Dating an unemployed woman

zcorpian88

Stealthfins wrote: »

The country is full of guy's who were dumped during the aftermath of the Celtic Tiger because they ended up unemployed.

The odd thing is these brats or princesses thought some knob would sweep them off their feet and supply them with the lifestyle their exe hubby provided them with.

It's an Irish thing this class snobbery thing.

Over in the UK you'll see old money horsey toffs dating average guys who may be landscape gardener's, tree surgeon's or have some sort of craft trade.

I met far more mix matched Protestant and Church of Ireland couples than Catholic's that's for sure.

Here in this country you have women who expects guy to be throwing up the cash.

Guys aren't as shallow in general where money and relationships are concerned.

Here, here

Too much keeping up with the Jones's going on still. Everybody loves money, but if I had to choose between a lot of money or being happy, I'd choose being happy. I'd rather not have a woman in my life if all she is interested in is my wallet and is incredibly materialistic. I have no desire of what's in her bank either, as long as the bills are paid, people are fed and try to stay out of debt, then nobody is losing. I have never looked for much from any partner, in fact when I was skint in my last 2 relationships it was more or less me spending my money on them, only because I'm the generous sort, always have been, never asked anything of my partner/s but I wanted companionship and their time and respect.

You get what you put into a relationship if you're broke, what you want to do comes with improvising and compromising.

And as for the Irish class snobbery thing, eh...I don't know there, I just think it's a character flaw we picked up during the boom times, where everybody all of a sudden has to be driven, have a masters degree and drive a petrol guzzling SUV, and have a blazer with patches on the elbows,a goofy haircut and "oh and he has VHI! oh he's a keeper"

Tony EH

Stealthfins wrote: »

The country is full of guy's who were dumped during the aftermath of the Celtic Tiger because they ended up unemployed.

Maybe they should be happy that they dodged that particular bullet then. If you're going out with someone that values your bank account or employment status over YOU, you're on a hiding to nothing.

Such people are best avoided.

Wibbs

zcorpian88 wrote: »

Actually I read something recently on msn's homepage I think it was, came across it randomly, it said 75% of women are turned off or even repelled by an unemployed man.

If it was on MSN then the chances are high that it was American women who were polled, or that demographic skewed the stats. Any culture that has few enough social safety nets will return that kinda result. I'd bet the same poll run within the EU wouldn't return as high a percentage(though I"d further bet it would still be high).

However, let's call a spade a spade here. Traditionally women as a gender have sought out strong providers, whereas men as a gender cared far less for that, instead seeking beauty/youth. This is a very old tradition indeed and crosses pretty much every culture on earth. To the degree that it's arguably inbuilt at a low level in us as a species. Recent changes in the West are changing that to some degree, but I would contend it's still running there under the surface. With caveats like the one I noted above; variances in social safety nets.

Sleepy

Tony EH wrote: »

Maybe they should be happy that they dodged that particular bullet then. If you're going out with someone that values your bank account or employment status over YOU, you're on a hiding to nothing.

Such people are best avoided.

To be fair, with this country's record when it comes to family law, a lot of those chaps were hit by the bullet rather than managed to dodge it...

snickerpuss

Permabear wrote: »

This post had been deleted.

Are you missing the fact that she can't work due to illness? Does your education and ambition just disappear when you are diagnosed with something serious? I hope you never get ill as presumably you would be but a shadow of your current educated, ambitious, productive self.

Wibbs

Depends on the illness. For me anyway. Physical then I can work around that(and have done), mental, then nope. Been there, done that, have the tee shirt and have paid my dues. Never again.

_Whimsical_

Wibbs wrote: »

Depends on the illness. For me anyway. Physical then I can work around that(and have done), mental, then nope. Been there, done that, have the tee shirt and have paid my dues. Never again.

I think it's very hard to draw generalisations as these things effect people in very individual ways.
Some people are just naturally very difficult and their mental illness isn't necessarily the cause of how hard they are to deal with. I have a friend for example who is infinitely nicer when she's clinically depressed. She's much more appreciative of her friends,more reflective on life in general, interesting conversationalist, more tuned into other people's feelings. When she's in good form however her sensitivity to life, books,art and other people just disappears and she'll trample anyone to get what she wants. I think that's just her innate personality as people who knew her before her depression find this is the "real self" they've known for years.
I think you have to give people a chance to see what you're dealing with before you rule them out entirely over any condition.

Wibbs

_Whimsical_ wrote: »

I think it's very hard to draw generalisations as these things effect people in very individual ways.

Oh sure and it is just my personal experience of a few. In those experiences it was like living with a human grenade, you knew it would go off sooner or later, you were just worried about the size of the blast involved and how short her fuse was. Too often I've been more a shrink than a boyfriend. Sod that. My experiences of such illnesses made me extremely wary of unpredictable emotionals, so for me it's not worth the hassle and/or risk to my personal contentment. Life is too short.

Shint0

Wibbs wrote: »

Oh sure and it is just my personal experience of a few. In those experiences it was like living with a human grenade, you knew it would go off sooner or later, you were just worried about the size of the blast involved and how short her fuse was. Too often I've been more a shrink than a boyfriend. Sod that. My experiences of such illnesses made me extremely wary of unpredictable emotionals, so for me it's not worth the hassle and/or risk to my personal contentment. Life is too short.

Obviously without knowing the particular circumstances, Wibbs, of what you experienced but sometimes personality disorders can be mistaken for mental illness. Some types of personality disorders can make it very difficult for people to have relationships and can be much more difficult to treat while some types of mental illness can be treatable and manageable if the person is open to it and genuinely works hard to try to overcome their difficulties. I'm not dismissing your experience as I appreciate if someone gets burned in a certain situation they can be hesitant to go down that road again.

Wibbs

I've been with (diagnosed) narcissistic personality disorder(to be avoided like the very plague. No really. Run.) unipolar depression and one with anxiety disorders(not talking a phobia, I mean full on stuff). I can pick em. That would be a sliding scale of severity. Never again though. Why should I? I'm not a shrink and I'm long past the "I want to save her" mentality. More and more we're hearing we should talk about mental illness and I agree, but the other victims that we hear little enough about are those that have to live with the mentally ill. It can be wearing and a damned bore at best, a bloody nightmare at worst.

The other takeaway for me is the world is full of women who aren't mentally ill so… I mean, why add extra hassle to one's life if it can be avoided?

Shint0

I'm very much with you on that, Wibbs, around the lack of appreciation of the ripple effect of certain mental health difficulties and personality disorders. It's an issue I have huge awareness of and am familiar with. I think there is growing awareness around those affected by relationships with people with narcissistic personality disorder, at least, whether that's through romantic or familial relationships and lots of resources out there now. There's still a gap for support services for those directly affected or who care for people with mental health difficulties.

I get the impression the OP has probably been working on their difficulties if they are hoping to return to work and hopefully won't be hit so hard next time. That's if they're still following the thread.

Heart Break Kid

Back2work wrote: »

Would any guy date a woman who has been out of work due to illness. This woman is looking for work, but hasn't dated a guy in 3.5yrs as thats the amount of time she was not working

Flip that question around..... Would a women date a guy who has been unemployed for 3.5yrs.

Is one more likely than the other. Remember watching some rubbish lifestyle dating show based in New York where a person wouldn't date someone let alone consider someone if they had a poor or average credit score.

audi12

Saipanne wrote: »

I met a woman in a bar before who hadn't worked in four years and sounded like she wasn't even looking for work. I found it to be a turn off.

Most women will expect not to have to work when they getting married anyway so dont see what difference it makes.

Stealthfins

Knex. wrote:

Globally speaking, or even just in the Western World, I would say that Irish women are as independent, and class ignorant (in a good way) as they come. We don't really have a major class system in this country to speak of anyway.

You must be joking....
Try being an attractive looking nice guy in your early 30's on a humble wage and see how many women will be flocking to you.
You'll be guaranteed the unattractive ignorant wealthy guy will attract more women than the guy with little to no money.
I'm in my 40's now so don't have to contend to that idiocy.
It's easier in your 40's as the women realize it's not about the money,it's just about meeting a nice guy who likes to share time rather than anything else.

La.de.da

I'd like to think so. Otherwise I'm doomed.
I don't work for health reasons. Both on recommendations from gp and consultants. I find it a little embarrassing to say when chatting to men to try and explain this. And it does sometimes stop me from trying to date.

For me it's the person you fall for shouldn't matter about the income or how they choose to or are kinda forced to spend their time. I'd much rather a kind hearted person with a bag of chips at the seaside for a date than with an uptight person at a 5 star restaurant.

Silverbling

Stealthfins wrote: »

You must be joking....
Try being an attractive looking nice guy in your early 30's on a humble wage and see how many women will be flocking to you.
You'll be guaranteed the unattractive ignorant wealthy guy will attract more women than the guy with little to no money.
I'm in my 40's now so don't have to contend to that idiocy.
It's easier in your 40's as the women realize it's not about the money,it's just about meeting a nice guy who likes to share time rather than anything else.

Not always, I have not dated in a long time, mainly because 4 years ago I thought I would throw a few images up on the internet and be rich, that was deluded,I met a man a couple of months ago who seemed lovely but obviously had a bit of money

We were in a group and someone mentioned social welfare for some reason and he said no one here is, so I said yes actually I am, you could see him step back a bit so I thought I would give him the facts

I am 50, self employed, flat broke and a tad homeless living in a 1 room granny flat with my kids who are 17 and 10

His face was a picture! the reality is I work my butt off 7 days a week trying not to kill off my business while I do my degree in web technology and design after getting other industry certs, the "kids" one is aiming for a medical degree and the 10 year old can do my coding homework on her pc quicker than I can and wants to be a programmer.

I am on social welfare after 30 years paying tax because after renting for 6 years my landlord moved his son in, I had all my savings invested in my start up so I got the self employed JSA because I needed help and was not in profit.

To be honest though I can see why he shuffled off so quickly, I am not exactly the catch of the year lol

Both sexes should probably spend a bit more time chatting first before trying to figure out the other persons circumstances, maybe if he had not judged and got talking to me he would have realised that I am not a sponger just circumstances collided and I still keep on smiling

Tony EH

/\

I can only wish you the best of luck SB. It's not much, but I just don't know what else to say to that post.

silverharp

Stealthfins wrote: »

You must be joking....
Try being an attractive looking nice guy in your early 30's on a humble wage and see how many women will be flocking to you.
You'll be guaranteed the unattractive ignorant wealthy guy will attract more women than the guy with little to no money.
I'm in my 40's now so don't have to contend to that idiocy.
It's easier in your 40's as the women realize it's not about the money,it's just about meeting a nice guy who likes to share time rather than anything else.

its not idiocy its just reality, if I was being a little less charitable the reason you are finding it easier is that your expectations have stayed the same whereas their expectations have been forced to change

Dial Hard

audi12 wrote:

Most women will expect not to have to work when they getting married anyway so dont see what difference it makes.

Nonsense. Some women may prefer not to work when kids come along but I've never known a single one to go "Right, ring on finger, I'm downing tools now."

audi12

Dial Hard wrote: »

Nonsense. Some women may prefer not to work when kids come along but I've never known a single one to go "Right, ring on finger, I'm downing tools now."

If they could they would prefer not to the majority if their other half doesnt make enough money they cant down tools.

Dial Hard

audi12 wrote:

If they could they would prefer not to the majority

Right. And what was the sample size of this highly scientific survey you conducted whereby you feel confident making absolute statements on what "most" and "the majority" of women want?

audi12

Dial Hard wrote: »

Right. And what was the sample size of this highly scientific survey you conducted whereby you feel confident making absolute statements on what "most" and "the majority" of women want?

Its called the internet and speaking with women over the years who have no problem saying it. What surprises you why would you think they would want to work in some job if they get the option not to.

Liam McPoyle

audi12 wrote: »

Its called the internet and speaking with women over the years who have no problem saying it. What surprises you why would you think they would want to work in some job if they get the option not to.

Hogwash.

At least amongst the women I've hung out with and known in my 37 years.

There are in my experience a minority that would want or expect to be a "kept" woman but most modern women that I've met would run a mile if they were with a man that expected / wanted them to be a house wife.

audi12

Saul T Nutzz wrote: »

Hogwash.

At least amongst the women I've hung out with and known in my 37 years.

There are in my experience a minority that would want or expect to be a "kept" woman but most modern women that I've met would run a mile if they were with a man that expected / wanted them to be a house wife.

I dont agree we will have to agree to disagree thats not my experience. For the record I wouldn't expect or want someone to be a housewife but if she expected to stay at home I wouldn't be shocked.

Pawwed Rig

Definitely wouldn't be my experience either audi. I have seen it with sone high earners alright but that tends to be a partnership arrangement where he works every hour available and she maintains the home life.
In my friends and family circle all maintained some level of career.

audi12

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

Definitely wouldn't be my experience either audi. I have seen it with sone high earners alright but that tends to be a partnership arrangement where he works every hour available and she maintains the home life.
In my friends and family circle all maintained some level of career.

Its not about what they did or didnt do its what they would have liked to have done ie not work if they could.

Eric Cartman

I think there are definitely a lot more men willing to have a long term relationship / marry an unemployed woman than there are women willing to even date unemployed men past the age of about 25 . Before that I don't think many care , but once women start getting into their mid twenties and things like weddings and buying houses start becoming dinner conversation , you don't want to be in the " i could never have any of those things" camp.


Personally Im a very ambitious person. Ive always worked very hard and I would consider myself somewhat successful. Im well aware I'd be single forever if I held out for someone who wants success as much as me, but ambition is definitely a requirement. A woman with a job is alright, A woman with a career and prospects and the ambition to go further is what I'd be after.

Like it or not, if theres an imbalance of ambition and delivering on that, you're going to end up resenting someone. Fancy holidays, a new car in the driveway, the house you live in, what sort of activities to do with the kids, if you're with somebody who struggles to or simply can't cough up half , then subconsciously you'll be annoyed.

audi12

Eric Cartman wrote: »

I think there are definitely a lot more men willing to have a long term relationship / marry an unemployed woman than there are women willing to even date unemployed men past the age of about 25 . Before that I don't think many care , but once women start getting into their mid twenties and things like weddings and buying houses start becoming dinner conversation , you don't want to be in the " i could never have any of those things" camp.


Personally Im a very ambitious person. Ive always worked very hard and I would consider myself somewhat successful. Im well aware I'd be single forever if I held out for someone who wants success as much as me, but ambition is definitely a requirement. A woman with a job is alright, A woman with a career and prospects and the ambition to go further is what I'd be after.

Like it or not, if theres an imbalance of ambition and delivering on that, you're going to end up resenting someone. Fancy holidays, a new car in the driveway, the house you live in, what sort of activities to do with the kids, if you're with somebody who struggles to or simply can't cough up half , then subconsciously you'll be annoyed.

I would date an unemployed woman I wouldent expect a woman to date me if I wasnt working for ages however.

Colser

audi12 wrote:

Its not about what they did or didnt do its what they would have liked to have done ie not work if they could.

I totally disagree with this,in actual fact I know loads of women who were glad to go back to work after maternity leave as they don't want to be stay at home mothers .I genuinely don't know any woman who intended to give up work when she married or lived with someone.

audi12

Colser wrote: »

I totally disagree with this,in actual fact I know loads of women who were glad to go back to work after maternity leave as they don't want to be stay at home mothers .I genuinely don't know any woman who intended to give up work when she married or lived with someone.

Im not necessarily talking about stay at home mothers anyway doesnt matter were not going to agree.

intheclouds

audi12 wrote: »

Im not necessarily talking about stay at home mothers anyway doesnt matter were not going to agree.

It's almost like you think a woman working in the home, looking after the household, the children, the pets, the cooking, the cleaning etc, isn't making a contribution to the relationship. Ah no, you wouldn't be dismissing stay at home partners like that would you?

audi12

intheclouds wrote: »

It's almost like you think a woman working in the home, looking after the household, the children, the pets, the cooking, the cleaning etc, isn't making a contribution to the relationship. Ah no, you wouldn't be dismissing stay at home partners like that would you?

I have no idea what you are talking about I have no opinion either way about women who mind children or pets I couldn't care less.

intheclouds

audi12 wrote: »

I have no idea what you are talking about I have no opinion either way about women who mind children or pets I couldn't care less.

The only person I knew who deliberately gave up work after marriage was a bloke who preferred to work on his music. Actually, I know 2 different blokes who did that. One was in a straight relationship, it was economically sounder for him to look after the kids. The other was a gay relationship. No kids.

Perhaps it happens with women too. It's not something that happens among my own circle I have to say.

audi12

intheclouds wrote: »

The only person I knew who deliberately gave up work after marriage was a bloke who preferred to work on his music. Actually, I know 2 different blokes who did that. One was in a straight relationship, it was economically sounder for him to look after the kids. The other was a gay relationship. No kids.

Perhaps it happens with women too. It's not something that happens among my own circle I have to say.

Ive made this point countless times il make it again just because they havent given up work doesnt mean they wouldn't like they. Maybe they have children and a big mortgage so cant afford to give it up.

I know plenty of women who would like to give it up and there are plenty who wouldent marry a man unless he could provide for both of them

Silverbling

Eric Cartman wrote: »

I think there are definitely a lot more men willing to have a long term relationship / marry an unemployed woman than there are women willing to even date unemployed men past the age of about 25 . Before that I don't think many care , but once women start getting into their mid twenties and things like weddings and buying houses start becoming dinner conversation , you don't want to be in the " i could never have any of those things" camp.


Personally Im a very ambitious person. Ive always worked very hard and I would consider myself somewhat successful. Im well aware I'd be single forever if I held out for someone who wants success as much as me, but ambition is definitely a requirement. A woman with a job is alright, A woman with a career and prospects and the ambition to go further is what I'd be after.

Like it or not, if theres an imbalance of ambition and delivering on that, you're going to end up resenting someone. Fancy holidays, a new car in the driveway, the house you live in, what sort of activities to do with the kids, if you're with somebody who struggles to or simply can't cough up half , then subconsciously you'll be annoyed.

years ago I met someone that could have developed into a relationship, we earnt similar money, had similar off hour work that had to be accepted, made each other laugh.... then he offered to do me a spreadsheet because I spent too much of my own money on "things"

I had my own house, paid my own bills, had no debt, goodbye someone who made me laugh, a spreadsheet?

audi12

Silverbling wrote: »

years ago I met someone that could have developed into a relationship, we earnt similar money, had similar off hour work that had to be accepted, made each other laugh.... then he offered to do me a spreadsheet because I spent too much of my own money on "things"

I had my own house, paid my own bills, had no debt, goodbye someone who made me laugh, a spreadsheet?

So you dumped him because he offered to do a spreadsheet ha is that right??

anewme

Silverbling wrote: »

years ago I met someone that could have developed into a relationship, we earnt similar money, had similar off hour work that had to be accepted, made each other laugh.... then he offered to do me a spreadsheet because I spent too much of my own money on "things"

I had my own house, paid my own bills, had no debt, goodbye someone who made me laugh, a spreadsheet?

I'd get rid also.....anyone who tells you that you spend too much of your own money on "things" is not a keeper....control freak alert!!

That said, if I met someone like him at 9am I reckon I'd be given the spreadsheet by lunchtime, given my spending habits!!!:pac::pac:

audi12

anewme wrote: »

I'd get rid also.....anyone who tells you that you spend too much of your own money on "things" is not a keeper....control freak alert!!

That said, if I met someone like him at 9am I reckon I'd be given the spreadsheet by lunchtime, given my spending habits!!!:pac::pac:

Fussy much

anewme

audi12 wrote: »

Fussy much

Not sure what you mean?

There's nothing "fussy" about not allowing someone tell you how to spend your own hard earned salary.

audi12

anewme wrote: »

Not sure what you mean?

There's nothing "fussy" about not allowing someone tell you how to spend your own hard earned salary.

There is a difference between someone telling you how to spend money and giving advice on how to spend money ie giving an opinion that someone spends two much money is harmless one would think but with women who knows.

anewme

audi12 wrote: »

There is a difference between someone telling you how to spend money and giving advice on how to spend money

Telling someone they spend too much money on "things" is not giving advice, its lecturing.

The person said she had her own house, had no debt, had a good job so seemed well capable of handling her own financial affairs so why would she need a spreadsheet or advice on how to spend money. She seemed to be doing a good job of it herself.

She didnt accept it, and neither would most people.

audi12

anewme wrote: »

Telling someone they spend too much money on "things" is not giving advice, its lecturing.

The person said she had her own house, had no debt, had a good job so seemed well capable of handling her own financial affairs so why would she need a spreadsheet or advice on how to spend money. She seemed to be doing a good job of it herself.

She didnt accept it, and neither would most women to be honest.

So if your going out with someone and he mentions to you he thinks you spend two much money on crap you would dump him is that correct?

anewme

audi12 wrote: »

So if your going out with someone and he mentions to you he thinks you spend two much money on crap you would dump him is that correct?

In the first instance, I would tell him to mind his own business.

If he persisted, he would not be someone I had anything in common with.

When you work 60 hours a week and more, you earn the right to spend your money on whatever you damn please and if someone does not like that, then they are best off suited to someone else.

audi12

anewme wrote: »

In the first instance, I would tell him to mind his own business.

If he persisted, he would not be someone I had anything in common with.

When you work 60 hours a week and more, you earn the right to spend your money on whatever you damn please and if someone does not like that, then they are best off suited to someone else.

I agree with a lot of the post

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

intheclouds

audi12 wrote: »

Ive made this point countless times il make it again just because they havent given up work doesnt mean they wouldn't like they. Maybe they have children and a big mortgage so cant afford to give it up.

I know plenty of women who would like to give it up and there are plenty who wouldent marry a man unless he could provide for both of them

Who wouldnt want to give up work if they could afford to, male or female?

At different times myself and my husband have both been redundant. Whenever one of us was at home there was a significant improvement in quality of life for both of us.

The person at home would take care of chores, cooking, cleaning, laundry etc... The person working would come home to a hot dinner, no chores to do and a free evening for both to spend together.

When we both work evenings consist of both of us playing catch up on chores and pre cooking the next days lunches etc... We are both permanently knackered and life is a treadmill of work, housework, sleep, work......

We would both like if one of us could give up work - doesnt matter which one. It would be more likely to be him as Im the higher earner.

But we cant afford the quality of life we both want unless both of us work.

You seem to be implying in your countless posts that a woman who doesnt want to work after she gets married is some kind of parasite or too lazy to contribute while conveniently ignoring the increase in quality of life for both people if only one partner has to work. You also seem to be implying that its only women who dont want to work. And that she makes the decision herself and her poor husband is a victim. Perhaps you dont understand how healthy relationships work - generally big decisions about working are made as a couple. Its not one individual who decides "Im not working, support me". Thats just not real life.

anewme

Permabear wrote: »

This post had been deleted.

the key word is voluntary.

The person who posted was not struggling, in fact was in a very good place financially.

I would not be happy if someone told me I was spending too much money on crap.

You'd wonder how you managed to get by perfectly fine without their input?

Permabear

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Permabear

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intheclouds

Permabear wrote: »

This post had been deleted.

I know there are some who like working, but for me it just gets in the way of all the other interesting things I could be doing.

Ive a very cynical view of work, I feel I am "working for the man" being conned out of my time and my health chained to a desk making someone else rich.

Im sure Ive posted extensively about it before

If I could afford to live the life I wanted without working Id be gone like a shot!