how will i know...

LegacyUser

hi there, my husband and I are thinking of having kids soon. I didn't know my mum, she died when I was very small and my dad brought us up alone. I've never known what its like to have a mum and i'm so scared that I wont know what to do. I just wish she was here to help me. I haven't said this to my husband. he is so excited about having kids.

looksee

Nobody gets an instruction manual. If you have a supportive mother that can be great, but you could also have an interfering mother, a completely uninterested mother or one that is a bit of a fruitcake and made a complete mess of bringing you up. You will be fine. If your dad did a good job of bringing you up, then remember what he did and try and do the same. If there were shortcomings, then avoid them. There was almost certainly a bit of both.

Don't worry about it for now, you are not even pregnant. But when you do become pregnant talk with your husband about what kind of parents you want to be. You will use your common sense, watch how other parents do it and learn from their mistakes. The very fact that you are thinking about it suggests that you will do it right. Good luck!

stickybean

so worried wrote: »

hi there, my husband and I are thinking of having kids soon. I didn't know my mum, she died when I was very small and my dad brought us up alone. I've never known what its like to have a mum and i'm so scared that I wont know what to do. I just wish she was here to help me. I haven't said this to my husband. he is so excited about having kids.

try not to worry darling or let that put you off. I had my daughter when I was very very young, and honestly at the start I didn't really know what to do. But when you hold you own child, something will take over, a natural instinct. It may take a while to kick in, but it will come and I have no doubt you will be a great mam. Even the fact you are thinking about this... Also you seem to have a support of a good husband there... Don't be afraid to open up and talk to him, I bet he will reassure you. Very best of luck xxx

Intothesea

Hello there. I think it might be worth thinking about what kind of parent your father has been to you. In general a child appreciates and responds most to love, positive mirroring, encouragement, consistency and good boundaries. If your father put up all this for you, you'll take to it like a proverbial duck to the water. It doesn't matter who dishes it out, as long as it's good and consistent

Also remember that mothers are individuals and each has different skills, leanings and abilities. What matters is that you, the most important rock for this new life, feel at ease about your new role.

With the air of worry that seems to be in your post I would suggest seeing a counselor about it, to chew over the areas of your relationship with your father etc. that might be affecting your confidence. One small theory that I have is that maybe you sensed that you were a burden to your father because of his predicament. A sense of this in childhood can really kick up confusing feelings when you're due to do it all yourself, leaving you 'on the fence' about the project.

It might be that the child his or her self will heal your feelings, and lead you to discover that you have everything you need to do the job well. It's also the case that looking at these feelings with a trained person of some sort can help you settle your outlook and feel more reassured about it before your little bean would make an entrance.

And the very best of luck with it all.