Giving notice to a bully

banoffe2

Finding it very hard to resist the temptation to say something to the key troublemaker on my last day, just spoke with a friend on the phone, she was in a similar situation for a short time working with a bully, she got her bag and keys and walked out and said " I'm not taking any more s-it from you" said she got great satisfaction from doing this, she had no bother in getting another job, it's not a figure of speech I use myself but would love to say something similar but articulate it differently!!

I have always stood up for myself and I have no doubt they know too well they have gone a step to far many times, but especially in recent months.

Dr Strange

Hi there,

Just my two cents but I think you did the right thing. I did it earlier this year after working a long time at the same place of work and I can tell you honestly that your mental health will pick up soon after. After a slight adjustment period I was as right as rain and full of energy again. Couldn't believe it at first but the positives of taking that step outweighed the negatives (i.e. financial worries) for me.

Best of luck and look after yourself.

LegacyUser

good on you op.best of luck for the future.

LegacyUser

Good luck op.best of luck for the future.

El_Duderino 09

banoffe2 wrote:

Finding it very hard to resist the temptation to say something to the key troublemaker on my last day, just spoke with a friend on the phone, she was in a similar situation for a short time working with a bully, she got her bag and keys and walked out and said " I'm not taking any more s-it from you" said she got great satisfaction from doing this, she had no bother in getting another job, it's not a figure of speech I use myself but would love to say something similar but articulate it differently!!

Don't say a word. If they are going to struggle to work the system you put I'm place then play the longer game. Handshakes on the way out the door. Tell them that if hey have any trouble with the system try can get I touch and you can work something out to train the new staff.

If they call tell them you will do the training on a consultancy basis and you charge 500 a day or whatever daily rate reflects the fact that you're the only one who can save them from fumbling around for the next 6 months trying yo figure out the system.

They would be much more satisfying way to start the rest of your career than stuttering out some rehearsed insults on the way out the door

Musketeer4

I hope the system is convoluted and complex enough that only you will be able to know how it works.

Make sure your training is shyte so they have to keep calling you. Bleed the cúnts dry.

banoffe2

Thank you all so much for your time and encouragement, well as the Dragons would say " I'm out" ! I have mixed feelings, primarily relief but also angry and sad. My exit went ok, the isolation there was mentally crippling, no phone duty and minimal contact with team of 3, not a word about anything till I was going, I was invited into the house but said that I was rushing as I was being taken out to lunch ( lie!) I got the necessary documentation to sign for myself and duplicate copy for the company, obviously they had been advised to do this, accepting my resignation letter etc I read it and signed it, I know there is a card and probably a voucher or money but to tell you the truth I have no mind to open it or care what is in it, the greatest pleasure I got was when the main bully wished me the best of luck after signing the documents, and reached out his had to me I didn't respond, pretended to be busy!! I got the second chance to shake hands again on my way out but didn't acknowledge or engage, it would make me feel hypocrite and door mat to be shanking hands with someone who treated me horribly for too long, it is great to have choices, I went to the door of the house to report to the other half who is house bound and gave a brief up to date report on tasks, she said thanks for everything, I can see there are in shock and no one lined up, that message came very clear, with regard to working the system they wouldn't have a clue cause they have no IT Skills but anyone that can use excel would figure it out, it will be much easier on the new person than it was on me, starting with nothing and building it up and developing systems as I went along which were time saving and productive. No way will they pay me to train up the new person, they will find a way to get sorted, I know I will recover, I realise that working in such a hostile, passive aggressive hell hole has taken a lot of my energy, I am kind of proud of myself for the way I behaved as I was on my own, I kept my dignity right up until I walked out the door, tomorrow a new beginning! by the way one of the team didn't say a word, or a good bye or a bit, was away but could easily have done it on the phone, to be honest I wouldn't expect anything less from them. I'm thriving on the support, thanks again to all!

Water John

Best wishes, stay classy. Its the best for yourself, move on with your head held high.

mahamageehad

Well done op!!!

LegacyUser

Well done OP.

Just one work of caution. If you can afford it take your time before going into another job.
When I walked away from my bullying situation, I had an interview within the week and started crying when they asked me to talk about my previous job which was not good! I then started another job two weeks later and ended up leaving it after 3 months as I couldn't settle and still hadn't come to terms with my previous experience.

Take time to relax and recover from how you were treated and when you are ready start looking for another job.

Best of luck!

Corruptedmorals

Well done! It's a great feeling. I left a job I was bullied in earlier this year and dont regret a thing. Feeling health benefits too, my blood pressure and heartrate which were both through the roof (I'm in my 20s) have returned to normal and I've put on needed weight.

Also well done on keeping your head held high. It's tempting to be reckless during the notice period when it's a job you hate but I think it's ultimately more satisfying not to react or lash out.

ZeroThreat

banoffe2 wrote: »

Thank you all so much for your time and encouragement, well as the Dragons would say " I'm out" ! I have mixed feelings, primarily relief but also angry and sad. My exit went ok, the isolation there was mentally crippling, no phone duty and minimal contact with team of 3, not a word about anything till I was going, I was invited into the house but said that I was rushing as I was being taken out to lunch ( lie!) I got the necessary documentation to sign for myself and duplicate copy for the company, obviously they had been advised to do this, accepting my resignation letter etc I read it and signed it, I know there is a card and probably a voucher or money but to tell you the truth I have no mind to open it or care what is in it, the greatest pleasure I got was when the main bully wished me the best of luck after signing the documents, and reached out his had to me I didn't respond, pretended to be busy!! I got the second chance to shake hands again on my way out but didn't acknowledge or engage, it would make me feel hypocrite and door mat to be shanking hands with someone who treated me horribly for too long, it is great to have choices, I went to the door of the house to report to the other half who is house bound and gave a brief up to date report on tasks, she said thanks for everything, I can see there are in shock and no one lined up, that message came very clear, with regard to working the system they wouldn't have a clue cause they have no IT Skills but anyone that can use excel would figure it out, it will be much easier on the new person than it was on me, starting with nothing and building it up and developing systems as I went along which were time saving and productive. No way will they pay me to train up the new person, they will find a way to get sorted, I know I will recover, I realise that working in such a hostile, passive aggressive hell hole has taken a lot of my energy, I am kind of proud of myself for the way I behaved as I was on my own, I kept my dignity right up until I walked out the door, tomorrow a new beginning! by the way one of the team didn't say a word, or a good bye or a bit, was away but could easily have done it on the phone, to be honest I wouldn't expect anything less from them. I'm thriving on the support, thanks again to all!

Was the team member also a member of this family?

Also, they must be real dummies working regularly in an office environment & never bothering to acquaint themselves with how spreadsheets work.

banoffe2

Thanks ZeroThreat
Yes this team member is a member of the family, can surf the net, print off e mail and send a fax

They still do a lot of pen and paper work as they don't have IT skills, they only go to the office if searching for a file which is seldom and rare, in their minds they know it all, a from of insecurity and putting others down to make themselves feel superior!

Stealthfins

banoffe2 wrote:

They still do a lot of pen and paper work as they don't have IT skills, they only go to the office if searching for a file which is seldom and rare, in their minds they know it all, a from of insecurity and putting others down to make themselves feel superior!

Plenty of those around,and they're funny and charming to the right people

ZeroThreat

Stealthfins wrote: »

Plenty of those around,and they're funny and charming to the right people

Most people of the age that are technology averse (60s or 70s) tend to be retired at this stage though.

No excuse for anyone younger than that to have no basic IT skills. This sort of common technology has been in widespread use in Irish workplaces for several decades now, anyone of working age in 2016 should really know how to operate a pc.

banoffe2

A bit of an unbelievable twist in my Exit Gift

Hi All, I feel so relieved at the thought of not having to go back to that horrible workplace tomorrow, I had noticed that my Sundays were overshadowed by the stress Monday of morning.
As I mentioned in a previous post they gave me a card as I was leaving, this was given to me by the head bully with whom I chose not to engage in a handshake which he initiated on two occasions.
I am making conscious efforts not to give them space in my head or my life,I had zero interest in handling the gift envelope or even knowing what was in it, but last night a trusted friend visited, I asked her to open it and let me know the details, I actually left the room as I didn't want to be around, on my return I asked Well Doctor what is the prognosis, it is good or bad news!! the reply was " it's very good news, the message on the card is better than any reference, it reflects my loyalty, commitment and input into their business, also a decent cash gift which would afford me a nice weekend away for 2!! Cant believe it, as they were unbelievably mean in spirit and in every other way, and money is their God and something they hate parting with, it's only beginning to sink in now and I need to put a stop to the analysing!
I hope they don't expect an acknowledgement or thank you card, in the circumstances I would find this difficult but I guess I could acknowledge it?

LegacyUser

It seems to me as if they are trying to keep you sweet in the hope that you don't take things further re: their past behaviour and treatment of you.

Get yourself away for a nice break on their money. Tomorrow is a new week. From tomorrow onwards don't even give them a second thought and completely move on with your life.

El_Duderino 09

banoffe2 wrote:

it's only beginning to sink in now and I need to put a stop to the analysing! I hope they don't expect an acknowledgement or thank you card, in the circumstances I would find this difficult but I guess I could acknowledge it?

Did they know how unhappy you were with the way they treated you? Did you ever tell them? It sounds like they didn't know how you felt and would very much be expecting an acknowledgement of their generous leaving gift and kind comments.

monkeysnapper

Looks to me they are panicking and thinking " we better make things good because we may need future assistance "

Walk and don't look back .

I was in very similar dilemma to you op, family business , I was only one pushing for sales, working over a hour in morn before I should start and finishing late because none of the family would help me.

The wife there treated me rotton even tho she admitted she couldn't get sales I could . they would ring me twice a day during my holidays and a few times had to come in for full days during holidays .
They would ring me 3 or 4 times a day to see what money was in till, after every appointment they'd ring, " how much did you make" you would always get the od one that you'd make no money and they'd have you feeling you were a faliour .

One morning I remember having my 6 month daughter in with me at 7am getting stuff done for clients for 10 am appointment s , I got everything done , dropped daughter home to wife, shaved, out door , no breakfast , got loads of sales in and wife had a go at me because she felt I wasn't dedicated enough .
I made decition to leave after 8 years and they barley talk to me now even after 4 years.

It wasn't till I left I realised how much it had got to me , and 4 years away from place I still get dreams I'm back there.

My mentle health was defo effected for long time and since I left they shut down 2 shops and last shop it going down hill.

I still hate them for how they treated me . bastards;!!!!

I now work for another family business and im getting on great , love it there !! Best move I ever made .

banoffe2

This family knew well down through the years that I was hurt and unhappy with the way I was treated, they are always right and anyone who stands up them is wrong, things would improve for a while but always short lived, there was a repeat pattern of bad behaviour on their part, and as I said previously there were consequences for every stand I took. So I am not surprised they didn't ask why I was leaving, I am in no doubt that they knew but wouldn't want to admit it.

I have decided that I will send them a thank you card, simply to acknowledge the card and gift, nothing more, no good luck or anything like that.
It makes no sense to me, as they don't part with that kind of money easily, I want to sever all ties with them I can empathise with Moneysnapper, it gives me hope to know that things can get better, tomorrow will be the first morning I wont have to face that horrible atmosphere, much more relaxed today than I have been on a Sunday in a long time.

ZeroThreat

banoffe2 wrote: »

This family knew well down through the years that I was hurt and unhappy with the way I was treated, they are always right and anyone who stands up them is wrong, things would improve for a while but always short lived, there was a repeat pattern of bad behaviour on their part, and as I said previously there were consequences for every stand I took. So I am not surprised they didn't ask why I was leaving, I am in no doubt that they knew but wouldn't want to admit it.

I have decided that I will send them a thank you card, simply to acknowledge the card and gift, nothing more, no good luck or anything like that.
It makes no sense to me, as they don't part with that kind of money easily, I want to sever all ties with them I can empathise with Moneysnapper, it gives me hope to know that things can get better, tomorrow will be the first morning I wont have to face that horrible atmosphere, much more relaxed today than I have been on a Sunday in a long time.

did you say they were some sort of logistics or freight company?

Just curious as I'd want to avoid any possible dealings with them.:mad:

banoffe2

OP here again, on reflection if I am to be totally honest and true to myself I would prefer not to accept any money from them as I don't trust them regardless of their motive to give me the decent sum of money.

In the circumstances accepting money will not put things right and if I accept it am I giving out a message? Money doesn't fix everything.

Thinking of sending a thank you note for the card and attaching the money? and say nothing, or plan b sending the note and returning their money to them, saying thank you all for the card and gift, I trust that you will respect my decision.?

Thanks ZeroThreat I agree with your suggestion, to be honest I had reason to do business in that area while working there, dealt elsewhere, they nearly went ballistic over it, my own business how I spend my money.

ibarelycare

OP I think the classiest thing would be to take the money, send them a thank you card, and just put them and the whole situation behind you. Sending it back is very dramatic. Perhaps you leaving made them reflect on how they treated you over the years and the money was an attempt at a peace offering. Regardless of what the intention was behind it, take it and enjoy it. If you really feel that you personally can't enjoy it, spend it on something nice for your partner/family, or donate it to charity. Send them a short polite thank you, and leave it at that.

banoffe2

Hi iberelycare

Thanks for that feedback I needed to hear that as my emotions are making the decisions at present! My fear is that they may think they call on me now if they have a problem seeing that they gave me a decent sum of money, probably overthinking on my part!

I agree to send a thank you card would be best and make the most of the reward!

I was chatting to a friend of mine since who told me about a gift that was returned to him from someone, it was an eye opener for me!

ChippingSodbury

banoffe2 wrote: »

My fear is that they may think they call on me now if they have a problem...

Well, they can call on you but now that you don't work for them, you don't have to respond.
Enjoy the money: think of it as compensation for poor treatment!

Galadriel

Definitely keep the money, I think it would be rude to return it and accepting it does not mean you owe them anything.

Enjoy it!

K_P

I think you're overthinking this hugely OP. Could it be that your mind which has been so consumed with dealing with this shower and their awful behaviour doesn't know how to slow down or how to stop second guessing their motives for everything?

You're done with them, out of there and you need never deal with them again. I'd highly doubt they're thinking they can call on you because they've given you this money. And if they do, so what. Let them call on you all they like, you don't respond.

Sending the money back would be over-dramatic and actually would be dragging them back into your life and your headspace. You'd then be trying to figure out what they made of that gesture, are they talking about it, blah blah blah. Send a card thanking them for the kind words and generous gift and leave that be the very very end of it.

El_Duderino 09

banoffe2 wrote:

Thinking of sending a thank you note for the card and attaching the money? and say nothing, or plan b sending the note and returning their money to them, saying thank you all for the card and gift, I trust that you will respect my decision.?

Don't be a martyr. Enjoy the money. If you send a card or not is secondary.

If you have sat down and discussed your perception of the treatment you received with them in the past then you could follow up with that in a letter to them. Now is not the time to explicitly bring up the treatment for the first time.

If you haven't ever explicitly stated your position to them before now then the opportunity has passed. You can't just think something and expect others to know what you're thinking without saying it to them. They might be ignorant as a badger's behind and it never occurred to them that they had mistreated you be cause you never said it out straight.

Enjoy the money.

frag420

Send them a postcard....