Dating an unemployed woman

Back2work

Would any guy date a woman who has been out of work due to illness. This woman is looking for work, but hasn't dated a guy in 3.5yrs as thats the amount of time she was not working

Kai123

Of course. If employment was required before a relationship for a guy, they are probably dry and dull.

Its different when your going to get deeper and make a life with each-other but that's not dating.

Pawwed Rig

Yeah why not?

Not sure what point the previous post was making.

Casshern88

Absolutely why not? I cant even see why this would be an issue to be honest. Is this some kind of upper class snobbery? Are you afraid of what people will think because "she hadn't been working" .

Shint0

Casshern88 wrote: »

Absolutely why not? I cant even see why this would be an issue to be honest. Is this some kind of upper class snobbery? Are you afraid of what people will think because "she hadn't been working" .

I wouldn't even look at it from that perspective. I'm wondering if the concerns are more to do with someone being unemployed and if not financially independent otherwise would a prospective partner worry that they might always have to foot the bill if they go out or curtail their plans due to lack of/unequal finance from one party. If the person had their own financial means or were actively seeking employment then it might not be an issue.

pauliebdub

If I'm being honest I'd prefer a partner who is financially independent and has some ambition and direction in life. It wouldn't be an issue if the person is temporarily unemployed.

Charizard

This for me is the funniest question yet This could be the most idiotic reason not to date a woman. I could understand the child but come on employment

TerrorFirmer

Well to be fair while it wouldn't particularly bother me, I can see why someone might be hesitant if someone has been long term unemployed in terms of financial stability, direction, ambition, etc. In general, it's not a stupid question.

Now in this particular case he says she has been ill and is now looking for work having presumably improved, so I cannot for the life of me understand the point of the question at all.

Tony EH

Is the OP serious?

Widdershins

Depends. If you like to go on very expensive dates it might not work out well!

Pawwed Rig

Tony EH wrote: »

Is the OP serious?

Mod note
If you don't have an interest in contributing then don't

bmwguy

Charizard wrote: »

This for me is the funniest question yet This could be the most idiotic reason not to date a woman. I could understand the child but come on employment

I don't think it's idiotic at all. Reverse the genders and a whole host of women would not date an unemployed man and not be vilified for it. Personally, I would if I liked her enough but if there were 2 ladies I liked as much as each other the one with the job would be a much more appealing prospect.

Del2005

Shint0 wrote: »

I wouldn't even look at it from that perspective. I'm wondering if the concerns are more to do with someone being unemployed and if not financially independent otherwise would a prospective partner worry that they might always have to foot the bill if they go out or curtail their plans due to lack of/unequal finance from one party. If the person had their own financial means or were actively seeking employment then it might not be an issue.

What about the working poor? Someone could be working and barely covering their bills, while someone on the dole could be going on foreign holidays.

Wesser

It depends on the reason she is unemployed. If it is because she is abusing the SW system then no. If it is because she is chronically depressed then date away but she might not be a lot of fun.

Tony EH

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

Mod note
If you don't have an interest in contributing then don't

It's a genuine question.

I can't understand why anyone would put someone's employment status down as a potential blocker for a date. Especially when that person's employment status has been affected by an illness.

Pawwed Rig

Tony EH wrote: »

It's a genuine question.

I can't understand why anyone would put someone's employment status down as a potential blocker for a date. Especially when that person's employment status has been affected by an illness.

Well this post actually adds to the discussion unlike your previous. Keep reading and you will see all sorts of reasons why and why not.

uck51js9zml2yt

Back2work wrote: »

Would any guy date a woman who has been out of work due to illness. This woman is looking for work, but hasn't dated a guy in 3.5yrs as thats the amount of time she was not working

If you're asking the question, do the girl a favour and don't go out with her. She deserves better.

Dial Hard

Tony EH wrote:

I can't understand why anyone would put someone's employment status down as a potential blocker for a date.

Because it can be a barrier to enjoying the kind of activities and holidays etc that some people like to partake in while in a relationship.

OldRio

Get the woman in question to fill out a pre courting agreement written by a lawyer.
Both of you make financial statements checked by accountants. Background checks and employment records should be verified by independent bodies. Everything signed and counter signed by witness'.

Or

Go out together and you know, talk. Crazy idea I know but you might get to know her better.

White Ninja

Tony EH wrote: »

It's a genuine question.

I can't understand why anyone would put someone's employment status down as a potential blocker for a date. Especially when that person's employment status has been affected by an illness.

So jobless with medical issues?, don't know about you, but that wouldn't be my idea of a catch. Each to his own.

Tony EH

Dial Hard wrote: »

Because it can be a barrier to enjoying the kind of activities and holidays etc that some people like to partake in while in a relationship.

Her past situation is a blocker for a holiday?

Yeh, better not bother so. :pac:

White Ninja wrote: »

So jobless with medical issues?, don't know about you, but that wouldn't be my idea of a catch. Each to his own.

Some people don't view others as things to be caught.

Maybe the OP can come back on and tell us why he wants a date with this girl in the first place and why her past employment status is putting him off.

bonyn

Depends on what the illness was

Dial Hard

Tony EH wrote:

Her past situation is a blocker for a holiday?

I'm not talking about the OP's potential date, as I suspect you well know. You asked why anyone would have a problem dating an unemployed person, I gave an example of why they might.

HalloweenJack

From a financial point of view, it depends on the type of relationship you want.

Do you want a relationship where the costs are shared? Or do you not mind paying the lion's share?

If it's number one, it'll limit what you can do as a couple.

Shint0

HalloweenJack wrote: »

From a financial point of view, it depends on the type of relationship you want.

Do you want a relationship where the costs are shared? Or do you not mind paying the lion's share?

If it's number one, it'll limit what you can do as a couple.

Sometimes not every relationship can be entirely equal in terms of finances and obviously when a relationship is established there can be ups and downs in terms of earning power so couples are willing to make sacrifices, share what they have together and pay for treats for each other.

If that was the case at the start of a relationship where one might have very limited finances due to unemployment and possibly no other income/savings the one who is employed might worry if it set a precedent or be taken advantage of. In the case of the OP they are saying the person in question has been ill and now well enough to return to work. If they were to find work soon into the start of any relationship that might allay any concerns about that.

Frank101

Back2work wrote: »

Would any guy date a woman who has been out of work due to illness. This woman is looking for work, but hasn't dated a guy in 3.5yrs as thats the amount of time she was not working

This should be in the relationship and personal issues forum. Troll!

Wibbs

Frank101 wrote: »

This should be in the relationship and personal issues forum. Troll!

Excuse me? Who died and made you king? If you have an issue with a post click the report post button. Do NOT accuse another poster of being a troll.

Outlaw Pete

Of course I would. Think the majority of single guys would tbh.

Have heard my male friends complaining about many things over the years, with regards to dating etc, and that sure has never been one of them.

Tony EH

Tony EH wrote: »

..............

I can't understand why anyone would put someone's employment status down as a potential blocker for a date. ................

Indeed, sure when Dusk Niteclub was open and doing the welfare Wed promotions all the Howth folk were very keen on going down to meet their neighbours from a few miles away.

VisibleGorilla

Yeah, I wouldn't care at all.

Saipanne

I met a woman in a bar before who hadn't worked in four years and sounded like she wasn't even looking for work. I found it to be a turn off.

Rhaegal

I think what the op is getting at is will the person be just sponging off him. Either way if shes decent enough to acknowledge she cant afford to go out or whatever you don't have to go around doing expensive activities.

the_syco

Back2work wrote: »

Would any guy date a woman who has been out of work due to illness. This woman is looking for work, but hasn't dated a guy in 3.5yrs as thats the amount of time she was not working

Depends on the illness. Some can't be cured, but others can be treated.

If someone is on meds to treat their illness, can't see a problem. If someone refuses to take their meds to treat their illness due to daft reason (along the lines of anti-vax), would probably leave them at it.

If it's incurable, I don't think it'd really matter once the person was fun to be with.

Lucas Hood

What's the next question?
Would you date a unemployed woman with a child?

Walter H Price

it would depend on the circumstance but i'd be lying if i said it wouldn't bother me at all.

I suppose if shes at least actively looking for a job maybe but the ambition and that would have to be there otherwise no way.

think it would just be a conflict of lifestyles like.

allibastor

At least the topic of I am too tired from work for the nightlys wont come up !!!!!

On a serious note to this, why would it matter. If the OP likes her and she him then the fact she works or doesnt work shouldnt matter. Unless the OP is thinking of holidays and such and doesnt want to pay for it all, which is understandable.

At the end of the day, every person will pick a partner for the whole package of them, of them having or not having a job is something which doesnt fit dont go for it. No one is forcing you one way or the other !

Sleepy

Being married I'm not exactly in the position for this to be an issue nowadays but tbh, it would definitely have put me off. 3 1/2 years is a long time to not have been able to find some kind of work. Most who are that long out of work are either not looking for it, or too proud to take honest work that they consider beneath them. In the case of long term illness, it'd very much depend on the illness. Cancer or something like that wouldn't be a cause for concern but a mental health issue such as depression or anxiety would have me running for the hills.

Shint0

I would still urge a cautious, conservative approach and not because of somebody's illness. I was taken advantage of financially in a relationship where there was short-term unemployment towards the start of the relationship and an unhealthy dependency started to develop.

It's just something to be mindful of even where the other person involved might not be deliberately trying to take advantage. Resentments can still develop where there might be a perceived lack of fairness if one person were to end up overly relying on the other at the start of a relationship.

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

Pitstop Pete

Casshern88 wrote: »

Absolutely why not? I cant even see why this would be an issue to be honest. Is this some kind of upper class snobbery? Are you afraid of what people will think because "she hadn't been working" .

Dead on Horse! The next step would be to check the lass's post office book and see if she has enough saved to meet the standards! Is your man from Cavan by any chance?
When I was dating it was the length of the skirt and the willingness for her to drop the sly-hand on ye, rather then what job...

Greywolverine

Run a mile :P

H3llR4iser

First of all folks, the OP is the woman we're talking about - I mean, even the nickname is a dead giveaway

To the OP - it really depends; I've looked at some of your posts and it seems you're genuinely trying to get back into the employment market. Commendable endeavour and I wish you the best of luck with it - also, about your illness, I would suggest you keep seeing a good professional in the field.

Coming to the subject at hand, it's a tricky question because the case the OP outlines is a very specific one - somebody who's gone through a rough patch and is actively progressing to get back to her feet. She does demonstrate drive, will, resolve.

Unfortunately, with unemployment it's not always the case - especially in countries with a very generous welfare system like Ireland. The big risk entering a dating / relationship with an unemployed individual is that they'd place the whole relationship on a way more central stage, way earlier than the party with other commitments will. The potential for disaster is there and undeniable.

Anyway OP, plenty of guys don't mind for one reason or the other, as exemplified by this very thread. I'd say you'll have very little problem dating

_Whimsical_

Is being ill and unable to work the same as being unemployed though in this context?

There are people here talking about will and resolve. Making it through 3 years of illness and possibly treatment severe enough to render her unable to work probably means she has plenty strong resolve. The fact that she's now looking for something, trying to date also points to that.

I really don't think someone who has been ill belongs in a conversation about unemployment due to lack of resolve or interest in living a full independent life. If she said she'd had her feet up and couldn't care less about supporting herself that's a different thing. It's a bit sad to see that she took the chance being honest about her ill-health, which she possibly feared would be a basis on which she might be rejected, only to be judged like this. OP I don't think you get it really, I think she might be better off with someone else.

LouisSmith1

Yeah why not?

jenny smith

TerrorFirmer wrote: »

Well to be fair while it wouldn't particularly bother me, I can see why someone might be hesitant if someone has been long term unemployed in terms of financial stability, direction, ambition, etc. In general, it's not a stupid question.

Now in this particular case he says she has been ill and is now looking for work having presumably improved, so I cannot for the life of me understand the point of the question at all.

There is a big difference between ill and cannot work and someone who has no ambition. I have a friend who is the former and is very frustrated at being unable to work to be called lacking ambition would be most unfair on him

jenny smith

_Whimsical_ wrote: »

Is being ill and unable to work the same as being unemployed though in this context?

There are people here talking about will and resolve. Making it through 3 years of illness and possibly treatment severe enough to render her unable to work probably means she has plenty strong resolve. The fact that she's now looking for something, trying to date also points to that.

I really don't think someone who has been ill belongs in a conversation about unemployment due to lack of resolve or interest in living a full independent life. If she said she'd had her feet up and couldn't care less about supporting herself that's a different thing. It's a bit sad to see that she took the chance being honest about her ill-health, which she possibly feared would be a basis on which she might be rejected, only to be judged like this. OP I don't think you get it really, I think she might be better off with someone else.

agree

zcorpian88

I wouldn't have a problem with it, I'm more into the value of the person than the value of their bank account.

And I'd hate it to be a problem if the tables are turned and a woman only wanted to go out with a guy only because he had money on the hip.

It's about the value of the person and how you gel with them, if you like them enough you'd make it work, money or not.

Actually I read something recently on msn's homepage I think it was, came across it randomly, it said 75% of women are turned off or even repelled by an unemployed man. Jesus like, almost paints all unemployed men as some sort of slob sitting on the couch in a stained white vest all day. (If that's the case here in Ireland, don't let rip into me over it as I'm only basing it off that statistic I saw) but to me this figure 75% of women who think this way are stuck up their own hole then as youth unemployment is still rampant.

Doesn't mean they are all work shy gobshytes that are undeserving of a date. Some of the nicest people I've ever met both male and female are unemployed.

Stealthfins

The country is full of guy's who were dumped during the aftermath of the Celtic Tiger because they ended up unemployed.

The odd thing is these brats or princesses thought some knob would sweep them off their feet and supply them with the lifestyle their exe hubby provided them with.

It's an Irish thing this class snobbery thing.

Over in the UK you'll see old money horsey toffs dating average guys who may be landscape gardener's, tree surgeon's or have some sort of craft trade.

I met far more mix matched Protestant and Church of Ireland couples than Catholic's that's for sure.

Here in this country you have women who expects guy to be throwing up the cash.

Guys aren't as shallow in general where money and relationships are concerned.

Knex*

Permabear wrote: »

This post had been deleted.

This is exactly my take on it as well.

Similarly, I also lose a little interest when the person is one of those, "hate my job, just live for the weekend", types of folk, and they're doing absolutely nothing to change their career path or take control of their life.

Granted, not everybody can do that for numerous reasons. But overall, we're quite privileged in this country, broadly speaking, and there's little excuse to be harbouring that type of attitude.

I want someone to have the same attitude towards life as I do, and I honestly could never imagine myself not working or keeping myself engaged in some fashion, so its hard for me to picture a scenario whereby a potential partner would differ so drastically from me in that regard.

Pat Mustard

Mod:

Stealthfins, your post was unfounded, inappropriate and against the forum charter.

Please familiarize yourself with the forum charter before posting in this forum again. See here.

Please do not reply to this post.

Knex*

Stealthfins wrote: »

The country is full of guy's who were dumped during the aftermath of the Celtic Tiger because they ended up unemployed.

The odd thing is these brats or princesses thought some knob would sweep them off their feet and supply them with the lifestyle their exe hubby provided them with.

It's an Irish thing this class snobbery thing.

Over in the UK you'll see old money horsey toffs dating average guys who may be landscape gardener's, tree surgeon's or have some sort of craft trade.

I met far more mix matched Protestant and Church of Ireland couples than Catholic's that's for sure.

Here in this country you have women who expects guy to be throwing up the cash.

Guys aren't as shallow in general where money and relationships are concerned.

I throughly disagree with the statement that Ireland has a high case of class snobbery and a female expectation for the men to splash the cash.

Globally speaking, or even just in the Western World, I would say that Irish women are as independent, and class ignorant (in a good way) as they come. We don't really have a major class system in this country to speak of anyway.