Joint Account

El_Duderino 09

Ayuntamiento wrote:

How does keeping accounts separate work if one of you earns €100k and the other earns €20k? Would the higher earner not feel slightly guilty when buying themselves expensive things which their partner could never afford? Would the higher earner compromise and live in a cheaper property than they could afford so that the lower earner can afford their half of the mortgage?

That's a big differential between 20k and 100k. My case us simpler. I earn more than her so we both pay into the joint account such that we both have roughly the same amount of dispisable income. I gave a hut more dispisable income do u see it as my privilege to pay for things like pay for dinner or save extra. I pay in more now and when I was a student, she paid more.

I read a story on the stingy thread where a couple kept finances separate. They went up the Eiffel tower and she only had enough to go up the first bit. Yer man said he'd take a picture from the top and went on his own. It doesn't really matter if the story is true or not. What's the point of having money if you can't enjoy it together.

Ayuntamiento

El_Duderino 09 wrote: »

That's a big differential between 20k and 100k. My case us simpler. I earn more than her so we both pay into the joint account such that we both have roughly the same amount of dispisable income. I gave a hut more dispisable income do u see it as my privilege to pay for things like pay for dinner or save extra. I pay in more now and when I was a student, she paid more.

I read a story on the stingy thread where a couple kept finances separate. They went up the Eiffel tower and she only had enough to go up the first bit. Yer man said he'd take a picture from the top and went on his own. It doesn't really matter if the story is true or not. What's the point of having money if you can't enjoy it together.

I've heard an even worse story than that one. A couple I know were living abroad together and decided to come home and visit family. He earned substantially more than her and booked his direct flight home. She couldn't afford the same flight home and told him she'd have to get a more indirect flight that would take her a couple of days as opposed to his one day. He basically said 'tough luck' and they flew home separately. It didn't occur to him that the decent thing would be to help her out.

I know lots of people will say that it's her problem if she can't afford the same things as him, like as if it's some kind of moral failing to not have a high income job.
I don't agree. There are plenty of jobs out there that are absolutely essential to the functioning of society but are unfortunately very poorly remunerated. Nursing is a great example.

Colser

Ayuntamiento wrote:

I've heard an even worse story than that one. A couple I know were living abroad together and decided to come home and visit family. He earned substantially more than her and booked his direct flight home. She couldn't afford the same flight home and told him she'd have to get a more indirect flight that would take her a couple of days as opposed to his one day. He basically said 'tough luck' and they flew home separately. It didn't occur to him that the decent thing would be to help her out.

It didn't occur to him???Either that's not true or he's a dick and she's worse to stay with him.

ted1

Ayuntamiento wrote: »

I've heard an even worse story than that one. A couple I know were living abroad together and decided to come home and visit family. He earned substantially more than her and booked his direct flight home. She couldn't afford the same flight home and told him she'd have to get a more indirect flight that would take her a couple of days as opposed to his one day. He basically said 'tough luck' and they flew home separately. It didn't occur to him that the decent thing would be to help her out.

I know lots of people will say that it's her problem if she can't afford the same things as him, like as if it's some kind of moral failing to not have a high income job.
I don't agree. There are plenty of jobs out there that are absolutely essential to the functioning of society but are unfortunately very poorly remunerated. Nursing is a great example.

Are they still together? That displays a complete lack of respect and general disregard.

seenitall

I actually think the Eiffel Tower story is worse than the other one. It's only about a very small amount of money compared to the cost of plane tickets, and he was still too mean to buy his OH that small enjoyment that he was having himself. It's just kind of heartbreaking!

Ayuntamiento

ted1 wrote: »

Are they still together? That displays a complete lack of respect and general disregard.

Unfortunately it's true. Maybe he was trying to make it into a point that he wouldn't be supporting her so she should get used to it. Maybe he wanted rid of her and was trying to force an end to the relationship. I haven't kept up with what happened next.

witchgirl26

We have a joint account which is used for bills and groceries as well as any meals out together etc. Essentially anything that is the two of us. We both earn a similar enough amount so top up the account by the same amount - if he puts in money, he'll let me know how much & I match it. It just makes it easier. We set it up before we even lived together to fund dinners out or holidays. Both have cards for it but if you looked at it cold, it looks like I do the majority of the spending out of it but that's just because I do the shopping. Have our own accounts for wages and what we want to buy ourselves. It's a system that really works for us at the moment. We might have to reassess a bit if circumstances were to change dramatically but neither of us like the idea of our wages going into the joint. We both work hard for our money and deserve to be able to spend bits of it on ourselves. Though that said, we do check each other if we think the other is going a bit mad on the spending (trying to save money for home stuff).

jimgoose

I think the best way to approach the matter of a joint account is to consider it a financial instrument like any other, that has it's uses and it's disadvantages. This will vary somewhat from couple to couple, but under no circumstances should it be viewed as anything other than what it is, e.g. as a restatement of the relationship, or status thereof.

jimgoose

El_Duderino 09 wrote: »

...a couple kept finances separate. They went up the Eiffel tower and she only had enough to go up the first bit. Yer man said he'd take a picture from the top and went on his own...

Ayuntamiento wrote: »

...He basically said 'tough luck' and they flew home separately. It didn't occur to him that the decent thing would be to help her out...

This is a pathological level of meanness and I think such people have no business being in relationships, never mind being married.

Pawwed Rig

We have a joint account and it never even occurred to me to contribute any less than my wife. We put in equal amounts per month thereby splitting all bills 50:50. I've never relied on anyone finacially before so not about to start now .

ted1

Pawwed Rig wrote: »

We have a joint account and it never even occurred to me to contribute any less than my wife. We put in equal amounts per month thereby splitting all bills 50:50. I've never relied on anyone finacially before so not about to start now .

My wife was the same till she was pregnant in 2008 and her shoe and bag boutique was beginning to feel the pinch. She closed the shop and became a stay st home mum. Don't knock it.

Jayop

ted1 wrote: »

My wife was the same till she was pregnant in 2008 and her shoe and bag boutique was beginning to feel the pinch. She closed the shop and became a stay st home mum. Don't knock it.

Almost time to get that boutique back up and running.

ted1

Jayop wrote: »

Almost time to get that boutique back up and running.

You know what we were discussing that the other night.

Jayop

ted1 wrote: »

You know what we were discussing that the other night.

There's some money swishing around again and if the average Irish woman loves fancy bags and shoes like my wife does it's a money maker!!

REM76

Ayuntamiento wrote: »

All our income goes into the one joint account. Once bills, etc are paid, everything else is split 50/50. If we go out for dinner, it comes out of the joint account, etc etc. Makes life very easy.
We're equal in everything and completely transparent with each other.

Same here.

If you don't trust your partner with money, you might want to question why you are with them in the first place

MeatTwoVeg

We both keep back the same amount of money each month in our own accounts, that money is ours individually to spend on whatever frivolities we choose. I don't want to be running stuff by her if something shiny catches my eye, or keeping a running total of how much we've each spent every month. I think a degree of financial independence within a relationship is extremely important.

The remaining money is transferred to a JA. All the boring stuff like mortgage, utilities, shopping, kid's stuff is paid out of this.
Obviously the amount we each contribute to the JA has varied over the years as salaries have changed, but we've always had the same amount of our 'own' money every month regardless of who had the bigger salary. Anything else would feel weird tbh, because we're a team.

beechwood55

Joint account here and have had that for years. No divvying up of any money regardless of how much more one of us earns than the other.

um7y1h83ge06nx

We created a joint account when we moved into together 4 years ago, now we're married.

We earn roughly the same, me a little bit more. We contribute the same to the joint account, joint account is used for all household purchases, meals out together and joint mortgage.

When we bought a house last year we pooled our savings together with me contributing a decent bit more (I'm a little older so was working longer).

We have a debit card each for the account and both of us can be trusted to use it only for genuine joint transactions.

We have a Ulster Banks current account so we keep the balance over €3K to avoid fees, and we have our own current and savings accounts.

CIP4

I have never been married or even in a long term relationship so really my only experience on this would be from growing up around my parents and how they arrange their finances. For them it is completely a case of everything is ours none of this my money your money crap. My Dad earns probably 6 times what my mum earns and if anything he spends less they only have joint accounts and are married 25 years and have honestly never once heard either of them saying that's my money or whatever. They recon their marriage would of been put under a strain trying to keep finances separate like that.

Maybe I will be different when I am put into the position but to me sure you are going to keep things separate while initially dating someone but once you get to the stage of kids or being engaged / married I really don't see how the individual thing works yet more and more young married couples seem to go this way. As for contributing I don't see how equal amounts is fair if two people earn vastly different salaries one person struggling while the other lives it up and yet they are both married it makes no sense to me

I personally wouldn't be judging a future partner on their ability to earn money or contribute quite frankly if they have a 10 hour minimum wage job or no job that's fine with me. The way I see it if I never meet anyone or get married I would still be buying a house in a few years and have all the usual living expenses. I don't spend a massive amount of money relative to what I earn and have always naturally been a good saver so at this stage I have accepted that chances are anyone I go out with is probably going to spend more than me :pac:

Just my view though and as I said when/if I am in the position maybe I will change my mindset doubt I will though. I suppose everyone is different and once the set up works for both people in the relationship that's all that matters.

ted1

REM76 wrote: »

Same here.

If you don't trust your partner with money, you might want to question why you are with them in the first place

So you base your relationship with your partner on money , fair enough.

ted1

MeatTwoVeg wrote: »

We both keep back the same amount of money each month in our own accounts, that money is ours individually to spend on whatever frivolities we choose. I don't want to be running stuff by her if something shiny catches my eye, or keeping a running total of how much we've each spent every month. I think a degree of financial independence within a relationship is extremely important.

The remaining money is transferred to a JA. All the boring stuff like mortgage, utilities, shopping, kid's stuff is paid out of this.
Obviously the amount we each contribute to the JA has varied over the years as salaries have changed, but we've always had the same amount of our 'own' money every month regardless of who had the bigger salary. Anything else would feel weird tbh, because we're a team.

Intresting, you pool your money for the bills etc but keep other stuff separately. Where as we have one income that looks after everything, but also gives general spending money to my spouse is being ridiculed. Double standards alive and kicking.

Loveinapril

REM76 wrote: »

Same here.

If you don't trust your partner with money, you might want to question why you are with them in the first place

I am with my husband for a million great reasons, none of them being his money or ability to manage it!

We had many a row in the early days on his spending (and still some today) so we now have a system that works for us. Each relationship works differently and it takes effort to find what works for you over time. Things change and that plan also has to change but it needs to be about what works for the couple.

Deep Thought

ted1 wrote: »

We've three kids and am married. She is a stay at home mum , Her only income is the gold benefits that everyone gets.

I cover everything mortgage , bills , clothes , holidays , etc

same as, but I have a separate a house account that I transfer money into each month and she has the card.

DT

chases0102

All this was great, and at times entertaining! Thanks to all contributors.

As an update, we've decided to go ahead with it - between general rent, utilities, expenses (including meals or things to do together), I'm left with roughly 25% of my net income for myself. Is that good, bad, ambitious?!?!

Stheno

That's not bad to be honest