I got colleagues suspended for rating women in the office

Goya

The Backwards Man wrote: »

Yeah, not the first time I've heard that one, plenty of work out there for those that want it, always was, always will be.

Nah there wasn't always.

Anyhoo, do people outside of the east end of London really use the term "grass"?

Ted111

It might be that you went the official route too fast. As in straight away.

A first step might have been a non confrontational chat with one or two of the lads by themselves. Just say you feel very uncomfortable when they talk filth. Would really appreciate it if they knocked that on the head when you're around. You might be surprised at result..

If not then a chat with a more senior person, maybe a woman, who might intervene on your behalf and deal with them 'off the books'. An unofficial but more concrete warning to reign it in. With a slight hint of we don't want this to goto hr now do we.

Once an official report is made the firm have to cover their ass and act as you have said. That doesn't necessarily mean they now like or trust you.

Well it's all just a learning curve. You can only make your best judgement in any given point in your life.

Conor Bourke

Flimpson wrote: »

Nah there wasn't always.

Anyhoo, do people outside of the east end of London really use the term "grass"?

For some strange reason it always amuses me to hear someone say "ye rah'" in a thick Dub accent. Dunno why.

Don't Chute!

Anon.lady001 wrote: »

I want to find out people's opinions on this.. maybe some advice as well. I'm in a horrible position in work because I stood up to men who were belittling and treating my female colleagues like pieces of meat. But now people aren't speaking to me and I feel that I am being bullied.

I work in a large company and there are over 50 people working on my floor, all in close proximity to each other. There is a great mix of people and the banter was fun and harmless, for the most part. But on quite a few occasions, it became inappropriate and I made people aware about how I felt. The men in particular, would be talking about women they had had one-night-stands with the night before and what they had done to them... Not all of these men are single...

The last straw happened a few days ago. Two of the guys close to me were talking within earshot of me and I could clearly hear them rating women in the office. I clearly heard them say the following; "she is delicious", "I'd tap that", and "her tits are unreal". I also heard them make very cruel remarks about female colleagues whom they didn't find attractive. The tone of their 'conversation' was disgusting. It was so cruel and mercenary, and I wasn't going to let them get away with it. So I decided to do something about it. I went to the floor manager who escalated the problem to the senior manager. I was called into the office and asked to give a full report and transcript of what I believe they said. They then had interviews with the two men in question and both were suspended.

I thought I'd done the right thing but since this happened, I feel like most people in the office have turned against me and I feel like I'm being bullied. When I walk into a room, people blank me and walk out. I am being isolated. It's not just the men who are doing this, many of my female colleagues are not talking to me either. I can't believe this. I'm being bullied because I stood up for women who were being spoken about like they were pieces of meat. Some of you might say that I shouldn't have done it in the first place but I know that I would do it again, if it ever happened again. I'm wondering, was it wrong of me to stand up for these women?

You say "the men in particular" which suggests that some of the women are at it too. I can only assume you reported them too? Or is it only men that offend you?

paralysed

It's harder for them to blank you if you say their name instead of the word hi. That's what I do.

At least these guys are getting laid. Where I work, I've been turned by women who work in the same office. There's four women in that office and I can only imagine the gossip between them. If our company actually had socials after work, it'd be easy for me to make a move!

RayM

Ted111 wrote: »

It might be that you went the official route too fast. As in straight away.

A first step might have been a non confrontational chat with one or two of the lads by themselves. Just say you feel very uncomfortable when they talk filth. Would really appreciate it if they knocked that on the head when you're around. You might be surprised at result..

Read their second paragraph...

Anon.lady001 wrote: »

I work in a large company and there are over 50 people working on my floor, all in close proximity to each other. There is a great mix of people and the banter was fun and harmless, for the most part. But on quite a few occasions, it became inappropriate and I made people aware about how I felt. The men in particular, would be talking about women they had had one-night-stands with the night before and what they had done to them... Not all of these men are single...

cantdecide

Was the OP wrong? No, of course not. No one should have to deal with that rubbish when it goes too far.

Would I have gone official with this? Not unless I was subject of the banter. I'd have either made anonymous representations to management or dealt with it myself based on the fact that what the dopes were doing was indefensible. Generally speaking, making these things official is a last resort, not first.

What's happened now is that the OP has solved one problem and created another and it didn't have to be that way- there were other options to explore first.

Barry Badrinath

paralysed wrote: »

At least these guys are getting laid. Where I work, I've been turned by women who work in the same office. There's four women in that office and I can only imagine the gossip between them. If our company actually had socials after work, it'd be easy for me to make a move!

Gway outta that.

An aul one hit on you while you were out with your ma and you couldnt read the obvious signs that she wanted to bang ye.

She even said you were good looking and fired compliments at ye.

You ran away and started a thread about it.

AnGaelach

cantdecide wrote: »

Was the OP wrong? No, of course not. No one should have to deal with that rubbish when it goes too far.

Would I have gone official with this? Not unless I was subject of the banter. I'd have either made anonymous representations to management or dealt with it myself based on the fact that what the dopes were doing was indefensible.

It wasn't even about her, she overheard just a conversation.

Kal El

Anon.lady001 wrote: »

I want to find out people's opinions on this.. maybe some advice as well. I'm in a horrible position in work because I stood up to men who were belittling and treating my female colleagues like pieces of meat. But now people aren't speaking to me and I feel that I am being bullied.

I work in a large company and there are over 50 people working on my floor, all in close proximity to each other. There is a great mix of people and the banter was fun and harmless, for the most part. But on quite a few occasions, it became inappropriate and I made people aware about how I felt. The men in particular, would be talking about women they had had one-night-stands with the night before and what they had done to them... Not all of these men are single...

The last straw happened a few days ago. Two of the guys close to me were talking within earshot of me and I could clearly hear them rating women in the office. I clearly heard them say the following; "she is delicious", "I'd tap that", and "her tits are unreal". I also heard them make very cruel remarks about female colleagues whom they didn't find attractive. The tone of their 'conversation' was disgusting. It was so cruel and mercenary, and I wasn't going to let them get away with it. So I decided to do something about it. I went to the floor manager who escalated the problem to the senior manager. I was called into the office and asked to give a full report and transcript of what I believe they said. They then had interviews with the two men in question and both were suspended.

I thought I'd done the right thing but since this happened, I feel like most people in the office have turned against me and I feel like I'm being bullied. When I walk into a room, people blank me and walk out. I am being isolated. It's not just the men who are doing this, many of my female colleagues are not talking to me either. I can't believe this. I'm being bullied because I stood up for women who were being spoken about like they were pieces of meat. Some of you might say that I shouldn't have done it in the first place but I know that I would do it again, if it ever happened again. I'm wondering, was it wrong of me to stand up for these women?

I think youve over reacted and Id treat you in the same way tbh. I know men and women who do this all the time. Maybe get some chill

allthedoyles

Once you committed to writing a report and a transcript of everything they said this was your downfall.

You should have started this thread before that or at least looked for advice somewhere before doing this .

You will have to live with what you done now , but it is not going to make you a better person for it .

Kal El

Whispered wrote: »

I remember on holiday in Spain a few years back. Having breakfast in the hotel bar when a stag party came in. They were discussing the night before and the women they had picked up and talking, in very graphic detail, about what they had done. They were rating the women too, talking about sympathy shags for the ugly ones. One going on about how he wanted the brunette but the blonde "did the job". Even in a pub environment with men I didn't know I felt uncomfortable. So I can only imagine it must be very hard to work in a similar environment.

I dunno if I would have gone to management. I probably wouldn't have the guts. What I will say though is if you have any way of getting out of there, do. Life is too short to be in a job that makes you miserable.

Really you felt uncomfortable with that in a pub. Christ what has the world come to

r93kaey5p2izun

I think it's a complex situation to take sides on. On the one hand I think that such conversations are completely inappropriate in a work environment. I don't buy the "it was a private conversation" whinging - if it could be overheard easily then tough luck - it should be appropriate to work. I think it's disgusting that anyone should have to go into work and be subjected to being rated sexually or on looks. I don't understand how anyone can defend that as acceptable. So in that regard I think you were in the right to report the men, having already made it clear to the individuals that you were unhappy with the comments.

On the other hand I value trust and loyalty among colleagues and feel that reporting someone to management is a very serious step. It's not one I would have taken in this situation - because I can handle the offensive comnents personally, because I think a huge number of people (possibly a majority) view these kind of comments as harmless and funny, even in a work environment and because I think it would lead most people to view me as not trustworthy. I think I would be wary of someone who reported colleagues over a conversation tbh, even if I agreed with their assessment of the conversation as inappropriate and disgusting.

Mr McBoatface

RayM wrote: »

Read their second paragraph...

Who where the people he spoke to, the offending people or other snowflakes ?

Why not have a general discussion with a senior if his concerns where being ignored , a general warning to all staff could have been issued by management.

And who do the OP think he is to be saving the poor unfortunate ladies he works with from the bad men.... did he think they couldn't defend themselves?

Ted111

RayM wrote: »

Read their second paragraph...

I read all the paragraphs Ray.

Which is why I picked up from her tone and content that she made them known in a way that wasn't seeking resolution and good staff relations.
I doubt the lads that lost their jobs thought she was going running to the boss to report them.

There is a certain fealty and honor you expect in people. You shouldn't be a door mat but you shouldn't run to mammy and daddy and rat people out either.

Edups

Just grab them wimmins by the pussy OP. That'll learn em fairly lively

tomwaterford

Mr McBoatface wrote: »

Who where the people he spoke to, the offending people or other snowflakes ?

Why not have a general discussion with a senior if his concerns where being ignored , a general warning to all staff could have been issued by management.

And who do the OP think he is to be saving the poor unfortunate ladies he works with from the bad men.... did he think they couldn't defend themselves?

Pretty sure the op is a women?


I'm guessing the main issue here is them cutting the back off a colleague they don't find attractive?

jimd2

Hey OP, I am not sure if this is genuine but lets assume it is.

You showed a high level of naivety dealing with this the way you did. Of course, report if you feel that strongly but a well structured and detailed anonomous complaint to management would have been a far better course of action.

If I were you and it was possible and the facts are as you gave them then I would be looking quite actively for a new job.

Fleawuss

An overheard conversation is reported but as one poster said in an open plan environment it can be difficult not to overhear and so called private conversation might not be meant to be such. A professional workplace has to manage relationships of staff so that they function effectively together. Comments such as you overheard undermine that professional efficiency; therefore you acted correctly. Rather than hang your head in shame or accept silly moral plaudits recognize that you have stepped into a management mindset. Drive on.

Finally, anyone who has heard groups of young women discussing men will have heard very similar comments of a very basic nature.

Mr McBoatface

tomwaterford wrote: »

Pretty sure the op is a women?

I know I'm just trying to offend her

tomwaterford

Mr McBoatface wrote: »

I know I'm just trying to offend her

Why like?

Capt'n Midnight

Anon.lady001 wrote: »

I'm in a horrible position in work because I stood up to men who were belittling and treating my female colleagues like pieces of meat.

That's how facebook got started. They hacked into student databases and stole the pictures to setup a website to rate women, but it was actually to steal passwords.

That should tell you all you need to know about the ethics of the people making money out of Facebook

pablo128

Suspended eh? And it's uncomfortable working there now?

Well it's gonna be a barrel of laughs when the 2 boys land back in after their suspension.

Mr McBoatface

tomwaterford wrote: »

Why like?

To see if she'll grass on me

RayM

Mr McBoatface wrote: »

Who where the people he spoke to, the offending people or other snowflakes ?

I could be wrong, but I would imagine when said she "made people aware about how she felt" she was referring to the offending people. If they carried on making sexually demeaning comments in the workplace, knowing that it was upsetting a colleague, well then they only have themselves to blame.

tomwaterford

Mr McBoatface wrote: »

To see if she'll grass on me

Again....why like??


How ll you know if it's her or not.what reports a post??

Richard Hillman

Whenever you need a moral compass just put Ireland's Greatest Rose Maureen O'Hara and Ireland's Greatest Snowflake Louise O'Neill side by side.

What would Maureen O Hara had have done?
What would Louise O'Neill had have done?

I don't think Maureen O'Hara would have cried to management. In fact, it would have been the men crying to management.

Be more like Maureen O'Hara.

Armchair Andy

pablo128 wrote:

Well it's gonna be a barrel of laughs when the 2 boys land back in after their suspension.

If they come back.

wakka12

You did the right hing OP and sound like a good person. Unfortunately, Id say a lot of the staff on same level as you(as in not managers etc) feel you're not 'on their side' anymore and will report them for the littlest things if theyre not careful around you. Probably not true but thats how a lot of them probably feel

wakka12

Why couldn't this have been an anonymous complaint btw OP? would have saved you a lot of hassle

livedadream

you did the right thing, sometimes that not always the popular thing.

I don't believe this story tbh.

neonsofa

You didn't get them suspended, their rating of women got them suspended.

If they didn't want it getting to management they could have at the very least been discreet about it.

scamalert

unless two guys were shouting that all office would hear them,op should of stayed shut.Its none of your business if they talk whatever rubbish they want,unless it was personal insult i could see someone making straight come back at such point,but otherwise this feminism bull crap and ratting on people is $hitty thing to do,no wonder everyone is giving cold shoulder-since who knows, what will you hear next and go reporting back :cool:
If it was an issue in general id imagine few complaints would be made,but given that you took it upon yourself,and got two people suspended who work in same place,indicates otherwise.

Mr McBoatface

tomwaterford wrote: »

Again....why like??


How ll you know if it's her or not.what reports a post??

Chill out Tom.... don't rat me out

AnGaelach

tomwaterford wrote: »

Again....why like??


How ll you know if it's her or not.what reports a post??

If you don't have double agents inside the moderator community feeding you information, I feel sorry for you. You don't stand a chance.

freshpopcorn

I don't think theirs any point of lying to you OP. People are going to be very careful about what they say around you in the office now and when somebody comes to work in the office they'll be warned to be carful what they say around you.

batistuta9

Is people not taking to you, bullying now?

Anon.lady001

OP here. I stand by my actions and I know that I did the right thing. They had no right to speak about the women the way they did, it was so malicious, what they said about the women whom they didn't find attractive. A lot of you are talking about loyalty... well, where was their loyalty to these women? They showed their true colours and what they really thought about them. And some of you are wondering...I am a woman.

Bongalongherb

Senor Fancy Pants wrote: »

If everyone got fired for talking shyte, no one would have a job.

A lot of bull**** conversations can be tagged with words ending in "ism", "ist" or be controversial or inappropriate.

What did they officially get suspended for? What part of the companys policy?

You got people suspended for talking bullsh1t....(if this is true) No wonder no one wants to talk to you.

Smell of cheese of ya, ye rat.

OP you done the right thing even though it is tough to deal with in work now, but you were perfectly right to complain about this.

The poster above with his/her childish idiotic comment should receive a slap around the head some day.

lawred2

Anon.lady001 wrote: »

I want to find out people's opinions on this.. maybe some advice as well. I'm in a horrible position in work because I stood up to men who were belittling and treating my female colleagues like pieces of meat. But now people aren't speaking to me and I feel that I am being bullied.

I work in a large company and there are over 50 people working on my floor, all in close proximity to each other. There is a great mix of people and the banter was fun and harmless, for the most part. But on quite a few occasions, it became inappropriate and I made people aware about how I felt. The men in particular, would be talking about women they had had one-night-stands with the night before and what they had done to them... Not all of these men are single...

The last straw happened a few days ago. Two of the guys close to me were talking within earshot of me and I could clearly hear them rating women in the office. I clearly heard them say the following; "she is delicious", "I'd tap that", and "her tits are unreal". I also heard them make very cruel remarks about female colleagues whom they didn't find attractive. The tone of their 'conversation' was disgusting. It was so cruel and mercenary, and I wasn't going to let them get away with it. So I decided to do something about it. I went to the floor manager who escalated the problem to the senior manager. I was called into the office and asked to give a full report and transcript of what I believe they said. They then had interviews with the two men in question and both were suspended.

I thought I'd done the right thing but since this happened, I feel like most people in the office have turned against me and I feel like I'm being bullied. When I walk into a room, people blank me and walk out. I am being isolated. It's not just the men who are doing this, many of my female colleagues are not talking to me either. I can't believe this. I'm being bullied because I stood up for women who were being spoken about like they were pieces of meat. Some of you might say that I shouldn't have done it in the first place but I know that I would do it again, if it ever happened again. I'm wondering, was it wrong of me to stand up for these women?

Why didn't you tell them to shut up there and then? That would have been entirely appropriate and proportionate.

You went and did the equivalent of telling the teacher but in this case there are people's livelihood's on the line.

You overstepped the mark in my opinion. While what was being said was hardly savoury who elected you to be Joan of Ark for the ladies in the office?

AnGaelach

Anon.lady001 wrote: »

OP here. I stand by my actions and I know that I did the right thing. They had no right to speak about the women the way they did, it was so malicious, what they said about the women whom they didn't find attractive. A lot of you are talking about loyalty... well, where was their loyalty to these women? They showed their true colours and what they really thought about them. And some of you are wondering...I am a woman.

Was getting caught part of your plan?

cantdecide

Anon.lady001 wrote: »

OP here. I stand by my actions and I know that I did the right thing.

Why ask us so?

wakka12

scamalert wrote: »

unless two guys were shouting that all office would hear them,op should of stayed shut.Its none of your business if they talk whatever rubbish they want,unless it was personal insult i could see someone making straight come back at such point,but otherwise this feminism bull crap and ratting on people is $hitty thing to do,no wonder everyone is giving cold shoulder-since who knows who what will you hear next and go reporting back :cool:

She said they were saying these things within ear shot of other people in the office, saying malicious things. They clearly have no respect for the other women in the office if they didnt even care enough to keep their voice down while doing so, they deserved what they got and Im glad they'll have a tarnished recommendation forever more when they apply for any future jobs

Mr McBoatface

Anon.lady001 wrote: »

And some of you are wondering...I am a woman.

Any chance of some photos so the lads can rate you ?

freshpopcorn

Anon.lady001 wrote: »

OP here. I stand by my actions and I know that I did the right thing. They had no right to speak about the women the way they did, it was so malicious, what they said about the women whom they didn't find attractive. A lot of you are talking about loyalty... well, where was their loyalty to these women? They showed their true colours and what they really thought about them. And some of you are wondering...I am a woman.

Would you have done the same thing if two women were talking about men in the same way?

zetalambda

You shouldn't have got involved unless it was you they were talking about.
I reckon your days there are numbered...

Bongalongherb

freshpopcorn wrote: »

Would you have done the same thing if two women were talking men in the same way?

That's not the point. That carry on in the work-place is no longer tolerated, you can't even do your job these days without having to listen to abuse from a few idiots. I'm a male and I can tell you now that if it was me there I would have done the same thing reporting them two, and they would also get a few words in their ears as well personally, they wouldn't say it again.

Ulysses Gaze

Anon.lady001 wrote: »

I want to find out people's opinions on this.. maybe some advice as well. I'm in a horrible position in work because I stood up to men who were belittling and treating my female colleagues like pieces of meat. But now people aren't speaking to me and I feel that I am being bullied.

I work in a large company and there are over 50 people working on my floor, all in close proximity to each other. There is a great mix of people and the banter was fun and harmless, for the most part. But on quite a few occasions, it became inappropriate and I made people aware about how I felt. The men in particular, would be talking about women they had had one-night-stands with the night before and what they had done to them... Not all of these men are single...

The last straw happened a few days ago. Two of the guys close to me were talking within earshot of me and I could clearly hear them rating women in the office. I clearly heard them say the following; "she is delicious", "I'd tap that", and "her tits are unreal". I also heard them make very cruel remarks about female colleagues whom they didn't find attractive. The tone of their 'conversation' was disgusting. It was so cruel and mercenary, and I wasn't going to let them get away with it. So I decided to do something about it. I went to the floor manager who escalated the problem to the senior manager. I was called into the office and asked to give a full report and transcript of what I believe they said. They then had interviews with the two men in question and both were suspended.

I thought I'd done the right thing but since this happened, I feel like most people in the office have turned against me and I feel like I'm being bullied. When I walk into a room, people blank me and walk out. I am being isolated. It's not just the men who are doing this, many of my female colleagues are not talking to me either. I can't believe this. I'm being bullied because I stood up for women who were being spoken about like they were pieces of meat. Some of you might say that I shouldn't have done it in the first place but I know that I would do it again, if it ever happened again. I'm wondering, was it wrong of me to stand up for these women?

You probably should have either a) gone over to the two lads there and then and made it clear in no uncertain terms that if you caught them saying that kind of crap again you were going to report it or b) taken them aside either individually or together and said the same thing.

Unfortunately, you are now persona non-grata in the company.

Either tough it out or start looking for a new job.

mikeym

Those Two men will be very angry when they get back to work.

Thread carefully OP or they will rat you out.