Wedding afters invite tonight, 40 miles?

Frank101

Got an afters invite to cousin's wedding. I get that it's not meant as an insult, as there may be be financial concerns, but what percentage of people normally accept these things anyway? In this case, one of my siblings, who's already married, had husband's invite given to my other sibling, so it kinda feels like everyone in the family has been invited accept me.

It's also as if it'd give the impression that you clearly have nothing else better to be doing that you'd come along?? I might be hard to get into and I'd hate to be the only afters person there! In a way, I couldn't be bothered. I'm tired of being a supporting player!

MilesMorales1

Did you go to the wedding, or just invited to the after party?

Frank101

MilesMorales1 wrote: »

Did you go to the wedding, or just invited to the after party?

invited to afters, not the full invite.

Fleawuss

OP, what?

OldMrBrennan83

This post has been deleted.

Frank101

Fleawuss wrote: »

OP, what?

Elaborate

MilesMorales1

Oh **** it, I wouldn't go then. Right pain in the arse.

Frank101

Patww79 wrote: »

This post has been deleted.

No, I wouldn't think they're hoping for cash off me. If I felt a good few others accepted the afters, I might feel more inclined to go along.

My family are below there now, texting me. Every text seems to be making me feel differently about it.

GritBiscuit

If it was local and I liked the bride and groom, I'd pop along. If it was a bit further afield and there was a decent group of people going to make a night of it, I'd probably go to that too. A long trek or accommodation costs for five hours of hotel bar prices and a dodgy band...nah...particularly if I barely knew the bride and/or groom...

misstearheus

Don't go to many Weddings. Havn't been to any in ages. Don't get asked to many anyway. But one Wedding I went to the Afters to. I did get invited to the Full Wedding but can't remember why I couldn't go earlier. But anyways I had the best time ever! Usually hate Weddings, due to being quiet and not having anyone to have a laugh with and the day is so looooooooongggg and drawn-out! But yeah by the time the music started, all the formal lark was over and done with and everyone is relaxed. Yeah had a great evening and night I have to say.

Hard to follow your post. Oh sorry it's your cousin. Are ye close and get on well? If ye do it's highly likely it's numbers and funds were an issue and I think you should just go and enjoy yourself...

Panthro

Giz yer money then feck off!

I'm a cynic.

andekwarhola

If you're invited to an afters so far away, I'd suspect it's a general invite just to be inclusive but not really expecting you to come.

As for giving presents or cash for an afters, when did that start happening?

Frank101

misstearheus wrote: »

Hard to follow your post. Oh sorry it's your cousin. Are ye close and get on well? If ye do it's highly likely it's numbers and funds were an issue and I think you should just go and enjoy yourself...

Should read clearer now

shamrock2004

Frank101 wrote: »

Got an afters invite to cousin's wedding. I get that it's not meant as an insult, as there may be be financial concerns, but what percentage of people normally accept these things anyway? In this case, one of my siblings, who's already married, had husband's invite given to my other sibling, so it kinda feels like everyone in the family has been invited accept me.

It's also as if it'd give the impression that you clearly have nothing else better to be doing that you'd come along?? I might be hard to get into and I'd hate to be the only afters person there! In a way, I couldn't be bothered. I'm tired of being a supporting player!

Got invited to the afters of a wedding in march. Didnt bother. Was watching lady c on television last night and something she said really resonated. She said that she turns down 90% of social invitations and only goes to events she believes she will actually enjoy. Thats cool in my book!

s4uv3

shamrock2004 wrote: »

Got invited to the afters of a wedding in march. Didnt bother. Was watching lady c on television last night and something she said really resonated. She said that she turns down 90% of social invitations and only goes to events she believes she will actually enjoy. Thats cool in my book!

I aspire to be like that, getting there slowly. I just can't yet say, "no thanks, sounds fairly shyte"

xabi

If it was me I wouldn't be arsed, you're probably a bit late now anyway, hate weddings.

shamrock2004

xabi wrote: »

hate weddings.

+1,000,000

darkestlord

It's the usual bull****. My wife tries to drags me to a wedding/funeral because some smelly relation dickhead coughed on me during mass and now we're buddies. Crack open a beer and put on some porn. And relax

Mena Mitty

The 'Afters' around where I live, is known as the ' Leftovers '

Your Face

Jaysus.

queueeye

Mena Mitty wrote: »

The 'Afters' around where I live, is known as the ' Leftovers '

AKA licking the plates.

Moo Moo Land

At least with the Afters, you've missed all the boring/formal/ritual bits of a wedding. Let's face it, most people hate weddings. The people that have to waste their whole day there are often envious of the Afters people. The secret is to arrive late with a few friends, get a few drinks in fast and enjoy the dancing/music. That said, I usually don't generally accept an Afters invite unless it's handy to get there and the married couple are sound people (i.e. not stuck up) and I have nothing better to be doing.

holly44

Frank101 wrote: »

invited to afters, not the full invite.

Show them the same contempt, tell them you can't come as you are washing your hair.

pablo128

Sure I never went to my uncles funeral the other week. There's bad blood between me and one of his sons( my cousin) anyway. Then another uncle who took it upon himself to organise the funeral never even told my mother when and where it was on. She had to find out from another of her brothers who lives in Canada!

And then to top it all off the slimy fcuk of an uncle was sending messages through other people for a contribution to the funeral costs, saying my cousins couldn't afford it. Yeah, the same cousin who got 60 k from my insurance a few years ago.:mad:

threescompany

Do not understand that bullsh***t theory that couples invite guests to the afters of their wedding due to financial constraints.
Nowadays, most guests give the couple a cash present which usually more than covers the cost of their meal. So if you invite 90 or 120 people,it should not matter regarding costs. There's no doubt the extra 30 people going will cover their meal.
I don't like getting invites to the afters of weddings as I feel like the second choice and I don't ever go.

Nervous Wreck

People have a real stick up their holes about this. Afters invite means you didn't make the cut but they'd like to have you at the afters/it'd be too uncomfortable to not invite you at all. If you don't want to go, they won't be upset. If you do go, they won't expect a present. So just decide what you want to do and stop reading so deeply into everything.

Wigglepuppy

I doubt most people hate weddings. The weddings people would be more likely not to enjoy are those of people whom they don't know that well (and where there might be hardly any people whom they know) but feel an obligation to go to (e.g. with their partner, or the wedding of a relative they don't see much, or that of someone at work). I'd say very few people hate going to the weddings of close family and friends though.

Being invited to an afters as an insult? Down to interpretation I guess. It should be considered whether there is an intent to insult, and that's doubtful. Usually those invited to afters are people like workmates and friends of friends, whom the bride/groom want to include in some way but don't have the scope to invite to the entire thing. The opposite to an insult surely. A full invite for every acquaintance and friend of a friend would be a bit much to expect, but an invite to the afters is obviously better than no invite at all.

freshpopcorn

I have noticed that invites to the Afrers(ie you get sandwiches/sausages/basket of chips/maybe a bit cake) have really started sliding in the last few years and people generally just invite people to the whole wedding. They used be very popular.
If people are invited to the afters they generally give €50 or a set of glasses/vase that they picked up cheap enough or one's that they are re-gifting.

Minderbinder

If you're not going to invite me for the spuds, I'm not going to go for the skins.

I don't get the fuss about it, some people want a tiny wedding with like 3 people and then have the evening party with everyone along.
Although if it's like 300 people for the wedding and an extra 50 for the afters I might see the point ...

Sam Kade

The op seems more put out about not being invited to the whole wedding instead of be invited for the leftovers

MonsterCookie

OP; did you go in the end? Put us out of suspension please!!!

Wigglepuppy

Sam Kade wrote: »

The op seems more put out about not being invited to the whole wedding instead of be invited for the leftovers

Well yes, that's what he said.

Little CuChulainn

I would have thought afters invited are for work colleagues and the like. I wouldn't have thought a gift was expected either. If I got an afters invite from family I would consider it an insult.

Suzyq

Little CuChulainn wrote: »

I would have thought afters invited are for work colleagues and the like. I wouldn't have thought a gift was expected either. If I got an afters invite from family I would consider it an insult.

I've fallen foul of that understanding about a gift not being required for a work colleague. I gave in to the work collection, went to the afters and got an email afterwards asking what I personally had got the couple as a wedding present. Awkward....

OldMrBrennan83

This post has been deleted.

Samsgirl

I don't get why people get insulted on receiving an invite to the evening of a wedding. It's the best part! You get to skip the formalities and small talk of the afternoon and arrive for the party.

PARlance

Suzyq wrote: »

and got an email afterwards asking what I personally had got the couple as a wedding present. Awkward....

*slides back into chair, tweaks nipples, puts on Joe Duffy voice*

Talk to Suzyq, Suzyq from boards.ie on the line... email looking for present,...Suzyq, go on, tell me more...

Suzyq

Patww79 wrote: »

This post has been deleted.

It was from the groom, at the behest of his new wife I think/hope.

The email was along the lines of 'we're doing up our thank you cards and can't find a gift with your name on it. But we do have some gifts with no labels on them so can you let us know what you got us so that we can make sure we thank you for the correct gift '

OldMrBrennan83

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pwurple

Suzyq wrote: »

It was from the groom, at the behest of his new wife I think/hope.

The email was along the lines of 'we're doing up our thank you cards and can't find a gift with your name on it. But we do have some gifts with no labels on them so can you let us know what you got us so that we can make sure we thank you for the correct gift '

Lmao. What type of idiot does that?

Pride yourself in having better social graces than this pair of baboons anyway Suzyq.

You now have a choice though. Embarrass them with a well crafted reply, or say nothing and see if they keep up this idiocy with another email or followup text.

Samaris

Suzyq wrote: »

It was from the groom, at the behest of his new wife I think/hope.

The email was along the lines of 'we're doing up our thank you cards and can't find a gift with your name on it. But we do have some gifts with no labels on them so can you let us know what you got us so that we can make sure we thank you for the correct gift '

*criiinge* That seems to be incredibly common these days. Maybe it always was.

I don't know quite how I'd handle that situation, if there were some gifts without names and I was trying to match them up to names so I could thank them properly, but there has to be a more graceful method than that! I'd certainly not want to put someone into that weird position or make it seem like I had expected a gift! At the same time, one can't just ignore it and not say thank you or there's reason for offence there too.

Elope. It's the only answer that solves everything!

Suzyq

pwurple wrote: »

Lmao. What type of idiot does that?

Pride yourself in having better social graces than this pair of baboons anyway Suzyq.

You now have a choice though. Embarrass them with a well crafted reply, or say nothing and see if they keep up this idiocy with another email or followup text.

This happened years ago- I replied saying that I hadn't had the chance to get them anything yet. Still haven't got around to it funnily enough!

OldMrBrennan83

This post has been deleted.

A Dub in Glasgo

Suzyq wrote: »

It was from the groom, at the behest of his new wife I think/hope.

The email was along the lines of 'we're doing up our thank you cards and can't find a gift with your name on it. But we do have some gifts with no labels on them so can you let us know what you got us so that we can make sure we thank you for the correct gift '

Email back and say it was the Call of Duty PS4 bundle, that should confuse them

Calahonda52

Suzyq wrote: »

It was from the groom, at the behest of his new wife I think/hope.

The email was along the lines of 'we're doing up our thank you cards and can't find a gift with your name on it. But we do have some gifts with no labels on them so can you let us know what you got us so that we can make sure we thank you for the correct gift '

My my, what cheek.
Tell them you got a rampant rabbit, for him.

Sam Kade

Suzyq wrote: »

This happened years ago- I replied saying that I hadn't had the chance to get them anything yet. Still haven't got around to it funnily enough!

I thought said there was a work collection for them?

amtc

My cousin got married recently. They sent an invite to the full wedding for my mam and dad, and one to my grandmother (who lives in Australia and wouldn't be able to travel...she is a sister of my cousin's grandmother). Anyway my aunt happened to be coming over from Australia and she replied to say that as my grandmother couldn't attend she would be honoured to represent the family. My cousin wrote to my mam to say this wasn't acceptable as only wanted people they knew and if my grandmother couldn't come my aunt was OK to come to afters! Theyve never met my dad who got full invite. We went, thinking that they were stuck on numbers. Found out afterwards that groom s mam had hired escort off internet.

Moo Moo Land

amtc wrote: »

We went, thinking that they were stuck on numbers. Found out afterwards that grooms man had hired escort off internet.

I see...;)

Moo Moo Land

Nervous Wreck wrote: »

People have a real stick up their holes about this. Afters invite means you didn't make the cut but they'd like to have you at the afters/it'd be too uncomfortable to not invite you at all. If you don't want to go, they won't be upset. If you do go, they won't expect a present. So just decide what you want to do and stop reading so deeply into everything.

That's nonsense! They will expect a present, a smaller one yes but turning up empty handed these days is frowned upon.

I know people that feel the need to give a small present if they are invited to an afters and don't go.

alwaysadub

Moo Moo Land wrote: »

That's nonsense! They will expect a present, a smaller one yes but turning up empty handed these days is frowned upon.

I know people that feel the need to give a small present if they are invited to an afters and don't go.

Not all- we got married a few days ago, didn't expect a present from anyone whether they were coming to the full wedding or just the afters.
Some people were very generous, some just gave us a card, and some gave us nothing. We don't think any less of the people that didn't get us anything and we even had to give out to a few people for giving us something as we know they have better things to be spending their money on than us!

With regards to the afters, we were getting married a bit of a distance from where we live, so while we gave invites to some neighbours and work colleagues we didn't really expect them to come. They would have been disappointed if they hadn't got invited though- they said as much.