Anniversary Mass

beach_walker

recedite wrote: »

You don't get to judge. You can make snide comments, but you have no right to stop the friends and family from attending a "do" just because they haven't attended some mumbo jumbo religious event earlier.

Oh please. I'm pointing out the reality of the situation and how it's viewed as a no-no.

Who said I was stopping anyone? Bit on the hysterical side tbh.

Qs

Harmony Many Bank wrote: »

though I would see it as unusual to show up where the drinks and food are being had to pay respects as it tends to just be family and close friends that go to this part.

I guess that really depends on the individual who's died and the family involved.

Qs

pilly wrote: »

if that's how judgemental someone is I tend to think "ah well" and move on.

Thats kind of the crux of it IMO. If you want people to come and remember a loved one with you on their anniversary then you should allow them to come on their own terms. There is nothing respectful about expecting people to fall in line with your religion.

meeeeh

Qs wrote: »

Thats kind of the crux of it IMO. If you want people to come and remember a loved one with you on their anniversary then you should allow them to come on their own terms. There is nothing respectful about expecting people to fall in line with your religion.

Nobody is forcing you. It's not an order to go to mass. But you can't expect those closest to the deceased to adjust how they want to remember their loved ones just because someone else would feel inconvenienced.

Qs

meeeeh wrote: »

Nobody is forcing you. It's not an order to go to mass.

I never said anything about being forced or ordered.

meeeeh wrote: »

But you can't expect those closest to the deceased to adjust how they want to remember their loved ones just because someone else would feel inconvenienced.

Never suggested anyone change their preferred way of marking the anniversary either.

You seem to be reading things into my posts that simply are not there.

kylith

Walter H Price wrote: »

... said he felt like a bit of a dick now for skipping out on another mate of ours Grandads funeral last year. we all have our principles on this stuff , reasons for not believing or being openly anti church but at the end of the day when it comes down to it sometimes principles have to be put aside because somethings are more important.

I would go to a funeral, no problem, but there's a difference between a funeral and an anniversary mass. IME an anniversary mass is just a regular mass during which the priest will say something like 'we offer this mass for Mary Smith, whose anniversary occurs at this time' and that's it. I don't see any issue in skipping that.

Walter H Price

kylith wrote: »

I would go to a funeral, no problem, but there's a difference between a funeral and an anniversary mass. IME an anniversary mass is just a regular mass during which the priest will say something like 'we offer this mass for Mary Smith, whose anniversary occurs at this time' and that's it. I don't see any issue in skipping that.

yeh no i agree with you there , like to be honest like i said it would have to be someone fairly close or that i knew there family quite well before i'd go to an anniversary mass , tbh half the time you would even know it was on. like a fried of ours died by suicide just after we left school, we all went to the funeral and that , i'm assuming there was a moths mind and an anniversary mass we just never heard about them, i guess that's the big difference living down the country there probably is a bit more pressure or that to go along with the religion stuff because everyone knows everyone and that.

Like i was mate with that lad for a good 5 years id say i met his folks once maybe , and i knew his older brother to see because he was in 6th year as we started, so there's no real way you even find out if a mass like that was on if you know what i meen

Cabaal

kylith wrote: »

I would go to a funeral, no problem, but there's a difference between a funeral and an anniversary mass. IME an anniversary mass is just a regular mass during which the priest will say something like 'we offer this mass for Mary Smith, whose anniversary occurs at this time' and that's it. I don't see any issue in skipping that.

I'm the same, the mass is not about the person. The person is only mentioned as a side note. Other then mentioning when they died and their name nobody talks about the person. The mass is basically zero about the person.

BnB

OP - It is not about you. It is about your friend's family.

I understand that you are not into the church thing, and you can let your own family know, that when it come's to your own final day, you don't want all that craic. But this isn't about you.

Your friend's family have decided to have an anniversary mass in memory of their family member that died. They didn't ring you up and "invite" you or anything like that. It is just what they want to do themselves.

Now, you can decide not to go, which will achieve absolutely nothing.

or

You can decide to go and punch in 30 minutes in a church. It won't kill you or do any harm to you, but I can tell you from personal experience, it will be greatly appreciated by his family just to see your face there and to know you would bother your hole to go to the mass to remember him and to support them.

It's your call.

Cabaal

Cabaal wrote: »

I'm the same, the mass is not about the person. The person is only mentioned as a side note. Other then mentioning when they died and their name nobody talks about the person. The mass is basically zero about the person.

The entire mass is being offered for the person, it is very much about the person.

Pawwed Rig

Harmony Many Bank wrote: »

The entire mass is being offered for the person, it is very much about the person.

Anyone I've been to have involved nothing more than a shout out during the normal mass.

Pawwed Rig

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

Anyone I've been to have involved nothing more than a shout out during the normal mass.

You aren't getting it, the mass is said as normal but the announcement means that particular mass is being said for the person who the mass is offered for.

kylith

Harmony Many Bank wrote: »

You aren't getting it, the mass is said as normal but the announcement means that particular mass is being said for the person who the mass is offered for.

So if my name is mentioned on the radio does that mean that the entire show is devoted to me?

Absolam

Well... if they mentioned it by saying "This show is dedicated to Kylith" it would be? A Mass is usually offered with a specific intention though (if I recall correctly), rather than being dedicated to someone. So the intention would most likely be 'for the repose of the soul of xxx'.

pilly

Harmony Many Bank wrote: »

You aren't getting it, the mass is said as normal but the announcement means that particular mass is being said for the person who the mass is offered for.

I've heard about 5 or 6 people mentioned in a single mass. It's not all about that person as much as we maybe like to think it is. The priest is just doing his normal mass and throwing in the names.

Walter H Price

pilly wrote: »

I've heard about 5 or 6 people mentioned in a single mass. It's not all about that person as much as we maybe like to think it is. The priest is just doing his normal mass and throwing in the names.

Yeh to be honest the actual mass isn't in any way personal or special its just as mass with a mention of the deceased and and ask that those in attendance pray their should so nothing too unique there.

I think though if the family or that specifically invite you or notify you that its on then out of respect to them and just a bit of courtesy go along if not then i don't see the harm in letting it slide to be honest