Irish women's reactions to non-drinking men?

Pawwed Rig

Jenna Ashy Matrimony wrote: »

Think of the first time you had an alcoholic drink, did you like the taste?

Yes and am still partial to a cider on a nice day.

Ave Sodalis

ThinkProgress wrote:

So to avoid it, would be making a preference for a certain type of social life - not just preference over a beverage. Unless you have friends that are not pushy and accept your decision.

I've never met anyone who was overly pushy. But I've never really felt peer pressure. Which brings it back to how it's not a lifestyle choice for me.

ThinkProgress

ThinkProgress wrote: »

So you would say most people that "like a drink" do in fact enjoy the taste?

I remember tasting alcohol when I was a kid, and not being too keen on it... but everyone laughing and telling me that my tastes would change!

Peer pressure changed things, for a while... but I never loved alcohol. I think some people lie to themselves, in order to fit in.

So you never enjoyed the effects of alcohol? Despite not liking the taste?

Well, I didn't like the taste either, but that doesn't mean every living soul on earth is the exact same. I don't enjoy the effects either.

Lots of people enjoy the taste of different drinks. Lots of people love particular cigars. I don't get it, but I'm not the one drinking or smoking them and I don't speak for anyone but myself.

I bought my father a box of three fancy whiskeys for Fathers Day, he loved them. I think it tastes awful. People are different.

meeeeh

ThinkProgress wrote: »

Candie, are you not into running and fitness etc...? Thought I seen some posts around those topics from you. (might be thinking of someone else) Does your choice not to consume alcohol not say something about you as an individual, and what you value!

We are all defined by the lifestyle choices we make, particularly if those choices are against the norm of what most others are doing!

I used to run in high school just for fun. I also smoked as a chimney during breaks. Every year I was dreading Cooper test and how smoking will impact it and every year I was the best. Nowdays I don't smoke but I still like alcohol and rubbish food. And I run for fun. Just because I keep active it doesn't mean I am one of the 'my body is a temple people'. Oh and I only drink alcohol that I like. In fact I consider wine to be food.

Don't be like an excited puppy trying to judge people on one or two things they do.

On toppic
I don't care weather someone I date drinks or not, my partner very rarely drinks. Most non drinking people I like don't make big deal out of it but whoever is very eager to explain how they don't drink or how they drink a lot is usually a bore.

Mister Vain

ThinkProgress wrote: »

In this country, peer pressure is huge... so not drinking is a big deal. It's very difficult to avoid.

This was definitely the case for me when I was young. I never particularly liked drinking but forced myself to do it just to fit in. I don't feel that peer pressure now though. People tend to accept your lifestyle choices more as you get older.

Or maybe attitudes are starting to change. So many are into health and fitness now, so being a teetotaler is not as bad. The lad culture has changed a lot too. Back in my day, young lads spent their free time in pubs or driving the stones out of modified cars around B&Q car parks. Now they spend all their time in the gym.

the_syco

_Kaiser_ wrote: »

For example, there's a night out planned at the weekend with some lads I haven't seen in years and I wouldn't mind catching up

...

Or maybe I'm just getting old and/or boring!

Cans at someones house with either some sort of card game/scrabble/etc or just sport on TV is usually is a lot more fun than pub.

Jenna Ashy Matrimony wrote: »

Many Irish people use drink to mask their own insecurities. The question should really be, why do you drink alcohol as opposed to why you don't drink alcohol.

Prime reason is that the places that don't sell alcoholic drink have different social rules than places that do sell alcoholic drink, especially regarding approaching the opposite sex for a dance.

Jenna Ashy Matrimony wrote: »

Think of the first time you had an alcoholic drink, did you like the taste?

It was beer. Disgusting. Quickly found cider, haven't looked back.

ThinkProgress wrote: »

I tend to agree that many people are faking it when it comes to liking the taste of alcohol. That is insecurity 101.

It seems you are projecting your hate of alcohol onto others.

Arcade_Tryer

Just shows how ingrained in our culture alcohol is.

We like to complain about the control of the Catholic Church in Ireland in the past (well at least I do) and yet alcohol has and continues to be just as destructive and controlling a force in Irish society. But we still embrace it, worship it even (Arthur's Day anyone?) and continue to centre our life events around it; weddings, funerals, parties etc. Which is fine. People are free to worship whatever they like. But it's no surprise then when you read of reactions such as the one described in the Op. Ireland's devotion to alcohol is religious. The only question left to ponder is, do we have a choice in the matter? I submit the answer is largely no, hence the huge numbers of underage drinking over the years. And it will remain this way until cultural attitudes and norms change. And perhaps marijuana is legalised!

meeeeh

Arcade_Tryer wrote: »

Just shows how ingrained in our culture alcohol is.

We like to complain about the control of the Catholic Church in Ireland in the past (well at least I do) and yet alcohol has and continues to be just as destructive and controlling a force in Irish society. But we still embrace it, worship it even (Arthur's Day anyone?) and continue to centre our life events around it; weddings, funerals, parties etc. Which is fine. People are free to worship whatever they like. But it's no surprise then when you read of reactions such as the one described in the Op. Ireland's devotion to alcohol is religious. The only question left to ponder is, do we have a choice in the matter? I submit the answer is largely no, hence the huge numbers of underage drinking over the years. And it will remain this way until cultural attitudes and norms change. And perhaps marijuana is legalised!

Before too many conclusions are made, the way OP says in one of his subsequent posts the conversation went, I am really not surprised he was ignored (and neither are a lot of other women in this thread). It might not be intentional but he managed in one sentence to tell the girl that she has an alcohol problem when an easy reply would be let's meet for a coffee first.

v638sg7k1a92bx

Seems that some posters are at pains to explain reasons why they choose to drink. "it was cider", "I was in a friends house" "I was very thirsty that day and there was nothing to drink"

Methinks thou dost protest too much...

Pawwed Rig

Jenna Ashy Matrimony wrote: »

Methinks thou dost protest too much...

Methinks you made a silly statement that is not true in alot of cases.

GreenFolder2

I think the problem is that the immediate assumption is that you're not drinking for some very inflexible moral reason - religion, very anti-drink or that it's because you're a former alcoholic.

While that's very unfair, that is the immediate conclusion.

I'm a coeliac, so other than a couple of gluten-free beers (often not available), beer is off the menu. I also react quite weirdly sometimes to wine - I flush, my face goes bright red and I break out in a cold sweat and my heart goes into arrhythmia, so I don't really look forward to a drink of wine. Sometimes it's grand, sometimes it might as well be poison.

The amount of times I get the "Ah go on.. go on go on go on .. sure it's only a little bit of organic brown bread. Sure it won't do you any harm at all. Sure the scones are HOME MADE and you'll be insulting my granny if you don't eat one..."

I think the problem is that a lot of Irish people operate a bit like drug pushers and use extreme peer pressure to make people eat/drink things they don't actually like or want.

I've actually had people bare face lie to me about wheat in things e.g. texturised wheat protein in a vegetarian dish and I was sick for nearly two weeks afterwards.

CIP4

I am a 22 year old male and don't drink alcohol at all never have. You do certainly get this shock reaction of some people. You also get the why not ? Question off so many people. For me it never bothered me I never felt the need to take it up or never seen any real benefit to it.

As for socialising I go out a good bit to pubs / clubs not every weekend but normally a few times a month. Any of my close friends are used to me being sober at this stage so don't act any differently around me. I have as much craic as anyone drinking upto untilabout 12am, when people start getting sh!t faced I would often head of then but stay till the end of the night if in a night club.

I am not against drink in anyway I have no problem with people drinking and don't judge people. I have no real issue with the cost of it I would often buy people drink that really doesn't bother me.

From a dating point of view TBH it definitely doesn't help some girls would be put off by the fact you don't drink. Where the real issue comes in is the fact that finding a girlfriend now revolves so much around drinking and going out. Which it just wouldn't be in me to go around and try and pick up some absolutely pissed girl at 2am when I am dead sober that would just feel wrong. I am single at the moment but that is probably my own fault to an extent as I don't make much effort to find someone as I still feel I have loads of time. I suppose that will change as the years go on.

I would agree with what was said above for me personally I have no issue dating someone that drinks. However even though I am not against drinking and like going out realistically I am never going to date someone long term who needs to go out 3 nights a week and get pissed drunk as that is never going to work.

Overall I have never regretted my decision really it has never even crossed my mind to take it up. Would it be easier to get a girlfriend if I drank I reckon it probably would be. At the same time while it might make it a little harder to find someone it isn't going to make it impossible. There is someone for everyone.

o1s1n

ligerdub wrote: »

Nobody likes the taste of alcohol.

Thanks for speaking for me there ligerdub. Anything else that I don't like which I'm unaware of? Cheese perhaps?

I love the taste of many different types of alcohol. From wines to whiskeys to ales. Larger is one thing I find I've gone off the taste of in the last few years.

I too generally am taken aback when I find out someone doesn't drink and would also immediately assume it was due to a reason rather than a preference. There's such a variety in alcoholic drinks it a bit hard for me to fathom someone not like any of it by choice.

In the same way I was a little taken aback recently when I found out a mate hates ice cream. How can anyone hate all ice cream? Surely there's one type he at least likes? Or folks who 'don't like music'. They're such huge swathes of 'thing' its odd to me for someone to reject the whole lot together.

Ave Sodalis

o1s1n wrote:

Thanks for speaking for me there ligerdub. Anything else that I don't like which I'm unaware of? Cheese perhaps?

On that note, I don't like cheese and that tends to get more of a reaction from people than hearing I don't drink

o1s1n wrote:

I too generally am taken aback when I find out someone doesn't drink and would also immediately assume it was due to a reason rather than a preference. There's such a variety in alcoholic drinks it a bit hard for me to fathom someone not like any of it by choice.

It's not the individual tastes, it's the sharp taste of alcohol that underlie all drinks.

o1s1n

sup_dude wrote: »

On that note, I don't like cheese and that tends to get more of a reaction from people than hearing I don't drink

No cheese or booze? Why live?! :pac:

sup_dude wrote: »

It's not the individual tastes, it's the sharp taste of alcohol that underlie all drinks.

What about a well made cocktail?

ligerdub

o1s1n wrote: »

Thanks for speaking for me there ligerdub. Anything else that I don't like which I'm unaware of? Cheese perhaps?

I love the taste of many different types of alcohol. From wines to whiskeys to ales. Larger is one thing I find I've gone off the taste of in the last few years.

I too generally am taken aback when I find out someone doesn't drink and would also immediately assume it was due to a reason rather than a preference. There's such a variety in alcoholic drinks it a bit hard for me to fathom someone not like any of it by choice.

In the same way I was a little taken aback recently when I found out a mate hates ice cream. How can anyone hate all ice cream? Surely there's one type he at least likes? Or folks who 'don't like music'. They're such huge swathes of 'thing' its odd to me for someone to reject the whole lot together.

Fair cop.

paralysed

Madra98 wrote: »

'I don't drink -- therefore I will not buy you drink' in their heads.

I think it translates to:

"I need another drink so I can tell myself 'oh I'm so drunk I couldn't control myself', and if I'm going to degrade myself like this, the least you could do part take"

paralysed

sup_dude wrote: »

water

with chlorine? Yuk!

sup_dude wrote: »

or lucozade

Knackers drink. They'll all be diabetic.

Tonic water and lime is what I go for. Healthier, cheaper and you can pretend you're drinking!

paralysed

Charizard wrote: »

Im nearly certain its the only reason I have friends :pac:.........:(

I've been there. Those drivers are treated like **** and taken for granted

Stealthfins

I don't really care if a woman's a non drinker or a social drinker.

But fck me the amount of professional high street women I've seen out there who go out on a Saturday night all gucci and agent provocateur.

The walk into a posh joint, noses in the air, flicking the hair not giving eye contact to any of the opposite sex...
mod snip - watch your language please

paralysed

Madra98 wrote: »

One female friend says it translates to:

'I don't drink -- therefore I will not buy you drink' in their heads.

Never take advice from women

paralysed

newacc2015 wrote: »

I think within the gay community, where people tend to be more honest about substance and alcohol abuse in ways there is less stigma about not drinking and being 'sober'. But I find most Irish people tend to have a greater issue with a non-drinking friend, than someone who gets blacked out drunk every week.

OP if you keep finding women who are dodging you as you dont want to partake in 2 for 1 cocktails in some **** bar, IMO you are dodging a bullet. If someone cant have a date without being half smashed, they are not the person you want to date

Coming from a homosexual?

Don't compare a vagina to a bullet - they're always worth the hassle!

paralysed

audi12 wrote: »

I find it strange you find so easy to pick up Irish women in daytime hard enough pick them up on a night out.

Very true.

daithi7

The big issue here is our(Irish) fupped up attitude to alcohol.

As a nation, in general, we are a nation of binge drinkers, and our culture completely masks and promotes an unhealthy attitude to alcohol. This has massive long term negative health effects through the population and is a big negative in Irish socialising culture imho.

Nearly every celebration is only regarded as such if alcohol is involved. The drinks companies have long since spotted how to exploit this and their marketing is part of the problem imho. E.g. why does every sporting victory have to have sports people popping grotesquely sized champagne bottles, even when it's pretty clear as day (most of) the athletes themselves actually detest the taste of the stuff. The irony is the athlete wouldn't be winning the award if they had cultivated too much a taste for champagne, or any other alcoholic drink for that matter.

In most other cultures when people's behaviour changes radically when they drink, people take them aside and make them aware of this and the risk that alcohol may pose for them going forward. In Ireland, this kind of altered behaviour is put down to being 'a gas man for a party', an'hilarious woman with a few glasses of wine aboard', etc, etc, etc all code for .'they may have a drink problem, but it's not really my concern and shur isn't it fun to watch all the same'....


This is all deeply unhealthy behaviour and the associated peer pressure to have another drink, or to be in a round, or to have a shot for the craic, etc,etc is not at all helpful either.

Don't get me wrong, I actually enjoy a drink, and it's a nice way to socialise to a certain degree. But equally I hate seeing too many people's lives being completely messed up by their society approved and assisted gradual addiction to alcohol. I really resent when people try to ply me with more alcohol than I want to drink. Yet you can see this happening every other day, at every type of social function in Ireland. It's totally dysfunctional and I'm happy to say more and more people are finally becoming aware of it, at last. It will of course be a slow changer.

I know some people who do drink who view people who don't with suspicion, like there is something wrong with them. Don't get me wrong, someone who is overly reserved, or who doesn't mix in company would make me uneasy, but quite why alcohol has to be a compulsory social crutch for some people to have to see other people also imbibing I'm not sure I get it. In fact I just don't.

It's all part of a bigger cultural (national addiction to alcohol) problem imho. Pity.

P.s. rant over.... and that concludes the homily of father Daithi for this Sunday. May ye go in peace :-)

paralysed

Panrich wrote: »

An angle I've not seen discussed here ( apologies if I missed it) is what people think about your situation when you tell them you don't drink. This ties in with the need to know why. Many people who don't drink in this country are former problem drinkers/ alccoholics.

Looking for a potential partner it is not good on your cv and they may be thinking do I want to take that on?

You're way off the mark son. It's comments like this that'd only confuse the OP, and stop him from getting to the truth.

Or maybe you were joking?

paralysed

Wanderer78 wrote: »

There's a serious growing problem with women that drink in this country which is very worrying, but there are also plenty of women that drink little or nothing. Have experienced similar problems as op but it doesn't bother me at all. Have no interest in drinking and it's culture.

You added nothing.

paralysed

Pygmy Shrew wrote: »

Just my tuppence worth.... I would assume that there is a high probability that non drinkers are either recovering alcoholics or have an illness that means that they can't drink due to their medication. Lots of them can be quite anti drink and critical of how others behave when they've had a few drinks. They can also be quite disdainful of drinkers wasting their money in such a frivolous fashion. Those are all the reasons why I would not enter into a relationship with a non drinker.

Would ever consider that they're simply happy enough without it?

Your kind need to die off! or I'll never get laid again. Go on, get a shotgun and go into a dark room. And shur why not take a bottle of vodka while you're at it!;)

Robineen

Came on to post something similar to GreenFolder2. I think if someone inflexibly doesn't drink, there might be an even subconscious worry there that it might be because the person used to have a dependence problem. And the problem is, in the 'getting to know you' stage, these little things can become dealbreakers where they might not be if they surfaced later, once a connection has been established and the person is more known to you. Someone might not stick around long enough to find out that dependence on alcohol wasn't the issue.

ancapailldorcha

Paralysed banned for two weeks.

Daughter of

I've no problem with men not drinking. I've gone out with 3 guys who didn't drink. I've also no problem with men who do drink. Once someone can handle their drink, I dislike an argumentative drunk, be them make or female.

Chakra Khan

Mr Khan doesn't drink and never did and I  found this intriguing about him.  He also seemed to have lots of hobbies that I liked the sound of them and the fact that he seemed to have a very interesting and full life (not saying drinkers don't have these but Mr Khan stoood out).  I would say that its what attracted me to him although I do drink myself. :D

I can not speak for dating sites as I have little experience with them. But from just being _out_ as a non-drinker the effect on women in general (strangers I mean not people in my social circle) is that they gravitate away from me early in the night - but then over time as the other lads get more incoherent and silly - and more overt if they are hitting on those women - they gravitate back towards me.

Why that might be though - I will not over interpret

Agricola

For me it's sort of split between 2 groups of people. Non drinkers who came from drinking families, maybe drank a good bit themselves when they were younger and have now eased up on it or completely cut it out because they prefer having money and not being hungover at the weekend! That's myself basically. I'd have no problem with people wanting to go to the pub before a late cinema show. Even if I'm not skulling pints I realize it can add something and it's nice to have a chat and stretch out the occasion maybe.

Then there are people, often who come from pioneer families in my experience, who seem to have a deep seated mistrust and dislike for alcohol and the way that especially in Ireland, it is seen as a necessity for any social situation. I have been that person that suggested drinks before or after some meetup/event to be met with the same kind of passive aggressive judgmental tone that the OP used in the text message. There are a lot of people who really detest all the trappings of the pub scene (and to be honest I can't say I blame them a lot of the time)

As for dating, have seen it first hand with a cousin of mine who is a divil for the pub. He's by no means an alco but his favourite place in the world is propping up a counter with the lads from his local club. He would spend all weekend at it if he could. His soon to be wife is from a long line of pioneers and to say it's the source of a lot of tension, would be a huge understatement!

I grew up in a house that had drink in it but it was respected . Never saw my dad drunk once . So I respect drink .....and I enjoy it ....but never get drunk either .

I've dated non drinkers and drinkers ........and never had a major issue around the drink thing .

But if I'm going out for a meal or to the pub I'll be honest and say I'd prefer my partner to have a drink too . Easier , less fear of judgement , ability to laugh and relax together instead of being afraid of being observed . It's an ice breaker too.

The last man I dated was a non drinker as he had an alcoholic father .
We were having a coffee and he said "I suppose you need a drink to have fun" in such a judgemental way I was pissed off . He was incredibly deep and serious and in the few weeks we dated I rarely laughed with him .

It didn't last . He actually could have done with letting go a bit and loosening up . He was 53 and had only ever had one relationship in his life .....for 6 months . I jus felt upset at his attitude even though I understood where it came from.

Mister Vain

TBH I get worse reactions when I say I don't drink tea. They always look at me in bewilderment and then awkwardly offer me a cup of milk.

daithi7

Mister Vain wrote: »

TBH I get worse reactions when I say I don't drink tea. They always look at me in bewilderment and then awkwardly offer me a cup of milk.

Jeez a, non tea drinker...weirdo!!

And I bet you're very judgemental of us tea drinkers too, Shame on you, keep your judgments to yourself ! :-)

P.s. there were no tea plants harmed in making this post.

Chakra Khan

Mister Vain wrote: »

TBH I get worse reactions when I say I don't drink tea. They always look at me in bewilderment and then awkwardly offer me a cup of milk.

I can't cope when someone doesn't drink tea or coffee. I don't know what to say to them and can't help asking 'Did you never drink tea or coffee?'. I'm actually just fishing to see do they have a problem or do they think that I drink too much tea. I find myself saying 'I don't normally drink this much tea, I can usually take it or leave it'. I think they see right through me though.:D Killjoys!

Chakra Khan

Mister Vain wrote: »

TBH I get worse reactions when I say I don't drink tea. They always look at me in bewilderment and then awkwardly offer me a cup of milk.

Did you never drink tea?

Mister Vain

Chakra Khan wrote: »

Did you never drink tea?

I tried it a couple of times and absolutely hated the taste of it so never bothered with it again. Coffee is not as bad but there are any amount of other beverages that I'd rather drink.

omb0wyn5ehpij9

Deleted User wrote: »

But if I'm going out for a meal or to the pub I'll be honest and say I'd prefer my partner to have a drink too . Easier , less fear of judgement , ability to laugh and relax together instead of being afraid of being observed . It's an ice breaker too.

What if you partner doesn't like drinking while having a meal? I rarely drink when I'm out for a meal. I don't like wine, and just prefer to eat and enjoy my food without alcohol. If we are going to the pub afterwards, I will have a few drinks then though

Mister Vain wrote: »

TBH I get worse reactions when I say I don't drink tea. They always look at me in bewilderment and then awkwardly offer me a cup of milk.

I don't drink tea or coffee and some of the reactions I get to that are incredibly funny!

Mister Vain

BDJW wrote: »

What if you partner doesn't like drinking while having a meal? I rarely drink when I'm out for a meal. I don't like wine, and just prefer to eat and enjoy my food without alcohol. If we are going to the pub afterwards, I will have a few drinks then though.

I can't combine food with alcohol. I get full too quickly. A few drinks after the meal is fine but ideally I'd need to wait a while and let the food settle.

the_syco

Mister Vain wrote: »

I can't combine food with alcohol. I get full too quickly. A few drinks after the meal is fine but ideally I'd need to wait a while and let the food settle.

Likewise. I find the cider tastes a lot different between before and after with some dishes.

Quite often, I would let the food settle so I can drink more, as drinking straight after eating usually means I can drink less.

B00!

I find men who don't drink much more appealing, on so many levels.

stefanovich

B00! wrote: »

I find men who don't drink much more appealing, on so many levels.

Perhaps they don't drink because they are an alcoholic?

B00!

stefanovich wrote: »

Perhaps they don't drink because they are an alcoholic?

and are taking back control of their life? such restraint is impressive, so yep!

stefanovich

B00! wrote: »

and are taking back control of their life? such restraint is impressive, so yep!

Great until they finally hit the bottle and you end up with a black eye.

B00!

stefanovich wrote: »

Great until they finally hit the bottle and you end up with a black eye.

Been there, done that with a drinking lad who refused to believe he had an issue in the first place.

slovakchick

my grandmother who is now departed phrased it well "Like death, drink is a great leveler"

Madra98 wrote: »

No. I don't judge people for drinking. I don't care if people drink, or smoke or do anything. I don't drink because I am very into athletics and they do not mix. But I go out all the time. I am often out and about the town with the lads.

Not too sure it is how I come across when I say it. I come across int he same joking, fun way that the whole conversation was.

One female friend says it translates to:

'I don't drink -- therefore I will not buy you drink' in their heads.

slovakchick

but my two sense on Irish girls attitude to alcohol, its a cultural thing (been around for as long as the Irish where on a cold small isolated island at the edge of Europe imo) similar to the guys they feel that alcohol is a necessity to get by in Ireland's social circles, more so than in continental Europe where the weather and other factors reduce but don't negate the necessity/stigma of alcohol to socialise, there are many connotations with alcohol in Ireland because it is a dangerous drug, presumptions are made of non imbibers such as "whyyyyy did you not drink after the last time you drank?? what happened that was that bad, implied ---did you go psycho" or if you never tried "why would you never even try? thats booooring"