Work Pressure after Bereavement

LegacyUser

Hi- I would appreciate some advice how to handle this situation. Sorry- long post to follow- thanks to anyone who makes it to the end!!

I have a senior, busy, pressured job. There is not really anyone that can cover for me when I take time off, the work just remains and needs to be dealt with when I return.
I am here just under a year. The position has expanded since I started as I have more experience than my predecessor- so I am doing more in depth reporting etc. I am working on average 50 hours per week. I was hired for a 40 hour week. As I have been bedding in and changing things, I have just accepted the extra hours, but if anything its getting worse and the deadlines are getting shorter, and my bosses are increasing the pressure, adding to my role and expecting everything faster, in more detail. I understand- they are getting much more info then they were so they want it quicker and in more detail to make better decisions. It has always been my intention to give it the full calendar year, and in January approach them with my concerns re; my workload, and a solution to same- which will involve adding more hours/costs to my department (basically hiring a part timer).

So thats the background. In May this year my mum passed away. She was ill for only a 2 month period, and her death was a sudden shock. My directors offered me to take all the time off I needed. But- I knew that if I took lots of time off, all the work would be waiting when I got back. Plus, at the time it suited me to keep the control of my job, I think it helped me to keep busy and in control. So I only took 4 days off.

So its 5 months on and I am really starting to struggle. The work load and the pressure is ever increasing. And my stress/grief/depression is getting worse. I am feeling less and less like I can cope. I would just like to take some time off and climb into bed and hide for a while. Keeping everything under wraps and not letting anyone in work see how I am feeling is in itself exhausting, as is constantly feeling sad and miserable. Its grief, bereavement, a process - I get that. I know whats wrong with me, and I know I will eventually bounce back. But right now I would really like some time to wallow a little, grieve for my mum and recharge my batteries.

I have some holidays due to me before the end of the year. So I could take them. But- the deadlines will still be there and I know when I return back from a few days off I will end up having to do even more hours/late nights/weekends to catch up, which will probably undo any benefit from my holidays pretty quickly.

I don't want to address the issue of my unachievable workload until I am in the right head space. My worst nightmare would be breaking down and getting upset during work. And I also think if I come at the issue with emotion they will think its just a knee jerk reaction and not a real issue that needs sorting.

What I really want is for them to know that I am struggling, cut me some slack for a while, and let me take some time off to get my head together.

But to add another layer of confusion to my thought process- 10 years ago after giving birth to my daughter, I suffered from PND. I went back to work after only 3 months off, and I struggled against the symptoms for a long time. TBH I think I made things much worse for me because I didn't address it sooner. Anyway when she was a year old I had enough and ended up falling apart- and getting help. I took 3 weeks off work- I insisted they were unpaid as I felt guilty and a failure for letting things get to me so much.
Up till this point I had been a golden employee, I could do no wrong. After this, I was seen differently by my employers, they had no understanding and they saw me as a weak person where once I was strong and in control. Suddenly I felt that they were watching my every move, they treated me differently, our working relationship changed. Within a year they had made me redundant.

I am between a rock and a hard place. If I ask for holiday time off, they will expect me to get loads extra done before I go, and to catch up quick on my return. Their deadlines will not change just because I take time off, I will be expected to work my time off around them.
And if I say I am struggling and need some sick leave, then I run the risk of what happened with my previous employers happening again. I will be labelled 'Can't cope under pressure' and 'emotional'. Any discussions next year regarding my workload and they will think 'remember last year when she couldn't cope with the pressure and had to take time off, sure no wonder she is behind with deadlines she had that time off, ah sure she is very emotional'.

I just don't know what to do. All I know is that I recognise the signs and if I don't get rid of some of this pressure and take some time out- I run the risk of falling apart and I have 2 kids, I cant afford to let that happen.

Sorry- really long rambling post. Hoping someone has some help or advice for me.

wmpdd3

Omg, you need to schedule a meeting and run through this with someone.

It's going to become a health and safety issue, remember the company had to take steps to preserve your health and if that time off so be it.

What the succession plan? Is there anyone you can train? The fact you have no cover is worrying.

Brendan Mason

I was in a very similar situation last year. Family bereavement, work environment very stressful with monolithic deadlines and no cover/support.

I recognised the signs of my deteriorating mental health, but didn't listen to them.

So, one day in work, I cracked and had a breakdown. Completely out of my control. The workplace was very understanding for a while, but I ended up being out of work for over 5 weeks.

When I ended up going back, I found things very difficult, the work had continued to pile up in my absence, and ultimately the work environment ended up being too much to manage for me.

Another, lower stress role eventually came up elsewhere and I took it.

But, having said that-- I do regret leaving the role (even though my mental health is much better now). My regrets stem from the fact that I never took the initiative with my management, I never laid out the difficulties I was having, I never explained that I needed additional support in my role and I never placed firmer boundaries (like you, I worked a working week north of 50, despite being contracted for 40).

Soooo, my advice would be-- go to your GP, take any advice (ask about counselling if you need it, I found counselling HUGELY helpful, both in terms of my bereavement, and the work environment), and then, when you're back at work, talk about the support you need to continue in your role. You're obviously great at your job if they keep adding to your responsibilities!

Take care of yourself!

_Brian

Deal with this personal stuff before it drags you down to a position where your not able to work at all.

Don't take holidays, take sick leave and then when your better dealing with what is at work will seem like such a lighter challenge.