different surname to husband/kids

LegacyUser

I use my own surname (out of pure habit, it just comes out of my mouth!) but the kids have my husband's surname.

In order to take a shortcut through the inevitable confusions at some point in the future (mainly around paperwork, to be honest), I renewed my passport recently and put it in my married name, but got them to include my maiden name on it. There's a box you can tick, and you send them your birth cert along with marriage cert etc.I also renewed my driver's license, in my married name.

I've thought about it a little bit, and I will continue to use my maiden name at work, and it's on pretty much all of our household accounts - and I won't be changing it.

I don't think it's a big deal personally otherwise, but I wanted at least one piece of official ID that had both names on it, to save me having to produce marriage/birth certs everytime I deal with officialdom.

Typer Monkey

I kept my name after I got married. I had that name for almost 40 years and felt it was part of my identity. I also had been known by it in work for over a decade. I didn't want the hassle of changing all my documentation and email address. I dont mind being referred to by my husband's name socially..say at a wedding or something. I see it as an alias I have that I just dont use often. The only thing I get annoyed by is when (usually older generations) refer to me as Mrs HusbandFirstname HusbandSurname, usually on xmas cards etc. I definitely didnt give up my first name on marriage!

The children have my husband's name. My brother lives abroad and I travel alone with the children to visit him quite regularly. I just have a folded up copy of their birth certs stuck in the back of their respective passports, no big deal. I had my daughter before we married and so we didn't share a surname. I was asked on my return to Dublin airport what my relationship to her was and was advised to carry her birth certificate when travelling alone. Makes sense when you think about it. However what doesn't make sense to me is that my husband's sister could, in theory, travel with my children without my permission without any questions asked merely by the fact that they share a surname.

I think perhaps a note of the children's passport numbers on their guardian's passports which could be cross checked at passport control would be a safer method rather than just relying on naming traditions

LegacyUser

I was the child who was given a double barreled surname and I have hated it all of my life. I started identifying myself with one surname when I started school, but my god the trouble it has caused. Please don't do this to your kids. Every second form I fill out (assuming there is space for two surnames) results in a phone call asking which I go by. Even now, 30 years after dropping one of them I run into trouble every time I have to use official documents with my birth surname. Nothing is ever straightforward. Like another poster said earlier, you are just passing the buck to your child. My whole life I could not wait to marry so I could take my husband's surname! It might be a nice idea at the time, but unless you have been through the day-to-day realities, you have no idea of the issues it causes (not to mention having to explain the whole story of how it came to be!).

beans

Hattie22 wrote: »

I was the child who was given a double barreled surname and I have hated it all of my life. I started identifying myself with one surname when I started school, but my god the trouble it has caused. Please don't do this to your kids. Every second form I fill out (assuming there is space for two surnames) results in a phone call asking which I go by. ... .

To offer a different perspective; I've never had any trouble with comprehension on forms etc. And to be pedantic, it's not two surnames, it's a composite. I just use my surname, hyphenated, and all is well. I'd suggest the trouble you describe is as a result of you not using your proper surname, adding confusion to the mix.

Agree that it's short-sighted, intergenerationally-speaking.

eviltwin

Hattie22 wrote: »

I was the child who was given a double barreled surname and I have hated it all of my life. I started identifying myself with one surname when I started school, but my god the trouble it has caused. Please don't do this to your kids. Every second form I fill out (assuming there is space for two surnames) results in a phone call asking which I go by. Even now, 30 years after dropping one of them I run into trouble every time I have to use official documents with my birth surname. Nothing is ever straightforward. Like another poster said earlier, you are just passing the buck to your child. My whole life I could not wait to marry so I could take my husband's surname! It might be a nice idea at the time, but unless you have been through the day-to-day realities, you have no idea of the issues it causes (not to mention having to explain the whole story of how it came to be!).

Different strokes for different folks. My daughter had a double barrell name and she's never had any hassle with it or felt it was a burden. One of the reasons we gave them both was so they could choose one or the other when they got older which she has done but her official papers, passport, learners permit etc are both names. I don't see why people think it's a problem unless it's just their own prejudices.

Dravokivich

My son has his mother's surname. I never really put much thought to it, hasn't been an issue for me other than to clear up a bit of confusion regarding my name. Which could easily of happened the other way around I s'pose. So I haven't really been put out by it at all.

I've a friend who's daughter took his name, the mother keeps on insisting on double barreling it though and their daughter finds it a bit embarrassing. So I recon when it comes to determining which surname is going to be used or how they'll be used together, you're better off doing it from the start.

jester77

meeeeh wrote: »

We are not married, kids have partner's surname. It was no brainer, he is Irish I am not and I think it's annoying enough people butchering my surname so I wanted to avoid that.

We never had any problems with transporting kids out of the country and we do it quite often. We always carry only passports and often go through passport controls separately. The blonde one doesn't even look like anyone else in the family, so much so , I was waiting for garda call to our door around Roma blonde children mess.

I have different experience at the airports. Kids have my name, my girlfriend is always questioned when going through security with them (except in Ireland for some reason). She has to show their birth certs along with their passports. Not a big problem, just a little annoying.

Thoie

If I was doing that, I'd make a bundle of photocopies of marriage and birth certs, just to have. They won't be "official" copies, but they'd probably do if the need arose. Keep a copy tucked into passports so they're always there if required. I'd also keep a picture of each of the certs on my phone, but I like to over-prepare (ooh - a double barreled word!).

So far we have not had trouble because my girlfriends and I are not married. But we get ominous warnings from peoples on it sometimes all the same. The last time we all flew together I was in a separate passport queue to the rest of my family. Mammy was told to fetch me because the kids have my name - and was told that in future if she were to ever travel without me that she should carry Long Form Birth Cert.

I do not know what is legal requirement and what is just the opinion of the front line officer in the booth - but we certainly noted it to keep in mind.

So far no other issues have arisen - hopefully none ever will.

ncmc

I can't believe people have had trouble at airports! I have flown several times with my daughter and husbands (passport is in my maiden name, daughter has my husbands name) and never had an issue. Likewise my sister kept her maiden name on marriage, her three kids have her husbands name and never any issues. It would never occur to me to bring a copy of a birth cert. For day to day things, I use my married name and my drivers license is in my married name, but passport and bank account are in maiden name. I have never had any issues.

Jayop

We have a funny situation. Our first child was born when we were very young and she took a double barrel name on her birth cert but has only ever been known by my name. Our son was born years after and he has only ,y name despite us still not being married. When we got married my wife now is known by my name and has it as her profile on facebook etc, but never bothered changing her name officially.

So in a 4 person family we have 3 different surnames and one person who goes by the wrong surname.


As for airports and that she's never had any bother, same with schools and anything else that might come up.

Jayop

We have a funny situation. Our first child was born when we were very young and she took a double barrel name on her birth cert but has only ever been known by my name. Our son was born years after and he has only ,y name despite us still not being married. When we got married my wife now is known by my name and has it as her profile on facebook etc, but never bothered changing her name officially.

So in a 4 person family we have 3 different surnames and one person who goes by the wrong surname.


As for airports and that she's never had any bother, same with schools and anything else that might come up.

Thoie

ncmc wrote: »

I can't believe people have had trouble at airports! I have flown several times with my daughter and husbands (passport is in my maiden name, daughter has my husbands name) and never had an issue.

It's great that you haven't had any issues, and long may it continue! The problem is a holiday could be absolutely ruined if someone at the airport suddenly decides you're absconding with the child. There is (rightly) a lot of concern about child welfare. If you can "save" a holiday by keeping a photocopy of a birthcert tucked into your passport, it's a simple thing that requires practically zero effort, but could be a blessing if you ever need it.

jester77

ncmc wrote: »

I can't believe people have had trouble at airports! I have flown several times with my daughter and husbands (passport is in my maiden name, daughter has my husbands name) and never had an issue. Likewise my sister kept her maiden name on marriage, her three kids have her husbands name and never any issues. It would never occur to me to bring a copy of a birth cert. For day to day things, I use my married name and my drivers license is in my married name, but passport and bank account are in maiden name. I have never had any issues.

Never been questioned leaving Ireland, have been questioned every time leaving Germany, mixed experiences in different countries. Not too difficult to keep a copy of the birth certs handy. You could have a difficult time getting your flight without it if stopped.

Ruddler

Married nearly 6 years with 2 kids in that time and I didn't change my name. Never had anyone question it. Husband isn't bothered that I didn't take his name, kids know I've a different name and everyone is happy!

ted1

lazygal wrote: »

Our children have double barrel names-the conniptions I read online about how this is pure madness and will lead to all sorts of imaginary hassle are totally removed from my actual real life experience, there are no issues whatsoever. We both kept our own surnames after we married.

Do you expect their kids to have treble barrel names?

lazygal

ted1 wrote: »

Do you expect their kids to have treble barrel names?

They might not even have kids. If and when they do, they can decide on their names. Just like we did.

ted1

lazygal wrote: »

They might not even have kids. If and when they do, they can decide on their names. Just like we did.

But you didn't decide you were as your username suggests, lazy and went with both.

scarepanda

ted1 wrote:

But you didn't decide you were as your username suggests, lazy and went with both.

Who are you to say that they were lazy? It's their personal choice what surname their children go by. You might not agree with it, but they made the choice that was best for them and their specific situation.

lazygal

ted1 wrote: »

But you didn't decide you were as your username suggests, lazy and went with both.

You have no information on how and why we decided on all the names for our children so I suggest you stop making assumptions about other people's decisions.

meeeeh

jester77 wrote: »

I have different experience at the airports. Kids have my name, my girlfriend is always questioned when going through security with them (except in Ireland for some reason). She has to show their birth certs along with their passports. Not a big problem, just a little annoying.

Could be. And I can't be sure we will never have any problems but we went through airports in Ireland, UK, Belgium, Italy, Croatia, Austria and Slovenia with kids and never had any issues. It's not something I am particularly worried about.

eviltwin

ted1 wrote: »

But you didn't decide you were as your username suggests, lazy and went with both.

How is your choice of name lazy or otherwise? Odd comment. Why are you so worked up about the choices other people make about naming their kids?

mordeith

ted1 wrote: »

But you didn't decide you were as your username suggests, lazy and went with both.

I'm not one for Internet acronyms but WTF?