Toilet training and getting nowhere...

mrsberries

Hi all
So my three year old (since July) has shown no interest in toilet training and almost no awareness of when he needs to go. Aware that all kids are different ( I trained my daughter at 2.5 years over a long weekend) I was happy to wait until he's ready. However the creche put pressure on me to begin training him as needed to start preschool in September but can't progress past toddler room while in nappys. Between home and the cr che we have been trying solidly for the last 3 weeks but he's just constantly wetting himself and I think he just doesn't get it. Now the cr che want me to go back to nappys as it's obviously become too much for them now (and in fairness I don't think it's their job to train him).
I would be happy to keep him in nappys until he's ready but I'm watching all his friends bypass him to move on to the next room. He's also acting up with the younger kids which must be boredom.
Anyone else experience of this? Any advice is welcome and I just want to know I'm not alone with this

cyning

My 4 year old just did not want to train: she would be well able to do it and then just one day she said I'm not wearing nappies anymore.. she was 3 and 3 months. Would you leave it a week or two and then try again making a big deal about how big a boy he is? Or could the cr che accommodate him going into preschool part for a few hours in the morning and back then for the afternoon? Not ideal I know.

Neyite

I'd agree to go back to nappies for a few months to take a complete break from it for both of you and make a fresh start maybe after Christmas. It will click when he's a little older I'm sure.

With regard to him staying in the room, well I'd be inclined to leave that to the creche tbh. If they have a rule that only TT children can go into a toddler room which means that older children are staying behind and acting out, then they can monitor and deal with the boredom and disputes that break out as a result. Their rule, their problem.

Its a stupid rule IMO. There is no reason why your child couldn't be brought to the changing station in turn with other nappy kids at changing time. It would take less time to walk him to the nappy change than it would to bring him into the loo, help him undress, wait to wipe him and help him wash and dry his hands for all the multiple times a day a toddler needs to go. I wonder what do they do with special needs children who would be in nappies for longer. Our creche never mentioned any TT deadline. There are a couple of SN kids too in Montessori who are still in nappies and they are catered for.

beauf

In my limited experience boys take vastly longer than girls to train.


https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toilet_training

http://www.babycenter.com/404_is-it-true-that-girls-potty-train-earlier-than-boys_10348434.bc

In a two-year study conducted by the Medical College of Wisconsin and published in 2002, researchers found that girls stayed dry during the day at 32.5 months, boys at 35 months. Girls showed an interest in the potty at 24 months, boys at 26 months. Girls stayed dry for two hours at a time at 26 months, boys at 29 months. And girls verbalized their need to go to the bathroom at 26 months while boys verbalized it at 29 months.

A 2008 Brazilian study discovered similar differences between the sexes, with 27.8 percent of girls and 21.4 percent of boys out of diapers during the day by 24 months, and 10.6 percent of girls and 6.8 percent of boys out of diapers at night by 24 months.

Researchers have also found that (at least in the United States), children now learn to use the potty at a later age than in the past. Older reports suggest that most kids were toilet trained between the ages of 18 and 24 months, but toddlers today are toilet trained, on average, at 22 to 30 months.

mrsberries

Hi all
Just revisiting this topic. Three months on and it's still not happening. Now have crèche on my case that he is holding up a space in his room and needs to move on.

I am at home studying this week so have decided to keep him with me and give it one more bash, any tips for a particularly stubborn child? I've been through it before but with my very placid daughter at the age of two - completely different child 😠I'm feeling severely under pressure but don't want to pass this on for fear of exasperating the problem!

beauf

Train them together. The peer pressure might help. Thats what happened with one of ours anyway. Younger sister trained herself watching the brother getting trained. He didn't like that. But it made him put more effort into it.

mrsberries

beauf wrote: »

Train them together. The peer pressure might help. Thats what happened with one of ours anyway. Younger sister trained herself watching the brother getting trained. He didn't like that. But it made him put more effort into it.

My daughter is almost 6 now and well trained. Bless her, she's demonstrated the potty for him though

pwurple

It's so difficult this time of year. When we started, I just left her run around the back garden with no clothes on in the summer. And by the end of the first day she had figured it out. Not really an option in January though, so that's not much help!! 
I can't believe this is the first child the creche have encountered with this though. It's not even remotely abnormal. Sheesh. Anyway, has to be done if they are being so painful about it.
Have you tried a reward chart for anything else yet? Does he respond to those at all? Mine just love them, I'm sure I could get them to build a rocket to the moon if it was on a reward chart. You can print them off with little pictures so they know what each row is... and then just get a pack of cheapie star stickers or put a tick in the box.
I'd try having rows for 
Step 1) put on the big boy pants
Step 2)  use the potty
Step 3)  wash hands afterwards
Step 4) dry hands afterwards.
Sticker on the chart for each step completed. Then a reward at the end of the day would be something small (I use a vitamin jelly for this!), and then two days in a row... a children's magazine or colouring book, and then maybe a small toy (dinky or a small lego man?) for the end of the week.

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beauf

mrsberries wrote: »

My daughter is almost 6 now and well trained. Bless her, she's demonstrated the potty for him though

I thought she was younger. Sorry.

beauf

....... wrote: »

...

I have to say I think that sounds very unprofessional and a distinct lack of understanding of the variety of human nature.

Exactly this. Its not unusual for boys to be quite late.

mrsberries

Absolutely and I have been fighting my corner on it since he turned 3 last July. However I really want him to progress to the pre school room. He has been quite aggressive and badly behaved the last few months in crèche and at home. I would suspect this stems from boredom and seeing his peers pass him by to the next room. Also being a boisterous boy and a threenager is part of it too

shesty

Well I have a 2.5 year old girl (my first) and I'm struggling a bit. She never (well - rarely) tells me when she has to go. So I put her on the toilet/potty. First thing in the morning, straight after breakfast, immediately after we come in from being out, morning or afternoon, after nap, after tea etc. So far (it's been two - 2.5 months) she's managing the wees quite well, although the first few weeks were tough going! But she goes immediately she's put on it. The poos are a disaster though. We're just not there, she never makes it to the toilet. Never says anything until it's done

Maybe I'm not doing it the right way, I don't know. But I'm happy with the wee situation! She wears a nappy at night, and if it gets in any way wet, she wants it off - yes, even at 1am she'll call and tell you she needs a new one. :rolleyes: I'm just going to persevere with the poos. I'm not stopping or going back to nappies for the simple reason that she's come so far that I think it would be a massive step back to go back to nappies - and actually, I don't think she'd like it.

So maybe look at it that way. Wees first. And maybe try consistently placing him on the potty every hour or so for several days straight til he gets it. I don't mean in a "mean" or nasty way - just in a "let's sit and have a little think about wees/read our book/watch tv" way And once he gets used to that sensation, keep at it.Leave him in underwear for longer periods, etc. One teeny bit at a time.

It's an awful struggle though, isn't it:eek:

mrsberries

shesty wrote: »

Well I have a 2.5 year old girl (my first) and I'm struggling a bit. She never (well - rarely) tells me when she has to go. So I put her on the toilet/potty. First thing in the morning, straight after breakfast, immediately after we come in from being out, morning or afternoon, after nap, after tea etc. So far (it's been two - 2.5 months) she's managing the wees quite well, although the first few weeks were tough going! But she goes immediately she's put on it. The poos are a disaster though. We're just not there, she never makes it to the toilet. Never says anything until it's done

Maybe I'm not doing it the right way, I don't know. But I'm happy with the wee situation! She wears a nappy at night, and if it gets in any way wet, she wants it off - yes, even at 1am she'll call and tell you she needs a new one. :rolleyes: I'm just going to persevere with the poos. I'm not stopping or going back to nappies for the simple reason that she's come so far that I think it would be a massive step back to go back to nappies - and actually, I don't think she'd like it.

So maybe look at it that way. Wees first. And maybe try consistently placing him on the potty every hour or so for several days straight til he gets it. I don't mean in a "mean" or nasty way - just in a "let's sit and have a little think about wees/read our book/watch tv" way And once he gets used to that sensation, keep at it.Leave him in underwear for longer periods, etc. One teeny bit at a time.

It's an awful struggle though, isn't it:eek:

Sounds like you're dong great with your little one! From my experience, and talking to others it's hard to get everything right. I had my 2.5 yr old daughter done over a weekend but she had occasional accidents and wore a pull up at night until she was almost 5!

shesty

mrsberries wrote: »

Sounds like you're dong great with your little one! From my experience, and talking to others it's hard to get everything right. I had my 2.5 yr old daughter done over a weekend but she had occasional accidents and wore a pull up at night until she was almost 5!

I was kind of dreading the potty training,and it has been pretty much what I expected. Worse, although my second is only tiny still, I've no better ideas of how to approach it with her either when the time comes!!!

I keep telling myself they all get there in the end

mrsberries

Ah you will get there. Some kids have issues with poo. It scares them or they great embarassed about it.
Our training is going well actually although my husband had to deal with quite a situation yesterday...a big mess to clean up an d my son oblivious. It ain't easy

shesty wrote: »

mrsberries wrote: »

Sounds like you're dong great with your little one! From my experience, and talking to others it's hard to get everything right. I had my 2.5 yr old daughter done over a weekend but she had occasional accidents and wore a pull up at night until she was almost 5!

I was kind of dreading the potty training,and it has been pretty much what I expected. Worse, although my second is only tiny still, I've no better ideas of how to approach it with her either when the time comes!!!

I keep telling myself they all get there in the end

lollsangel

Have you tried explaining to your son that he needs to use the potty to be able to go up into the next room in creche. My 2 were very resistant to train until I poinTed out to them they wouldn't be allowed to go to preschool and play with their friends unless they could pee in the toilet

margo321

have you tried getting him to pee into an empty plastic bottle? i remember my younger brother did thay to train and thought it was great!!! also try buy underwear with a character he likes, he may not be happy to wet or soil them. good luck

helimachoptor

I started training my little girl last Monday, she's 2.5 at the end of the month.

My wife tried a few months ago but it failed spectacularly.

As odd as it sounds, I sat her down for a little chat but short version is i related her potty training to her cousins who were a little older and who didnt need a bum change and to her baby sister who needs a nappy because she's a "baby".

I'm not sure if it helped or not but she is saying she's now the same as her cousins and is a "big girl", but we had the below experience once we started

Day 1: 2 accidents, dry nappy that night
Day 2: 1 accident, woke me up 3 times that night for potty
Day 3 to now: No accidents and wakes me once a night for potty

We'll cut out/reduce her last water before bed so she doesnt wake.

I expect we'll have some accidents over the next while but so far so good