Irish women's reactions to non-drinking men?

worded

Swanner wrote: »

I really enjoy being in the company of drinkers but as soon as the class a's come out I'm gone.

There are few things in life, in my experience, that can achieve the same levels of boredom as can be experienced by having someone off their face on a yip yammering nonsense incessantly in your ear for hours on end.. It's slow mental torture...

But each to their own I suppose...

I was just joking about the class As

I'm just saying that incase my probation officer is reading this

Nom nom nom

:-)

I'm a moderate drinker myself and take no class As (midweek)

mzungu

bucketybuck wrote: »

Of course it could, but this conversation is about a drinker and a non-drinker on a night out.

That's one part of it, yes. But, In my previous post I referred to you saying it was nothing to do with 'needing' alcohol, even though a fair amount of your post would suggest otherwise. That was what I was getting at there.

How very simple.

Just going on what you're giving me.

Why not prefer people with the same interests.

Nothing wrong with that.

H3llR4iser

This thread is...illuminating, really. While I have encountered some preconceptions and assumptions as already explained, I've never experienced them quite to the level, amount and intensity shown in here. Very interesting indeed.

I would have a few considerations, but I'd probably hurt some sensitivities and be labeled a "judgemental non drinker".

Peist2007

Mister Vain wrote: »

I don't think I could enjoy a night out sober if everyone else is getting pissed. I find pubs to be boring after a few hours, and that's even with a few drinks.

The whole pub scene is boring if you're number one focus isnt on the drugs they be peddling.

seachto7

stefanovich wrote: »

When I hear non drinker I think alcoholic.

Really? That's a bit sad really, that you'd think that.

Bandana boy

From my point of view if I suggest heading out and somebody goes I don't drink but I i will go I think that there is possibly an alcohol abuse scenario.

I know several people who do not drink but would never say so just not order alcohol when out.
"I don't drink much and do not feel like booze tonight" is perfectly reasonable on the night , "I do not drink alcohol ever" before hand feels like a problem and longer term if that is how you enjoy socializing could lead to problems down the line.

In your example you brought it up when there was no need maybe in future show that you have no issue socializing before you drop that you are alcohol free.

beks101

I'd assume it's because pubs and drinking are a big part of the dating scene in Ireland.

It's kind of an integral part of that little mating dance that we do, especially so if you're early - mid 20s. Meet at a house party or a pub or match on tinder, text a bit, arrange to meet "for a drink", both get tipsy enough to break the ice and maybe have a kiss, dating ensues (or not). About 90% of the internet dates I've been on were like this.

The idea of doing "something else" for a first date or sitting across from a stranger who's sipping on a 7Up while you're laying into the vodka is unsettling and uncomfortable for a lot of young people. It's a notion that you won't be on even playing fields. Dating is daunting enough as it is without that added layer of "jaysus, how's this going to work?" on top of the nerves and the butterflies and the anxiety and the stress of meeting someone you barely know in an intimate setting.

I find people care less as they get older anyway. You hit thirty, become aware of your own mortality and start running marathons to pay penance for all that time you spent in the pub during your 20s ;-)

worded

How often do you hear .... oh we had this crazy salad and then
Had an amazing night

Alcohol has been helping ugly ppl have sex for
For 100s of years

Lemming

Wiggles88

Ben Gadot

seachto7 wrote: »

Really? That's a bit sad really, that you'd think that.

I think it's an assumption many people make in Ireland, that if one doesn't drink it's because they were an alco and HAD to stop. I guess it makes people feel better when they think that.

Admittedly however I am one of those people that had to stop.

livedadream

its not a female thing, im a female and i dont drink (used to but stopped two years ago) seems to be a date stopper when its brought up.
have even had a guy tell me he only goes to pubs on first dates when i suggested we go for coffee...
i dont judge people who drink i stopped because it just didnt suit me anymore...
i find you get judged more for not drinking than anything...
as a girl people think your either preggers, on anti biotics or in recovery.

pgj2015

pulling women who are drinking or drunk while you are sober? thats a bit creepy, especially if you are having sex with them.

BoJack Horseman

pgj2015 wrote: »

thats a bit creepy, especially if you are having sex with them.

What blood/alcohol level do you insist a woman be prior to sex?

pgj2015

BoJack Horseman wrote: »

What blood/alcohol level do you insist a woman be prior to sex?

Drunk men have been accused of rape after having sex with drunk women, what chance would a guy who hasn't had 1 drink all night and has sex with a drunk woman have? if i was out and not drinking, there is no way i would have sex with a woman who was drinking or drunk. i would feel like too much of a creep.

BoJack Horseman

pgj2015 wrote: »

i would feel like too much of a creep.

Well that is your choice Lancelot!

Personally I don't see any problem with banging a chick who has made the adult & personal decision to imbibe alcohol.

A woman doesn't become an incompetent gibbering mess, incapable of decision making if drink passes her lips.

pgj2015

BoJack Horseman wrote: »

Well that is your choice Lancelot!

Personally I don't see any problem with banging a chick who has made the adult & personal decision to imbibe alcohol.


Tell it to the judge.

foxatron

You can send the good looking women over to my house I'll look after them.

Skommando

This thread resonates with me, after drinking for years, I've taken temporary membership of the pioneers.

I wonder what's ahead. It'll be interesting to see how my different drinking buddies cope and react.
I suppose I'll find out who my friends really are. When I was younger I felt I had to take it in order to enjoy socialising. I was a classic weekend binge drinker.

I grew up with a family member who was an alcoholic, I think it's effects on my life are only sinking in now.

I'm not anti drink, and people should take a drink if want to, but personally, I've seen and had enough of it.
My life could have been very different if there was less alcohol involved.

Mister Vain

There's a difference between sleeping with a woman who is so drunk she can't stand up, and sleeping with a woman who is a bit tipsy.

Eric Cartman

Ireland, sadly, has almost nothing to do at night / during the weekend nights that isn't drink related. Even going somewhere to watch a sporting event , pool halls , bowling alleys - its all drink related now. So in that regard, I certainly have sympathy for people who don't drink , it makes it an awful lot harder to socialise.

There are people who don't drink , and thats fine, they may still come out to the pub or nightclub with friends , but when people say "they're having a great time" , absolutely not. When you are sober, drunk people are really really annoying , slurring words, repeating questions, not grasping basic facts. I full on believe a sober person sitting in a pub with friends can have a reasonable time until about midnight, after that not a chance.

For relationships, I think if you have somebody who rarely drinks (<10 times a year) or only has 2-3 drinks when they do go drinking , that can work with a non drinker just fine, but no matter how much the teetotal-ing partner says 'they don't mind' , a few months with a weekend warrior would have the resentment building pretty quick.

I know myself, I did it once, but I couldn't be with someone who doesn't drink ever again, not only for myself and joining in my social activities, but I full on understand how sitting there sober every weekend while I get locked just cannot be any fun for them.

ThinkProgress

Mister Vain wrote: »

There's a difference between sleeping with a woman who is so drunk she can't stand up, and sleeping with a woman who is a bit tipsy.

You sound like someone with experience in this dept... please elaborate further?

Ave Sodalis

Eric Cartman wrote:

There are people who don't drink , and thats fine, they may still come out to the pub or nightclub with friends , but when people say "they're having a great time" , absolutely not. When you are sober, drunk people are really really annoying , slurring words, repeating questions, not grasping basic facts. I full on believe a sober person sitting in a pub with friends can have a reasonable time until about midnight, after that not a chance.

Well, no. Why would you not believe them? Because you didn't enjoy being sober therefore no one can?

Eric Cartman

sup_dude wrote: »

Well, no. Why would you not believe them? Because you didn't enjoy being sober therefore no one can?

There is no way any sober person enjoys sitting in a pub till 2:30-3am listening to people with 8/10/12 pints in them ramble through all the pub talk that pops into their heads. They'd by all means participate once in a while if out with a partner or look on it fondly due to the discussion they had with an old friend etc… at the 10pm portion of the evening, but if there is anyone who doesn't drink who says they would choose sitting in a pub for 6 hours with some heavy sessioning going on around them , over almost anything else they could be doing at that moment , id have to say I wouldn't believe them ,

Ave Sodalis

Well I have no problem with it. I even enioy it as long as said drunk people aren't violent drunks. I'm not lying. I know plenty of other sober people who would claim the same. I think you're projecting too much

Skommando

When you are sober, drunk people are really really annoying , slurring words, repeating questions, not grasping basic facts. I full on believe a sober person sitting in a pub with friends can have a reasonable time until about midnight, after that not a chance.

That's an observation that also correlates with my experience. Looking back on my drinking days, by far the best craic and most enjoyable was always in the earlier hours of the night out, and could be also enjoyed by non drinkers alike. Later on as people get themselves drunker and drunker to the point of self imposed stupidity, and loss of rational decision making skills and control, the actually quality of the night rapidly goes down hill, and where most of the adverse alcohol fueled incidents usually happen, except by that time, the drunk have lost the capacity to decern or understand it.

I'd say it's good advice for non drinkers and moderate drinkers alike, and much better for the health of mind and body, to know when to quit after the best hours of the night, and not to bother with the later small hours of the night/morning, as it's a definitely a time of rapidly diminishing returns.

ThinkProgress

It's very difficult (for me anyway) to be a non-drinker and still frequent the bar/club scene... definitely not as fun when people are drunk and laughing at stuff that's not quite as humorous when you're sober.

I wouldn't sit in a darkened room around a table, for entertainment purposes, if there was no alcohol involved... it's just not appealing to me. So I avoid that social scene.

A fun day for me, can end at 10pm... I can hit the hay with a clear head, and wake the same the next morning. You don't have to come home at 3-4am completely off your head, in order to have had a great time!

Eric Cartman

sup_dude wrote: »

Well I have no problem with it. I even enioy it as long as said drunk people aren't violent drunks. I'm not lying. I know plenty of other sober people who would claim the same. I think you're projecting too much

Interesting. I have to say Ive never met anyone before who would enjoy it.
Just to ask , how often would you be in this environment , would you usually stay until the pub is closing ? when somebody suggests silly things like trying to get into coppers (or local equivalent) at 3am or organises an after sesh in a house , would you be going to such things ?

Eric Cartman

ThinkProgress wrote: »

It's very difficult (for me anyway) to be a non-drinker and still frequent the bar/club scene... definitely not as fun when people are drunk and laughing at stuff that's not quite as humorous when you're sober.

I wouldn't sit in a darkened room around a table, for entertainment purposes, if there was no alcohol involved... it's just not appealing to me. So I avoid that social scene.

A fun day for me, can end at 10pm... I can hit the hay with a clear head, and wake the same the next morning. You don't have to come home at 3-4am completely off your head, in order to have had a great time!

Absolutely not, but I think in the context of a relationship Somebody who does like doing that, and somebody who is happy to be home at 10 and go to bed sober are going to face a serious compatibility issue.

sneakysnake007

I'm also a non-drinker and regardless of whether I'm talking to males or females I do make sure to come across quite casual when telling them I don't drink, I try not to make it a big issue or a conversation stopper. I have no problem with drinkers and often buy drinks for my friends when we're out and I'll cheers them with a Mi Wadi laughing at how they're missing out on the sugar rush! Before I learned to be so relaxed on the topic, I would come across a little cold about it and found people didn't take to me as much. Drinking is a big part of Irish culture and regardless of whether we agree with it or not, we shouldn't pass too much judgement on those around us as no one, drinker or non-drinker likes to feel like they're being alienated because of it.

twinytwo

CastorTroy wrote: »

I got a message on plentyoffish (I have non drinker in my profile) from a woman who said "Since you don't drink, we could go to the zoo or something".
I've no problem going to the pub for a drink if going on a date or with friends, but clearly some think we do have a problem with it.

To be honest, one question I never understnd being asked is "Why don't you drink?" I don't ask why do they drink. I'm not a judgemental type either, otherwise I would've alienated nearly everyone I know

I was in the UK recently for work, when I mentioned i dont drink... one of the guys in office was sitting there wide eyed... "But but.. your irish":rolleyes:

Ave Sodalis

Eric Cartman wrote:

Interesting. I have to say Ive never met anyone before who would enjoy it. Just to ask , how often would you be in this environment , would you usually stay until the pub is closing ? when somebody suggests silly things like trying to get into coppers (or local equivalent) at 3am or organises an after sesh in a house , would you be going to such things ?

At college, up 3 or 4 times a week! Now, not so much but none of us go out much as my friend group has somewhat spread across the world. I wasn't even the only sober person in my friend group, and I could name almost 10 off the top of my head who would go out on a regular basis. After sessions are no problem and have been involved in organising them.
The only people I've met who really have a problem being sober on a night out are people who normally don't go sober, and I hate they're far worse to go out with than drunk people because they tend to expect you to be miserable for the night with them. My housemate one year tried it when she was on antibiotics, and she completely ruined my night and that's the last time she did it.

Eric Cartman

sup_dude wrote: »

At college, up 3 or 4 times a week! Now, not so much but none of us go out much as my friend group has somewhat spread across the world. I wasn't even the only sober person in my friend group, and I could name almost 10 off the top of my head who would go out on a regular basis. After sessions are no problem and have been involved in organising them.
The only people I've met who really have a problem being sober on a night out are people who normally don't go sober, and I hate they're far worse to go out with than drunk people because they tend to expect you to be miserable for the night with them. My housemate one year tried it when she was on antibiotics, and she completely ruined my night and that's the last time she did it.

Interesting , cheers for that, sounds like a decent setup. Just to ask, if there was nobody else there who didn't drink heading out , would it be as enjoyable ?

ThinkProgress

Eric Cartman wrote: »

Absolutely not, but I think in the context of a relationship Somebody who does like doing that, and somebody who is happy to be home at 10 and go to bed sober are going to face a serious compatibility issue.

Sure. If that's what they like to do every weekend, you would be probably be right... My OH likes to go out with her friends maybe once a month.

That doesn't bother me, because most other weeks we'll do stuff without any alcohol involved.

The only thing that does slightly bother me, is the idea that other guys might be hitting on her. But that's life... I'm not going out drinking with her, so I can swat away male attention!

Ave Sodalis

Eric Cartman wrote:

Interesting , cheers for that, sounds like a decent setup. Just to ask, if there was nobody else there who didn't drink heading out , would it be as enjoyable ?

Absolutely!

py2006

I came across this before. I think in some cases the first thing that comes their mind is that you were an alcoholic or are currently a recovering alcoholic. The fear is that you will spiral into alcoholism in her company etc etc etc

twinytwo

Pygmy Shrew wrote: »

Just my tuppence worth.... I would assume that there is a high probability that non drinkers are either recovering alcoholics or have an illness that means that they can't drink due to their medication. Lots of them can be quite anti drink and critical of how others behave when they've had a few drinks. They can also be quite disdainful of drinkers wasting their money in such a frivolous fashion. Those are all the reasons why I would not enter into a relationship with a non drinker.

I dont drink, never have, never will. I dont have a reason as to why I dont drink... just never did.

I dont give a ****e about other people drinking, or what they do with their money.

Spent many nights out till 5/6am with work the at 7.
Gone home many nights at 11/12pm.
Had the ear talked off with the biggest load of ****etalk ever, many nights over.
Carried a girl home one time over 5 miles.
Broken up my fair amount of fights.
Hauled my friends to taxi's.
Seen my fair share of stuff that I would rather not have... as im the only one who remembers the next day.

Would i change any of it?.... no.

ligerdub

Skipped about 8 pages of this one so my apologies if I'm repeating anything.

I'm reminded of a joke by Joe Rogan, "if a guy who is a vegan cross fitter meets someone new, what's the first one of the two he introduces himself as?" :-)

I think people always have a "is it because of XXXX that it's not working for me?" attitude. I mean by all means there could be a few people who wouldn't be keen on whatever it is you consider an issue, but it could be something else too. Far easier to attribute a problem to something virtuous.

To be honest I don't think women really give a sh*t about a guys drinking. I've certainly never heard any woman goo over some lad over the attribution of his drinking status. It might be an issue later in the development of a relationship but in the early days I suspect it's merely an incidental factor. More importantly is a general attitude, personality, tone, disposition........money in the bank ha!

From my own point of view I gave up drink in 2010 and it's an area of my life that has completely changed. I don't socialise much at all and therefore don't have the level of interaction with new women as much any more. I definitely miss it though. I was never a looker but would have done reasonably well with women in my drinking days, which I suspect had a lot to do with being more forthcoming with a few drinks on board and a bit more surface confidence. The same doesn't apply stone cold sober, I'm a very shy person by default. That's just me though, not everyone is the same. If I were more of a natural extrovert though then I think that a sober approach is much better than a drunk one, more natural connection, more mature vibe given off, more subtle cues/mystique, more self aware.

My advice, if somebody asks then tell them you don't drink and leave it at that. Don't explain it, ask about anybody else, say how great/bad it is etc, just leave it. Trust me it gets boring for all concerned otherwise. I realise the irony of this message :-)

CastorTroy

twinytwo wrote: »

I was in the UK recently for work, when I mentioned i dont drink... one of the guys in office was sitting there wide eyed... "But but.. your irish":rolleyes:

I also used to work as a barman, so that surprised people even more. An Irish baramn that doesn't drink.

As for going home at all hours or going to a house party or something, I won't do that these days. Mainly because, being sober, I know it's usually one or 2 of the house's residents' idea not think about other occupants. And when get back to the house, everyone just starts to slowly pass out, at least one person living there goes to bed 15 mins after arriving and it just really drags. And being the type of person I am, I feel guilty and start to clean up the mess being made.

Skommando

Just my tuppence worth.... I would assume that there is a high probability that non drinkers are either recovering alcoholics or have an illness that means that they can't drink due to their medication. Lots of them can be quite anti drink and critical of how others behave when they've had a few drinks. They can also be quite disdainful of drinkers wasting their money in such a frivolous fashion. Those are all the reasons why I would not enter into a relationship with a non drinker.

I'm afraid narrowly categorising people who don't drink, is as erroneous as narrowly categorising those who do take a drink.

A lot of people who don't drink are quite usually into sports, fitness and athletics instead, and their weekend mornings are important to them. Also some people simply don't like the taste of alcohol, and some simply don't like the feeling of being drunk and / or chemically tampering with their body / mind and thinking. Even binge drinking at weekends has long term consequences that users of alcohol can weigh up for themselves. That's their prerogative as people have every right not to drink as they have to drink.

ligerdub

Nobody likes the taste of alcohol.

_Kaiser_

I used to drink a fair bit in my 20s but it was always more the social aspect for me. Drinking just to get drunk - although I did get VERY drunk on more than one occasion! - just never appealed to me. I usually hit my limit for the evening and had no interest in anything more

Then I moved out of Dublin and public transport was non-existent besides extortionate taxis/hackneys so I ended up driving everywhere so no drink for me but the social life suffered alright as it's not much fun being the only sober one on a night out.
Of course as I got into my mid-30s and settled down, and as friends did likewise, the nights on the tear became rarer anyway to the point that nowadays the idea of paying a small fortune for a night out (more if you aren't drinking), and spending it shouting at each other over loud music has very little appeal at all. I do still go out on occasion, but usually only for a while or if it's a work thing where you kinda have to make an appearance.

For example, there's a night out planned at the weekend with some lads I haven't seen in years and I wouldn't mind catching up - but it means driving into town, finding parking, not-drinking anyway when these lads will be, and then driving home afterwards at whatever time only to have to be up early the next morning to go see the little fella .......... in short it sounds like far more work than fun really!

Or maybe I'm just getting old and/or boring!

v638sg7k1a92bx

Many Irish people use drink to mask their own insecurities. The question should really be, why do you drink alcohol as opposed to why you don't drink alcohol. Think of the first time you had an alcoholic drink, did you like the taste?

IMO, the type of people the OP mentions are the type of people you come across on a night out who are insecure and or materialistic. The type of people who know all the celebrities, what pop songs are in the charts, who is dating who etc etc. When they come across someone who doesn't drink, it shines a light on their own insecurities because they've just met a person who isn't afraid to reject the social norm of drinking and isn't trying to pretend to be someone their not. It isn't that the non drinker is judging them, they begin to judge themselves. This makes some drinkers feel insecure because they don't have the courage to do the same and are the type of people who go along with the herd. People don't like to realise or acknowledge this because they want to be perceived as popular and fun so they run away from it and shun the non drinker because they don't want to feel bad about themselves.

Jenna Ashy Matrimony

Jenna Ashy Matrimony wrote: »

Many Irish people use drink to mask their own insecurities. The question should really be, why do you drink alcohol as opposed to why you don't drink alcohol. Think of the first time you had an alcoholic drink, did you like the taste?

IMO, the type of people the OP mentions are the type of people you come across on a night out who are insecure and or materialistic. The type of people who know all the celebrities, what pop songs are in the charts, who is dating who etc etc. When they come across someone who doesn't drink, it shines a light on their own insecurities because they've just met a person who isn't afraid to reject the social norm of drinking and isn't trying to pretend to be someone their not. It isn't that the non drinker is judging them, they begin to judge themselves. This makes some drinkers feel insecure because they don't have the courage to do the same and are the type of people who go along with the herd. People don't like to realise or acknowledge this because they want to be perceived as popular and fun so they run away from it and shun the non drinker because they don't want to feel bad about themselves.

Wtf? Not drinking doesn't define who a person is any more than having a few drinks does. You're over analysing simple lifestyle choices.

I don't drink, but it doesn't mean I'm inherently more secure or more likely to buck the norms than someone who does.

ThinkProgress

Candie wrote: »

Wtf? Not drinking doesn't define who a person is any more than having a few drinks does. You're over analysing simple lifestyle choices.

I don't drink, but it doesn't mean I'm inherently more secure or more likely to buck the norms than someone who does.

Candie, are you not into running and fitness etc...? Thought I seen some posts around those topics from you. (might be thinking of someone else) Does your choice not to consume alcohol not say something about you as an individual, and what you value!

We are all defined by the lifestyle choices we make, particularly if those choices are against the norm of what most others are doing!

ThinkProgress

ThinkProgress wrote: »

Candie, a quick search of your post history shows you are into running and fitness etc... so your choice not to consume alcohol most certainly does say something about you as an individual, and what you value!

We are all defined by the lifestyle choices we make, particularly if those choices are against the norm of what most others are doing!

While I do keep active, my not drinking doesn't have anything to do with that aspect of my lifestyle. I simply never acquired the taste for it

I think it's a little patronizing to assume that people who drink are somehow more likely to be vacuous or insecure. People are all individuals, you can't lob them all neatly into a particular corner just because they like a drink.

Ave Sodalis

ThinkProgress wrote:

We are all defined by the lifestyle choices we make, particularly if those choices are against the norm of what most others are doing!

Except I don't like coffee either, so I don't drink it any more than I drink alcohol. Sometimes it's not a lifestyle choice, just a preference.

ThinkProgress

Candie wrote: »

While I do keep active, my not drinking doesn't have anything to do with that aspect of my lifestyle. I simply never acquired the taste for it

I think it's a little patronizing to assume that people who drink are somehow more likely to be vacuous or insecure. People are all individuals, you can't lob them all neatly into a particular corner just because they like a drink.

In this country, peer pressure is huge... so not drinking is a big deal. It's very difficult to avoid - maybe less so if you're a girl idk - you can certainly get away with drinking less etc.

I tend to agree that many people are faking it when it comes to liking the taste of alcohol. That is insecurity 101.

sup_dude wrote: »

Except I don't like coffee either, so I don't drink it any more than I drink alcohol. Sometimes it's not a lifestyle choice, just a preference.

Depending on your social life, it is easier to avoid coffee... alcohol is a social lubricant... sometimes it's difficult to have a traditional social life without the use of alcohol.

So to avoid it, would be making a preference for a certain type of social life - not just preference over a beverage. Unless you have friends that are not pushy and accept your decision.

ThinkProgress

ThinkProgress wrote: »

I tend to agree that many people are faking it when it comes to liking the taste of alcohol. That is insecurity 101.

I never said or implied I think that people are faking liking the taste, I just said that I never acquired a taste for it. Not the same thing.

ThinkProgress

Candie wrote: »

I never said or implied I think that people are faking liking the taste, I just said that I never acquired a taste for it. Not the same thing.

So you would say most people that "like a drink" do in fact enjoy the taste?

I remember tasting alcohol when I was a kid, and not being too keen on it... but everyone laughing and telling me that my tastes would change!

Peer pressure changed things, for a while... but I never loved alcohol. I think some people lie to themselves, in order to fit in.

So you never enjoyed the effects of alcohol? Despite not liking the taste?