I got colleagues suspended for rating women in the office

Deub

mansize wrote: »

The OP did address her complaint to them initially if you read it

I read it but we don't know what she said and how she said it.

Renegade Mechanic

anewme wrote: »

Would not be tolerated where I am and I work in a male dominated industry - we had a guy who was watching porn on his computer, someone reported him to IT, he was watching porn while the rest of us had to work.

He was immediately dismissed

Yeah, but I'd expect that because he was completely wasting work time. Wether it was porn or Done Deal would be irrelevant.

mansize

Deub wrote: »

I read it but we don't know what she said and how she said it.

So you are blaming the OP now???

anewme

Renegade Mechanic wrote: »

Yeah, but I'd expect that because he was completely wasting work time. Wether it was porn or Done Deal would be irrelevant.

If it was done deal, he probably would have got a talking to and a second chance (they are very soft) but porn was like OUT!!!!!

mansize

Renegade Mechanic wrote: »

Yeah, but I'd expect that because he was completely wasting work time. Wether it was porn or Done Deal would be irrelevant.

You couldn't just sack someone for generally browsing the internet

lazybones32

Anon.lady001 wrote: »

I want to find out people's opinions on this.. maybe some advice as well. I'm in a horrible position in work because I stood up to men who were belittling and treating my female colleagues like pieces of meat. But now people aren't speaking to me and I feel that I am being bullied.

I work in a large company and there are over 50 people working on my floor, all in close proximity to each other. There is a great mix of people and the banter was fun and harmless, for the most part. But on quite a few occasions, it became inappropriate and I made people aware about how I felt. The men in particular, would be talking about women they had had one-night-stands with the night before and what they had done to them... Not all of these men are single...

The last straw happened a few days ago. Two of the guys close to me were talking within earshot of me and I could clearly hear them rating women in the office. I clearly heard them say the following; "she is delicious", "I'd tap that", and "her tits are unreal". I also heard them make very cruel remarks about female colleagues whom they didn't find attractive. The tone of their 'conversation' was disgusting. It was so cruel and mercenary, and I wasn't going to let them get away with it. So I decided to do something about it. I went to the floor manager who escalated the problem to the senior manager. I was called into the office and asked to give a full report and transcript of what I believe they said. They then had interviews with the two men in question and both were suspended.

I thought I'd done the right thing but since this happened, I feel like most people in the office have turned against me and I feel like I'm being bullied. When I walk into a room, people blank me and walk out. I am being isolated. It's not just the men who are doing this, many of my female colleagues are not talking to me either. I can't believe this. I'm being bullied because I stood up for women who were being spoken about like they were pieces of meat. Some of you might say that I shouldn't have done it in the first place but I know that I would do it again, if it ever happened again. I'm wondering, was it wrong of me to stand up for these women?

Yeah...I don't believe a word of this. A new account and a workplace issue posted in AH? Given that similar-veined topics have been in the news here lately, I'm less inclined to think this is a genuine thread. This is most likely the work of a troll or someone who is using boards as a test subject to gauge public opinion for an article or research. Maybe that issue has already been resolved but I won't trawl through 20 pages to find out.


Enjoy your Sunday night getting worked up over nothing.

Widdershins

mansize wrote: »

Well now you know

Indeed! Still think it's a shade stasi-ish though.

Deub

mansize wrote: »

So you are blaming the OP now???

Are you offended?

Where did I say this?
We only have one side of the story. You may assume that she said it clearly but I don't.

mansize

Deub wrote: »

Are you offended?

Where did I say this?
We only have one side of the story. You may assume that she said it clearly but I don't.

It's all we have. She said she brought it up with them you are questioning how she brought it up!!!

Anon.lady001

Moderator, can you delete this thread please. I've read all the replies and I get the message. Thank you.

Anon.lady001

Anon.lady001 wrote: »

Moderator, can you delete this thread please. I've read all the replies and I get the message. Thank you.

You did the right thing. Don't let anyone convince you otherwise.

WoolyJumper

As a gay man who isn't always forthcoming about my sexuality when I start a new job I often find myself being dragged into these conversations. Often there innocent enough, things like of "she's good-looking, she hot" but they can often spiral into sometimes overly graphic inappropriate conversations about colleagues and epically female managers. It's just not appreciate for work. What especially gets me is when they start talking about women they don't find attractive, some of the degrading remarks are awful and cutting. When you have these conversations enough, your female colleagues will start to notice...and that makes an uncomfortable work environment.

The OP did the right thing, some of the responses here remind me of secondary school...calling her a rat. You are at work, be professional. In fact you're grown ups, act like it. Show your colleagues a modicum of respect ffs. The thing is I've seen this with work colleagues who were called out on this behaviour. They didn't use it as an opportunity to reflect on how that talk might be disrespectful...instead the woman who called them out on it was f**king B*tch. Saying she was just gagging for it etc etc. Frankly I don't think much about men who talk about women like that full stop but you could at least have the sense to save it for the pub afterwards.

spurious

Candie wrote: »

You did the right thing. Don't let anyone convince you otherwise.

Exactly, though this thread would indicate 'Woman, know your place'.

Candie

Candie wrote: »

A woman is subjected to colleagues making disrespectful 'cruel' comments about some women in work, and sexist and demeaning comments about others, so she does the correct thing and reports them for behaving grossly inappropriately in work - and she's painted as being the one with the problem.

Stay classy, AH.

The "you're not offended I'M OFFENDED!!!" bandwagon is a bit ... yeah

Dear AH,
yesterday I saw some guys killing a woman so I reported it to the guards. It was pretty traumatic"

Would you have reported it if it was a woman killing a man? I don't think so! CHECKMATE, ATHEISTS

bluewolf

bluewolf wrote: »

The "you're not offended I'M OFFENDED!!!" bandwagon is a bit ... yeah

You're triggered!

The all-new lazy word for people who don't want to validate another persons experience.

Rainman16

You are whats known as a "Feminazi"

Rainman16

Rainman16 wrote: »

You are whats known as a "Feminazi"

You are what's known as "wrong".

Deub

mansize wrote: »

It's all we have. She said she brought it up with them you are questioning how she brought it up!!!

I do. The OP has to question herself: how to avoid to be in the same situation the next time it happened. Definitely the way she gave them the feedback didn't work and reporting it to the mangement didn't work for her.

Skommando

bluewolf wrote: »

The "you're not offended I'M OFFENDED!!!" bandwagon is a bit ... yeah

Dear AH,
yesterday I saw some guys killing a woman so I reported it to the guards. It was pretty traumatic"

Would you have reported it if it was a woman killing a man? I don't think so! CHECKMATE, ATHEISTS

She was right to report it, as would be any man who caught women in the office doing something similar. I don't see what religion has to do with it.

aaronjumper

Skommando wrote: »

She was right to report it, as would be any man who caught women in the office doing something similar. I don't see what religion has to do with it.

I'm pretty sure the last line is just a joke.

However I've been wrong before. :eek:

Dr Jakub

bluewolf wrote: »

The "you're not offended I'M OFFENDED!!!" bandwagon is a bit ... yeah

Dear AH,
yesterday I saw some guys killing a woman so I reported it to the guards. It was pretty traumatic"

Would you have reported it if it was a woman killing a man? I don't think so! CHECKMATE, ATHEISTS

But what if the men were Muslims?

aaronjumper

aaronjumper wrote: »

I'm pretty sure the last line is just a joke.

However I've been wrong before. :eek:

Yeah just a meme

Anon.lady001

Moderator, please delete this thread, thank you.

aaronjumper

bluewolf wrote: »

Yeah just a meme

Oh I know I was just messing. I'll let the adults talk now.

Canis Lupus

Anon.lady001 wrote: »

Moderator, please delete this thread, thank you.

If the moderators don't close the thread will you report them to management?

Dr Jakub

Anon.lady001 wrote: »

Moderator, please delete this thread, thank you.

Sorry for offending you. Please don't report me to Boards HR for sexual harassment.

riffmongous

I'd say management will be happy you spared them a sexual harassment suit due to these two idiots because that's what was coming if they are so careless

Skommando

bluewolf wrote: »

Yeah just a meme

maybe the office lads should try that excuse as well . . .

Titzon Toast

How high did they rate you, OP?!

RDM_83 again

Anon.lady001 wrote: »

Moderator, please delete this thread, thank you.

There is a list of moderators on the bottom of the page, here is a copy of it.
ancapailldorcha, Boom_Bap, ken, Nicolas Cage, Peregrine, Samaris, Skylinehead, Tombi!

Send them a PM, I doubt they will delete the thread though unless you've posted something thats personally identifiable.
Don't post anything personally identifiable here if your female and mildly controversial as there was an issue of outing posters here happening on discussion board thats name rhyms with goat.

eldel1

This is not an easy topic for anyone to comprehend. However you did not like what you heard, if it was me and I felt that I wasn't fit to highlight the issue, as it was going on, to the parties concerned, I think there's little reason in making a complaint afterwards(everything is hearsay). I think people need to be pulled on this immediately, reminded of their company policies (if they exist) and if there is a confrontation as a result, it should be escalated to human resources. It however takes bravery and courage which it should not need.

Mr. FoggPatches

Anyway else humming the sexual harassment panda tune while reading this thread?
No?
Just me then.

Anon.lady001

Anon.lady001 wrote: »

Moderator, can you delete this thread please. I've read all the replies and I get the message. Thank you.

Don't mind anyone on here calling you a snitch.
What happened was sexual harassment, and you were dead right to report it.

Deub

Deub wrote: »

I do. The OP has to question herself: how to avoid to be in the same situation the next time it happened. Definitely the way she gave them the feedback didn't work and reporting it to the mangement didn't work for her.

The OP needs to learn how to avoid this situation??
I don't think she does, she clearly did exactly what was needed to avoid the situation, report the men for sexual harassment.
Situation avoided.

Titzon Toast

Titzon Toast wrote: »

How high did they rate you, OP?!

I know how high I'd rate you after that comment.
Couldn't get lower

Kirby

OP has a victim complex. She has used the words "buillied" several times in her post. Nothing they are doing constitutes bullying. Refusing to talk to you socially is not bullying. That is their right. It's not very nice but it is not bullying. If you are ever the victim of actual bullying, you would consider the prospect of the office leaving you alone as a godsend by comparison.

You made a decision. Some people support it, some people dont. Whether it was right or wrong doesnt matter at this point. It wont change the outcome. You made it and now are living with the consequences. If you want people to change their perception of you it will likely take some effort or time. Or you can say screw it, I did the right thing and leave them to it.

maudgonner

Mr. FoggPatches wrote: »

Anyway else humming the sexual harassment panda tune while reading this thread?
No?
Just me then.

Feck ya, I am now!

Kirby

Kirby wrote: »

OP has a victim complex. She has used the words "buillied" several times in her post. Nothing they are doing constitutes bullying. Refusing to talk to you socially is not bullying. That is their right. It's not very nice but it is not bullying. If you are ever the victim of actual bullying, you would consider the prospect of the office leaving you alone as a godsend by comparison.

You made a decision. Some people support it, some people dont. Whether it was right or wrong doesnt matter at this point. It wont change the outcome. You made it and now are living with the consequences. If you want people to change their perception of you it will likely take some effort or time. Or you can say screw it, I did the right thing and leave them to it.

You are wrong.
Bullying in the workplace includes social exclusion, which is exactly what the OP is experiencing.

Canis Lupus

bubblypop wrote: »

You are wrong.
Bullying in the workplace includes social exclusion, which is exactly what the OP is experiencing.

She should report all of them to HR. It's the right thing to do.

Kirby

bubblypop wrote: »

You are wrong.
Bullying in the workplace includes social exclusion, which is exactly what the OP is experiencing.

I am not wrong. "Social exclusion" is such a broad and vague term is almost preposterous. You can use that blanket to include any sort of interaction you aren't happy with.

This is what bullying means fyi. The definition.

Bullying is the use of force, threat, or coercion to abuse, intimidate, or aggressively dominate others

"My co-workers wont talk to me socially" is not using force, its not threatening, and its in no way coercion of any sort. You can't aggresively ignore somebody.

Things not being 100% as you would like them does not mean you are being bullied.

tomwaterford

Canis Lupus wrote: »

She should report all of them to HR. It's the right thing to do.

In fairness HR aren't about to sack/suspend everyone over it??



There's more to it than meets the eye....clearly someone's after reporting them before and being warned
As the likelyhood of being suspended on first bat is low....surly they'd have to receive warnings etc beforehand?


Suspending someone for first offence is a drastic step to take?

tomwaterford

Kirby wrote: »

I am not wrong. "Social exclusion" is such a broad and vague term is almost preposterous. You can use that blanket to include any sort of interaction you aren't happy with.

This is what bullying means fyi. The definition.

Bullying is the use of force, threat, or coercion to abuse, intimidate, or aggressively dominate others

"My co-workers wont talk to me socially" is not using force, its not threatening, and its in no way coercion of any sort. You can't aggresively ignore somebody.

Things not being 100% as you would like them does not mean you are being bullied.

Pretty sure social exclusion/ignoring someone about work related stuff falls under bullying legislation

You can't force people to do small talk....but to ignore and not tell them about work related stuff is againest the law iirc



Though imagine if we could bring in a law to ban small talk -that would be great

maudgonner

tomwaterford wrote: »

Though imagine if we could bring in a law to ban small talk -that would be great

'Shocking cold out there today isn't it?'
'You must not make small talk about the weather at work Gerry!'
'But we work in Met Éireann Jean!'

The Highwayman

Anon.lady001 wrote: »

I want to find out people's opinions on this.. maybe some advice as well. I'm in a horrible position in work because I stood up to men who were belittling and treating my female colleagues like pieces of meat. But now people aren't speaking to me and I feel that I am being bullied.

I work in a large company and there are over 50 people working on my floor, all in close proximity to each other. There is a great mix of people and the banter was fun and harmless, for the most part. But on quite a few occasions, it became inappropriate and I made people aware about how I felt. The men in particular, would be talking about women they had had one-night-stands with the night before and what they had done to them... Not all of these men are single...

The last straw happened a few days ago. Two of the guys close to me were talking within earshot of me and I could clearly hear them rating women in the office. I clearly heard them say the following; "she is delicious", "I'd tap that", and "her tits are unreal". I also heard them make very cruel remarks about female colleagues whom they didn't find attractive. The tone of their 'conversation' was disgusting. It was so cruel and mercenary, and I wasn't going to let them get away with it. So I decided to do something about it. I went to the floor manager who escalated the problem to the senior manager. I was called into the office and asked to give a full report and transcript of what I believe they said. They then had interviews with the two men in question and both were suspended.

I thought I'd done the right thing but since this happened, I feel like most people in the office have turned against me and I feel like I'm being bullied. When I walk into a room, people blank me and walk out. I am being isolated. It's not just the men who are doing this, many of my female colleagues are not talking to me either. I can't believe this. I'm being bullied because I stood up for women who were being spoken about like they were pieces of meat. Some of you might say that I shouldn't have done it in the first place but I know that I would do it again, if it ever happened again. I'm wondering, was it wrong of me to stand up for these women?

Special Snowflake, SJW is upset nobody likes a rat.
It's as simple as that.
You were not standing up for anything other than your percieved sence of importance. You wanted to feel like a hero and have these disgusting men punished. I'm fully convinced a fat angry feminists is behind your reasons, am I right ;-)
Now you are convincing yourself that you are being bullied. Pathetic. I wonder is there some bitterness in the fact they were not talking about you in the same way? Do they not see you as a high value female?
You have made your bed now sleep in it.

The Highwayman

The Highwayman wrote: »

Special Snowflake, SJW is upset nobody likes a rat.
It's as simple as that.
You were not standing up for anything other than your percieved sence of importance. You wanted to feel like a hero and have these disgusting men punished. I'm fully convinced a fat angry feminists is behind your reasons, am I right ;-)
Now you are convincing yourself that you are being bullied. Pathetic. I wonder is there some bitterness in the fact they were not talking about you in the same way? Do they not see you as a high value female?
You have made your bed now sleep in it.

The Highwayman wrote: »

Special Snowflake, SJW is upset nobody likes a rat.
It's as simple as that.
You were not standing up for anything other than your percieved sence of importance. You wanted to feel like a hero and have these disgusting men punished. I'm fully convinced a fat angry feminists is behind your reasons, am I right ;-)
Now you are convincing yourself that you are being bullied. Pathetic. I wonder is there some bitterness in the fact they were not talking about you in the same way? Do they not see you as a high value female?
You have made your bed now sleep in it.

The Highwayman wrote: »

I wonder is there some bitterness...

Oh I'd say so alright...lots. I've highlighted some of it.

FortySeven

I guess it depends where you work. In my lowly positions you would be laughed at by management of you went to them with this.

It's getting to the point of ridiculousness now. I'm afraid preople are going to start exploding around me their skin is so thin.

Deub

bubblypop wrote: »

The OP needs to learn how to avoid this situation??
I don't think she does, she clearly did exactly what was needed to avoid the situation, report the men for sexual harassment.
Situation avoided.

The situation I m talking about is the fact that the other colleagues don't talk to her.
The end result is stopping these men having these type of conversations but with what method.
OP reported it and it doesn't seem the right one as I can't imagine how it would feel to be ignored by everyone.
Apparently you think it is the right one so next times it happens at your job, make sure you follow OP's method and let us know how you get on.

Jawgap

SteM wrote: »

Glib reply aside, you didn't answer my question. How long should this behaviour be allowed to continue before its reported do you think?

That's up to the individual - if it were me I wouldn't have reported it. It was was a private conversation.....what next? But I would have challenged them on it.

If they deserved reporting for having a conversation to which the OP was not a party, wherein they rated women on their physical appearance, what next? Report people because they rate their colleagues on their demeanour or psychological make-up? Report someone because you find out they hold extreme political or religious affiliations?

tomwaterford

Jawgap wrote: »

That's up to the individual - if it were me I wouldn't have reported it. It was was a private conversation.....what next? But I would have challenged them on it.

If they deserved reporting for having a conversation to which the OP was not a party, wherein they rated women on their physical appearance, what next? Report people because they rate their colleagues on their demeanour or psychological make-up? Report someone because you find out they hold extreme political or religious affiliations?

I would've presumed the main issue the op had was the negative comments on Co workers appearance in a work setting??

Jawgap

tomwaterford wrote: »

I would've presumed the main issue the op had was the negative comments on Co workers appearance in a work setting??

I presume so, not a terribly bright or mature conversation for people to be having but there you go.

The OP is wondering why people are blanking her and treating her as if she did something wrong.....well legally and morally she did nothing wrong, but socially she did.

Her colleagues, in my view, now worry they can't trust her.....they wonder are they going to be reported for minor transgressions? Will she gossip about them to others? Did she report two otherwise good and popular workers and sound lads for stupidity? Is this her way now of 'getting ahead' by sabotaging others? All those questions are driving their behaviour......did the OP think they were going to be lauded for their involving management?

Plus, its probably driven by old fashioned resentment of work - if the two lads get suspended as a result of the OP's actions, who is going to take up the slack when the place is two bodies down?