Appearance?

LegacyUser

I will try to keep this short and simple because I have fears of being recognised.

In a job over a year, have gotten on brilliantly, staff/clients really regard me highly. I had my appraisal with my manager, they had very little negative aspects to say. They then said that my "appearance" has gone downhill - they even used their hand in a downward motion as if I was an idiot.

I have to say that I am completely insulted by this. When I originally interviewed here, I was wearing a suit and manager stated that this is a "casual place, nobody wears suits here"

When I received my contract (which I had to fight for, for over 3 months at the beginning) there is nothing about a dress code, I double checked this last night. I wear the same sort of clothes that everyone else wears, boots/trousers/knitwear etc. It's a freezing cold building at all times so the majority of us do wrap up well with thick jumpers etc. I have never once come in without make up on or my hair not looking well. I have never come in wearing tracksuits etc. I dress smart casual!

I am so hurt and insulted by this because as far as I am aware, I have been totally singled out for this. When I protested to manager, I was just shot down and told I need to make more of an effort. Personally I feel that they were just looking for anything to say because I have really done my job well in the last year, made a huge impact on the company. Finding it hard to let this go.

Mrs OBumble

First thing to remember is that they have to find something to say: if there's no part of your work that they can tell you to improve, they have to pick on something else.

(Like the time I got told by a manager who I knew could barely use a spreadsheet that I needed to learn more about databases. Duh ... one of us has an IT degree ...)

Your choices are to suck it up, or to make an issue of it. If you think the latter is viable, then go back and ask them for specific, actionable things that they want you to change. Not generalities. There is a risk that they'll say you've gotten wrinkled or your hair's got greyer - but this would be opening them up to an age discrimination claim. Or that you've got fat. Or something else you don't want to hear. But it could be an opportunity to have some fun.

Me, I'd just look for a job someplace else, and quietly thing "I'm outta here, a**hole" on the last day, while being 100% polite about it.

YMMV.

LegacyUser

Thanks Mrs O'B

I do agree with you. I suppose I was just so shocked to have something so personal thrown at me like that. I would have rather they picked my work apart instead, but there was nothing to pick apart.

I also agree about finding a new job. I have an interview for next week for a massive opportunity so if I get that I will honestly skip out the door.

But getting over it and getting on with it is what I plan to do. My appearance doesn't affect any part of my role, nor my rapport with staff/clients!

diomed

They are pushing you around because they can. If possible get another job. I wouldn't be surprised if they then think you are a valuable employee.
Workplaces are full of sociopaths/psychopaths, most of them at the higher levels imo.

Irish_Elect_Eng

I would like to take another more positive pitch at this.

If you are doing a really good job, are you a promotion prospect.

If so the feedback could be directed towards the old saying "dress for the job you want not the one you have"

Is your manager suggesting that if you want to move up then you should dress like someone that is pushing for a promotion?

livedadream

Wish to be anon wrote: »

I will try to keep this short and simple because I have fears of being recognised.

In a job over a year, have gotten on brilliantly, staff/clients really regard me highly. I had my appraisal with my manager, they had very little negative aspects to say. They then said that my "appearance" has gone downhill - they even used their hand in a downward motion as if I was an idiot.

I have to say that I am completely insulted by this. When I originally interviewed here, I was wearing a suit and manager stated that this is a "casual place, nobody wears suits here"

did you ask them to give more detail? or did they give examples of how your appearance have declined? it could be something simple, it is one of those things that its tough to mention so in general people dont mention it unless its totally necessary.
I also disagree with other posters who say they have to find something wrong. most good managers only point out negatives if they have too, otherwise your just demotivating your staff.

maybe go back and ask them what exactly was wrong with your dress or appearance and see what they say, if their being unreasonable, leave, if not your grand.

BetsyEllen

OP I would go back and ask exactly what they feel is wrong.

It could be that you genuinely think you dress smartly enough but maybe there is an actual problem and you just really aren't aware of it?
And the feedback may serve you well in your next job.

If they can't give you specifics then your suspicions of them just saying it for the sake of having something to say are confirmed and you could maybe make a complaint, if you wished to take it further.

JeffKenna

Do you shower every morning?

Mrs OBumble

livedadream wrote: »

I also disagree with other posters who say they have to find something wrong. most good managers only point out negatives if they have too, otherwise your just demotivating your staff.

I've worked in places where the HR policies specifically required me to list areas for improvement for every employee. Leaving it blank was not an option and trying to do so would have gotten me into trouble in my own review.

YMMV.

livedadream

There's a huge difference between finding something wrong and offering someone an area they can improve on. Everyone can improve no ones perfect at their job. I'm going to ignore your jibe about your mileage your the one who pointed out your a dinosaur not me. Things have changed in the past 30 years in managing employees and performance thank ****.

LegacyUser

Yes I do indeed shower every day. As I said, I have never even stepped foot through the door without make up on. All of the women in the job wear the same style clothes, we even shop in the same places! Vast majority of the clothes that I wear are from "work wear" sections on various clothing websites, so it's not as if I dont know what to be wearing. I am passionate about fashion. I never go over the top with my outfits. It is smart casual. My issue is the fact that I was told not to wear suits in my interview, there is no dress code in anyones contract, and I feel that I was singled out. If I don't get this job I am interviewing for next week, I will certainly be asking for specifics.

Personally I dont plan on being here much longer anyway. Today marks the 5th payday that my manager has "forgotten" to pay me. I've had enough!

splendid101

livedadream wrote: »

There's a huge difference between finding something wrong and offering someone an area they can improve on. Everyone can improve no ones perfect at their job. I'm going to ignore your jibe about your mileage your the one who pointed out your a dinosaur not me. Things have changed in the past 30 years in managing employees and performance thank ****.

Your Mileage May Vary isn't a reference to your age. It is just saying your experience may differ, nothing to do with someone's vintage.

livedadream

splendid101 wrote: »

livedadream wrote: »

There's a huge difference between finding something wrong and offering someone an area they can improve on. Everyone can improve no ones perfect at their job. I'm going to ignore your jibe about your mileage your the one who pointed out your a dinosaur not me. Things have changed in the past 30 years in managing employees and performance thank ****.

Your Mileage May Vary isn't a reference to your age. It is just saying your experience may differ, nothing to do with someone's vintage.

if you read back on bumbles posts youll find she has a huge issue with people who are younger/more successful or experienced than her. I know what she meant.

its off the point anyway and not helpful to the OP

skallywag

livedadream wrote: »

most good managers only point out negatives if they have too, otherwise your just demotivating your staff.

Disagree strongly.

Pointing out a team member's weaknesses is a central part to any decent appraisal system. The manner in which one does this is key, and this is what makes the difference between a good and a bad manager in my opinion.

OP, I would also tend to agree with you and I would also be quite taken back with such feedback. I would demand an explanation.

livedadream

skallywag wrote: »

livedadream wrote: »

most good managers only point out negatives if they have too, otherwise your just demotivating your staff.

Disagree strongly.

Pointing out a team member's weaknesses is a central part to any decent appraisal system. The manner in which one does this is key, and this is what makes the difference between a good and a bad manager in my opinion.

OP, I would also tend to agree with you and I would also be quite taken back with such feedback. I would demand an explanation.

like i said above theres a difference between pointing out negatives for the sake of it, and constructive feedback in a development meeting or performance review. commenting on someones appearance in a performance review is something someone wouldn't do off the cuff unless they are either an asshole or a poor manager.
its something ive had to do in regards to someones personal hygiene and its never a comfortable conversation.

AndrewJRenko

Just curious OP - are you male or female? It sounds like you are female, but I just want to be sure. And is the work environment very mixed, or is it dominated by one or other gender?

BattleCorp

I'm amazed that people are telling the OP to quit the job. It was one remark. Only one. It's not bullying or harassment.

Fair enough the OP didn't like it because it was of a personal nature.

What I would do is go to the manager, ask what exactly they want improved. How they want it improved etc.

Are people that thin skinned that they would leave a job because of one person making one comment?

In my book, the real issue here is the manager forgetting to pay the OP. 5 paydays where your wages were forgotten, that's a far more serious problem. That's the kind of crap I wouldn't put up with.

Mrs OBumble

livedadream wrote: »

commenting on someones appearance in a performance review is something someone wouldn't do off the cuff unless they are either an asshole or a poor manager.

It may not have been off the cuff at all. Sometimes appearance matters for the job, or for a person's likelihood of getting promoted out of the current job.

Because the OP was so incensed about it, I think that she needs to get a new job: either it does matter here (so she not a good fit for the company), or the manager is an assessment.

But its not reasonable to generalise from the limited informotion we have about the situation.

pilly

I would definitely insist on knowing exactly in what way they'd felt my appearance had declined.

being honest I would'nt give a toss. whatever he/she said about your VISAGE so to speak, says more about them than you. Don't ever assume that you need a reason why someone would say such a thing. Just because they're on a higher pay grade doesn't mean they are on a higher level intellectually or socially etc.
There are solicitors out there with slime ball morals, doctors with terrible bedside manners etc, this person is just an ass and may never go any further in their career so they've decided to step on someone like yourself.

as you say they've forgotten to pay you, that says everything about their culture, values and philosophy.

Bottom line, piss in his tea on the day you leave!!

razorblunt

It sounds like there are other issues here outside your control (missed pay) but to play Devil's Advocate, you say it's cold in the office, if you're using the same scarf/jumper is it washed regularly? I'm only asking out of experience where someone's work jumper was honking due to over wear, even though "it's only worn in the office".
I've also heard this said to guy's who's shoes were scuffed beyond repair, women wearing crocs in the office.