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Work Pressure after Bereavement

  • 24-10-2016 2:24pm
    #1
    DivineMsM
    Registered Users Posts: 65 ✭✭


    (Sorry maybe this should be in a different forum)
    Hi All,

    My mum passed away in May.
    I managed to cope surprisingly well.
    I have a very demanding job, and no-one to cover for me. So despite my directors saying 'take as much time as you need' I only took about 4 days off. At the time, it was probably what I needed, to feel in control and be in a 'normal' situation, when my personal life was in tatters. Also- with no- one to cover for me, I knew the more time off I took, the more work I would return to. So I plodded on and to all outward appearances I kept it together.

    But now? Now I am falling apart.

    As I said, my job is super demanding and my directors are constantly piling on the pressure. TBH its a situation that will eventually need to be addressed, but I am only here 10 months and in order to address the situation I also need solutions. I just don't have the head space right now to deal with this and work out my arguments and solutions- so I am just plodding along- working late some evenings, coming in at weekends.

    I just want it all to STOP for a wee while. I want to take a breath, allow myself a few days where I just take to the bed, cry, weep, wail, fall apart. I am sick of holding it all together. I have tried, I have taken a scheduled holiday day to do just that. But- no-one covers for me so any time off and I get more and more behind with my work.

    I always strive to be professional. If I address this with my bosses, I know I will get emotional and messy, and this for me would be the worst outcome, I would hate to lose control in a work environment. I also think I have a legitimate argument to be made regarding my workload. But if I come from an emotional place when discussing this, it will probably be dismissed as just that, an emotional issue rather than an actual work issue.

    Help!! What to do??
    Also- is this normal? the rest of my family seem to be gradually getting over things and moving on with life etc. But I feel like I am getting worse, more depressed and sad every day.

    Sorry for rambling on.
    M


Comments

  • #2
    Ben Gadot
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,767 ✭✭✭Ben Gadot


    Hi Divine,

    About your family, no matter how close you are, you never truly know what someone is feeling and thinking. From the sounds of things you've coped well, but maybe your time has come to stop and take stock of what has happened. Their time will also come even if it's 5 or 10 years away.

    I know it's not much but all I can say is that you have to stop driving yourself into the ground for what's essentially nothing to you at the end of the day. That's how I coped anyway with work in a similar environment, where there wasn't like for like cover. I didn't let the quality of my work drop, but I certainly developed an indifferent attitude to irritants such as last minute demands and unreasonable deadlines. Going in the very ODD Saturday is fine, but never feel obligated to do that. The more you do that the more they'll think you can handle it and their current joke of a situation is all cushty.

    You just have to keeping asking yourself what's the worst they can do to you and just laugh at them really.

    Apologies for the ramble! Just take care of yourself in what's still a very raw time.


  • #3
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    My sincere condolences on your loss.

    There is no normal with grief, no usual. Sometimes if you cope 'well' at the time of the bereavement, it hits you maybe months, maybe years down the line. Been there, done that.

    What is going on at the moment is unsustainable. I was in a similar-ish position work wise a couple of years ago. Huge effect on my health, unfortunately.
    So, I recommend, at a minimum taking some proper time off. A day is not enough. I would also suggest a visit to your GP, a good chat, and a general health check.

    When you feel able, I suggest a proper sit down with your manager, prepare notes to help you to stay on track. I do appreciate what you mean about wanting to remain professional.

    But first, your health.


  • #4
    chooey
    Registered Users Posts: 342 ✭✭chooey


    Ben Gadot wrote: »
    Hi Divine,

    About your family, no matter how close you are, you never truly know what someone is feeling and thinking. From the sounds of things you've coped well, but maybe your time has come to stop and take stock of what has happened. Their time will also come even if it's 5 or 10 years away

    This. I lost my mam in March of this year and I'm sure that my family think I'm coping quite well however they have no idea how much I cry about it.
    Definitely try and take a break- I know it's easier said than done especially when work is so pressurised but I find with this type of grief it just keeps building and every so often I need to take time out to address it and just wallow. I'm so sorry for your loss.


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