Technology and parenting

DeadlyByDesign

Hi all,

Soon to be parent here and I just wanted peoples opinions about something. I have very close friends of mine who are brilliant parents in my view. There is one thing they do though that I am on the fence about a bit. They have ipads for both kids and when they need a moments peace they hand them out and they could be on them for a quite a while. When they are putting them to bed instead of reading a story to them they take the ipad and watch an episode of their favorite cartoon.

Now I am not condemning this or anything I am only trying to see would this be considered the norm nowadays with technology and parenting.

mordeith

DeadlyByDesign wrote: »

Hi all,

Soon to be parent here and I just wanted peoples opinions about something. I have very close friends of mine who are brilliant parents in my view. There is one thing they do though that I am on the fence about a bit. They have ipads for both kids and when they need a moments peace they hand them out and they could be on them for a quite a while. When they are putting them to bed instead of reading a story to them they take the ipad and watch an episode of their favorite cartoon.

Now I am not condemning this or anything I am only trying to see would this be considered the norm nowadays with technology and parenting.

The iPad before bed is a bad idea because watching bright screens before sleep can have a negative impact on sleeping (that applies to adults as well).
We have two kids and while they are allowed play laptop/touchpad they do not have their own devices. The most important thing from our perspective is that the time on the devices should be regulated, that is the parents decide when it is time to come off them. We use a timer and let the kids know they have 5 minutes left. Timer is set and when it goes off they automatically shut down the devices they are using. This works no matter how long or short they have been on them. Kind of a Pavlovian response but it works!

DeadlyByDesign

mordeith wrote: »

The iPad before bed is a bad idea because watching bright screens before sleep can have a negative impact on sleeping (that applies to adults as well).
We have two kids and while they are allowed play laptop/touchpad they do not have their own devices. The most important thing from our perspective is that the time on the devices should be regulated, that is the parents decide when it is time to come off them. We use a timer and let the kids know they have 5 minutes left. Timer is set and when it goes off they automatically shut down the devices they are using. This works no matter how long or short they have been on them. Kind of a Pavlovian response but it works!

That makes complete sense (timing it), thanks for that much appreciated.

SusanC10

We have 2 kids (10 & 7) and we are quite strict about Screen time particularly during the School week. We don't allow any Screen time from Sunday evening before Dinner until Friday evening after School. With the exception of supervised access to the family laptop for homework purposes for the the 10 year old. Both Kids have Tablets and the older one has a Kindle. The Kindle is allowed during the week. The amount of time on the Tablets is timed at the weekends. We don't allow Tablets just before bedtime even on weekends. The kids take turn to pick a Friday evening movie. Works for us.

Anne_cordelia

My daughter is almost 2 and she doesn't get screen time. I'm going by the US Dept of Health guidelines which says no screen time under 2 and I will probably let her have some cartoons after her birthday soon. Very limited though. I personally don't agree with toddlers and small kids having their own tablets. However you need to decide what's right for your family and your child and don't worry about the norms. Those guidelines say no more than 2 hours a day after 2 but we won't be letting her have anywhere near 2 hours.

SusanC10

2 hours a day is a huge amount on a Tablet. While both of our kids have their own (Child Friendly) Tablets as we prefer that to adult devices, they would never be allowed them for more than 30 mins at a time. On a Friday evening however they would be allowed a movie but it would rarely be 2 hours long.

Cabaal

Tablets at bed time for either adults or children is a very very bad idea, as mentioned the screens will stop you getting to sleep properly. Why somebody would intentionally create a situation where their child might have problems getting to sleep is beyond me.

Tech time in generally isn't good at very young ages, its sort of ironic that people use devices created by Apple with their children so much but yet even Steven Jobs didn't let his own children use them http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/gadgets-and-tech/news/steve-jobs-apple-ipad-children-technology-birthday-a6893216.html

_Brian

Cabaal wrote: »

Tablets at bed time for either adults or children is a very very bad idea, as mentioned the screens will stop you getting to sleep properly. Why somebody would intentionally create a situation where their child might have problems getting to sleep is beyond me.

Tech time in generally isn't good, its sort of ironic that people use devices created by Apple with their children so much but yet even Steven Jobs didn't let his own children use them http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/gadgets-and-tech/news/steve-jobs-apple-ipad-children-technology-birthday-a6893216.html

Steve Jobs also refused conventional treatment and died from a condition that was completely treatable.

Our kids sort of do 50/50, sometimes read for half hour before sleep and sometimes play on tablet. No difference in the time to sleep afterwards nor duration.

mirrorwall14

We are going with moderation on this one OP. Mate our ours insisted there would be no screen time whatsoever, net result was when there was a tv around when they were out and about they were glued to it.

Our lad gets no specific tv time (although the tv may be on in the sitting room he ignores it) except to watch the baba on tv (that's him in a video) the odd time. Not every day. He's under 2 still. We also have the endless alphabet games on my iPad for when he is older and the very odd time (I'm talking once/twice a month) he 'plays' that. Both situations are fully supervised and he sits with mammy or daddy for them. When it gets turned off he knows it's gone.

We are a serious tech household with both parents using tech heavily for work/home. There are already two iPads, two other tablets, MacBook, laptop, two PCs and a myriad of phones in the house so it was never going to be possible to ban outright. He won't be getting his own tablet although I may allow a kindle when he is old enough to read and we will be controlling all access.

We are both readers and reading proper books (not kindle/iPad) is emphasised. He won't go to sleep at night without a story and he will sit down at any time of the day to 'read' a book to himself. We have read to him every night (and in play) since he a month old. He's getting to the stage now that he can point out things like 'car' in the book so we're having great fun. I would definitely recommend a story as part of bedtime even before he can understand even the idea of it

LegacyUser

No tablets/phones here. They are in the house, but we don't give them to her. The odd time she watches stuff like a music video (disney) on our phones, but it's a rarity. They are 400eur devices - she's two. She doesn't need them, she has a room full of proper toys to play with.

Story at bedtime is definite. I wouldn't let her near a tablet or phone screen at bedtime, for all the reasons others have cited above.She does watch some TV - it was quite limited, but since no. 2 arrived, I'd had to let her watch a bit more just to give me ten mins blocks during the day to settle the baby to naps.We stick to CBeebies and RTE Jr and nothing else though.

Asides from all that, I am not a fan of it, particularly for young children. I'm all for letting them know about technology, but handing kids screens to amuse them is a particular bugbear of mine. There's nothing they learn on a screen that they can't learn in real life, especially smallies. I can't stand seeing kids with screens when out in restaurants etc because I just think it is bad parenting. How are they ever supposed to learn about manners, eating as a group, being social with people, enjoying food etc, when they can't go anywhere without a tablet and a set of headphones? It really bugs me. And I know it gives parents peace, but honestly, if you've small kids then really,you shouldn't be expecting to go out much for big long dinners with them, and as they get bigger, they should be learning how to sit and eat properly with family and friends anyway. My own child is a nightmare after too much TV, and is a far easier child to parent when she's been out in the fresh air. She's also reaching an age where she's developing fears of certain things and there are a lot of things on TV that make her - not frightened, but anxious. I know that's child-dependent, but there it is, it's something we have to consider as parents.

To be honest, you just have to see kids with screens, TV or otherwise, to know it's probably bad for them. They become like somebody hypnotised, pay no attention whatsoever to anything around them and generally get uncontrollably mad when they are switched off (from watching small kids), even the best of them. Like I said, I'm not silly enough to think that banning them altogether is necessarily the best idea, but I do feel that it's very much up to parents to control and preferably limit what's going on.

DeadlyByDesign

BusyIzzy wrote: »

No tablets/phones here. They are in the house, but we don't give them to her. The odd time she watches stuff like a music video (disney) on our phones, but it's a rarity. They are 400eur devices - she's two. She doesn't need them, she has a room full of proper toys to play with.

Story at bedtime is definite. I wouldn't let her near a tablet or phone screen at bedtime, for all the reasons others have cited above.She does watch some TV - it was quite limited, but since no. 2 arrived, I'd had to let her watch a bit more just to give me ten mins blocks during the day to settle the baby to naps.We stick to CBeebies and RTE Jr and nothing else though.

Asides from all that, I am not a fan of it, particularly for young children. I'm all for letting them know about technology, but handing kids screens to amuse them is a particular bugbear of mine. There's nothing they learn on a screen that they can't learn in real life, especially smallies. I can't stand seeing kids with screens when out in restaurants etc because I just think it is bad parenting. How are they ever supposed to learn about manners, eating as a group, being social with people, enjoying food etc, when they can't go anywhere without a tablet and a set of headphones? It really bugs me. And I know it gives parents peace, but honestly, if you've small kids then really,you shouldn't be expecting to go out much for big long dinners with them, and as they get bigger, they should be learning how to sit and eat properly with family and friends anyway. My own child is a nightmare after too much TV, and is a far easier child to parent when she's been out in the fresh air. She's also reaching an age where she's developing fears of certain things and there are a lot of things on TV that make her - not frightened, but anxious. I know that's child-dependent, but there it is, it's something we have to consider as parents.

To be honest, you just have to see kids with screens, TV or otherwise, to know it's probably bad for them. They become like somebody hypnotised, pay no attention whatsoever to anything around them and generally get uncontrollably mad when they are switched off (from watching small kids), even the best of them. Like I said, I'm not silly enough to think that banning them altogether is necessarily the best idea, but I do feel that it's very much up to parents to control and preferably limit what's going on.

Great response thank you

Neyite

BusyIzzy wrote: »

No tablets/phones here. They are in the house, but we don't give them to her. The odd time she watches stuff like a music video (disney) on our phones, but it's a rarity. They are 400eur devices - she's two. She doesn't need them, she has a room full of proper toys to play with.

Story at bedtime is definite. I wouldn't let her near a tablet or phone screen at bedtime, for all the reasons others have cited above.She does watch some TV - it was quite limited, but since no. 2 arrived, I'd had to let her watch a bit more just to give me ten mins blocks during the day to settle the baby to naps.We stick to CBeebies and RTE Jr and nothing else though.

Asides from all that, I am not a fan of it, particularly for young children. I'm all for letting them know about technology, but handing kids screens to amuse them is a particular bugbear of mine. There's nothing they learn on a screen that they can't learn in real life, especially smallies. I can't stand seeing kids with screens when out in restaurants etc because I just think it is bad parenting. How are they ever supposed to learn about manners, eating as a group, being social with people, enjoying food etc, when they can't go anywhere without a tablet and a set of headphones? It really bugs me. And I know it gives parents peace, but honestly, if you've small kids then really,you shouldn't be expecting to go out much for big long dinners with them, and as they get bigger, they should be learning how to sit and eat properly with family and friends anyway. My own child is a nightmare after too much TV, and is a far easier child to parent when she's been out in the fresh air. She's also reaching an age where she's developing fears of certain things and there are a lot of things on TV that make her - not frightened, but anxious. I know that's child-dependent, but there it is, it's something we have to consider as parents.

To be honest, you just have to see kids with screens, TV or otherwise, to know it's probably bad for them. They become like somebody hypnotised, pay no attention whatsoever to anything around them and generally get uncontrollably mad when they are switched off (from watching small kids), even the best of them. Like I said, I'm not silly enough to think that banning them altogether is necessarily the best idea, but I do feel that it's very much up to parents to control and preferably limit what's going on.

You have no idea if that child you are judging is on the ASD spectrum, that they might find outings stressful or traumatic and this is the parents way of warding off meltdowns, while still trying to gently introduce manners, eating in public, socialisation, and mainstream activities for their child. Or they could have spent the entire day with him doing child-centred things and giving him undivided attention but know that when he gets hungry he needs distraction until his food arrives.

I think its really sad that you are so judgemental of other parents based on a brief snapshot of their life.

freshpopcorn

I don't want to hit into the thread. I'm just wondering how do parents who'd be strict about screen time feel about tablet/laptop time in school.
I know teachers and there always trying to get kids laptops/iPads who'd have difficulty reading and writing and they find them very beneficial in helping the child!

RedXIV

Just throwing out some experience here I'm one of those bad parents who lets kids use tablets and computers. I've been a gamer most of my life and the kids have seen me playing them from day one. They are old enough now that we can play together and it would also be common to come downstairs in the morning to seeing them on one of the consoles.

They turn it off when they are told though and I'm happy with the level of peace and quiet I get when I wouldn't otherwise. I'm definitely in the camp of parents who has no problem keeping their kids occupied out and about if they are bored and would happily hand over my phone for long car journeys or doctor waiting rooms etc. I've plenty of educational apps on it that I'm hopeful they are benefiting from.

Probably makes me less than ideal but I'm only human

tuisginideach

Ah - doctor's waiting rooms - thank God for the mobile phone over many years.

I agree - reading at bedtime/bedtime storybook should not be replaced.

robinph

By the time the kids are old enough to be making use of fancy technology the likes of tablet computers will be seen as out of date antique technology. Worry about what is around in a few years time when there will be plenty of new technologies around being hailed as the latest greatest thing, but that is destroying childhood.

tony1980

Neyite wrote: »

You have no idea if that child you are judging is on the ASD spectrum, that they might find outings stressful or traumatic and this is the parents way of warding off meltdowns, while still trying to gently introduce manners, eating in public, socialisation, and mainstream activities for their child. Or they could have spent the entire day with him doing child-centred things and giving him undivided attention but know that when he gets hungry he needs distraction until his food arrives.

I think its really sad that you are so judgemental of other parents based on a brief snapshot of their life.

My thoughts exactly, it is quite upsetting to deal with judgemental people on a daily basis when you have a child with ASD. Some of those parents may have an asd child, others may not and who knows what else is going on that day with a family you are observing, they may have a very valid reason for allowing their kids use the device that day, people really need to think instead of instantly judging others they do not know.

pwurple

I actually love the devices and apps available for kids.

On saturday and sunday early mornings they get about 40 mins on it (while i either snooze or read the paper beside them). Children have no notion of the weekend, and it keeps them from tearing the place to bits until about 8am, aka my "lie-in". If it's pelting rain and we can't get out for some reason we take it out together as well for a small while. 30 mins max.

No you-tube, it's apps like Cuidiu Caint for a bit of the ould gaeilge, or the Osmo tangram game, we have another one for a few japanese words and i let them play with garageband the odd time. There's one device between them, so they are learning a bit of cooperation, turn-taking and sharing. We have another thing where you drag little programming blocks into a sequence and solve some puzzle. I know procedural programming is old hat and the sexy stuff is object oriented these days, but there are recipe driven machines around still, so the concept is still sound. There are some phonics games we used at the preschool / junior infants stage to reinforce the reading. All positive as far as I can see.

The other times we use it is for skyping their cousins who live on various continents, very handy for keeping in touch.

I have been known to pull out a phone for them in a cafe or restaurant if the service is very slow and they are done with colouring or trying to read the menu and getting to the hangry stage, but it's rare enough. And it's puzzle apps there too, not cartooons. I'd say once in the last 6 months.

So yes, we use them and enjoy it. I'll pick up my bad parent badge on the way out.

Chocolate fiend

Sometimes parents give their children tablets or phones or whatever in restaurants because they have been out all day at the beach, at the park at the playground and the parents just want to have 5 minutes of calm, or even an hour of calm. Don't judge.

OP - don't make too many parenting plans before the little one comes along, we are all perfect parents before we have children, but, the little buggers dont really know about our plans and might have their own ideas.

Big Bag of Chips

My children are older and all have tablets, DSs, a Wii U, use my phone occasionally, use the laptop. They also read, play outside and all score 8-10 in their STEN tests in school.

They probably have screen time more than they should, but when I tell them to turn it off, it gets turned off - Obviously after "I just need to finish/save this"!

They are intelligent children anyway and always had great vocabulary. One of the things always mentioned in parent teacher meetings. But I find using the tablets and playing games like minecraft and watching YouTube videos they have such a broad vocabulary. They recognise more precious stones and metals than I do!!

They are all great readers and we have a room full of bookshelves. We will always be a "book" house. But the tablets have their place too. Sometimes just to play some mindless modern version of "Snake".

Not everything they do has to be stimulating and educational!

pwurple

Don't be dissing snake!

Many an hour with classics like snake as a wee wurple has given me some serious speed on a keyboard. My typing speed is nifty, and I can get excel to dance a jig with a smattering of keyboard shortcuts. Nearly every interactive game has some transferrable skillset, even if it's just increasing dexterity from using a playstation controller. Gamification is all the rage for working & teaching methods too.

Big Bag of Chips

Slither.io is the new snake. And my children's hand eye coordination is second to none with all the ducking and diving the snake has to do!!

They could earn me millions as the next Keith Barry with their slight-of-hand skills!!

RedXIV

pwurple wrote: »

No you-tube, it's apps like Cuidiu Caint for a bit of the ould gaeilge, or the Osmo tangram game, we have another one for a few japanese words and i let them play with garageband the odd time. There's one device between them, so they are learning a bit of cooperation, turn-taking and sharing. We have another thing where you drag little programming blocks into a sequence and solve some puzzle.

Don't suppose you could share the name of the Japanese App and the programming one? Would like to add them to the ensemble

livinsane

Everything in moderation I think. It's best to be mindful of how much screen time they have and not rely on it for a quick fix all the time but I don't think an all out ban is a good idea. Haven't a clue how people would implement it anyway unless you don't call to other people's houses. Once the child is getting loads of fresh air, technology can be a god send at times. Plus "technology" is a broad term. A tablet is only a medium which can be used mindlessly or creatively. Actually funnily Pwurple mentioned Garageband as I used it with my almost 3 year old for the first time the other day and we had a blast singing nursery rhymes using vocal effects.

Said child is allowed play on my tablet in the afternoon, after we've been out and about for the day. I love coming back to the house and being able to get an hour's rest, although usually Im playing on it with him too. I don't let him use it upstairs because I find he is much more relaxed there and gets more engrossed in toys and books that he would downstairs where there are so many distractions. I want to preserve that calm environment upstairs. Although Im due No 2 next month and am aware this might change for the sake of rest in the morning.

I don't use it to keep him occupied, for example, when I take a shower (which is tempting) but bring toys into the bathroom and put up with him trying to open the shower door on me. I never bring it in the car. Never use it out and about, even though he can be hard work sometimes, but we gave him a phone on a dinner out while on holidays and it was amazing to be able to get a sit down dinner together! I'd still prefer to wait until he's older before making dinner out a regular thing and avoid depending on it.

I know his relationship with technology will change as he gets older and I'll just go with the flow. Right now he likes to watch nursery rhymes on Youtube or videos of machinery at work etc, plus play with educational or fun games. Actually using the voice search on Google is a big thing and it's really improved his speech. I think I'll have a lot more worries when he's at the stage that he is interacting with other people online.

eviltwin

We have a child with ASD and tablets are a godsend. We don't let him use it on a school day but Fri and Sat he plays games, watches YouTube etc. It's a great calming tool for him when he's stressed, he has a bubblewrap app and the repetition helps calm him down.

Please don't judge parents who let their kids use tablets in public, sometimes it's the best way to help a kid on the spectrum cope with external stimulus.

pwurple

RedXIV wrote: »

Don't suppose you could share the name of the Japanese App and the programming one? Would like to add them to the ensemble

The japanese app is called Baby School (japanese and english). It's got animals, fruit and veg etc.

Cargo bot is the programming one.
I've got Tynker as well, but that's aimed at the 8-12 age group, so mine are too young for it yet.
If there is a VEX robotics programme in your local school, those are great to get involved in. There's a phone app to control the robots from your phone which is fun.

D0NNELLY

BusyIzzy wrote: »

My own child is a nightmare after too much TV, and is a far easier child to parent when she's been out in the fresh air.

She's developing fears of certain things and there are a lot of things on TV that make her - not frightened, but anxious.

Become like somebody hypnotised, pay no attention whatsoever to anything around them

Generally get uncontrollably mad when they are switched off

Yeah, I'd probably not go down the tablet/phone route if i was you.

evolving_doors

naa, they have their own imaginations to be going on with. So it's mostly about an hour's TV during the week and books at bed. On the weekends a bit more but with lots of youtube music videos.
I can see that one of ours is quite intuitive with smartphones/apps etc but has a bit of an addictive/obsessive/defiant gene in him. So if we set out on the path of Ipads then it's going to be a can of worms trying to moderate it. Maybe when they're about 9 or 10.
What they need is human interaction, and lots of it.
If they say they're bored they get booted into the garden to dig for worms or play football.
I grew up on the games consoles so I can see the benefits of spatial awareness/hand eye coordination etc. It's kind of like when you do all that crazy stuff as a teenager but you fon't want your kids doing it

Neyite

We switched to the You-Tube kids app after I read a thread elsewhere about people uploading the likes of Peppa Pig dubbed with really unsuitable content. It will help filter out a large degree of it but its possible some will slip though so we will still supervise what he's watching.

I'm liking it a lot - its got timers

livinsane

Neyite wrote: »

We switched to the You-Tube kids app after I read a thread elsewhere about people uploading the likes of Peppa Pig dubbed with really unsuitable content. It will help filter out a large degree of it but its possible some will slip though so we will still supervise what he's watching.

I'm liking it a lot - its got timers

The kids app seems very good. The full site can be a dark place! There are some horrendous amateur Peppa Pig videos.

syklops

_Brian wrote: »

Steve Jobs also refused conventional treatment and died from a condition that was completely treatable.

Since when is Pancreatic Cancer "completely treatable"?