Giving notice to a bully

banoffe2

Hi all
Anyone have any ideas or suggestions on coping with the notice period when dealing with a bully, I have had enough, taken all the stands but because I work for a company who own a family business where I am the only employee it is tough going. I have brought a lot to the company with my dedication, experience and skills, the honeymoon phase didn't last long and I have seen their hostility and ignorance too many times. My mental health is number one, I have written a letter of notice ( 2 weeks) I have no employment contract and only work part time. I am expecting fireworks any advise or suggestions welcome. Thanks for reading my post.

Enright

No contract means you are not obliged to give notice, two weeks seems very fair. Good luck with it

livedadream

banoffe2 wrote: »

Hi all
Anyone have any ideas or suggestions on coping with the notice period when dealing with a bully, I have had enough, taken all the stands but because I work for a company who own a family business where I am the only employee it is tough going. I have brought a lot to the company with my dedication, experience and skills, the honeymoon phase didn't last long and I have seen their hostility and ignorance too many times. My mental health is number one, I have written a letter of notice ( 2 weeks) I have no employment contract and only work part time. I am expecting fireworks any advise or suggestions welcome. Thanks for reading my post.

hand in the notice, and sit around for 2 weeks taking your wage and enjoying the thought that you wont have to put up with their ****e anymore.

if you can handle it, why not. 2 weeks extra wages.. holiday entitlement. take it and go.

thelad95

livedadream wrote: »

hand in the notice, and sit around for 2 weeks taking your wage and enjoying the thought that you wont have to put up with their ****e anymore.

if you can handle it, why not. 2 weeks extra wages.. holiday entitlement. take it and go.

No holiday entitlement if there's no contract!

OP if you have no contract of employment why not just quit with immediate effect? They've been horrible to you so why should you give them a notice period, just get the hell out there's a decent chance they'll make your life even more miserable while your serving your notice.

alroley

thelad95 wrote: »

No holiday entitlement if there's no contract!

8% of hours worked would apply. Everyone is entitled to the minimum, even if no contract?

livedadream

thelad95 wrote: »

No holiday entitlement if there's no contract!

OP if you have no contract of employment why not just quit with immediate effect? They've been horrible to you so why should you give them a notice period, just get the hell out there's a decent chance they'll make your life even more miserable while your serving your notice.

theres an implied contract. she shows up and takes a wage.

everyone is entitled to holiday pay of 8% of hours worked. contract or no contract (written i mean)

employment law in Ireland states that anyone who works for an employer for a regular wage or salary automatically has a contract of employment. It does not have to be in writing, an employee must be given a written statement of terms of employment within 2 months of starting work.

this could be as simple as an email saying you'll work 9-5 monday to friday for this much.

OP doesnt say how long they've been there but im guessing its longer than 2 months. in this situation it suits her better not to have written terms because she can make them herself.

Mrs OBumble

thelad95 wrote: »

No holiday entitlement if there's no contract!

OP if you have no contract of employment why not just quit with immediate effect? They've been horrible to you so why should you give them a notice period, just get the hell out there's a decent chance they'll make your life even more miserable while your serving your notice.

OP, if you've been going in and they've been paying you, then you do have a contract. It may not be written down, but it is a contract.

You do have have holiday entitlements.

And you do have a legal obligation to give notice. If you've been there for more than 13 weeks, then it's one week's notice. Read more about it here: http://www.citizensinformation.ie/en/employment/starting_work_and_changing_job/changing_job/giving_notice.html

banoffe2

Thanks for all the replies and support, I am there over 7 years, part time only , I have had no problems getting holidays.

Gave my notice verbally to the person I usually liaise with who is the best of a bad lot, also gave it in writing, there was a pause when I delivered the news, it wasn't face to face but from my mobile to hers as this person is only out of hospital. I was asked was I moving on to greener pastures, to which I replied I have made the decision to move on. The main bully wasn't around but I expect he'll have it in for me in the morn! I am finished there for this week tomorrow, tummy is in knots from the stress. I would love to be a fly on the wall now that they have time to digest the news!

Thanks again to all of you, I have a bit to go yet!

Musketeer4

Were you an important part in the running of their operation?
If so, I'd love for you to be a fly on the wall when **** starts hitting the fan and things start caving in on them when you are gone.
Well done.

What industry is this in? Is it construction related?

banoffe2

None of them have IT skills! even to train the replacement into the system I designed and set up for them , they were working on the pen and paper, no clue about systems, there is stuff that only I can do there now but everyone is replaceable, they would be very reluctant to change or trust anyone, they got several opportunities to brush up on their manners and while they would change for a while it was always short lived and they didn't know where to stop regarding professional boundaries. It's not the construction industry, it involves transport. I have no doubt they will be the ones who will be stressed now that I am leaving, I don't have anything lined up, looking forward to a break to recover, I realise now the amount of energy it took out of me, I never showed them my vulnerable side or how their behaviour was impacting on me, didn't want to give them that reward, when you are on your own and in a small family business it is impossible, but now I am working on the solution. Walking on egg shells is no way to be in the work place but I am aware that bullying is rampant.

Kings Inns or bust

You're a bigger man/woman than me. I'd line up another job, bypassing my previous employer as a reference and spend a month taking the proverbial and literal piss.

Never forget that just because someone is an employer or doesn't make physical contact harassment and assault still applies.

Eimee90

As daunting as it can be giving up a pay check. Nothing will ever be as valuable as your mental health op. Take this time to regroup and trust me, you will emerge fresher, happier and energized. Money flow problems are fixable at the best of times, you did the right thing.

The important thing is not to allow the bully to affect you in the last week as they will probably try. Wishing you all the best

Musketeer4

That's perfect OP. I think you should line up another job, bypassing them as reference as the other poster said. Then when you accept an offer basically do a mic drop in the other place and work out a minimum notice, doing absolutely feck all.
I'd get great satisfaction at the panic that ensues when none of them can use the "system" and the whole thing starts to cave in on them. Fúck them.

LegacyUser

It's 10 years since I walked away from a bullying situation in work with no other job to go to and I can tell you I still think it's the best thing I ever did. I didn't realise how horrible it was and the damage it was doing to my health until I was away from it. I have had a number of jobs since and have never been treated like I was back then.

You will be the same OP. Wishing you the very best of luck - it will only get better from the minute you walk out that door!

Kings Inns or bust

I do love recounting this story and frankly it's a bit OT but see point one.

I worked with a guy who helped set up a modest call centre and factory in Scotland for a business expanding around the UK. He was a canny sort. I asked him one day why he wasn't asking for receipts for various bits and bobs I was buying for him. Little things like extension leads etc.

"KIOB I'm paid very well and this is an excellent company I'm not going to to to the trouble of claiming back a few pounds"

Fair enough I thought, he was incidentally a great boss.

Eventually the relationship broke down for some reason. My Boss got screwed - this was a family run business - and eventually one could see the writing on the wall so exercising the age old adage that discretion is the better part of valour he left. Taking every single extension lead with him.

When asked WTF? He replied "Did I ever claim for them? Where did you think they came from?"

It's the little things in life OP...

banoffe2

Thank you all for your replies and support, it really helps, I feel like a toone weight has been lifted off my shoulders since I gave in my notice, I am more than surprised that there wasn't an enquiry of any sort as to why I wanted to leave, a few of my friends thought they would ask me to work from home as they are the type that would find it hard to trust anyone, or work with anyone or indeed wouldn't want anyone to know what goes on. I have a some holidays coming to me which I put on hold to accommodate the person that was going for surgery and the business, there is zero appreciation for anything I do, they are extremely inward and self serving. If I was to take the leave that is due to me I only have 2.5 hours more to work out my notice!! I am going to mention this on Monday as they are clearly not thinking beyond their own needs, I expect they would prefer to avoid paying me the holiday time due, as they are beyond mean. they got caught for a big expense recently something they hadn't planned on, they told me a few times they had a male worker there in a different capacity for years, and when he left some years ago and he made sure they suffered by getting revenue involved!! I heard the main bully coming into the office they day after I gave in my notice I think it was an excuse to have a go at me, luckily I was on my break and pretended to be chatting on my mobile, he left quickly!

There have been issues down through the years, they are always right and anyone who challenges them is a judged and ridiculed and they find a way to punish if that makes sense. I would love to tell them what I think of them, and what a horrible experience it was working for them, but I don't want to come down to their level. I have my mind made up that if they dare to attempt the hypocrisy line thanking me for the good service ,( that might be pushing it a bit!) no way am I going to acknowledge this or thank them, I don't do hypocrisy, zero tolerance.

Finbarr Murphy

Well done for making the move OP. Once you are gone don't waste your energy by giving them a second thought!!!

Musketeer4

I'd make them suffer again. Get on to revenue or whoever other body that can audit them or something just as karma.

endacl

I'd be thinking about my fee for coming back in and training somebody up on the iT system for a week. I'd be there on a consultancy basis of course. I wouldn't answer to any 'boss', and I wouldn't be cheap. I wouldn't do it as part of my notice period. It wouldn't be part of my normal duties, and, apparently, there's no written contract to say otherwise. I mean, what are they going to do? Fire you?

Musketeer4

I wouldn't give them the satisfaction of it, the fúcks.

If I were OP i'd take my leave and mic drop it. Let them scurry around in panic.

Water John

Trade your expertise, as a contractor/consultant to train some one into the systems in return for a fee and a glowing ref.

Glass fused light

banoffe2 wrote: »

I am more than surprised that there wasn't an enquiry of any sort as to why I wanted to leave, (snip)......they got caught for a big expense recently something they hadn't planned on, they told me a few times  they had a male worker there in a different capacity for years, and when he left some  years ago and he made sure  they suffered by getting revenue involved!! 

They know why, they just can't justify it if you give an honest answer.

banoffe2 wrote: »

I am going to mention this on Monday as they are clearly not thinking beyond their own needs, 

Keep telling yourself "you don't work there any more". It's not your responsibility to remind them how to manage without you. Its unlikely that they will allow you the holidays and they dont have to do so. Just turn up and work at a reasonable pace closing off anything you would feel bad about leaving undone, and do your best with any work you are given.

banoffe2 wrote: »

I  expect they would prefer to avoid paying me the holiday time due, as they are beyond mean.

As pointed out they are legally obliged to pay you for the hoildays but can refuse to allow you take the time off.  (You could post your hours up here if you can't calculate it yourself.)

banoffe2 wrote: »

 I have my mind made up that if they dare to attempt the hypocrisy line  thanking me for the good service ,( that might be pushing it a bit!)  no way am I going to acknowledge this or thank them, I don't do hypocrisy, zero tolerance.

If you worked there and were a good employee allow that to be recognised.  Just think of it as you being gracious in not expanding on their capability as employers.  ;) Eg "Today marks the end of an era for me.  During my time here I have learned new skills and overcome challenges that I had not expected, and grown as a person. And whatever life may bring I know that my experiences here have taught me that there is more than one solution to any problem. While I am sure that I will be missed I am looking forward to the future etc."

banoffe2 wrote: »

Thank you all for your replies and support, it really helps, I feel like a toone weight has been lifted off my shoulders since I gave in my notice,  (snip) .....I would love to tell them what I think of them, and what a horrible experience it was working for them,  but I don't want to come down to their level. 

Before you start job hunting you need to acknowledge the damage their behaviours have caused you, but get to a mental space in your head where you can speak of the job, without anger or regret.  This may be a challenge so get some of your friends to help you structure your answers and change your interview technique to focus and expand on what you did while excluding the people.  If you are interviewing locally and are asked, describing the problem employer as 'challenging' rather than 'bullying **' gives you the opening to say how you good you are dealing with difficult people etc.

Good luck.

El Weirdo

Kings Inns or bust wrote: »

You're a bigger man/woman than me. I'd line up another job, bypassing my previous employer as a reference and spend a month taking the proverbial and literal piss.

Would swiping a couple of staplers or pens not be easier/less wet and smelly?

LegacyUser

good luck op.i put up with a bully for years and in the end he was sacked.if you can set up systems like you say you can you should have no problem getting a job and any business would be lucky to have you.
walk out of that dump with your head held high.

banoffe2

Thank you all for your support and taking the time to write y posts, I really appreciate it, I felt that anxious, stressful feeling that has become the norm on Sunday's at the thought of returning to the toxic and hostile workplace on Monday morning ( work no problem to me)

I had a one minute interaction with the head bully who said before leaving the office " I hear you are leaving us" to which I replied " that's right" not another word! I was expecting him to lash out, but TG it didn't happen, I was shaking for a while after. The wife rang me on my mobile as she is housebound for some time, as sweet as pie, be sure to make a list of your holidays, and don't be scrimping on hours now!! This is weird coming from people who would charge you for a used paper bag if they gave it to you!! I kept calm and reminded them that I put my holidays on hold to accommodate the surgery, business and their family needs, it was acknowledged.

I am finishing up tomorrow, hard to believe in one way but this unhealthy relationship has been going on a long time, the economic climate and the two family bereavements kept me in a comfort zone, and afforded me the regularity and security of a part time weekly wage. I don't know what tomorrow will bring, I hope to leave quietly, I have everything in order as much as is possible, it will be there loss, doubt it has hit them yet. Facing unemployment is a new reality but I agree with the suggestion to take time out to deal with the damage that being in their space has done, its a kind of sad but happy feeling! I notice in life that other things I feared have come easy to me so I am trying to be grateful and optimistic.

Ginger83

You may have just made the best move of your career,well done and best of luck for the future.

Silverbling

Ginger83 wrote: »

You may have just made the best move of your career,well done and best of luck for the future.

Thanks its a set back and a bit rubbish but we are grand, and one day I WILL be rich!

BorneTobyWilde

If they knew all this then things could be different.

banoffe2

Hi BorneTobyWilde, thanks for your post, tbh I don't quite understand your message, I am a firm believer that good communication is essential for good team work and productive outcomes, dealing with conflict and nipping it in the bud is ideal, I believe that my expectations were reasonable, unfortunately there are people out there with whom no one can reason with, who don't listen, and always need be right and on the power trip.

LegacyUser

Well done on taking the leap. However, if you can, try and remain on good terms with at least one person at the company, who you can use as a reference.

I see some are advising you to "skip" the reference. While it's not unusual to skip your current employer (for obvious reasons), you might need to explain why you are unwilling to provide a reference for a job you have already left. Particularly as you have worked there for such a long time.

BorneTobyWilde

banoffe2 wrote: »

Hi BorneTobyWilde, thanks for your post, tbh I don't quite understand your message, I am a firm believer that good communication is essential for good team work and productive outcomes, dealing with conflict and nipping it in the bud is ideal, I believe that my expectations were reasonable, unfortunately there are people out there with whom no one can reason with, who don't listen, and always need be right and on the power trip.

My point is that this is not said to the right people, it's said on here.

If they asked why you're leaving they would get a lie, not the truth.