Looking after the folks

Ben Gadot

Just wanted to get the opinion of my fellow gentlemen on this.

I always spent time with my oul lad, Friday nights were more or less permanently booked. But lately I've made a more conscious effort to spend time with my mother which I know (and I hope this doesn't sound sexist) is typically something that daughters do more than sons.

My dad always said look after your mother and he made great pains to say he didn't mean money wise. Men being men he wouldn't elaborate but now I think I know what he meant.

Basically he meant time. Like go out for dinner. Or go to Monaghan or Gorey for a day trip. Looking after a parent, especially when the other has passed, financially is great but doesn't necessarily mean you're doing enough in terms of looking after them.

So I just wanted to gauge the general opinion of you guys. I know every experience is different of course and people don't have good memories of growing up, so those opinions are welcome also.

Pawwed Rig

Spend as much time as you can with them. Someday there will be no time left.

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Pawwed Rig wrote: »

Spend as much time as you can with them. Someday there will be no time left.

Absolutely spot on. My mother and father are 64 and 62 respectively so young enough in the grand scheme of things.

However 2 years ago my mother had a heart attack and spent a few days in the local cardiac unit here. That was the first time one of my parents had a serious medical issue and it really made me think about the future and how our roles are changing - me taking care of them instead of them taking care of me when I was younger. I used to spend some good time with them before but this made more conscious.

So yes definitely try and spend time with them.

hairyslug

My dad died at 93, I used to dread going into the nursing home, i would sit outside for ages trying to build up the courage to go in. I can't get that time back. I think if I spent 23hrs a day with him I would still feel now that it wasnt enough.

Spend what time you can with them, but we need to think of our own families too.

naughto

Yes def do spent as much time with them both my parents died with in a yr of each other.it changes your out look on life after going through some thing like that

_Kaiser_

Dad wasn't around but myself and my mam got on best in small doses really. It's a long story but in short she probably never should have been a parent really as while she always put food on the table and made sure the bills were paid (not always easy, especially when she got sick), there wasn't really much "more" there which only became more apparent as I got older. She was very stubborn, practical and focused on getting us through school/college and while those are things that she deserves a lot of credit for, it wasn't much of a family life .. I remember being vaguely jealous as a kid of friends who did have good relationships with their parents.

The sad truth is that when she died last year after that aforementioned long illness, I didn't really "feel" anything beyond being happy that she wasn't in pain anymore. A year later and I couldn't honestly say that I miss her as we had no real relationship from when I was a teenager... and yet I know that's sad really, but then it could have been much worse too.

Still the one thing it DID do was that I promised myself years ago that if I ever had a child of my own (which wasn't really part of the plan at the time) that things would be very different... and now that I do have a little man he always comes first and I find he's focused me a lot more too in ways - I'm not as willing to just go with the flow as I used to be, particularly where work/money/prospects is concerned, and I always love that hug and kiss I get at bedtime with a "love you Daddy" (I know, I know... awww! But it makes it all worthwhile!)

Of course 10 years from now he'll no doubt hate my guts when the teenage years hit but hopefully we've started out well enough that when the time comes, he'll want to/enjoy spending time with his old man sometimes too!