I got colleagues suspended for rating women in the office

lawred2

Anon.lady001 wrote: »

I want to find out people's opinions on this.. maybe some advice as well. I'm in a horrible position in work because I stood up to men who were belittling and treating my female colleagues like pieces of meat. But now people aren't speaking to me and I feel that I am being bullied.

I work in a large company and there are over 50 people working on my floor, all in close proximity to each other. There is a great mix of people and the banter was fun and harmless, for the most part. But on quite a few occasions, it became inappropriate and I made people aware about how I felt. The men in particular, would be talking about women they had had one-night-stands with the night before and what they had done to them... Not all of these men are single...

The last straw happened a few days ago. Two of the guys close to me were talking within earshot of me and I could clearly hear them rating women in the office. I clearly heard them say the following; "she is delicious", "I'd tap that", and "her tits are unreal". I also heard them make very cruel remarks about female colleagues whom they didn't find attractive. The tone of their 'conversation' was disgusting. It was so cruel and mercenary, and I wasn't going to let them get away with it. So I decided to do something about it. I went to the floor manager who escalated the problem to the senior manager. I was called into the office and asked to give a full report and transcript of what I believe they said. They then had interviews with the two men in question and both were suspended.

I thought I'd done the right thing but since this happened, I feel like most people in the office have turned against me and I feel like I'm being bullied. When I walk into a room, people blank me and walk out. I am being isolated. It's not just the men who are doing this, many of my female colleagues are not talking to me either. I can't believe this. I'm being bullied because I stood up for women who were being spoken about like they were pieces of meat. Some of you might say that I shouldn't have done it in the first place but I know that I would do it again, if it ever happened again. I'm wondering, was it wrong of me to stand up for these women?

Why didn't you tell them to shut up there and then? That would have been entirely appropriate and proportionate.

You went and did the equivalent of telling the teacher but in this case there are people's livelihood's on the line.

You overstepped the mark in my opinion. While what was being said was hardly savoury who elected you to be Joan of Ark for the ladies in the office?

AnGaelach

Anon.lady001 wrote: »

OP here. I stand by my actions and I know that I did the right thing. They had no right to speak about the women the way they did, it was so malicious, what they said about the women whom they didn't find attractive. A lot of you are talking about loyalty... well, where was their loyalty to these women? They showed their true colours and what they really thought about them. And some of you are wondering...I am a woman.

Was getting caught part of your plan?

cantdecide

Anon.lady001 wrote: »

OP here. I stand by my actions and I know that I did the right thing.

Why ask us so?

wakka12

scamalert wrote: »

unless two guys were shouting that all office would hear them,op should of stayed shut.Its none of your business if they talk whatever rubbish they want,unless it was personal insult i could see someone making straight come back at such point,but otherwise this feminism bull crap and ratting on people is $hitty thing to do,no wonder everyone is giving cold shoulder-since who knows who what will you hear next and go reporting back :cool:

She said they were saying these things within ear shot of other people in the office, saying malicious things. They clearly have no respect for the other women in the office if they didnt even care enough to keep their voice down while doing so, they deserved what they got and Im glad they'll have a tarnished recommendation forever more when they apply for any future jobs

Mr McBoatface

Anon.lady001 wrote: »

And some of you are wondering...I am a woman.

Any chance of some photos so the lads can rate you ?

freshpopcorn

Anon.lady001 wrote: »

OP here. I stand by my actions and I know that I did the right thing. They had no right to speak about the women the way they did, it was so malicious, what they said about the women whom they didn't find attractive. A lot of you are talking about loyalty... well, where was their loyalty to these women? They showed their true colours and what they really thought about them. And some of you are wondering...I am a woman.

Would you have done the same thing if two women were talking about men in the same way?

zetalambda

You shouldn't have got involved unless it was you they were talking about.
I reckon your days there are numbered...

Bongalongherb

freshpopcorn wrote: »

Would you have done the same thing if two women were talking men in the same way?

That's not the point. That carry on in the work-place is no longer tolerated, you can't even do your job these days without having to listen to abuse from a few idiots. I'm a male and I can tell you now that if it was me there I would have done the same thing reporting them two, and they would also get a few words in their ears as well personally, they wouldn't say it again.

Ulysses Gaze

Anon.lady001 wrote: »

I want to find out people's opinions on this.. maybe some advice as well. I'm in a horrible position in work because I stood up to men who were belittling and treating my female colleagues like pieces of meat. But now people aren't speaking to me and I feel that I am being bullied.

I work in a large company and there are over 50 people working on my floor, all in close proximity to each other. There is a great mix of people and the banter was fun and harmless, for the most part. But on quite a few occasions, it became inappropriate and I made people aware about how I felt. The men in particular, would be talking about women they had had one-night-stands with the night before and what they had done to them... Not all of these men are single...

The last straw happened a few days ago. Two of the guys close to me were talking within earshot of me and I could clearly hear them rating women in the office. I clearly heard them say the following; "she is delicious", "I'd tap that", and "her tits are unreal". I also heard them make very cruel remarks about female colleagues whom they didn't find attractive. The tone of their 'conversation' was disgusting. It was so cruel and mercenary, and I wasn't going to let them get away with it. So I decided to do something about it. I went to the floor manager who escalated the problem to the senior manager. I was called into the office and asked to give a full report and transcript of what I believe they said. They then had interviews with the two men in question and both were suspended.

I thought I'd done the right thing but since this happened, I feel like most people in the office have turned against me and I feel like I'm being bullied. When I walk into a room, people blank me and walk out. I am being isolated. It's not just the men who are doing this, many of my female colleagues are not talking to me either. I can't believe this. I'm being bullied because I stood up for women who were being spoken about like they were pieces of meat. Some of you might say that I shouldn't have done it in the first place but I know that I would do it again, if it ever happened again. I'm wondering, was it wrong of me to stand up for these women?

You probably should have either a) gone over to the two lads there and then and made it clear in no uncertain terms that if you caught them saying that kind of crap again you were going to report it or b) taken them aside either individually or together and said the same thing.

Unfortunately, you are now persona non-grata in the company.

Either tough it out or start looking for a new job.

mikeym

Those Two men will be very angry when they get back to work.

Thread carefully OP or they will rat you out.

cantdecide

Thread needs a poll.

GreenFolder2

It'll blow over.
Sounds like there's just a bullying atmosphere in the organisation in the first place.

Hold your head high and just ignore them. You've done everyone a favour.

RayM

mikeym wrote: »

Those Two men will be very angry when they get back to work.

Thread carefully OP or they will rat you out.

Maybe they'll just be embarrassed that their behaviour got them suspended from work.

Mr Joe

It's understandable why everyone in your office hates you. Yes they were stupid but running off like a busybody getting them suspended or even fired? You are not the morality police. And now you claim you are being bullied to top it all off because people stare and wont speak to you LOL

People like you make offices poisonous. You say you know you did the right thing, then why are you on here asking about it? You are now in a ****ty situation entirely of your own accord.

TheNog

Anon.lady001 wrote: »

OP here. I stand by my actions and I know that I did the right thing. They had no right to speak about the women the way they did, it was so malicious, what they said about the women whom they didn't find attractive. A lot of you are talking about loyalty... well, where was their loyalty to these women? They showed their true colours and what they really thought about them. And some of you are wondering...I am a woman.

OP you did the right thing here and took a lot of bravery. I wouldn't be minding the posts about "keep your nose outta it", "private conversation", "rat/grass" or "Joan of Ark" bull. IMO all posted by gormless idiots.

Fair play to you and pity there isn't more like you

One more thing: it wasn't you who got them suspended. They got themselves suspended. Also management either believed your side of the story or verified your account by another witness and acted upon it

lawlolawl

batistuta9 wrote: »

Is people not taking to you, bullying now?

Everything is bullying now.

Won't last a whole lot longer though. A certain fake tanned savior has come to change the world for the better

zetalambda

cantdecide wrote: »

Thread needs a poll.

https://us.v-cdn.net/6034073/uploads/attachments/687606/401487.png

freshpopcorn

Bongalongherb wrote: »

That's not the point. That carry on in the work-place is no longer tolerated, you can't even do your job these days without having to listen to abuse from a few idiots. I'm a male and I can tell you now that if it was me there I would have done the same thing reporting them two, and they would also get a few words in their ears as well personally, they wouldn't say it again.

Going by the reaction the OP has got it's tolerated in her work place by the male and female staff. She's the one who's people don't want anything to do with now and it will continue. When somebody new joines the company. Somebody will pull them to the side and warn them to becareful around her and not to trust her. If she's ever in a bit of bother now in the work place I can't see her colleagues sticking up for now. Which is an important thing in my opinion.

Clampdown

If men want to talk like that they should at least have the cop on to not do it in the office and not do it anywhere women can hear it.

Saying 'her tits are unreal', that's one thing, fairly harmless but going into detail about sex acts or what you would like to do to a colleague, and making insults about other colleagues appearances would obviously make some women feel uncomfortable. And some men, too, who might feel they are expected to join in and don't want to.

I'll admit that I've had these types of immature and crass conversations with mates after a few beers when I was younger, but the locker room talk, if you have to do it, should be kept in the locker room. Not a literal locker room, but just not where women are forced to hear it. If there are no women around and you want to act like gross little boys then knock yourself out. To do it in the workplace where female colleagues can hear it - only a disgusting pig would do that.

lawlolawl

freshpopcorn wrote: »

Going by the reaction the OP has got it's tolerated in her work place by the male and female staff.

Yeah, normal people tend to act like normal people.

The perpetually offended are rightfully shunned.

Bongalongherb

freshpopcorn wrote: »

Going by the reaction the OP has got it's tolerated in her work place by the male and female staff. She's the one who's people don't want anything to do with now and it will continue. When somebody new joines the company. Somebody will pull them to the side and warn them to becareful around her and not to trust her. If she's ever in a bit of bother now in the work place I can't see her colleagues sticking up for now. Which is an important thing in my opinion.

I think the OP is a lot tougher than that, I'm sure she can continue to fulfil her work obligations and just ignore the idiots that have a problem with this. I'm also sure that there are others in there that are happy she done what she did. It will keep the rest of the fools in check in future not to carry on like the other two suspended fools.

Gbear

There's a difference between being generally crass and specifically demeaning to people within the office.

There can be different levels of acceptability in terms of professionalism and light-heartedness in offices. That's a matter of taste and while higher-ups might have a problem with it, particularly if it surfaces when dealing with people from outside the company and especially customers, who mightn't have the vernacular your office has developed and don't understand that it's harmless, you've no real case to get bent out of shape about it.

Talking ****e about people is another matter. At the very least you should be expected to show a bit of discretion and not get caught doing it.
In private settings where you're happy you won't get caught anything goes and everyone partakes in that kind of thing, but doing it clear as day in the middle of an office requires a serious level of being a wanker to absolutely justify taking action.

Maybe you should've gone to them first OP - sometimes these things can snowball a bit where it starts off mild enough and people lose the run of themselves and don't stop to think how they're behaving.
That'd be nitpicking though. People should have the cop-on to not behave like that and if it goes tits up they only have themselves to blame.
That you're getting all the ****e now and there doesn't seem to be much in the way of contrition would suggest they haven't learned a thing, they're more concerned with that they got caught than that they behaved in a way that disgraced themselves and would suggest strongly that they're massive, gaping arseholes.

freedominacup

lawlolawl wrote: »

You suck OP.

This what all men do and you tattled like a child because it offended your delicate sensibilities. Congrats on making the world a more dishonest place where people aren't allowed to actual be who they are.

It's something boys do. I don't know many men who indulge in this sort of idiocy.

wakka12

I don't know how people are attacking op over this. Can you not try to imagine what it would be like hearing a group of jack asses rating you by the water fountain or calling you an ugly tramp? (I'm sure they said worse things too)
I couldn't imagine a more sickening, intimidating and uncomfortable environment to work in, or people to work with
Its just so so inappropriate at work, this is an adult environment not the junior cert
Though I don't know whether Id agree that the OP did the best thing in this situation due to the fall out that it resulted in, as expected. She is 100% morally right though

BailMeOut

Op the only thing you did wrong was posting in this forum. Posting your issue in one of the 'Work & Jobs' forums would yield better and more constructive responses.


...and well done and fair played to you for standing up for yourself and your female work colleagues.

Mr Joe

lawlolawl wrote: »

Everything is bullying now.

Won't last a whole lot longer though. A certain fake tanned savior has come to change the world for the better

It's certainly hilarious.Tries to get 2 people fired over nothing, then when people stare and refuse to speak she wonders why and says shes getting bullied, and now plays the victim.

What she should have done was

A) Stop eavesdropping or roll your eyes and ignore their **** talk

Call them out on it and tell them to cop on and grow up


Instead she chose the worst option possible, now her work has become a toxic environment.

osmiumartist

If I was the employer I'd be more worried about employees talking ****e to each other when they are supposed to be working. There's no harassment of any sort here as it was a private conversation.

Gbear

On the "it wasn't your business OP" thing.
If they're talking guff about everyone else in the office, one could probably assume that she's getting the same treatment when she's out of earshot.

Didas

OP you should really have sussed out the opinions of your colleagues on these lads behaviour before you went off on a crusade of morality. From what you say of the culture in your office and the reactions of your colleagues to your report there was no need for you to report these comments.

Ten of Swords

Unless those men hung themselves in their interviews with management/HR there is absolutely no way 2 people were suspended on the say-so of one person, did someone else back you up? I don't believe your story at all op.

By the way, anyone who does this to their colleagues is most assuredly marked by management too and can forget about any forward advancement.

Welcome to the real world :eek: