Irish women's reactions to non-drinking men?

Madra98

Over the last few years of my dating life I have noticed one very odd thing. Now, it does not happy every time, i'd say maybe 3/5 times - it popped up again last night and I just need an opinion or analysis, because it is driving me insane:

So, the setup is similar in every case --

I see a nice girl in a cafe, in a shop, on the street or on Tinder/etc.. I crack a joke, we chat. I get the number. We text/Facebook back and forth. Everything is going amazing. Then -- and it only happens if she drops this question or a similar question -- she asks what I drink or some question related to me drinking. Then I speak the death words 'Oh, I actually don't drink' and that's it, she's gone. Run a mile. Either reads the message and never responds, or gets dry and kills the conversation within a day. But it is only Irish and British women. I always wondered why? What does 'I don't drink' translate to? It has always actually wrecked my head, as I say it happened just last night. I can scroll down my Facebook message inbox and see 4 instances of it happening with a quick glance.

It always struck me as odd. I mean it is not just one type of girl -- were talking younger girls, older girls, college girls, non-college girls, working professionals, there's no boundary, it's happened with all of them.

I mean I am not going to lie to them and pretend to drink. But I wonder why this reaction so often?

It's not all of them, like i say 2/5 or so do not mind so much, but they will some times bring it up and question it.

Ave Sodalis

Madra98 wrote:

It's not all of them, like i say 2/5 or so do not mind so much, but they will some times bring it up and question it.

It's absolutely not gender related.
There is a misconception (stemming from the fact that some definitely are) that non drinkers are judging drinkers. I don't drink. I have no problem with drinkers, within reason. I'd still go out and so on, I just spend my money on more enjoyable things. However, I have met the judgers. People who not only don't drink, but are anti-drink. Even as a nondrinker, these people are tedious to be around so I generally make sure to let people know that even though I don't drink, I don't care if they do.

The questioning is because it's not common. It happens. Most people I found just accept it when you give your reason. Mine is I don't like the taste of alcohol so don't see why I would spend money on something I won't like when I don't have to.

However, I have never been rejected due to my lack of drink, either from friendships or partners. It's never been an issue. Nor have I ever met anyone (male or female) who's had an issue due to nondrinking, bar the aforementioned judgers. Have you considered that maybe it's the way you come across when you tell them?

BabyE

sup_dude wrote: »

It's absolutely not gender related.
There is a misconception (stemming from the fact that some definitely are) that non drinkers are judging drinkers. I don't drink. I have no problem with drinkers, within reason. I'd still go out and so on, I just spend my money on more enjoyable things. However, I have met the judgers. People who not only don't drink, but are anti-drink. Even as a nondrinker, these people are tedious to be around so I generally make sure to let people know that even though I don't drink, I don't care if they do.

The questioning is because it's not common. It happens. Most people I found just accept it when you give your reason. Mine is I don't like the taste of alcohol so don't see why I would spend money on something I won't like when I don't have to.

However, I have never been rejected due to my lack of drink, either from friendships or partners. It's never been an issue. Nor have I ever met anyone (male or female) who's had an issue due to nondrinking, bar the aforementioned judgers. Have you considered that maybe it's the way you come across when you tell them?

Irelands femalenpopulation is ****ed up pure and simple.

Charizard

Madra98 wrote: »

Over the last few years of my dating life I have noticed one very odd thing. Now, it does not happy every time, i'd say maybe 3/5 times - it popped up again last night and I just need an opinion or analysis, because it is driving me insane:

So, the setup is similar in every case --

I see a nice girl in a cafe, in a shop, on the street or on Tinder/etc.. I crack a joke, we chat. I get the number. We text/Facebook back and forth. Everything is going amazing. Then -- and it only happens if she drops this question or a similar question -- she asks what I drink or some question related to me drinking. Then I speak the death words 'Oh, I actually don't drink' and that's it, she's gone. Run a mile. Either reads the message and never responds, or gets dry and kills the conversation within a day. But it is only Irish and British women. I always wondered why? What does 'I don't drink' translate to? It has always actually wrecked my head, as I say it happened just last night. I can scroll down my Facebook message inbox and see 4 instances of it happening with a quick glance.

It always struck me as odd. I mean it is not just one type of girl -- were talking younger girls, older girls, college girls, non-college girls, working professionals, there's no boundary, it's happened with all of them.

I mean I am not going to lie to them and pretend to drink. But I wonder why this reaction so often?

It's not all of them, like i say 2/5 or so do not mind so much, but they will some times bring it up and question it.

Maybe the Ladies Lounge might know more on this topic

Charizard

sup_dude wrote: »

It's absolutely not gender related.
There is a misconception (stemming from the fact that some definitely are) that non drinkers are judging drinkers. I don't drink. I have no problem with drinkers, within reason. I'd still go out and so on, I just spend my money on more enjoyable things. However, I have met the judgers. People who not only don't drink, but are anti-drink. Even as a nondrinker, these people are tedious to be around so I generally make sure to let people know that even though I don't drink, I don't care if they do.

The questioning is because it's not common. It happens. Most people I found just accept it when you give your reason. Mine is I don't like the taste of alcohol so don't see why I would spend money on something I won't like when I don't have to.

However, I have never been rejected due to my lack of drink, either from friendships or partners. It's never been an issue. Nor have I ever met anyone (male or female) who's had an issue due to nondrinking, bar the aforementioned judgers. Have you considered that maybe it's the way you come across when you tell them?

Non-Drinkers who judge people for drinking are possibly more annoying than drinkers who judge non-drinkers. It seems to be a way to claim superiority

Madra98

No. I don't judge people for drinking. I don't care if people drink, or smoke or do anything. I don't drink because I am very into athletics and they do not mix. But I go out all the time. I am often out and about the town with the lads.

Not too sure it is how I come across when I say it. I come across int he same joking, fun way that the whole conversation was.

One female friend says it translates to:

'I don't drink -- therefore I will not buy you drink' in their heads.

Ave Sodalis

Charizard wrote:

Non-Drinkers who judge people for drinking are possibly more annoying than drinkers who judge non-drinkers. It seems to be a way to claim superiority

I find them both equally as annoying to be honest. Sometimes they have their reasons (knew a nasty drunk or alcoholic/ met a judgey nondrinker), sometimes it's just trying to justify their choices by demeaning the opposite choice.

sup_dude

sup_dude wrote: »

It's absolutely not gender related.
There is a misconception (stemming from the fact that some definitely are) that non drinkers are judging drinkers. I don't drink. I have no problem with drinkers, within reason. I'd still go out and so on, I just spend my money on more enjoyable things. However, I have met the judgers. People who not only don't drink, but are anti-drink. Even as a nondrinker, these people are tedious to be around so I generally make sure to let people know that even though I don't drink, I don't care if they do.

The questioning is because it's not common. It happens. Most people I found just accept it when you give your reason. Mine is I don't like the taste of alcohol so don't see why I would spend money on something I won't like when I don't have to.

However, I have never been rejected due to my lack of drink, either from friendships or partners. It's never been an issue. Nor have I ever met anyone (male or female) who's had an issue due to nondrinking, bar the aforementioned judgers. Have you considered that maybe it's the way you come across when you tell them?

I'm a non-drinker too, and I agree with every word of this.

Ave Sodalis

Madra98 wrote:

'I don't drink -- therefore I will not buy you drink' in their heads.

Would that many woman be put off an entire relationship because she might not have a drink bought for her?
Either you're extremely unlucky to have met probably every woman in the country who would be that shallow, and only those women... or there's something more going on.

Addle

Non drinker=designated driver, more money and no Brewers droop.
What's not to like?

You have to be very wary of coming across as sanctimonious when you're telling people you don't drink. Especially if you're into sports and a healthy lifestyle generally. People might be afraid of being drunk in front of you. Be very careful not to phrase the issue as though you're judging anyone for less healthy choices.

finooola

sup_dude wrote: »

It's absolutely not gender related.
There is a misconception (stemming from the fact that some definitely are) that non drinkers are judging drinkers.

No, it's not this. It's simply that if drinking is a big part of your social life, you find it hard to imagine having a partner who wouldn't also be into that. I know that all throughout my teens and 20s me, my sister and all my female friends said we'd never go out with a non-drinker. It's not that we think there's anything wrong with non-drinkers or that we fear judgment from them. Some of us have possibly loosened up on that rule now that we're a bit older too.

Madra98

All good opinions, guys.

I don't feel I am coming across holier-than-thou by, at the end of a nice, jokey message (like all the other messages that got great responses) saying 'Oh, actually I don't drink' and nothing else.

Like I say, if drink never comes up the conversations and meetups always go great. It is only when drink comes up.

ancapailldorcha

BabyE wrote: »

Irelands femalenpopulation is ****ed up pure and simple.

Please don't post here if this is all you have to add.

Ave Sodalis

finooola wrote:

No, it's not this. It's simply that if drinking is a big part of your social life, you find it hard to imagine having a partner who wouldn't also be into that. I know that all throughout my teens and 20s me, my sister and all my female friends said we'd never go out with a non-drinker. It's not that we think there's anything wrong with non-drinkers or that we fear judgment from them. Some of us have possibly loosened up on that rule now that we're a bit older too.

Why though? Genuinely curious!
I mean most nondrinkers, excepting judgeys and those who it just isnt their thing (but you get that with people who do drink too), are happy going to pubs/clubs etc and drink water or lucozade or whatever.

bee06

I think it's kinda weird that these women are asking as part of a conversation what you drink. I don't think I've ever asked anyone what they drink unless I was actually buying them one.

Madra98

finooola wrote: »

No, it's not this. It's simply that if drinking is a big part of your social life, you find it hard to imagine having a partner who wouldn't also be into that. I know that all throughout my teens and 20s me, my sister and all my female friends said we'd never go out with a non-drinker. It's not that we think there's anything wrong with non-drinkers or that we fear judgment from them. Some of us have possibly loosened up on that rule now that we're a bit older too.

Thanks for the post, this is exactly the reaction I get. At least I know I am not going insane!

I suppose I can see to some degree if someone's lifestyle choices are different than yours you cannot see it working. But still it seems extreme.

Charizard

Addle wrote: »

Non drinker=designated driver, more money and no Brewers droop.
What's not to like?

Im nearly certain its the only reason I have friends :pac:.........:(

Charizard

finooola wrote: »

No, it's not this. It's simply that if drinking is a big part of your social life, you find it hard to imagine having a partner who wouldn't also be into that. I know that all throughout my teens and 20s me, my sister and all my female friends said we'd never go out with a non-drinker. It's not that we think there's anything wrong with non-drinkers or that we fear judgment from them. Some of us have possibly loosened up on that rule now that we're a bit older too.

I can understand youre thinking though

Charizard

sup_dude wrote: »

Why though? Genuinely curious!
I mean most nondrinkers, excepting judgeys and those who it just isnt their thing (but you get that with people who do drink too), are happy going to pubs/clubs etc and drink water or lucozade or whatever.

For a while, but I found around 12 is my limit, its when people start getting slobbery and when youre drunk you dont notice and up to 12 everyone has a good time, once some one mentions club thats when I bolt

CastorTroy

I got a message on plentyoffish (I have non drinker in my profile) from a woman who said "Since you don't drink, we could go to the zoo or something".
I've no problem going to the pub for a drink if going on a date or with friends, but clearly some think we do have a problem with it.

To be honest, one question I never understnd being asked is "Why don't you drink?" I don't ask why do they drink. I'm not a judgemental type either, otherwise I would've alienated nearly everyone I know

Madra98

Okay:

Seeing as people think it is me sticking my foot in it. Here's an example from a girl who worked in a shop, after I cracked a joke and asked her for her number. We'd been chatting on and off for a few days.

Her:

are you in tongiht then? I dont know your choice of movies could be a bit better but i can teach you :P

Me:

Yes. I'm in for a long one. Try not to miss me too much. Ah, let's not get into that one again

Her:

Awwww come on now wouldnt you rather take me to the cinema than go in?

Me:

Here's a deal then, you call in sick for me and pretend to be my doctor and we'll go

Her:

great the movie is on late so we can get a few drinks first it'll make it more fun maybe sone food for you if you are hungry

Me:

Are the drinks an important part for making the movie good, hahah? I'll stick to the 7ups and hope the movie is still good. I actually don't drink at all. But fire away yourself.

Conversation.................. Over!

Charizard

Madra98 wrote: »

Okay:

Seeing as people think it is me sticking my foot in it. Here's an example from a girl who worked in a shop, after I cracked a joke and asked her for her number. We'd been chatting on and off for a few days.

Her:

are you in tongiht then? I dont know your choice of movies could be a bit better but i can teach you :P

Me:

Yes. I'm in for a long one. Try not to miss me too much. Ah, let's not get into that one again

Her:

Awwww come on now wouldnt you rather take me to the cinema than go in?

Me:

Here's a deal then, you call in sick for me and pretend to be my doctor and we'll go

Her:

great the movie is on late so we can get a few drinks first it'll make it more fun maybe sone food for you if you are hungry

Me:

Are the drinks an important part for making the movie good, hahah? I'll stick to the 7ups and hope the movie is still good. I actually don't drink at all. But fire away yourself.

Conversation.................. Over!

I know youre being honest, but maybe you didnt need to say anything about not drinking. Nothing stopping you ordering a 7up when you got there

mzungu

Madra98 wrote: »

No. I don't judge people for drinking. I don't care if people drink, or smoke or do anything. I don't drink because I am very into athletics and they do not mix. But I go out all the time. I am often out and about the town with the lads.

Not too sure it is how I come across when I say it. I come across int he same joking, fun way that the whole conversation was.

One female friend says it translates to:

'I don't drink -- therefore I will not buy you drink' in their heads.

Doubt it, the vast majority of people do not think like this.

newacc2015

I think its a misconception that people that dont drink are dry and are ****e craic. I think it varies from place to place within. As a Dubliner you could tell someone you dont drink and no one really cares. But if you are down the country and tell someone you dont drink it raises a few eyebrows

I think within the gay community, where people tend to be more honest about substance and alcohol abuse in ways there is less stigma about not drinking and being 'sober'. But I find most Irish people tend to have a greater issue with a non-drinking friend, than someone who gets blacked out drunk every week.

OP if you keep finding women who are dodging you as you dont want to partake in 2 for 1 cocktails in some **** bar, IMO you are dodging a bullet. If someone cant have a date without being half smashed, they are not the person you want to date

CastorTroy

Charizard wrote: »

I know youre being honest, but maybe you didnt need to say anything about not drinking. Nothing stopping you ordering a 7up when you got there

I agree on this. I try not to point it out unless I'm asked. Simply just agree to go to the pub with her. Since you say it seems to put women off, if they don't specifically ask if you drink, get to the date stage and show them that you can enjoy yourself and you're not some boring or anti drink person

riffmongous

Madra98 wrote: »

Are the drinks an important part for making the movie good, hahah? I'll stick to the 7ups and hope the movie is still good. I actually don't drink at all. But fire away yourself.

Conversation.................. Over!

Should have left out that bit, it just reads a bit maybe passive aggressive?

Clampdown

riffmongous wrote: »

Should have left out that bit, it just reads a bit maybe passive aggressive?

I agree, the way you phrased it makes it sound like 'oh, do you need drink to have fun?' and then making a point of saying ''I'll stick to 7up." makes you sound anti drink as well.

You'd be better off just meeting up and ordering your 7up and then explain you don't drink because your training. If she has a good time and likes you otherwise you should be fine.

I don't drink any more also, I know what you mean but if you're making a big point of it than someone who enjoys a good bit of drink will be put off.

audi12

Madra98 wrote: »

Over the last few years of my dating life I have noticed one very odd thing. Now, it does not happy every time, i'd say maybe 3/5 times - it popped up again last night and I just need an opinion or analysis, because it is driving me insane:

So, the setup is similar in every case --

I see a nice girl in a cafe, in a shop, on the street or on Tinder/etc.. I crack a joke, we chat. I get the number. We text/Facebook back and forth. Everything is going amazing. Then -- and it only happens if she drops this question or a similar question -- she asks what I drink or some question related to me drinking. Then I speak the death words 'Oh, I actually don't drink' and that's it, she's gone. Run a mile. Either reads the message and never responds, or gets dry and kills the conversation within a day. But it is only Irish and British women. I always wondered why? What does 'I don't drink' translate to? It has always actually wrecked my head, as I say it happened just last night. I can scroll down my Facebook message inbox and see 4 instances of it happening with a quick glance.

It always struck me as odd. I mean it is not just one type of girl -- were talking younger girls, older girls, college girls, non-college girls, working professionals, there's no boundary, it's happened with all of them.

I mean I am not going to lie to them and pretend to drink. But I wonder why this reaction so often?

It's not all of them, like i say 2/5 or so do not mind so much, but they will some times bring it up and question it.

I find it strange you find so easy to pick up Irish women in daytime hard enough pick them up on a night out.

Madra98

All good points, guys. I appreciate your thoughts. I find it sad mentioning you don't like alcohol -- like simply mentioning you are afraid of heights is enough to turn someone off after days of chatting. But I will try to conceal it better. I like to be very honest and such, but I will try hide it until later.

Really Audi? Seriously? Irish women are some of the easiest women on Earth to chat to, and generally friendliest to be 100% fair.
I mean it doesn't work all the time I often get told no, but get a lot of yes also.

But the answer to a question that was ever asked is always no. Why not just ask? Like If I was picking out a book in the book shop and got chatting to some girl I'd ask for her number, or give her mine. It actually works a lot, especially if you are genuinely warm and approachable. I mean the worst they can say is 'no' then you just thank them for the chat and move on. Living in a university town helps too, I suppose.

audi12

Madra98 wrote: »

All good points, guys. I appreciate your thoughts. I find it said mentioning you don;t like alcohol -- like simply mentioning you are afraod of heights is enough to turn someone off after days of chatting. But I will try to conceal it better. I like to be very honest and such, but I will try hide it until later.

Really Audi? Seriously? Irish women are some of the easiest women on Earth to chat to, and generally friendliest to be 100% fair.
I mean it doesn't work all the time I often get told no, but get a lot of yes also.

But the answer to a question that was ever asked is always no. Why not just ask? Like If I was picking out a book in the book shop and got chatting to some girl I'd ask for her number, or give her mine. It actually works a lot, especially if you are genuinely warm and approachable. I mean the worst they can say is 'no' then you just thank them for the chat and move on. Living in a university town helps too, I suppose.

chatting and picking them up are two different things. I have tried chatting them up during the day they find it odd more acceptable in America loads of people say American women are so sound

learn_more

Wow really glad I came across this post.

I had a date with a guy, someone I met off a dating app. It was all going spifingly well and we met for a coffee.

We talked a lot and he seemed really keen. We had a lot in common, he's a sporty chap and we were both similarly educated and into the same things.

I just happened to be off the beer for summer and I mentioned it to him cause it just came up in conversation, as we were talking about gym and fitness.

But I did get a hint of 'REALLY' from him.

Never heard him again. I was really confused that he didn't bite but I strongly suspect is was because I said I didn't drink.

Edit: Sorry I know the title of the thread is " Irish women.." but you know it's all the same : )

pwurple

Do you really not know how this reads?

Are the drinks an important part for making the movie good, hahah?
=
"wow, you're a total alco with a dependancy. "

If someone said that to me when I suggested a drink, i'd tell them where to go.

There is nothing up with not drinking.. I know a good few married never-drinkers.

It's your tone.

Clampdown

learn_more wrote: »

Wow really glad I came across this post.

I had a date with a guy, someone I met off a dating app. It was all going spifingly well and we met for a coffee.

We talked a lot and he seemed really keen. We had a lot in common, he's a sporty chap and we were both similarly educated and into the same things.

I just happened to be off the beer for summer and I mentioned it to him cause it just came up in conversation, as we were talking about gym and fitness.

But I did get a hint of 'REALLY' from him.

Never heard him again. I was really confused that he didn't bite but I strongly suspect is was because I said I didn't drink.

Edit: Sorry I know the title of the thread is " Irish women.." but you know it's all the same : )

Well I think it's obvious how to solve both you and OP's problem!

OP you don't necessarily need to conceal it just don't make comments that seem to put down those that do drink or make you seem anti drink. Or, just hold out til you find someone who doesn't truly care or who is a nondrinker. With all the numbers you're collecting should be easy!

Tbh I think it's ridiculous that a woman would reject someone for being sober, considering that someone who doesn't drink saves a ton of money, isn't consuming a buttload of extra calories, is usually more polite and respectful of others, and is in a better position to get you home safe. Oh yeah that's not good craic at all who wants a boyfriend like that?

Madra98

pwurple wrote: »

Do you really not know how this reads?

Are the drinks an important part for making the movie good, hahah?
=
"wow, you're a total alco with a dependancy. "

If someone said that to me when I suggested a drink, i'd tell them where to go.

There is nothing up with not drinking.. I know a good few married never-drinkers.

It's your tone.

I think that was a bit unneeded. Needlessly sharp. I mean I appreciate you taking the time to comment, but I feel the tone was very sharp and hostile.

Especially when one female poster clearly stated she and her circle of female friends and relatives decline non-drinking men as a rule. So in some cases I am correct, there are women who disregard men on their drinking, despite what you think. - and that's their own opinion, really. They can do whatever they want. It's their life. I just wish to understand the mindset a bit more as it seems so bizarre that someone could throw away hours of conversation and connection/shared interest over something as silly as not drinking.

Sure, I'll admit I might have seemed a bit odd there in the text. I thought it was a joke and I honestly didn't see it as bad at the time. But if people say what I said was a bit off, then I have to be man enough to admit it. I didn't mean it, but it happened.

Ave Sodalis

Madra98 wrote:

All good points, guys. I appreciate your thoughts. I find it sad mentioning you don't like alcohol -- like simply mentioning you are afraid of heights is enough to turn someone off after days of chatting. But I will try to conceal it better. I like to be very honest and such, but I will try hide it until later.

It's not about hiding it, it's about not making any fuss about it.
Again, I'm going to use myself as an example since I don't have the same problem; if I was on a night out, nobody except those who already knew from previous nights, would think I wasn't drinking. I don't really tell anyone unless not drinking comes up in conversation. Not because I'm trying to hide it but because there's no point causing a fuss about it. If someone asks me to go to the pub, I go if I feel like it and just order whatever I'm drinking, same as a drinker.

Panrich

An angle I've not seen discussed here ( apologies if I missed it) is what people think about your situation when you tell them you don't drink. This ties in with the need to know why. Many people who don't drink in this country are former problem drinkers/ alccoholics.

Looking for a potential partner it is not good on your cv and they may be thinking do I want to take that on?

Wanderer78

There's a serious growing problem with women that drink in this country which is very worrying, but there are also plenty of women that drink little or nothing. Have experienced similar problems as op but it doesn't bother me at all. Have no interest in drinking and it's culture.

bee06

Madra98 wrote: »

I think that was a bit unneeded. Needlessly sharp. I mean I appreciate you taking the time to comment, but I feel the tone was very sharp and hostile.

OP, I think your reaction to pwurple' post is a good example of how things can be interpreted by different people in different ways when written down. I don't think there was anything hostile about pwurple's post but you read it that way. I do think the way you revealed your non-drinking in the example you have came across as judgemental about the woman's needing a drink before the movie. You may not have meant it that way but lots of people read it like that.

Maybe stick to communicating your non-drinking to face to face situations in future.

Malari

Clampdown wrote: »

Tbh I think it's ridiculous that a woman would reject someone for being sober, considering that someone who doesn't drink saves a ton of money, isn't consuming a buttload of extra calories, is usually more polite and respectful of others, and is in a better position to get you home safe. Oh yeah that's not good craic at all who wants a boyfriend like that?

Well, this is part of the misunderstanding here around what constitutes a drinker. If I have more than two glasses of wine when I'm in the pub it's a lot! I'm virtually always home by 9.30pm and I haven't been drunk in years. Sure, there is the odd heavy night but if I stopped drinking tomorrow I wouldn't suddenly lose weight and save a ton of money!

My husband isn't a big drinker. But I like that once every week or so we'll go for a couple after work and just...I don't know, the chat is a little more fun! But a lot of the time he'll drive if we are going out, and he trains all year round so just isn't that into it most of the time. But I have to admit I like that we both have a drink together.

But I agree with people who say there's no need to announce it. If you suggest going for dinner most people don't reveal that they are veggie, they just order a meat-free meal.

childsplay

My husband and l are very light drinkers in that we would only have a single drink if we had one at all. Just not that in to it. We get called dry ****es on a regular basis and treated with suspicion. We aren't bothered by it but I don't know why there such a thing about non-drinkers.

I would agree with an earlier poster who suggested that non-drinkers = former alcoholics in some peoples minds.

finooola

sup_dude wrote: »

Why though? Genuinely curious!
I mean most nondrinkers, excepting judgeys and those who it just isnt their thing (but you get that with people who do drink too), are happy going to pubs/clubs etc and drink water or lucozade or whatever.

Well, holidays for example are a big one. My idea of a good time on holiday is looking at buildings, museums, going to the beach etc. in the morning, and then by about 2.00 I'd be thinking a nice sit down and a beer or wine might be in order. Non-drinkers I know (and I am aware that this would not describe every non-drinker) like holidays involving fairly strenuous activity all day, then early to bed and up again early in the morning. Of course nowadays I have a kid so I'd say my next holiday whenever that is will not involve starting to stroll around the pubs and cafes for the evening by 2.00!

There is a slight element of embarrassment to it to be perfectly honest too. I know that lots of my female friends and relatives are a bit cagey when they first start going out with (particularly) a non-Irish person, even if they are a moderate drinker, that they don't find out how much drink she considers "normal" too soon. Obviously there is a conversation to be had about why a person would find it more convenient not to date a non (or even moderate) drinker rather than question her own drinking, but there ya go. This is my experience. As I said, most of us are (slowly) growing up a leaving these attitudes behind. We'll probably always consider getting pissed to be part of a good time though, even if we do it less and less as we get older and more sensible. We are a product of our culture. I think the generation coming up are less tied to the idea that all good times either start or finish in the pub.

Charizard

sup_dude wrote: »

It's not about hiding it, it's about not making any fuss about it.
Again, I'm going to use myself as an example since I don't have the same problem; if I was on a night out, nobody except those who already knew from previous nights, would think I wasn't drinking. I don't really tell anyone unless not drinking comes up in conversation. Not because I'm trying to hide it but because there's no point causing a fuss about it. If someone asks me to go to the pub, I go if I feel like it and just order whatever I'm drinking, same as a drinker.

This is pretty much it, It seems you go out of your way to mention you dont drink if drink or bars are mentioned, when there really is no need.
Like if someone asks you "Do you drink" say no, other than that if drink is mentioned there is no need to say you dont imo

Charizard

childsplay wrote: »

My husband and l are very light drinkers in that we would only have a single drink if we had one at all. Just not that in to it. We get called dry ****es on a regular basis and treated with suspicion. We aren't bothered by it but I don't know why there such a thing about non-drinkers.

I would agree with an earlier poster who suggested that non-drinkers = former alcoholics in some peoples minds.

Thats probably cause you buy one drink :pac:
But seriously its good to see you dont get affected by it

Charizard

finooola wrote: »

Well, holidays for example are a big one. My idea of a good time on holiday is looking at buildings, museums, going to the beach etc. in the morning, and then by about 2.00 I'd be thinking a nice sit down and a beer or wine might be in order. Non-drinkers I know (and I am aware that this would not describe every non-drinker) like holidays involving fairly strenuous activity all day, then early to bed and up again early in the morning. Of course nowadays I have a kid so I'd say my next holiday whenever that is will not involve starting to stroll around the pubs and cafes for the evening by 2.00!

I do the same when I go on holiday, Ive never gone on holiday with my friends as they dont enjoy it. Same with one of my sisters, she wants to go on a sun holiday, so lie around all day drink all night. That would bore me to death.

Pygmy Shrew

Just my tuppence worth.... I would assume that there is a high probability that non drinkers are either recovering alcoholics or have an illness that means that they can't drink due to their medication. Lots of them can be quite anti drink and critical of how others behave when they've had a few drinks. They can also be quite disdainful of drinkers wasting their money in such a frivolous fashion. Those are all the reasons why I would not enter into a relationship with a non drinker.

Addle

Madra98 wrote: »

All good opinions, guys.

I don't feel I am coming across holier-than-thou by, at the end of a nice, jokey message (like all the other messages that got great responses) saying 'Oh, actually I don't drink' and nothing else.

Like I say, if drink never comes up the conversations and meetups always go great. It is only when drink comes up.

You do drink.
You just don't drink alcohol.
It's not like you're just sitting in a pub watching a date drink.
If you didn't drink at all, that'd be weird.

Malari

Addle wrote: »

You do drink.
You just don't drink alcohol.
It's not like you're just sitting in a pub watching a date drink.
If you didn't drink at all, that'd be weird.

I think people understand the phrase as used in this context :-D

Also for me it's a case of extremes. I'm not likely to enter a relationship with someone who goes out every weekend night and drinks 10 pints and I'd hungover during the day, as much as I'm unlikely to do so with someone who never drinks.

Charizard

Pygmy Shrew wrote: »

Just my tuppence worth.... I would assume that there is a high probability that non drinkers are either recovering alcoholics or have an illness that means that they can't drink due to their medication. Lots of them can be quite anti drink and critical of how others behave when they've had a few drinks. They can also be quite disdainful of drinkers wasting their money in such a frivolous fashion. Those are all the reasons why I would not enter into a relationship with a non drinker.

Really I literally only know one recovering alcoholic. Maybe in Ireland thats the case, even still Id be highly surprised

Tar.Aldarion

Madra98 wrote: »

Okay:

Seeing as people think it is me sticking my foot in it. Here's an example from a girl who worked in a shop, after I cracked a joke and asked her for her number. We'd been chatting on and off for a few days.

Her:

are you in tongiht then? I dont know your choice of movies could be a bit better but i can teach you :P

Me:

Yes. I'm in for a long one. Try not to miss me too much. Ah, let's not get into that one again

Her:

Awwww come on now wouldnt you rather take me to the cinema than go in?

Me:

Here's a deal then, you call in sick for me and pretend to be my doctor and we'll go

Her:

great the movie is on late so we can get a few drinks first it'll make it more fun maybe sone food for you if you are hungry

Me:

Are the drinks an important part for making the movie good, hahah? I'll stick to the 7ups and hope the movie is still good. I actually don't drink at all. But fire away yourself.

Conversation.................. Over!

That was such a crash and burn, that last line man. Should have went along and talked to them there, it'll come up anyway without saying it like that. It comes across as putting them down even. Could have just said something like you don't drink but don't worry you know how to have a good time wink wink or whatever. Just say that you will see them there haha.

Also she was being pretty good with the food/drinks suggestion...going to a film without getting to know them a bit first is just awkward and a terrible date.

The Bishop Basher

Pygmy Shrew wrote: »

I would assume that there is a high probability that non drinkers are either recovering alcoholics or have an illness that means that they can't drink due to their medication.

Unfortunately I think this has a lot to do with it.

Pygmy Shrew wrote: »

Lots of them can be quite anti drink and critical of how others behave when they've had a few drinks. They can also be quite disdainful of drinkers wasting their money in such a frivolous fashion. Those are all the reasons why I would not enter into a relationship with a non drinker.

Some non drinkers can be like that although i find them rare enough to be honest. Thankfully drinkers that write off an entire group of people for not drinking are equally rare.

I just take people at face value. Whether you drink or not is of zero relevance although if you're "fond of a drink" and spend half your weekend in the pub we're probably not going to have much in common. Otherwise it's just not an issue.