Writing letters

Jellybaby1

Prince Charles said today that letter writing is a dying art,

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3777054/Prince-Charles-derides-140-characters-Twitter-culture.html

so I decided I would sit down and write a letter to someone. But, I don't know anyone who wants to receive letters any more. I know someone who complained when she got a long email from her niece as she 'didn't have time to read that much text", which upset me somewhat as obviously the author of the email had taken the time to write to her, (n.b. it wasn't me!). Do you write letters any more? What about writing your 'last letter'? I found this online and wondered if anyone would consider doing this:

http://www.nytimes.com/2016/09/07/well/family/writing-a-last-letter-before-you-get-sick.html?partner=rss&emc=rss&smid=tw-nytimes&smtyp=cur&_r=1

ytpe2r5bxkn0c1

I used to be a prolific letter writer when I travelled a lot. I can't recall when I last wrote a personal letter. It's email nowadays but they tend to be short and matter of fact.

The idea of a last letter holds no attraction for me. I tell people what I want them to know and find the final letter a bit morose.

looksee

I used to write letters too, especially when I lived abroad and pre-internet and international phone calls. I don't do it now because I tend mostly to use emails; I can type faster than I can write, I can change it without rewriting the whole thing, and I so rarely write any amount that my writing has gone horrible and my hand tends to seize up!

Jellybaby1

looksee wrote: »

I used to write letters too, especially when I lived abroad and pre-internet and international phone calls. I don't do it now because I tend mostly to use emails; I can type faster than I can write, I can change it without rewriting the whole thing, and I so rarely write any amount that my writing has gone horrible and my hand tends to seize up!

Himself said the very same thing quite recently! I usually do any writing and form filling on his behalf because his handwriting is so hard to read.

JuliusCaesar

I had a look at the Last Letter:

The “Dear Friends and Family” template will help you complete the following tasks of life review in minutes:

Task 1: Acknowledge the important people in your life: It is very important to start the process of life review by identifying key people in your life. Take the time to express your pride in their achievements.

Task 2: Remember treasured moments from your life: The second life review task is to recall the most special, meaningful instances in your life, including those involving your loved ones. These moments or events can range from important life milestones or simple family moments that you treasure.

Task 3: Apologize to those you love if you hurt them: In our experience, many patients worry about specific past instances when they have hurt the people they love. In doing a life review, it is important to take a moment to ask forgiveness from those you have have hurt . Also, take this time to forgive yourself for any mistakes you feel you have made in the past.

Task 4: Forgive those who love you if they have hurt you: Now is the time to give solace to those who may have hurt you. Let them know that you acknowledge what they have done, but that you ultimately have forgiven them. This will give you and them a sense of release and peace. It will also give you peace when you successfully let go of old resentments.

Task 5: Express your gratitude for all the love and care you have received: Thank your loved ones for their concern through the trying times in your life and for everything else that they have done for you. You might mention specific instances that you hold close to your heart.

Task 6: Tell your friends and family how much you love them: Sometimes it is hard to express your love for someone in speech, so take advantage of this opportunity to write to those you love and express how much you care about them.

Task 7: Take a moment to say "goodbye": The final life review task is to bid adieu to your loved ones. If you feel comfortable, take this time to ensure that you and your loved ones have a proper parting without any regret or guilt. In working with diverse Americans, some have expressed reluctance to complete the task of saying “goodbye” due to cultural taboos. If you are uncomfortable completing the “goodbye” task, it is perfectly fine to defer this for later.

I don't know. I hope that they know most of these things. I've already let go of a lot of hurt, it didn't seem to be doing me any good and time healed a lot of stuff. Of course there are people I fell out with over the years, but sure that happens in any life, and maybe we'd outgrown the friendship, or the friendship had run its course. I moved on, and I'm sure they did too. I think I'd much rather say these things than write them down.

But maybe people who don't talk about their feelings would find it more useful.

Jellybaby1

Well, I was thinking along the lines of explaining why I took a particular path in life and the experiences I gained or lost. Family members don't want to listen to me prattle on about the past but I know from my own experience I wish I'd spoken to my mother more about certain subjects that never were brought up during her lifetime. I'm interested in family history and there are just so many unanswered questions, not so much places and dates, but about the why's and wherefore's of family life. I'd like to build up a clearer picture of the family as some areas are a bit muddied.

looksee

We had one puzzle in the family and my mother was the last person who could have clarified the situation (to do with my dad who died over 40 years ago. She flatly refused to tell us and would not even discuss it. Not terribly important (not like a medical condition or something that would affect us) but the mystery of why she would not discuss it was even greater than the puzzle!

Musketeer4

A last letter? Is that actually still a thing? I thought that was only something you'd do if you were trapped in a disabled submarine on the seabed, or in a foxhole about to be bombed!

We had one puzzle in the family and my mother was the last person who could have clarified the situation (to do with my dad who died over 40 years ago. She flatly refused to tell us and would not even discuss it. Not terribly important (not like a medical condition or something that would affect us) but the mystery of why she would not discuss it was even greater than the puzzle!

So did ye ever find out? IF so what was it?

Speedwell

I always write a note to put in the package when I send someone a gift. Just scrawling my name on a commercial card seems a bit crass.

looksee

Musketeer4 wrote: »

So did ye ever find out? IF so what was it?

No, she died and we never did find out. The situation was a bit complicated by the fact that we were only vaguely aware of an issue, and by the time it became apparent there was an issue she had lost her speech - she had a stroke and could not speak for the last 10 years of her life. (she could communicate, but you had to be used to her to understand). Anyway she would not even try, she gave us clearly to understand that the subject was off limits!

Musketeer4

What was the secret relating to?

Was it like a child that was given up, or mother and baby home type stuff?
Would have been a big thing in her time I'm thinking.

Or were ye just aware that there some "big secret" but beyond that had no idea what it was?

looksee

It sounds very uninteresting without knowing the family history, but my father and his brothers nearest to him in age split away from the older brothers. My paternal grandmother was a youngest daughter of a reasonably well to do family, and she eloped with the gardener and ended up living in circumstances that she absolutely was not used to, and where she would not have been accepted. The fact that their eldest daughter was illegitimate did not help. We suspect that the eldest boys had a difficult life because of their mother's background, and possibly grew up 'tough' whereas the younger ones did not have to deal with the same kind of attitudes as the 'novelty had worn off'. All we know is that we did not know our paternal grandparents or the older aunts and uncles, even though they lived in the same town.

Musketeer4

Sounds interesting. But it sounds you know a fair bit about it all the same. Its like a storyline out of Upstairs Downstairs with the well off daughter running off with the gardener boy!

What missing piece of the jigsaw does the "bit secret" represent? The fate of the illigitimate daughter perhaps? Maybe the identities of the families who live nearby but ye don't actually know them if you passed them in the street?

Sorry, I don't mean to pry, i just like the odd juicy mystery!

Jellybaby1

Oooooh Looksee! You have opened up a can of worms now!

Rubecula

looksee wrote: »

It sounds very uninteresting without knowing the family history, but my father and his brothers nearest to him in age split away from the older brothers. My paternal grandmother was a youngest daughter of a reasonably well to do family, and she eloped with the gardener and ended up living in circumstances that she absolutely was not used to, and where she would not have been accepted. The fact that their eldest daughter was illegitimate did not help. We suspect that the eldest boys had a difficult life because of their mother's background, and possibly grew up 'tough' whereas the younger ones did not have to deal with the same kind of attitudes as the 'novelty had worn off'. All we know is that we did not know our paternal grandparents or the older aunts and uncles, even though they lived in the same town.

Thank you for sharing such personal thoughts looksee. x

looksee

Thanks Rube, it never really impinged on my consciousness. Kids take things for granted and I left that town when I was 10. We were very much close to and involved with our maternal relations so it never really occurred to me that we did not know our father's family beyond a couple of uncles and aunts. I may even have the story a bit wrong, its possible that the older lady I now vaguely recall might have been the eldest daughter rather than her mother. I was never in her house, nor she in ours, I am not certain that I actually met her, I have no idea how I recall her house. My p. grandfather had died so I would not have known him anyway. All of that generation on both sides are now gone, so I am never likely to find out!

looksee

There is another 'juicy bit' that would certainly contribute to a good story but I cannot remember the details and the dates as I recall them do not add up. If I sort it I will throw it in. Unfortunately it can't be said that there was any sort of conclusion or happy ending (or ending of any sort), like most of life it just meanders on. Yes, the mystery was why there was this split. I don't even know if all the younger brothers split or if it was just my father. I think all it all proves is that I have a remarkably un-inquiring mind in relation to my family!

Rubecula

My family is a tad confusing to me to be honest. Now that I am trying to do my family tree there is nobody left to ask. Maternal side is the hard part I suppose, but even the paternal side is hard to get to grips with.... (The Irish side)

Jellybaby1

Rubecula wrote: »

My family is a tad confusing to me to be honest. Now that I am trying to do my family tree there is nobody left to ask. Maternal side is the hard part I suppose, but even the paternal side is hard to get to grips with.... (The Irish side)

Hope you heard that there are now new more recent civil records online, FREE! Do you keep an eye on the Genealogy forum? Genealogists all over the world are screaming words like 'Yippee!', and 'Yahoo!'. Over the last few days I have saved at least €250!!

Rubecula

Jellybaby1 wrote: »

Hope you heard that there are now new more recent civil records online, FREE! Do you keep an eye on the Genealogy forum? Genealogists all over the world are screaming words like 'Yippee!', and 'Yahoo!'. Over the last few days I have saved at least €250!!

The geneology forum was the first place on boards I visited. I went to the library in Dublin to do some research a few years back and I found out a lot.

JuliusCaesar

Jellybaby1 wrote: »

Well, I was thinking along the lines of explaining why I took a particular path in life and the experiences I gained or lost. Family members don't want to listen to me prattle on about the past but I know from my own experience I wish I'd spoken to my mother more about certain subjects that never were brought up during her lifetime. I'm interested in family history and there are just so many unanswered questions, not so much places and dates, but about the why's and wherefore's of family life. I'd like to build up a clearer picture of the family as some areas are a bit muddied.

yes, that's interesting. I suppose the questions that I would have about family members don't arise unless I'm in conversation with them. My parents would have given me a potted (ie censored) account when I was a child and I had no reason to question it at all. I did ask my mother one time about previous boyfriends before she married and she was VERY reluctant to answer so I never brought it up again. Other things I found out in conversation with an aunt and was mightily surprised, having just accepted the version I'd been given. But it's hard to ask "What family secrets do you know?"


But look what came up in today's paper! (Well, technically, not today's but through a link in today's Guardian)

Jellybaby1

Thank you for posting that link Julius. What a brilliant job the author did on his parents' memoirs. It ties in nicely with my 'writing a letter' idea, but so much better of course! Now, who among us is brave enough to take this idea and deliver it to AH as that generation are the ones who should start talking to their mams and dads, grannies and grandads now! :eek: Maybe I should pass that link onto my grown up children to see if they would like to ask me any questions. Doubt if they would but maybe I'll just do it anyway without waiting to be asked. Serve them right so it would!

ytpe2r5bxkn0c1

I can see it now. Everybody gathered round and off she rambles.." Did I ever tell you about the time great aunt Aggie ran away with the butcher? It was the winter of 57 or maybe 58. There was a fog as thick as the one in 45 when your grandfather's prize hen died. That was some hen......."

Jellybaby1

Mavis Delicious Miser wrote: »

I can see it now. Everybody gathered round and off she rambles.." Did I ever tell you about the time great aunt Aggie ran away with the butcher? It was the winter of 57 or maybe 58. There was a fog as thick as the one in 45 when your grandfather's prize hen died. That was some hen......."

Hilarious! Tell us more about that monster of a hen!

looksee

When I went off to Africa in 1968 there was of course no emails etc and for all practical purposes, no phones. To make a phone call you had to book it and it took about 12 hours for someone to come back and say 'we can now connect you', and it was £1 a minute, so only calls of vital necessity were made, I made 2 and received 2 over a 4 year period. Three relating to the death of my dad, and one relating to the birth of my second child.

However that is beside the point. The way to communicate with home was to write letters - on flimsy airmail paper or custom sheets that you could buy. I would write a letter home and it took 5 days to get there. They would write back, and another 5 days or so for me to receive it. So an exchange of information took about 2 weeks. My mum saved all the letters I wrote and had them stashed away. Of course it was pretty much a record of my time there, but she would not let me have them, she said something to the effect that they were self absorbed ramblings. Not in so many words, quite, but that is what she meant! Anyway, finally, I got them after she passed away two years ago. To my own surprise I have not looked at them, and don't really feel inclined to. I really don't know why.

I also have a box full of all the letters she and my dad exchanged (before they were married) when he was away during WW2. Most of them are miniaturised and the censor has blocked the occasional bit, and I have not looked at them either.

ytpe2r5bxkn0c1

Jellybaby1 wrote: »

Hilarious! Tell us more about that monster of a hen!

The hen? I'm glad you asked..

It was a big Rhode Island Red that lived in the barn with the bull they bought from Tommy McCabe. Tommy had a brother who married a protestant woman from Antrim, her father used to sell shoes door to door. One time he told his wife he called to a house, one on a long terrace with small windows, and the man of the house swapped him a pair of binoculars for a pair of shoes. The binoculars had been used by an officer in world war 1. The officer had a son who wrote for a local newspaper in Sheffield. He won an award for writing a piece about afterhours drinking.

looksee

Goodness S. I had an uncle who worked on a local newspaper near Sheffield. I remember as a child going into the print shop and it must have been the last place in England that was still using loose type and a linotype machine. He operated the linotype machine, and by an odd coincidence, when I went to do office work in a magazine production place, because I could type I was encouraged to learn to use the IBM compositor. Pretty much the last machine before computers took over. So I was doing paste-up magazine production for a few years.

Rubecula

WOW I once worked for a newspaper in the production department too.

stoneill

My wife has taken to writing hand written letters especially if a complaint is being made. I must say that resolution seems to be quicker and more satisfactory.

Jellybaby1

stoneill wrote: »

My wife has taken to writing hand written letters especially if a complaint is being made. I must say that resolution seems to be quicker and more satisfactory.

I hope everyone will take note. Handwritten letters are taken a lot more seriously because it takes effort........EFFORT!! We have become lazy with all that technology which surrounds us. Have you noticed that when there is a power failure, how very silent the house is. That's because the whole house is normally humming 24/7. No wonder some people have headaches and can't sleep!

Samaris

I started writing hand-written letters again (I'm in my late 20s, so you can imagine that letter-writing never really impinged much on my life, given computers and emails) when I was away in England/in the west of Ireland, mostly for my father, who was not technologically minded and liked receiving them and getting the news. My mum is more technologically capable than many people half her age so she'd tend to have any news I had a week before the letter got to Dad, but still Although a mistake or bad handwriting (and my handwriting is pretty poor, so I suspect half the time mum had to read them out to him) would mean rewriting an entire page of letter, which was a bit of a pain.

I don't at the moment see any real likelihood of my writing many more letters, unless it's to one of my small nieces. I do remember the excitement of getting letters as a kid!

Jellybaby1

I still write the 'ould Christmas cards, and the envelope. More recently my friends are using a database to print out the Christmas labels. I did consider following suit but decided against. When a handwritten card arrives, I know before I open it who it is from.

Steve

Was clearing out some old boxes of attic junk recently and I came across a letter.

It was written over 20 years ago by a man who was in charge of maintenance at a monastary, he had called the company I was in with an electrical problem and I described over the phone how he could easily fix it himself (by following some detailed and complex instructions I gave him).

It was a heartfelt and detailed 2 page account of how he was so grateful for the help and what he did to fix his problem and that a month had passed and everything was still working. He even enclosed a 20 punt note as a thanks and a caveat that I could either have a few pints with it or invest it wisely as was my choice.

What a lovely man.

Nowadays you just google the answer or post on boards and give no heed to those that help you bar a virtual thanks. Not saying that's wrong, just that I think we've lost an aspect of community interaction since the days we would write a personal note and send it.

Jellybaby1

Steve wrote: »

Was clearing out some old boxes of attic junk recently and I came across a letter.

It was written over 20 years ago by a man who was in charge of maintenance at a monastary, he had called the company I was in with an electrical problem and I described over the phone how he could easily fix it himself (by following some detailed and complex instructions I gave him).

It was a heartfelt and detailed 2 page account of how he was so grateful for the help and what he did to fix his problem and that a month had passed and everything was still working. He even enclosed a 20 punt note as a thanks and a caveat that I could either have a few pints with it or invest it wisely as was my choice.

What a lovely man.

Nowadays you just google the answer or post on boards and give no heed to those that help you bar a virtual thanks. Not saying that's wrong, just that I think we've lost an aspect of community interaction since the days we would write a personal note and send it.

Nice one. This makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. So what did you do with the 20 quid then?

Steve

I probably didn't invest it wisely

Rubecula

Jellybaby1 wrote: »

Nice one. This makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. So what did you do with the 20 quid then?

Wine, women and song..... the rest was just wasted?
:D:D