My job is draining me emotionally

kattiiee

I've been working as a veterinary nurse in the same place for almost 5 years now, it was my first job after finishing college. I was delighted as it was the position I studied for and was close to where I live. In my first year I learned loads and really developed both as a nurse and a person! The only issue I have ever had until now is that I have never really gotten along with one of my colleagues. Quiet honestly she is a bully, she is a lot older then me, she used to correct me in front of clients even when I was in the right and is generally quiet hostile towards me. The bosses were always aware of this yet they did nothing. She also makes loads of mistakes and nobody says anything to her. It was mostly my own fault for letting her pushing me around as I was really shy when I started, I try to stand up for myself now but we have never seen eye to eye and never will. If I said black she would say white. I cant stand being in the same room as her and she is generally disliked in the Office. I know she is on a far higher salary then I am even though we do the same job, but it never bothered me until lately. I am generally an easy going person who just wants a peaceful life! Until now...

A lot has changed in the past year, there are new partners who are far more interested in making money and expanding the business then the older bosses.Lately one of these new guys who is now HR has pulled me aside for a 'private chat' on a number of occasion's. This makes me really anxious as I suffer from some social anxiety and hate any form of confrontation. I like to just keep my head down and do my job. I immediately start thinking about what I could have done wrong and am always fearing the worst. This week I feel as if he is picking on me , I cant seem to do anything right. He is very quick to criticise but NEVER offers any form of praise. I cried driving home this evening because I overheard him and the person who I don't get on with talking about me. Apparently I am not doing as good a job as she is and they were deciding how they would fix it, this has really upset me. I work so hard and I am only earning 8.99 an hour, whereas she is over half an hour late every morning, takes countless cigarette breaks, is never without a cup of coffee, has a lot of sick days and is getting a lot more money for it. I suddenly feel walked all over and I need some advice. What should I say to him during one of our next 'private chats' ? should I bring up the fact that I heard him discussing me with another colleague and that i was upset or the salary issue. Or should I just hand in my notice and move on, I actually feel like they are trying to squeeze me out! Like I said , I am really bad at any type of confrontation , I always get emotional and the tear's start flowing involuntarily, I would hate to cry and make a scene. I also don't want my emotions to get in the way and make me say something I will regret. So any tips to help with this would be really appreciated.

So sorry this is so long.
Thanks this whole situation is draining me and I am wishing my life away by praying for weekends..

keith16

That's lousy. Sounds like there is a pair of them in it. I wouldn't waste my breath with either of them.

If I were you, I would go to the most senior person you know, or at least another whom you don't work with directly and just tell them how you feel. That you would like to keep working here and doing a good job...but....

You have it nicely summarised above - just stick to these points, speak matter of factly and try to keep the emotions in check.

I'd also start looking for another job.

Nomis21

You have five years experience in your field, you will be sought after.

Sometimes it is necessary to change employers to find what you deserve.

Time to move on...

antix80

Maybe they don't respect you .. they're paying you badly & have you working with a bitch in a toxic environment. Phone the other vets in town. Say you're looking for a payrise and a change of scenery.

irishgirl19

OP you shouldn't feel like that in work. I would look for a new job.
The pay is terrible for skilled work

oppenheimer1

kattiiee wrote: »

I've been working as a veterinary nurse in the same place for almost 5 years now, it was my first job after finishing college. I was delighted as it was the position I studied for and was close to where I live. In my first year I learned loads and really developed both as a nurse and a person! The only issue I have ever had until now is that I have never really gotten along with one of my colleagues. Quiet honestly she is a bully, she is a lot older then me, she used to correct me in front of clients even when I was in the right and is generally quiet hostile towards me. The bosses were always aware of this yet they did nothing. She also makes loads of mistakes and nobody says anything to her. It was mostly my own fault for letting her pushing me around as I was really shy when I started, I try to stand up for myself now but we have never seen eye to eye and never will. If I said black she would say white. I cant stand being in the same room as her and she is generally disliked in the Office. I know she is on a far higher salary then I am even though we do the same job, but it never bothered me until lately. I am generally an easy going person who just wants a peaceful life! Until now...

A lot has changed in the past year, there are new partners who are far more interested in making money and expanding the business then the older bosses.Lately one of these new guys who is now HR has pulled me aside for a 'private chat' on a number of occasion's. This makes me really anxious as I suffer from some social anxiety and hate any form of confrontation. I like to just keep my head down and do my job. I immediately start thinking about what I could have done wrong and am always fearing the worst. This week I feel as if he is picking on me , I cant seem to do anything right. He is very quick to criticise but NEVER offers any form of praise. I cried driving home this evening because I overheard him and the person who I don't get on with talking about me. Apparently I am not doing as good a job as she is and they were deciding how they would fix it, this has really upset me. I work so hard and I am only earning 8.99 an hour, whereas she is over half an hour late every morning, takes countless cigarette breaks, is never without a cup of coffee, has a lot of sick days and is getting a lot more money for it. I suddenly feel walked all over and I need some advice. What should I say to him during one of our next 'private chats' ? should I bring up the fact that I heard him discussing me with another colleague and that i was upset or the salary issue. Or should I just hand in my notice and move on, I actually feel like they are trying to squeeze me out! Like I said , I am really bad at any type of confrontation , I always get emotional and the tear's start flowing involuntarily, I would hate to cry and make a scene. I also don't want my emotions to get in the way and make me say something I will regret. So any tips to help with this would be really appreciated.

So sorry this is so long.
Thanks this whole situation is draining me and I am wishing my life away by praying for weekends..

€8.99/hr is below minimum wage, unless that's a typo? A veterinary nurse should be earning far more than that and to be honest the only way you'll see your pay rise substantially is by moving.

You've clearly put up with this difficult colleague for long enough and you have a choice of dealing with it - fight and push back, or don't care and move on. If I were you after almost 5 years in the same place I'd be choosing the latter since there probably isn't much new you're learning or developing at this stage

Butterbee

Hi, I'm also a vet nurse and have started applying for jobs outside of the sector. Yes there are lots of clients who will praise you, there are days when you will be abused due to highly emotive situations. Dealing with the public is always hard but the way nurses are regarded in some clinics and unfortunately by a lot of the older vets is that they are assistants that failed to qualify for vet medicine when in fact it's a completely different job.

I would consider myself very competent and am a senior nurse, dealing with emergencies, day to day running and accounting etc and earning approximately 12 per hour but I don't get lunches ever and regularly start early and stay late unpaid.

Staff morale is non existent at this point. There is no scope to advance myself at all and I've been told my wage will never increase and everyone is replaceable. I have never had a bad review or ever had a confrontation with any member of staff but the disrespect is so disheartening.

I know I'm waffling on but it's not right that you are being bullied. Is there someone more senior or a second manager you can talk to about the conversation you heard? Maybe it's worth telling them that you heard what they said. There's a few jobs going at the moment especially if you have 5 years experience.

Hope it all works out for you,

B

audi12

kattiiee wrote: »

I've been working as a veterinary nurse in the same place for almost 5 years now, it was my first job after finishing college. I was delighted as it was the position I studied for and was close to where I live. In my first year I learned loads and really developed both as a nurse and a person! The only issue I have ever had until now is that I have never really gotten along with one of my colleagues. Quiet honestly she is a bully, she is a lot older then me, she used to correct me in front of clients even when I was in the right and is generally quiet hostile towards me. The bosses were always aware of this yet they did nothing. She also makes loads of mistakes and nobody says anything to her. It was mostly my own fault for letting her pushing me around as I was really shy when I started, I try to stand up for myself now but we have never seen eye to eye and never will. If I said black she would say white. I cant stand being in the same room as her and she is generally disliked in the Office. I know she is on a far higher salary then I am even though we do the same job, but it never bothered me until lately. I am generally an easy going person who just wants a peaceful life! Until now...

A lot has changed in the past year, there are new partners who are far more interested in making money and expanding the business then the older bosses.Lately one of these new guys who is now HR has pulled me aside for a 'private chat' on a number of occasion's. This makes me really anxious as I suffer from some social anxiety and hate any form of confrontation. I like to just keep my head down and do my job. I immediately start thinking about what I could have done wrong and am always fearing the worst. This week I feel as if he is picking on me , I cant seem to do anything right. He is very quick to criticise but NEVER offers any form of praise. I cried driving home this evening because I overheard him and the person who I don't get on with talking about me. Apparently I am not doing as good a job as she is and they were deciding how they would fix it, this has really upset me. I work so hard and I am only earning 8.99 an hour, whereas she is over half an hour late every morning, takes countless cigarette breaks, is never without a cup of coffee, has a lot of sick days and is getting a lot more money for it. I suddenly feel walked all over and I need some advice. What should I say to him during one of our next 'private chats' ? should I bring up the fact that I heard him discussing me with another colleague and that i was upset or the salary issue. Or should I just hand in my notice and move on, I actually feel like they are trying to squeeze me out! Like I said , I am really bad at any type of confrontation , I always get emotional and the tear's start flowing involuntarily, I would hate to cry and make a scene. I also don't want my emotions to get in the way and make me say something I will regret. So any tips to help with this would be really appreciated.

So sorry this is so long.
Thanks this whole situation is draining me and I am wishing my life away by praying for weekends..

Quit and find something else I was making 1,000 a week but quit I hated the job no regrets.

Tom Dunne

If you are feeling anxious and fear confrontation, it's time to take the emotion out of the situation and start getting hard data.

Take note of the dates/times of any incidents. Write them into a notebook using factual, unemotive language. When you are brought "in for a chat" ask them to put any examples in writing, noting times and dates.

You build up a detailed picture of the situation and with this data, you can decide whether or not you would like to go down the legal route.

hadepsx

I'd start looking for work elsewhere. The pay and atmosphere are disgraceful. Leave that new partner with your chancer of a colleague. He will soon realise what a fool he is to listen to her. Won't matter to you though. Hopefully you'll be in a position that you deserve. Both mentally and financially.

livedadream

firstly everyone feels that pit in their stomach when called into a HR meeting, even if theyve done nothing wrong. its like walking though customs we all get it, the fear we have done something when we know we havnt.

The anxiety is being made worse by poor management.

do up your CV, and start looking elsewhere.

approach the senior staff and tell them you are looking and would they be happy to give you a reference, tell them you feel you are not progressing in your role after 5 years and while you dont want to leave, you feel you must to develop more.

be firm but fair with that wagon as well, if she corrects you or is a twat, wait until the client is gone, say hi twat, (or whatever her name is) i just want to address this issue, you corrected me in regards to this, i understand we have differing opinions however please do not correct me in from of a patient/client (i dont know what you call them) its unprofessional and makes us both look unsure, if you would prefer please address it to (boss) and we can address it together. Thanks.

put her firmly back in her box and dont let her walk over you. keep looking for a new job and be ready to leave.

thegreatgonzo

kattiiee wrote: »

I've been working as a veterinary nurse in the same place for almost 5 years now..... and I am only earning 8.99 an hour,

..

Get out of that place as fast as you can, you are being completely exploited. My starting salary as a vet nurse was €11 an hour they are completely taking the piss.