than when i've come home from a stressful day at work and my boyfriend shouts i want to insert my erect penis into your vagina repeatedly, ill tell ya lads, im stripping off immediately.

kunst nugget

livedadream wrote: »

i have to say nothing makes me go weak at the knees more than when i've come home from a stressful day at work and my boyfriend shouts i want to insert my erect penis into your vagina repeatedly, ill tell ya lads, im stripping off immediately.

You'll probably end up flaking on him… I've heard you have very bad dandruff.

Malari

The OP just comes across as not knowing or speaking to any women ever unless he's trying to insert his penis into them.

OP, have you tried just communicating with women the same way you chat to men? About tv shows, pets, family, holidays, sport...anything? They are just people! This is pretty much how everyone gets to know someone else in the dating arena as well. Do you even talk to women colleagues or friends or relatives or girlfriends/wives of your friends? The women you are trying to get into bed are no different!

El_Duderino 09

livedadream wrote:

sorry i coped the wrong brackets (i'm a dumb blonde if it helps soz) ive fixed it....

No worries

kunst nugget wrote:

How could you say those things, El Duderino!!! I'm disgusted!

MeatTwoVeg wrote:

You should be ashamed of yourself.

SarahMollie wrote:

I thought that also! I was like...."please tell me there aren't two of them out there!"

Well obviously I agree with all those statements. I just didn't say them this time

rjpf1980

manonboard wrote: »

Op,
Why don't you try something you haven't tried before and drop all your usual techniques?

you sound VERY gamey and ingeniune with women. The fact that you have the same word for word conversations really robs you of genuine authentic connection with people.
Don't AIM to sleep or 'get' the woman. Its a warped view that society conditions into men. Just aim to be yourself and see how others connect with you. Numbers do come into it, but only because women and men both play those silly games. There's also the fact that when your being authentic, your just not someones preferences. That's ok. Its not reflection upon you. Just that their preferences are for other dynamics.

Women like men, have very good intuition on these things. Especially after the fact. Niggling feelings get time to percolate and it turns us away from anything which triggers these feelings. Remember, for every date you've been on, she's probably been on it too.. and has equal experience in being gamed.

I hope you get the courage to stop trying to win a woman. You'll end up far happier if you know you need to do nothing to keep her near you because she wants to be there when you are just being yourself.

Where is the fun in that?

livedadream

kunst nugget wrote: »

You'll probably end up flaking on him… I've heard you have very bad dandruff.

that was a secret kunst!!!

im only flaky to be fair when ive not had a good insertion of an erect penis...

or gentle lovemaking.

and Malari i accept your advise but i feel if a man appraoched another man and spoke the way he's been speaking here he's get a punch in the face.

SarahMollie

livedadream wrote: »

that was a secret kunst!!!

im only flaky to be fair when ive not had a good insertion of an erect penis...

or gentle lovemaking.

EW EW EW!

livedadream

SarahMollie wrote: »

EW EW EW!

ah SarahMollie now now, you clearly need to have the good insertion of an erect penis... OP im sure will assist, unless you flake on him too...

just remember you should be ashamed of your body and pull out at any given moment, coz thats what us women do...

Timberrrrrrrr

rjpf1980 wrote: »

Where is the fun in that?

Ah to be young and stupid again :rolleyes:

SarahMollie

livedadream wrote: »

ah SarahMollie now now, you clearly need to have the good insertion of an erect penis... OP im sure will assist, unless you flake on him too...

just remember you should be ashamed of your body and pull out at any given moment, coz thats what us women do...

I nearly snorted at my desk reading that

El_Duderino 09

Malari wrote:

The OP just comes across as not knowing or speaking to any women ever unless he's trying to insert his penis into them.

This is why I asked the OP why he thinks women flake on him.

OP, do you like the women you ask out? Do you ask out women you actually know and like?

livedadream

SarahMollie wrote: »

I nearly snorted at my desk reading that

im only here for the lolz.

although i can NOT wait to get home from work and tell my fella that i want him to insert his erect penis into my vagina repeatedly while attempting gentle lovemaking...

just to see his face. im guessing something like this :eek:

Dial Hard

As an aside, I really fcuking hate the word "rapey".

DeltaWhite

This is the most VOM thread ever. My skin crawls at the thought of men who see women as some sort of blow up doll with no brain capacity to think for themselves. Thankfully I have the intelligence to see straight through men like that (blessed I am) and I feel sorry for women who get hit on by creeps like that. There's nothing worse than a snake like man who goes through women like they're on a conveyor belt.

Pat Mustard

LeinsterDub wrote: »

OP your system is just one tweak away from perfection. You sound like a gambler it's the horses fault they gambled away their life but they've a new tweak to the system and this time they'll win big.

The OP's system is bad. Awful, in fact.

If you go on numbers alone, you can stand at the end of Grafton Street, asking every woman you see for their number. You can guess how that will end. I'm not saying that this is what was the OP did, I'm trying to illustrate a point that sheer volume of numbers is not a standalone strategy for success.

rjpf1980 wrote: »

We've all experienced this.
You meet a cute girl on the bus or while shopping in Tesco

Leaving aside your mention of the pub, this approach doesn't tend to work well in Ireland at all. Irish people don't tend to be receptive to romantic propositions in the supermarket or on the bus.

What I think works is being in the right place at the right time. This is not down to luck or chance or some esoteric technique. If you want to get a woman's telephone number, go to a late bar or a nightclub that is known as a pick-up place and speak to women. Don't mind all that PUA stuff - it's a load of nonsense. That stuff is obvious to the onlooker and marks out the PUA artist as a creep. Being identified as a creep is never a good strategy.

rjpf1980 wrote: »

Never heard of it. I would imagine men have been trying to get with as many women as humanly possible since the dawn of time. Most men probably strike out 99 times of a hundred.

Women for whatever reason flake.

Men should shrug it off and move on.

This is the result of your system, which doesn't work. Maybe try talking to women in the places that people go on nights out. It's not difficult. If you keep trying the same thing as you tried before, as LeinsterDub pointed out, you'll get the same result.

I'll leave you with the wise words of Anton Chigurh:

kunst nugget

SarahMollie wrote: »

I nearly snorted at my desk reading that

You snort? Ah, shít… that's on my list undesirable qualities for a woman. And I was going to ask for your number as well…









Ah, feck it. I need to hedge my bets. Can I have your number for the ride?

kunst nugget

livedadream wrote: »

im only here for the lolz.

although i can NOT wait to get home from work and tell my fella that i want him to insert his erect penis into my vagina repeatedly while attempting gentle lovemaking...

just to see his face. im guessing something like this :eek:

Just sort out the Head and Shoulders beforehand for the love of God…

livedadream

kunst nugget wrote: »

Can I have your number for the ride?

we're not allowed call it the ride anymore, be a gentleman for gods sake.

say :SarahMollie may i please offer you some generic conversation then casually ask you to strip naked despite your body hang ups so i can insert my erect penis into your vagina, i can promise you gentle lovemaking weather you like it that way or not.

and @ Kunst

sure he doesnt give a **** what i look like, im simply a vessel for his man juice

SarahMollie

kunst nugget wrote: »

You snort? Ah, shít… that's on my list undesirable qualities for a woman. And I was going to ask for your number as well…









Ah, feck it. I need to hedge my bets. Can I have your number for the ride?

Sure, its 087 1234567

Call anytime!

Ben Gadot

Wibbs wrote: »

Because to the pickup mentality they are. It seems to attract a certain type of man; socially inept and needs to learn later in life all the way to autism spectrum types who just don't get social cues. So you have empathic social stuff being ignored in favour of a system approach. This feels safer and much easier to understand for this kind of mind. The idea that the system works I just need to tweak parts of it. People/women are variables. The comparison to Groundhog Day an interesting and for me illuminating one. There are a couple of regular reregistering previous banned users into this stuff and yeah very much the obsessive sheldon cooper systems type.

What's an autism spectrum type?

Anyway, on topic, my opinion is that flakiness is an affliction that some people suffer from. It effects all avenues of their life and generally have very little follow through. Be it man or woman.

I also find it preposterous that anyone would hand out their number to a stranger just to get rid of them. Like for real? Hand out a fake number if that's the case, cut out the bother completely like.

Wibbs

SarahMollie wrote: »

This is honestly the most rapey sentence I've heard in a long while. Who thinks like that?!?

Actually it's quite the opposite to "rapey" as you put it. He is quite aware that a woman has the right to say no at any time and as a man he must accept that. To be fair to the chap I really dunno how you came to that conclusion.

If anything comes from this I hope the poster in discussion has an oul read and look at how he is perceived by most. OK it may be a bunch of people on an interweb site, but look how "odd" you're coming across. Hell you specifically state that a woman has the right to withdraw consent at any time and you must move on, yet because you're painted with the "odd" brush that's seen as "rapey".

This will translate into the real world. Whatever about pickup BS or any of that I can say that being seen as "strange" in a bloke is instant strap on a chastity belt and back away fast for the vast majority of women out there. I've seen this in action more than once. To the point where a lad who was just quiet and socially awkward but otherwise sound was painted by the group as "strange".

SarahMollie

SarahMollie wrote: »

Sure, its 087 1234567

Call anytime!

That number isnt working....Are you sure it isnt under another network or prefix?

Wibbs

Ben Gadot wrote: »

What's an autism spectrum type?

People(majority but not exclusively men) with various degrees of developmental difficulties around social interaction and emotional and social cues, particularly non verbal. Would run the range from severe autism through to mild Aspergers. The latter seems to be both a feature of much of the PUA advice and something that would be more attractive to such a mind.

SarahMollie

Wibbs wrote: »

Actually it's quite the opposite to "rapey" as you put it. He is quite aware that a woman has the right to say no at any time and as a man he must accept that. To be fair to the chap I really dunno how you came to that conclusion.

If anything comes from this I hope the poster in discussion has an oul read and look at how he is perceived by most. OK it may be a bunch of people on an interweb site, but look how "odd" you're coming across. Hell you specifically state that a woman has the right to withdraw consent at any time and you must move on, yet because you're painted with the "odd" brush that's seen as "rapey".

This will translate into the real world. Whatever about pickup BS or any of that I can say that being seen as "strange" in a bloke is instant strap on a chastity belt and back away fast for the vast majority of women out there. I've seen this in action more than once. To the point where a lad who was just quiet and socially awkward but otherwise sound was painted by the group as "strange".

Yes, literally, I know that but maybe its just a female perspective.

A man, having to tell himself that, and it not just coming naturally, is just really unnerving.

eviltwin

SarahMollie wrote: »

Euch they can be anything from running out in front of you and blocking your path, to insulting you, to trying to talk to your friend instead.... Basically designed to hit on your insecurities and vulnerabilities, to manipulate you into bed.

All tiresome and pathetic.

How does insulting someone make you want to sleep with them