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Do married fathers envy or pity childless single men and vice versa?
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Aldo Quaint Snub-nosed wrote: »Myself and my husband aren't really too interested in having children. Are two more of us really what the world needs? A gigantic cull of humans is more my preference. I also sympathise with parents because mostly they seem crap at raising children, hate it and have no free time. I'm a primary school teacher and I love being around children, but I also like being able to return them and being myself again. Also the world is just terrible, I'm going to have to make a lot of compromises to be willing to bring another person into it.
I always thought people that used "the world is terrible" argument were angst ridden teenagers.
relax and chill Ireland isn't Somalia. If my kids teachers are anything to go by, the childless ones are a bit daft. :pac: A belief in gender identity involves a level of faith as there is nothing tangible to prove its existence which, as something divorced from the physical body, is similar to the idea of a soul. - Colette Colfer
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:pac: You must see the irony rightThinkProgress wrote: »When married fathers (or fathers that aren't married too) look at me, I can feel a very deep sense of envy pouring out of their souls...
The moment they look at me, you can see in their eyes that they are looking at the man they wish they could be... but know they never can be!
I know this sounds very cocky and arrogant... but it's the truth - and I am very perceptive at seeing these signs!
It gets to the point I almost do pity them... even though I know the question of this thread was directed towards their pity for me! lol
Part of me wants to show them the light... but alas I know it's too late for many of them. And I'm also aware that not everyone can/should live such an incredibly fulfilling and satisfying life. This world needs people willing (or deluded enough) to devote the best years of their lives to raising other human beings and all the crazy lunacy that accompanies that particular choice...
Most days I sleep very sound however, despite feeling very sad for many of these people. The main reason for this, is because I am convinced that they truly do not comprehend the alternate life that they turned their backs on... so in a sense, they are not really missing out. (from their perspective) So I take a great deal of solace from that piece of knowledge!
How can I be so sure of this fact? It's very simple, nobody would turn down MY existence if they truly understood what they were rejecting! (No sane person anyway!) :P
I love children btw - just in case anyone is wondering - but that's hardly the point really. It's not about liking or disliking children... It's about what lifestyle you want to have! (That is an important point to clarify, I feel)
Peace brothers!0 -
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Zero envy for married friends, with or without little humans crawling around, and some occasional pity.
I myself have been, repeatedly, through the "you'll change your mind!" bullsh1t; I won't. I have been in at least one "serious relationship", live together et all and, while there were good moments and (especially at the beginning) it was easy to get comfortable, I simply wasn't myself and on the long run, it was having devastating effects - including putting up about 20kg on the scale.
I had to give it a try, see if by any chance I'd be in the wrong and everyone else right; Turns out that, surprise, I know myself better than anyone else does; I was missing being able to do whatever I wanted whenever I felt like; From the big things like traveling alone to discover places, to the silly dailies like leaving the dishes in the sink overnight if I didn't want to wash them up straight away. As someone who has a lot of different interests, it was also incredibly frustrating to be unable to pursue any of them in favour of "movie nights on the couch", "sunday lunches at the in-laws" and "saturday trips to the shopping centre".
The only way I'd enter a relationship again would be with someone truly extraordinary, highly intelligent and extremely independent which has a life of her own and doesn't carry the "I am defined by my relationship" bug; A very rare occurrence.
Still, even at that point I couldn't imagine wanting kids - yeah, they're cute for a little bit, but they're also...boring when very young, and infuriating when older
I have a 4 years old nephew in Italy; Sure, I like to play with him and do stuff when I'm over there, but it's for a few hours at a time and then - a week or so later - I jump on a plane only to reappear in 7-8 months at the earliest. I can't even begin to imagine putting up with that nonsense on a 24/7/365 basis...and then with the "dad, I may have totaled the car" stuff later on
I meet yearly with some old friends - my classmates from "high school", both guys and girls. We're all the same age (35-36 now), just 3 or 4 of us out of 20 are not married and child free - and we look and sound about 10 years younger than everyone else.
About the "legacy", I don't see why would anyone care...I mean, I'll be dead anyway, at that point I certainly won't give a damn about anything, really 0 -
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H3llR4iser wrote: »Zero envy for married friends, with or without little humans crawling around, and some occasional pity.
I myself have been, repeatedly, through the "you'll change your mind!" bullsh1t; I won't. I have been in at least one "serious relationship", live together et all and, while there were good moments and (especially at the beginning) it was easy to get comfortable, I simply wasn't myself and on the long run, it was having devastating effects - including putting up about 20kg on the scale.
I had to give it a try, see if by any chance I'd be in the wrong and everyone else right; Turns out that, surprise, I know myself better than anyone else does; I was missing being able to do whatever I wanted whenever I felt like; From the big things like traveling alone to discover places, to the silly dailies like leaving the dishes in the sink overnight if I didn't want to wash them up straight away. As someone who has a lot of different interests, it was also incredibly frustrating to be unable to pursue any of them in favour of "movie nights on the couch", "sunday lunches at the in-laws" and "saturday trips to the shopping centre".
The only way I'd enter a relationship again would be with someone truly extraordinary, highly intelligent and extremely independent which has a life of her own and doesn't carry the "I am defined by my relationship" bug; A very rare occurrence.
Still, even at that point I couldn't imagine wanting kids - yeah, they're cute for a little bit, but they're also...boring when very young, and infuriating when older
I have a 4 years old nephew in Italy; Sure, I like to play with him and do stuff when I'm over there, but it's for a few hours at a time and then - a week or so later - I jump on a plane only to reappear in 7-8 months at the earliest. I can't even begin to imagine putting up with that nonsense on a 24/7/365 basis...and then with the "dad, I may have totaled the car" stuff later on
I meet yearly with some old friends - my classmates from "high school", both guys and girls. We're all the same age (35-36 now), just 3 or 4 of us out of 20 are not married and child free - and we look and sound about 10 years younger than everyone else.
About the "legacy", I don't see why would anyone care...I mean, I'll be dead anyway, at that point I certainly won't give a damn about anything, really
the part in bold, definitely.
I love going out every weekend, whether its to the local or into town , a gig, a nightclub, going out in different cities. Partying is something I really enjoy, I don't know why, but a lot of women are all too happy for this to be the first thing you give up when in a relationship.
Sitting in, sober, watching tv and going to bed before 2am will never be fun to me, no matter who I'm with or how much I enjoy their company.
Also trips to ikea or having to do any kind of family oriented craic (especially when its not my family) on a weekend is the absolute lowest of my priorities.0 -
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intheclouds wrote: »..........
I dont really think its a gender thing or a relationship thing not being into the party life - its more just a boredom thing. For me anyway.
Indeed, you don't see many 40 year olds out partying ........... it's not because they all can't 0 -
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John_Rambo wrote: »What's this child-free thing? I've never came across it before.
Weird thing to say from people who have never experienced thing they're referring to. Are you brother-free, sister-free, father-free, dog-free, cat-free?
Anyway, regarding fatherhood? Just have kids and keep doing cool sheet. The partying will stop anyway unless you're gonna be that one fifty year old weirdo getting down with the kids and being "edgy".
I'm a woman but I think I'll take my chances being a fifty year old weirdo
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intheclouds wrote: »No offence here - but the women you chose who behaved like this were just immature idiots. Im not saying there are not people who behave that way, but just dont go out with those types of people!
None taken - that's incredibly mild.
You see, the issue is that it's not immediately apparent - there's usually quite a "cool" time at the beginning, where these kind of people hide their cards; Especially when there still is the "each living at their own place" phase still in progress. Sh1te tends to hit the proverbial fan only once the relationship is fairly established - and it's hard for either party to just "up and go".intheclouds wrote: »I do indeed know a few put upon men, and for me I just dont understand why they would stay in such a relationship. For some people though, being single is worse than being put upon - they just cant be on their own. For others I definitely think theres an element of "ill just blame the missus so I dont have to go out".
I'd say it's a mix of things - one big culprit is the fact that certain feelings, in men, lay way deeper than it is usually admitted nor expected, for a variety of reasons.
Then there's the comfort part indeed, where some "can't do" without having a partner, and think that whatever they've got is still better than having to do the whole "chase" all over again, no doubt about it.intheclouds wrote: »Oh yeah, theres loads of dysfunctional relationships out there.
Im sure theres just as many girls who would report that in relationships the guy doesnt like them dressing too sexy if she is out without him - thats a reasonably common one Ive been subjected to personally. Again - its just dysfunctional behaviour and a red flag to me not to get into a relationship with someone who would think that way.
That's exactly one of the things I implicitly referred to - and it's a widely (and rightfully) frowned upon attitude for a man to have towards his partner; I've even known guys who complain about a skirt being too short or a top too low cut when they ARE going somewhere together.
It's something I can't even begin to understand - I had at least one girlfriend who liked to dress sexily and never had a single issue with it, whether she was going out with her friends or whatnot; You need to have trust, besides it's not a skirt that makes someone cheat.
If anything, I would usually have made it clear how nice she looked going out...and it often made it very worth it to wait up for her to come back 0 -
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intheclouds wrote: »Hmmmmmm....
[CUT]
I cant say Ive ever come across one of these types where it wasnt apparent *even if only in retrospect* that there were issues there.
EXACTLY that - in retrospect. Looking back yes, there would have been signs; Also, bear in mind that some of these women are extremely good at covering their cards; During the evolution of things, you tend to pay more attention to the "here and now", the time you spend together and how does it feel, rather than X-Ray her every word - or at lest, that what us guys do. We have no hope, really
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H3llR4iser wrote: »EXACTLY that - in retrospect. Looking back yes, there would have been signs; Also, bear in mind that some of these women are extremely good at covering their cards; During the evolution of things, you tend to pay more attention to the "here and now", the time you spend together and how does it feel, rather than X-Ray her every word - or at lest, that what us guys do. We have no hope, really
Yeah you gotta practice with lots of crap ones before you recognise the signs to reject the bad ones early on and only stick with good ones 0 -
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