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Do married fathers envy or pity childless single men and vice versa?

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Comments

  • #102
    appfry
    Registered Users Posts: 161 ✭✭appfry


    Eric Cartman wrote: »
    Ohh by all means it is , I just think , as another poster illustrated above , that there are a lot of people who purely go party to find a partner / don't really enjoy it and would love someone else to be with to drop off the scene.

    It wouldn't put me off dating or a relationship, It would have me screening a bit more closely though, and you occasionally have to deal with the resentment or anger setting in from your partner when they find out that you weren't just going out to find someone to never go out again with.

    Ive seen some of the most social friends I've ever had get together and never venture out past midnight again,
    I usually don't get the female perspective but having a few quiet drinks with the lads will have most of them complaining about it "sure she keeps dragging me home at 12" "If I stay out till 3 ill have her grumpy for a week" etc…

    I say that all the time. Its not true then. Just the thing we all say.
    Or "Im being dragged off to Spain to the beach .... again". In truth im happy to be dragged off to the beach.
    What you say to the gang and what you actually feel are different. And it is understood by the rest of the gang too, as they do exactly the same.


  • #103
    smacl
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 15,778 Mod ✭✭✭✭smacl


    The_Valeyard wrote: »
    Right now, my shirt is covered in piss and my shoulder has vomit.


    At times I do envy childless married couples.

    Yep, I found the first few years of parenthood to be pain in the a$$ in so many ways. Hung over 6am nappy changes with telly tubbies in the background would be among the low points. That said, it gets so much better later, with fatherly duties including watching full re-runs of Doctor Who box sets etc... ;)


  • #104
    Kal El
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 613 ✭✭✭Kal El


    smacl wrote: »
    Yep, I found the first few years of parenthood to be pain in the a$$ in so many ways. Hung over 6am nappy changes with telly tubbies in the background would be among the low points. That said, it gets so much better later, with fatherly duties including watching full re-runs of Doctor Who box sets etc... ;)

    Ours is 6 months old, my night entails getting slapped in the face by a brat who refuses to sleep in the prison bed :mad:


  • #105
    Dr Crayfish
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 2,960 ✭✭✭Dr Crayfish


    I envy people with kids to some extent. I don't think people in my job are crazy about their work, but the guys with kids seem to be happy just to come in, collect their pay cheque and knock off and go home, regardless of the soul destroying work. They've a family to look after and that takes priority. Whereas I have too much time on my hands dwelling on what the hell I'm doing in a job I don't particularly like. I think I'm in the midst of a minor existential crisis right now at 36. Never found a career I wanted or any particular passions in life, just minor interests in lots of stuff. So it makes me wonder if looking after a family is something I should be doing now? Is that what it would take for me to be fulfilled in life? At the same time the thoughts of this scares the hell out of me, even living with a woman would be a massive thing for me now, never mind kids. So I envy men with kids sometimes, but I just don't know if I could do it myself, realistically. FML.


  • #106
    smacl
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 15,778 Mod ✭✭✭✭smacl


    Dr Crayfish wrote: »
    I envy people with kids to some extent. I don't think people in my job are crazy about their work, but the guys with kids seem to be happy just to come in, collect their pay cheque and knock off and go home, regardless of the soul destroying work. They've a family to look after and that takes priority. Whereas I have too much time on my hands dwelling on what the hell I'm doing in a job I don't particularly like. I think I'm in the midst of a minor existential crisis right now at 36. Never found a career I wanted or any particular passions in life, just minor interests in lots of stuff. So it makes me wonder if looking after a family is something I should be doing now? Is that what it would take for me to be fulfilled in life? At the same time the thoughts of this scares the hell out of me, even living with a woman would be a massive thing for me now, never mind kids. So I envy men with kids sometimes, but I just don't know if I could do it myself, realistically. FML.

    If they're very young kids, the guys might be happy to come just to work to get a break from the household chaos for a bit. Many, myself included, find the first few years of fatherhood pretty stressful. Just my opinion, but starting a family because you find your work soul destroying seems like a disastrous idea, reason being you'll have just created financial commitments that seriously curtail opportunities to leave the job while at the same time adding a big dollop of stress to your private life. Kids are great, love mine to bits, but they're a major source of stress and financial burden in the early days.


  • #107
    Pawwed Rig
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Home & Garden Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators Posts: 22,407 CMod ✭✭✭✭Pawwed Rig


    What kind of stress SMac? Can't say I've experienced any bad stress as such but neither of mine have been seriously ill. Agreed re Financial pressures.


  • #108
    smacl
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 15,778 Mod ✭✭✭✭smacl


    Pawwed Rig wrote: »
    What kind of stress SMac? Can't say I've experienced any bad stress as such but neither of mine have been seriously ill. Agreed re Financial pressures.

    Mine are older now so times past, but for me the sleep deprivation was a big one, bottles in the middle of the night etc... Our first woke every two hours for the first couple of years and barfed like she was auditioning for the exorcist. Myself and the OH were both self employed at the time, running two separate small businesses and putting in lots of hours, and for some bizarre reason we also decided to buy a house while the baby was still tiny. It felt like an experiment on how much stress we could pile on ourselves before ending up in the loony bin. Second wasn't nearly as bad, and each year got better as they grew from screeching, barfing, crap demons to really fun and entertaining little kids. Some people like babies, but not me. From my POV their only redeeming feature is they stop being babies after a couple of years. YMMV.


  • #109
    Dr Crayfish
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 2,960 ✭✭✭Dr Crayfish


    smacl wrote: »
    but starting a family because you find your work soul destroying seems like a disastrous idea

    I wouldn't do that. I just mean I think a lot of people just work to live and look after kids etc, whereas there seems to be a movement towards doing something you love for a living, as if everyone can do that. Everyone can't!
    I would imagine making ends meet and having a comfortable life feels like quite an achievement if you have a family, regardless of what kind of work you're doing, whether it sets your world on fire or not.


  • #110
    smacl
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 15,778 Mod ✭✭✭✭smacl


    Dr Crayfish wrote: »
    I wouldn't do that. I just mean I think a lot of people just work to live and look after kids etc, whereas there seems to be a movement towards doing something you love for a living, as if everyone can do that. Everyone can't! I would imagine making ends meet and having a comfortable life feels like quite an achievement if you have a family, regardless of what kind of work you're doing, whether it sets your world on fire or not.

    Might be nothing to do with work, but I reckon doing something you love on a pretty regular basis is what makes life worth living. Could be anything really, certainly parenthood plays a big part for some. Struggling to make ends meet purely to have a comfortable family life seems more than a bit grim to me. I'm lucky enough in that I enjoy my work, but I also try to enjoy my spare time, sometimes with the family, sometimes not. Maybe I'm just a greedy cnut.


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