Can anyone out there give me some advice about a long distance relationship?

MRnotlob606

I was in a long distance relationship, after work we would do run 400 metre sprints at the local race track until the tramp bet me.

Stan27

I did the whole ldr with a French girl for a year and a half. Worked very well until relationship naturally fell apart.
If it's ment to be , it's ment to be.

Hard work but worth it if it goes well.
I'd never regret it.

Wibbs

At six months you're both in the yay, excitement! phase. Well inside the honeymoon phase. This phase tends to be stretched out more with long distance/"foreign" relationships(up to three years as a general guideline, more like 18 months if you're living on top of each other). The novelty helps there. It's all more "cuter". That will end and it's how you both navigate it that will mean success or failure.

At some point you're going to have to decide which of you is going to move to be with the other. Or you break up. That point is reached at different times for different couples, but that would be the trajectory in the vast majority of such couplings.

Widdershins

If you were looking for discouragement, you've come to the right place, OP. I know a happily married couple of over 10 years who lived further apart and one of them already had children when they met. And an ex husband.

Wibbs

Widdershins wrote: »

If you were looking for discouragement, you've come to the right place, OP. I know a happily married couple of over 10 years who lived further apart and one of them already had children when they met. And an ex husband.

Yep, because generally speaking older people will make more compromises. Or at least different compromises. They'll make more effort as they have fewer choices as a general rule. A divorced woman with kids would have far fewer choices than the same woman minus that baggage. The OP and his girlfriend appear to be of college age(she's a student and he can take months off from his job) and that's a different ballgame entirely.

Wibbs

Stan27 wrote: »

I did the whole ldr with a French girl for a year and a half. Worked very well until relationship naturally fell apart.
If it's ment to be , it's ment to be.

Hard work but worth it if it goes well.
I'd never regret it.

I suspect this is how the OP's narrative will play out. A cherished memory of young "exotic" love with a French girl, that she and it gets better in the memory and the telling in the years to come. And that's cool too.

fryup

waste of time in the long run, unless one of you decides to move over

and what about when you're in the mood for jiggy jiggy its not like you can pop over to her place for some fun is it??????

Widdershins

Wibbs wrote: »

Yep, because generally speaking older people will make more compromises. Or at least different compromises. They'll make more effort as they have fewer choices as a general rule. A divorced woman with kids would have far fewer choices than the same woman minus that baggage. The OP and his girlfriend appear to be of college age(she's a student and he can take months off from his job) and that's a different ballgame entirely.

That does make sense but to be honest to look at either of them, you wouldn't think they'd be short of choices, in terms of partners. And the hassle involved in travelling 10,000 miles away from your children/work is significant. So I don't see why younger people couldn't overcome obstacles if they have more flexibility. The will is clearly there on the OP's part at least.

RiskiiDingo

Shint0 wrote: »

Long distance relationships = lots of phone and Skype 'chats'.

Yes we've been making good use of those things. Not like being there in person but it really makes things more solid communication wise.

RiskiiDingo

Rob32 wrote: »

If you need to ask, youre clearly not certain on the situation imho

No I no what the outcome will be but I just want to know if anyone out there has any advice how I can do things better than I am now.

RiskiiDingo

Stan27 wrote: »

I did the whole ldr with a French girl for a year and a half. Worked very well until relationship naturally fell apart.
If it's ment to be , it's ment to be.

Hard work but worth it if it goes well.
I'd never regret it.

Thanks for sharing!

BrokenArrows

RiskiiDingo wrote: »

No in this day in age I refuse to believe that. Its only 32 quid for a return ticket plus 60 for bus tickets. Its not too bad. Its more of a time management thing....

You could easily go for a weekend twice or more a month.
Finish work on friday and go straight to the airport and fly back sunday night or early monday morning.

RiskiiDingo

Wibbs wrote: »

At six months you're both in the yay, excitement! phase. Well inside the honeymoon phase. This phase tends to be stretched out more with long distance/"foreign" relationships(up to three years as a general guideline, more like 18 months if you're living on top of each other). The novelty helps there. It's all more "cuter". That will end and it's how you both navigate it that will mean success or failure.

At some point you're going to have to decide which of you is going to move to be with the other. Or you break up. That point is reached at different times for different couples, but that would be the trajectory in the vast majority of such couplings.

Ah yes. This is good advice and we already know when the time to move in with each other will be. Its going to be about 1 year and 9 months from now. Its complicated to explain why but that's the soonest possible time we can do it. I'm also hoping to spend about 3 months over in France next year.

darkpagandeath

RiskiiDingo

fryup wrote: »

waste of time in the long run, unless one of you decides to move over

and what about when you're in the mood for jiggy jiggy its not like you can pop over to her place for some fun is it??????

No we've agreed we will move close to each other one day. (In about 1 year and 9 months to be exact)

RiskiiDingo

BrokenArrows wrote: »

You could easily go for a weekend twice or more a month.
Finish work on friday and go straight to the airport and fly back sunday night or early monday morning.

Yeah that's how I'm hoping things will play out but its damn hard. On top of that I'm an armature musician and I love playing music. Having a hard time managing everything.

babaracus

RiskiiDingo wrote: »

Well I quit the job for a number of reasons but 2 months on the Spanish boarder certainly helped.

Whatever you do, do not mention this to her. Quite the taste for the continental lady you old dog.

Cee-Jay-Cee

RiskiiDingo wrote: »

Its defiantly something I would consider. Not move in directly to her house but get a job somewhere in the region. Only thing is that I can't speak French very well :c

Yer alright, the French can't speak it very well either. I was in France a few years back and couldn't understand a word anyone was saying (me being an inter-cert grade C in lower level type French speaker )

mcgiggles

A girl I worked with when I was in Canada decided to go to Paris for the summer, worked in a cafe, met a guy, fell in love. She decided to move there permanently. Fast forward a few years later, they are now married and living the "happily ever after". If you have no ties to a job in Ireland whats the harm in trying?The french will come. Its easier to learn a language when you want to than when you have to

Deise Vu

I have a brother who was in the exact same situation. He used to work like a dog earning overtime in order to spend Xmas and his Summer hols with her. In the end it came down to one or other making the jump (which is self evident). Neither wanted to be the one taking the risk and they split up remaining "friends".

To be honest I don't think the brother ever got over it. How can any girl stack up against a situation where he was on permanent holiday with stacks of cash versus the mundane day to day life?

Be grateful for the experience but run a mile. You might not be so much in love with the girl as in love with the whole carefree experience when you are out there. Sorry but it's just not practical and a relationship based only on love and bubbles is destined for the rocks.

Cina

France?

Psch, amateurs. I was in one for a year and a half with a girl from California whom I met whilst over on work there for two months.

We went on some great holidays but ultimately t'was impossible. Neither of us could get a visa for the other country either.

So, yeah, moral of the story, don't do long distance relationships.

dreoilin

My current 3 and a half year relationship started out as long distance! Now, it was within Ireland, but still. My last relationship was also LD but that (obviously) didn't work out. I don't think they work unless you want them to, which sounds like a really vague thing to say, but it's not gonna work if everything from how you feel about the person to the effort you put in is mediocre.

Wibbs

dreoilin wrote: »

My current 3 and a half year relationship started out as long distance! Now, it was within Ireland, but still.

but nothing D, same country, culture, language etc is quite a bit different.

Wibbs

Widdershins wrote: »

That does make sense but to be honest to look at either of them, you wouldn't think they'd be short of choices, in terms of partners.

I dunno about the chap in question but divorced mother of two narrows the net considerably.

And the hassle involved in travelling 10,000 miles away from your children/work is significant. So I don't see why younger people couldn't overcome obstacles if they have more flexibility.

Sure, but again the younger are more likely to have more options and let's face it likely to be more impatient.

The will is clearly there on the OP's part at least.

They're together six months Widd. And that's long distance, so lop a fair chunk of months off that. At that early stage willie is more in play than will. If they're still working at 18 months then it's another story. LOve's young dream is fantastic when you're in it, but if the OP wants actual advice rather than platitudes...

*I've had three LD relationships. All went past the couple of years mark.

HensVassal

RiskiiDingo wrote: »

Its defiantly something I would consider. Not move in directly to her house but get a job somewhere in the region. Only thing is that I can't speak French very well :c

it would help if we knew what you can do (work wise).
French is an easy language to pick up. You're on the scratch right now so put your time to good use and brush on the old francaise, my saaan. Mange tout, Rodders, bonnet de douche. Join some French expat group on meetup.com. Could you get a job pulling pints in the Irish pub near where she lives?
Are you any good with computers? Maybe contract work in Ireland doing tech support for 6 months on and off?

riffmongous

HensVassal wrote: »

it would help if we knew what you can do (work wise).
French is an easy language to pick up. You're on the scratch right now so put your time to good use and brush on the old francaise, my saaan. Mange tout, Rodders, bonnet de douche. Join some French expat group on meetup.com. Could you get a job pulling pints in the Irish pub near where she lives?
Are you any good with computers? Maybe contract work in Ireland doing tech support for 6 months on and off?

Yeah this is actually a decent option, I did it myself. And if you are out of a job at the moment now is the time to go for it. If it works, it works, if it doesn't well at least you'll have got an interesting experience out of it, and you might even stay on (I did), the heartache you would have gotten regardless.

Galwayguy35

RiskiiDingo wrote: »

No we've agreed we will move close to each other one day. (In about 1 year and 9 months to be exact)

That's a very precise timeline, so who's going to do the moving?

When I started reading the thread I though maybe you were going to say ye lived on opposite sides of the country, not in different countries.

Mr. FoggPatches

RiskiiDingo wrote: »

No we've agreed we will move close to each other one day. (In about 1 year and 9 months to be exact)

She's letting you know that she's mad for a babby a year in advance which is nice of her.

RiskiiDingo

mcgiggles wrote: »

A girl I worked with when I was in Canada decided to go to Paris for the summer, worked in a cafe, met a guy, fell in love. She decided to move there permanently. Fast forward a few years later, they are now married and living the "happily ever after". If you have no ties to a job in Ireland whats the harm in trying?The french will come. Its easier to learn a language when you want to than when you have to

I like this post. The people around me are being very negative about the situation but I have no ties here at all. I could live a nice life in France for sure. One day...

RiskiiDingo

HensVassal wrote: »

it would help if we knew what you can do (work wise).
French is an easy language to pick up. You're on the scratch right now so put your time to good use and brush on the old francaise, my saaan. Mange tout, Rodders, bonnet de douche. Join some French expat group on meetup.com. Could you get a job pulling pints in the Irish pub near where she lives?
Are you any good with computers? Maybe contract work in Ireland doing tech support for 6 months on and off?

I have a ton of work experience! (Well that's actually the first time I've ever thought that but I've come to the point were its true to say now.)

I've worked retail in an assistant manager role for a big brand. I've worked in a call center (never again), I've worked in pubs and in my spare time I'm a bit of a painter/handyman. Oh and I used to work in a bar. I would love to work in an Irish pub over there but it seems they have a lot of applicants and I would say they would want my french to be better unfortunately...

Edit: I'm a semi-qualified programmer too... Did some kind of government scheme, nothing amazing but I'm handy enough on computers.