Family dilemma

LegacyUser

Hi there,
Looking for advice, I work in a well paid, highly stressful job that generally means I work until 8/9 every night and a lot of weekends. There are constant deadlines and my boss is a complete control freak, but it's great experience and I it's something I want to do for a couple of years to move up in this area.
I have cancelled countless plans, near relationship breakdowns due to crazy working however I accept all that. I've been working on a major project for the last 2 months and we're running over so stresses are high. I told my boss 6 weeks ago that I needed to take last Friday off for an important family matter (parents 40th wedding anniversary) myself and the siblings were taking them to Rome where they went on the honeymoon. All grand, day off approved. Sh!t hits the fan last week, was pulling serious hours, reminded the boss (via email) on Monday - listen I'm in all week, can work anything required but will not be here on Friday. She said grand yeah no worries. Anyway, Thursday evening comes, everyone up the walls, worked until 10pm, said to my boss, listen I'll see you Monday morning - anything majorly urgent give me a shout. She said, no you have to come in tomorrow. Got into a heated discussion, she went nuts, I was very calm and said, listen appreciate we're all under pressure but this is important that I go and it's non negotiable. She said she expected to see me in the next day, I said I won't be, but see you on Monday.
Went in Monday and it's like a cold war, I went straight into her office to chat and see how the project was, she was very cold, barely acknowledged and wouldn't catch me up. She has not engaged with me all week, passed on messages through the other partners. I've gone into her every day to try and smooth things over but at a loss as to what to do. Should I go over her head? Wait it out a couple of weeks? I know she's under pressure but she's being unfair. she's a key player in the organisation so I don't want to p*ss her off as she could block my career path.

antix80

Certain individuals have a propensity for passive aggressive behaviour, holding grudges, being over-emotional, indirect and promoting favouritism. I still haven't learned how to work with them!

Try looking into similar jobs reporting to other managers.

Kings Inns or bust

You're taking too much on to yourself. Do things by the book.

Book the holiday, get it approved, say nothing else, don't show up Friday, come back in on Monday, she goes potty you're in the same situation as now but without all the run up stress.

As for a bully or unprofessional boss, they need to be, professionally, called on it. There are people out there working harder and under much more stressful conditions than your business but they do it in a dignified manner, that's purely down to having leaders rather than managers.

livedadream

you did it the right way, it happen sometimes that mangers take things personally, looks like she is.

it will blow over.

and if it doesnt keep your emails.

witchgirl26

You did things the right way, even checking with her on the Monday and all was good. Like livedadream says, sometimes managers take things personally that they shouldn't. I had it before where I needed to leave on time every Monday but was available to come back after a course I was doing if needed. When the manager tried to call me out on it, I pointed out that per my contract overtime was at my discretion and that I had checked it all with the team I was working with and they knew to contact me if I was needed to come back in. No one did so I didn't and they were more than capable of covering for that 1 evening. I'm not suggesting being antagonistic but saying something like "I had double checked the day off with you at the start of the week and you were fine about it. It was nothing I could move due to family reasons and the team were able to cover me for the day."

C3PO

You made the correct decision - I would be willing to bet that you won't look back and regret attending your parents' 40th Wedding Anniversary celebrations! Absolutely ridiculous behaviour on the part of your boss ... and I also manage people!

Glass fused light

Made a choice wrote: »

Hi there, 
Looking for advice, I work in a well paid, highly stressful job that generally means I work until 8/9 every night and a lot of weekends.

Some things to consider if it has not been resolved.

On the well paid bit, do the maths if you are on a salary with no overtime 7.5hrs x 5 days x 52 weeks against your actual hours worked.  Even if your work hours are industry wide every hour extra you work is a pay cut and who is gaining from this?

Your job  is under resourced and (don't take this the wrong way but) part of the stress is that the company is  pushing the idea that you are irreplaceable and you are buying into it.

Made a choice wrote: »

There are constant deadlines and my boss is a complete control freak, but it's great experience and I it's something I want to do for a couple of years to move up in this area.  I have cancelled countless plans, near relationship breakdowns due to crazy working however I accept all that.

Is your manager actually a key player, in a position to manage the business?  Has she taken that opportunity to argue for better staff resources?  Take a look at the age profile of the employees, it dose not sound like a family friendly / work life balance type of place, is that because the bosses are happy with the employees who are willing to work "serious hours" so that they are pulling the "serious" money?

On a personal note I am assuming that you are youngish and starting out, just remember work to live, retirement is at 65 and you are expected have 20+ years of non-work life to fill after that, and family and friends are the ones who will keep calling not the job.

Made a choice wrote: »

I've been working on a major project for the last 2 months and we're running over so stresses are high. I told my boss 6 weeks ago that I needed to take last Friday off for an important family matter (parents 40th wedding anniversary) myself and the siblings were taking them to Rome where they went on the honeymoon. All grand, day off approved. Sh!t hits the fan last week, was pulling serious hours, reminded the boss (via email) on Monday - listen I'm in all week, can work anything required but will not be here on Friday. She said grand yeah no worries.

Who priced the job and on what basis, so is the job running over due to careless staff mistakes, tired staff mistakes, lack of staff or lack of management?
Where is the company's backup plan that they can't loose 7+ hours of an employees time (or was that Fri, Sat, & Sun hrs) or was your working always the backup plan?

Made a choice wrote: »

 Anyway, Thursday evening comes, everyone up the walls, worked until 10pm, said to my boss, listen I'll see you Monday morning - anything majorly urgent give me a shout. She said, no you have to come in tomorrow. Got into a heated discussion, she went nuts, I was very calm and said, listen appreciate we're all under pressure but this is important that I go and it's non negotiable. She said she expected to see me in the next day, I said I won't be, but see you on Monday.
Went in Monday and it's like a cold war, I went straight into her office to chat and see how the project was, she was very cold, barely acknowledged and wouldn't catch me up. She has not engaged with me all week, passed on messages through the other partners. I've gone into her every day to try and smooth things over but at a loss as to what to do. Should I go over her head? Wait it out a couple of weeks? I know she's under pressure but she's being unfair. she's a key player in the organisation so I don't want to p*ss her off as she could block my career path.

So her behaviour is giving you the option put up, shut up and pull a sickie or new job time? How is that beneficial to her or the company.  You are not irreplaceable because your skills are transferable to rival organisations but if by chance your skills are unique you are the key employee not her.

If you have been apologising or justifying having to leave I would suggest (nicely) pushing the responsibility for managing the job back where it belongs and start asking how the management including your manager propose to resolve the underlying problem. Will they ensure the sales guys are not making promises that can't be delivered? Will the management managing client expectation? Will the managers responsible for projects be reviewing the actual resources needed and figuring out how they will manage to source additional resources if needed?

'Sell' it as a learning experience for the company, that way if you need to go over her head it's not just because she is engaging in a passive aggressive form of bullying but also because she is not trying to resolve the underlying problem.