A divorce

You can't get a divorce in this jurisdiction unless you have been separate and living apart for 4 of the last 5 years.

You can get a separation, if it can be agreed it can be set out in a deed, if not one of you can apply to the Courts. It would usually then form the basis for a divorce in future years, unless circumstances change a lot...

Either way, consider mediation, even if you are beyond the time for reconciliation or counselling. They can be bitter with kids, property and maintenance forming the main issues, but there is a bit more, contents of houses, taxation, pensions etc.

zSparc

Grayson wrote: »

Two pints of surgical spirit heading your way.

I have a bottle of this here. This thread has inspired me to grab a glass.

€55.83 - piss is what I don't drink :rolleyes:

JupiterKid

Enjoy your Jameson tonight.

But tomorrow sit down and have a deep and meaningful with your wife. If she is still adamant about the divorce, go and get a good solicitor.

Divorce isn't death. Life goes on. But then, I've never been divorced, never been married. A few painful relationship breakups though.

nullzero

nullzero wrote: »

This and download one of those dating apps, lots of single people seem to be getting their hole that way these days, may just cheer you up some.

Yes to solicitor. Feck the dating. Enjoy your freedom, rediscover and build up yourself before getting involved with somebody else. So much life and philosophy to be found in fulfilling your own potential and dreams. Giving up alcohol might be the best way to start your reinvention. Positives and self-growth everywhere here if you want to see it.

'Out of life's school of war that which does not destroy me makes me stronger.'

Friedrich Nietzsche, Twilight of the Idols (1889)

PARlance

minikin wrote: »

Been to marriage counselling?
Considered mediation before this announcement?
If not and this is completely out of the blue then it sounds like a third party may be involved?
Has there been no bedroom fun lately but she still walks around like she's getting the hoop knocked off her?

Post of the year for me.
Reel them in, reel them in, reel them in, BOOM!

ChikiChiki

Love your attitude OP. Water off a ducks back. Ya don't seem too bothered. F**k it onwards and upwards for you.

zSparc

ChikiChiki wrote: »

Love your attitude OP. Water off a ducks back. Ya don't seem too bothered. F**k it onwards and upwards for you.

But what can I do? She want's out - go for it. I think now I need to move into some hot girl's flat and she'll be right al over me.

Anyone want to share room with a nice, good looking male who's paying all bills and weekends away?

Zooouma

Hide the remote before u leave!

NiallBoo

Our divorce law is medieval.

"What's next" is someone moves out.
Children under 18? They're staying in the house and, unless she chooses to move out, the mother. If anyone objects (and they should), you're not selling the house.

Four short years of being separated later you'll be able to get divorced.

If you want custody, your best bet is by a agreement. If you're the main earner and there's assets, your wife will get screwed on the financials.

Have fun.

BorneTobyWilde

He never asked her why
He must know why

zSparc

NiallBoo wrote: »

Have fun.

I really love that ^^ one

See, I knew where to come for a bit of advice and suport!
AH is berrter than PI in soooo many ways!

Silverbling

zSparc wrote: »

But what can I do? She want's out - go for it. I think now I need to move into some hot girl's flat and she'll be right al over me.

Anyone want to share room with a nice, good looking male who's paying all bills and weekends away?

yes please but could you provide a whole house?

get a really good solicitor or one of you could end up a tad homeless, the soft one who thinks that history and a child means everyone will act like a decent human being, Lidl and Aldi do great cheap wine when you can't afford spirits

zSparc

BorneTobyWilde wrote: »

He never asked her why
He must know why

WTF you're on about. I did mention that earlier.

ceadaoin.

zSparc wrote: »

Well what can I do? She's been weird over the last year, I kinda felt it coming. I think I still love her but if she says "no" to everything including counseling I seem to have no options. I can drink myself to death, cry into friends/family shoulder but that's not the point. It's different to "not being bothered" though. I am, but sure... Her decision. I tried, I really did.

Listen young people, this is happening when you have everything, no trouble and all you can think of is where to go on anther holiday this year. Women go crazy.

Hmm... Sounds like she's been "weird" for the past year because she has been emotionally checking out of the relationship. Sorry to say but there is usually someone else involved in these out of the blue (from the partners point of view) separations.

If you need to drink tonight to get it out of your system then do it. You're in shock. Tomorrow though, no time for that. talk to her about how to proceed and get a solicitor.

zSparc

Silverbling wrote: »

yes please but could you provide a whole house?

Up to 1200€/month, yeah no bother. PM me for details.

Ah, and it has to be a good location.

beertons

No time like the present to see if she'd be up for anal.

ChikiChiki

zSparc wrote: »

But what can I do? She want's out - go for it. I think now I need to move into some hot girl's flat and she'll be right al over me.

Anyone want to share room with a nice, good looking male who's paying all bills and weekends away?

That's the spirit. First things first get Tinder downloaded, upload your best pics and swipe the night away.

BTW funny enough my GF of 3 years is moving out tomorrow as were parting ways. I took the above steps a few months back so writing was on the wall.

PARlance

ChikiChiki wrote: »

That's the spirit. First things first get Tinder downloaded, upload your best pics and swipe the night away.

That's all he needs, to discover the wife on tinder after half a bottle of whiskey.

uck51js9zml2yt

Don't move out and get a good lawyer on Monday morning.
Keep it amicable.

Silverbling

zSparc wrote: »

Up to 1200€/month, yeah no bother. PM me for details.

Ah, and it has to be a good location.

I am in Dundrum so thats a no go, €1200 might get a shed, and LOL at PM me for details, you will wake up tomorrow with a sore head and an inbox full of mails from random women looking for a sugar daddy to take them on weekends away, solicitors giving quotes and possibly a few auctioneers

zSparc

Silverbling wrote: »

I am in Dundrum so thats a no go

Naa, Northsooide For Life! Coolock would be good.

My mansion is in Clontarf so anything close to that would be suitable.

Tombi!

Mod: I'm locking this. OP, I'd strongly urge you to post a thread in Personal Issues or else Relationship Issues:
Personal Issues:
http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/forumdisplay.php?f=127
Relationship Issues:
http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/forumdisplay.php?f=1174

However, if you do want this thread reopened, OP, please PM me and I'll reopen it. Normally I'd have moved it to PI/RI but I'm not completely sure if you want to post there or leave it in After Hours

Edit: Opened at the request of the OP. Sorry for any issues caused.

jonon9

Tell her you usually keep a 20 by the door, tell her pick it up on the way out.

Stheno

Is there another bloke sniffing around?

Do you have kids under 23 and does she work?

zSparc

Stheno wrote: »

Is there another bloke sniffing around?

Do you have kids under 23 and does she work?

She does work, there have been a fella exactly a year from now (whom she has fallen for - my mate BTW) and we do have kids under 23.

Grayson

Stheno wrote: »

Is there another bloke sniffing around?

Do you have kids under 23 and does she work?

So asketh the divorce forum moderator.

A_Sober_Paddy

Start hiding money asap,

Heard a story a few months back, wife asks for divorce. Husband is heartbroken, but thinks on his feet, withdraws loads of money(as money as he can). Goes around to all the bookies for a few days, makes it look like his betting all the money away, but in fact only bets some, stashes the money at the mates. Tell the story you gambled it all away. Don't know if he got away with it, but worth a try

Stheno

zSparc wrote: »

She does work, there have been a fella exactly a year from now (whom she has fallen for - my mate BTW) and we do have kids under 23.

Look forward to paying at least half the mortgage until the kids at twenty three along with maintenance for the kids.

Or suggest mediation it's free.

Be grateful you most likely be hit on for spousal maintenance, I used she'll out over six fifty a month to my ex

Stheno

Grayson wrote: »

So asketh the divorce forum moderator.

See my post above yours in fairness I've painted a bleak picture but suggested mediation which op says his wife has no interest in

A_Sober_Paddy

Stheno wrote: »

Look forward to paying at least half the mortgage until the kids at twenty three along with maintenance for the kids.

Or suggest mediation it's free.

Be grateful you most likely be hit on for spousal maintenance, I used she'll out over six fifty a month to my ex

And people wonder why spouses murder their ex's

Stheno

A_Sober_Paddy wrote: »

And people wonder why spouses murder their ex's

I'm female, no kids and 650 per month was what was adjudged fair for my ex male husband.

Our divorce and separation laws are surprisingly fair to spouses where there are no kids on the gender level.

Once kids are involved it's a minefield

A_Sober_Paddy

Stheno wrote: »

I'm female, no kids and 650 per month was what was adjudged fair for my ex male husband.

Our divorce and separation laws are surprisingly fair to spouses where there are no kids on the gender level.

Once kids are involved it's a minefield

€650 a week just because ye used to be married, seriously to me that's a complete joke. If i can ask why was it determined that you pay him an allowance? Because you made more money than him?

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

Why would you pay maintenance to an ex with no children?

Stheno

A_Sober_Paddy wrote: »

€650 a week just because ye used to be married, seriously to me that's a complete joke. If i can ask why was it determined that you pay him an allowance? Because you made more money than him?

Yes

clairewithani

Stheno wrote: »

Look forward to paying at least half the mortgage until the kids at twenty three along with maintenance for the kids.

Or suggest mediation it's free.

Be grateful you most likely be hit on for spousal maintenance, I used she'll out over six fifty a month to my ex

I pay a thousand per month.

zSparc

Stheno wrote: »

Look forward to paying at least half the mortgage

I pay it all right now, what's the worst that can happen?

Stheno

LexieOnRale wrote: »

Why would you pay maintenance to an ex with no children?

Google spousal maintenance Ireland, it can be up to 500 a week in the district court.

It's due to our divorce laws if a spouse can show they are worse off being separated or divorced they have a case for maintenance

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

Jesus Christ that's outrageous.

Stheno

zSparc wrote: »

I pay it all right now, what's the worst that can happen?

Stays the same but you have maintenance and rent.

Now I'm being bitter and cynical but we do have a fairly balanced separation forum if you click on my profile where you'll get some sound advice.aa

zSparc

Stheno wrote: »

It's due to our divorce laws

God bless I never asked for citizenship.

Junkyard Tom

I wouldn't have to be asked twice. Go through with the divorce and move on.

Stheno

LexieOnRale wrote: »

Jesus Christ that's outrageous.

I know I've been very cynical in my last few posts, but when I split from my ex he'd been unemployed for several years and I'd a fairly good job earning more then now.

We lived off what I earned and without maintenance he'd have struggled to find somewhere to live let alone a job.

Even when you divorce here you have to get orders swearing off claims on pensions!

And it's not just married people those in long term relationships may find the same

Stheno

zSparc wrote: »

God bless I never asked for citizenship.

Is your wife Irish? And you not? Where did you get married?

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

Stheno wrote: »

I know I've been very cynical in my last few posts, but when I split from my ex he'd been unemployed for several years and I'd a fairly good job earning more then now.

We lived off what I earned and without maintenance he'd have struggled to find somewhere to live let alone a job.

Even when you divorce here you have to get orders swearing off claims on pensions!

And it's not just married people those in long term relationships may find the same

Ah here, if my spouse wasn't supporting himself and I left him, he'd be completely be flying solo. I'd rather haemorrhage to death than work to give another grown adult pocket money when he was no longer my problem. That's actually the most insane thing I've heard in ages.

Stheno

LexieOnRale wrote: »

Ah here, if my spouse wasn't supporting himself and I left him, he'd be completely be flying solo. I'd rather haemorrhage to death than work to give another grown adult pocket money when he was no longer my problem. That's actually the most insane thing I've heard in ages.

How long are you with your oh and living together?

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

Stheno wrote: »

How long are you with your oh and living together?

Together on/off almost 8 years. Living together 2.5

Widdershins

Maybe it's something that ye could work on together if you knew what the problems are. Ask her to give you a chance to do that. It's very common for people to feel like they're just not listened to in a relationship, or taken for granted. Maybe it will work out for you.

Buford T. Justice XIX

gifted wrote: »

Tell her leave the keys on the way out...

In the bowl with the rest of the keys?

Stheno

LexieOnRale wrote: »

Together on/off almost 8 years. Living together 2.5

After five years living together without being married one partner can claim off the other here!

I'm always amazed how little people know about this.

zSparc

Widdershins wrote: »

Maybe it's something that ye could work on together if you knew what the problems are. Ask her to give you a chance .

"Nah, nah, nah, I've wasted 19 years with you, people don't change, I wont change, you won't change - I'm done"

That's pretty much her.