Disposal of a body left in your trunk by your arch nemisis

badabing106

I keep having this dream where there is a deceased body in the boot of my car, cunningly left there by my arch enemy with all clues leading to me

Not only do I need to get rid of the body, but I need to get rid of the car as well. Everytime I get caught red handed

What would you do to get out of this situation?

myshirt

badabing106 wrote: »

What would you do to get out of this situation?

I suppose, grow up?

Barry Badrinath

Yeah right "dream".

Jesus.

Chop the body up into smaller parts, its easier to package. Roll it up in a carpet or bag it in heavy sacks tightly sealed. Get some weights (if you have a bench press in your garage they would be perfect) and tie them to the body. Put the whole package back in the boot and drive to a lake or river late at night. Dump it into the water preferably from a bridge. Then drive to a wasteland off a motorway or something - not too far from civilisation - and fire the car with a can of petrol poured over the inside. Walk into town, find a place behind a wall or somewhere and wait for morning. Then get a bus/tram/taxi whatever home.

ToddyDoody

As I always say, in the river with it.

RobertKK

See a therapist.

GerB40

I've never clicked into a post so quick..My advice, watch snatch and do as Bricktop does, he seems to have some authority on the matter.

RoyalMarine

What ever scenario you go with, you have to actually get rid of the body.

Burying it, bottom of a river, lake etc won't work.
There is still evidence. Until every single shred of flesh is gone, you can still be caught.

Feed it to something. In pieces. It's the only way.

Mickey H

This will sort you out.

https://youtu.be/CyEBXTL1Y3U?t=50s

ToddyDoody

RoyalMarine wrote: »

What ever scenario you go with, you have to actually get rid of the body.

Burying it, bottom of a river, lake etc won't work.
There is still evidence. Until every single shred of flesh is gone, you can still be caught.

Feed it to something. In pieces. It's the only way.

Touchè, Mr has-thought-about-this

Moo Moo Land

Dexter.

DanMurphy

Drive into town, leave key in ignition ,hang about till a skanger discovers car and speeds off, (should take about three minutes) get bus home then drop a dime to the Guarda Civil...'my jaloppy was just stolen,'
end of...

Silverfish

RoyalMarine wrote: »

What ever scenario you go with, you have to actually get rid of the body.

Burying it, bottom of a river, lake etc won't work.
There is still evidence. Until every single shred of flesh is gone, you can still be caught.

Feed it to something. In pieces. It's the only way.

That's why when you put a body in a river or lake, you weight it and wrap it in chicken wire. That way big bits won't float to the surface as it decomposes.

This is disposal 101, people.

kneemos

The car would be the biggest problem.In theory if you had the time and a garage you could dismantle it and hide the parts in various locations. The body similarly.

hairyslug

What evidence outside of the body in the boot leads to you, if none, into the bathtub he goes.

holy guacamole

The dead body represents your job.

The car is your boss.

The boot is your mortgage.

The key to the boot is the attractive girl from accounts.

Only way to stop having these dreams is to tell your boss you love him.

zoe 3619

GerB40 wrote: »

I've never clicked into a post so quick..My advice, watch snatch and do as Bricktop does, he seems to have some authority on the matter.

Feed him to the pigs,eral.And burn the car.

Jesus.

RoyalMarine wrote: »

What ever scenario you go with, you have to actually get rid of the body. Burying it, bottom of a river, lake etc won't work.
There is still evidence. Until every single shred of flesh is gone, you can still be caught. Feed it to something. In pieces. It's the only way.

Pigs would be best. But you'd have to take the teeth out first. Plyers would do the job.

If movies and television have taught me anything, it's that acid is the way to go. Make sure you use a plastic bath, it's impervious to the effects of sulfuric acid. Then bury any remains deep in some National Park that'll never be built on.

Breaking Bad taught me that.

Make sure you wipe EVERYTHING down after disposal with undiluted bleach as it destroys the DNA.

CSI taught me that.

Then crash your car somewhere unrelated and set fire to it, preferably somewhere very remote with no CCTV or tolls and little traffic. Then report it stolen, having established a fake alibi.

Criminal Minds taught me that.

Then prepare to spend the rest of your life in prison.

Law and Order taught me that.

kneemos

Dumb the body in the Dublin mountains somewhere,if you can find a vacant plot.

antodeco

Always always leave your phone at home!

GLaDOS

Check the body into your local hospital. By the time they get round to looking at him they'll assume he just died on the trolley.

Temptamperu

Blame it on the puerto ricans.

Stoogie

1 Buy a chest freezer
2 buy a saw
3 freeze body
4 saw body into slices
5 throw slices into bins on bin night

mfceiling

A lot of you feckers seem to have too much knowledge about how to get rid of a body.

*looks both ways*

Stoogie

mfceiling wrote: »

A lot of you feckers seem to have too much knowledge about how to get rid of a body.

*looks both ways*

get in the freezer

Hammer89

Drive up the mountains with a shovel and some lime - the shovel because obviously you need to dig the grave, and the lime for your Coronas, because digging can be thirsty work.

PucaMama

Chop it up and feed it to the dogs

RoyalMarine

Silverfish wrote: »

That's why when you put a body in a river or lake, you weight it and wrap it in chicken wire. That way big bits won't float to the surface as it decomposes.

This is disposal 101, people.

How long would the body take to decompose fully?

Forensics would have found it by then

Archeron

Eat it. You're in this deep, you may as well get a feed out of it.

deandean

Put the car for sale on DoneDeal at a good price. In the advert say "first to see will buy".
Meet the buyer somewhere remote. Open the bonnet and talk about the engine. They won't look in the boot.
Sell the car and disappear for a few weeks. Be grand.

shaunr68

Put the body in a chest freezer and sell the freezer to a neighbour. Ask them nicely not to open it as the contents are a time capsule. What could go wrong?

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2016/09/17/us-woman-arrested-after-selling-freezer-containing-mothers-body/

I'm not sure whether the picture is of the woman or of her dead, frozen mother!

Stoogie

buy a second hand freezer
put body in it
call cops

BattleCorp

RoyalMarine wrote: »

How long would the body take to decompose fully?

Forensics would have found it by then

It'll take years for the flesh to decompose. Bones can last centuries.

Chop the body into small pieces. Store it where it won't decay. You don't want the neighbours getting a nasty pong. A chest freezer is perfect. Buy yourself a small furnace similar to those used in metalwork. Use this to burn the body piece by piece over the next few months. Even the bones will be reduced to ash in the furnace. Burning it at the same time you have a bbq is a good way of masking the cooked meat smell. The ashes need to be dumped next. Into the sea with them. That's the body taken care of.

Once the car is totally torched, and I don't mean a bit of a fire, you'll be in the clear. Park the car in a hay barn and set it all up.

No more forensics, you are in the clear.

You might have a guilty feeling though whenever you smell a bbq.

Alf Veedersane

I don't know whether to give the advice here or drop an email to the Nutribullet marketing people and watch the money flood into my account.

Stoogie

Alf Veedersane wrote: »

I don't know whether to give the advice here or drop an email to the Nutribullet marketing people and watch the money flood into my account.

lol
really big nutri bullet

Roger Hassenforder

dont chop it up and boil bits, and flush them down the toilet.
that's how Dennis Neilson was caught.

everlast75

Don't blame it on the sunshine,
Don't blame it on the moonlight,
Don't blame it on the good times...

Temptamperu wrote: »

Blame it on the puerto ricans.

Alf Veedersane

Stoogie wrote: »

lol
really big nutri bullet

The plan would be for a kit including hacksaw and santoku knife. All in for €149.99

pablo128

Rally sh1te out of the car. (to give it a good send off, like)
Burn it.
Report it stolen.

And leave the phone at home.

Capt'n Midnight

DHL it to yourself.


There's a good chance it'll get lost forever

DanMurphy

Find a graveyard with a freshly dug grave and place body in it that night.
Dig two extra feet down if necessary.
Cover over with a layer of earth.
You can attend the funeral next day and watch a coffin lowered on top of your 'problem' !
End of !


(Jeez... but there's sick folks on this thread)

Yester

RoyalMarine wrote: »

Feed it to something. In pieces. It's the only way.

How long would it take if the only animal you have at your disposal is a Yorkshire Terrier?

DanMurphy

Stoogie wrote: »

buy a second hand freezer
put body in it
call cops

#

But...FFS check the freezer BEFORE any money changes hands...

Barry Badrinath

Step 1. Don't panic
Step 2. Get advice from Boards
Step 3. Buy a hand truck
Step 4. Buy a hi viz vest
Step 5. Get a big bag
Step 6. Buy a hat, sunglasses and a wig
Step 7. Put the wig, glasses and hat on the body
Step 8. Put the body in the bag
Step 9. Put the bag in the car.
Step 10. Put the hi viz vest on ya.
Step 11. Dive to TKMAXX
Step 12. Put the bag on the hand truck.
Step 13. Wheel it into TKMAXX
Step 14. Go to the window
Step 15. Take the body out of the bag.
Step 16. Stick in the window like a mannequin.
Steo 17. Leg it

Senna

The trick is to be prepared, I have shovels, bag of lime, acid and a bone saw in my shed, I've also ten 6ft deep holes dotted around the county, just in case. Its just the body I'm missing at this stage.

Senna

Senor Fancy Pants wrote: »

Step 1. Don't panic
Step 2. Get advice from Boards
Step 3............







Step 17. Profit!!

FYP

corner of hells

Alf Veedersane wrote: »

The plan would be for a kit including hacksaw and santoku knife. All in for €149.99

Aldi are doing a body disposal kit on Thursday and I believe some of the Mods
aree great at making people disappe..........

PucaMama

Yester wrote: »

RoyalMarine wrote: »

Feed it to something. In pieces. It's the only way.

How long would it take if the only animal you have at your disposal is a Yorkshire Terrier?

Are we talking about an adult or child body? Also when you take out the bones there would be a lot less for the dogs to eat. I have 4 dogs so I'd portion it into freezer bags and give a little every day.

Outlaw Pete

Have Roast Human for a month and depose of the bones like you would bones had eat a leg of lamb or whatever.

Make lots of apple sauce though. Roast Human can be a little dry.

Except the ass. Human ass is lovely and succulent.

DanMurphy

On the Indo today where a lady in America sold a freezer at her yard sale.
Trouble is, her dead Mum was inside it!

(Hardly the OP.....? Naw.. )