baby sensing my anxiety

LegacyUser

I've a 9 month old and from the beginning I was very rigid and by the book. I did far to much reading on how things should be and thus developed anxiety when things didn't go 'right'. I was dealt some bad cards during pregnancy and was induced early with PreEclampsia which also resulted in a long stay in icu. I was separated from my baby for 9 days and this is where the anxiety developed (I've never ever had anxiety before this). In order to make up for this lack in bonding at the beginning I wouldn't let the baby out of my sight. I didn't leave the house (besides antenatal appointments) for 8 weeks I case baby was to catch a bug. I rarely allowed visits until after 6 weeks and I would make excuses so others couldn't hold baby. The fear I had developed in my head is that my baby didn't know I was his mother and that getting cuddles/attention/affection from others would confuse him. In particular I avoided my MIL, who would at any chance snatch him from my arms to soothe him when he cried. So many times I've lost control of my emotions during these types of situations and I look like a crazy lady. I still have thoughts that My baby loves others more than me and that they are better at 'mothering' him than I am. I know I sound completely irrational and no matter how much reassurance I get from my OH I still don't feel adaquate.
This has lead to a knock on effect in my baby who needs to be with me at all times, hates strangers and new places, cries when in public, hears loud noises or is around other children. He hates being in a car seat, buggy, high chair, bouncer or swing. He spends most of the day moaning and whinging and I feel like it's all because of my anxiety. I honestly don't know what to do. I have never experienced such a massive change in my personality and thought process before and feel like at most times I have no control over the way I think about things. If that makes any sense. I know this is a long winded post but I feel like I need to get things under control now before it goes on any longer.

kandr10

Anonmom wrote: »

I've a 9 month old and from the beginning I was very rigid and by the book. I did far to much reading on how things should be and thus developed anxiety when things didn't go 'right'. I was dealt some bad cards during pregnancy and was induced early with PreEclampsia which also resulted in a long stay in icu. I was separated from my baby for 9 days and this is where the anxiety developed (I've never ever had anxiety before this). In order to make up for this lack in bonding at the beginning I wouldn't let the baby out of my sight. I didn't leave the house (besides antenatal appointments) for 8 weeks I case baby was to catch a bug. I rarely allowed visits until after 6 weeks and I would make excuses so others couldn't hold baby. The fear I had developed in my head is that my baby didn't know I was his mother and that getting cuddles/attention/affection from others would confuse him. In particular I avoided my MIL, who would at any chance snatch him from my arms to soothe him when he cried. So many times I've lost control of my emotions during these types of situations and I look like a crazy lady. I still have thoughts that My baby loves others more than me and that they are better at 'mothering' him than I am. I know I sound completely irrational and no matter how much reassurance I get from my OH I still don't feel adaquate.
This has lead to a knock on effect in my baby who needs to be with me at all times, hates strangers and new places, cries when in public, hears loud noises or is around other children. He hates being in a car seat, buggy, high chair, bouncer or swing. He spends most of the day moaning and whinging and I feel like it's all because of my anxiety. I honestly don't know what to do. I have never experienced such a massive change in my personality and thought process before and feel like at most times I have no control over the way I think about things. If that makes any sense. I know this is a long winded post but I feel like I need to get things under control now before it goes on any longer.

I'm sorry to hear you're having a tough time. Have you spoken to your gp? They will offer appropriate help. If you look after yourself, the issues you perceive your baby as having, you'll be able to see more clearly what's going on. It really sounds like you were put through the mill. things will get easier in the future, especially if you get help.

Lucuma

I would agree with the advice to go and chat to your GP as soon as possible

Merkin

I really think you should go and talk to your GP too. There is help out there and you owe it to yourself and to your bubs to address it head on.

LegacyUser

OP, go to your GP for a chat. Definitely.

I would also suggest that you try looking up the advice of this lady ... Janet Lansbury. Her parenting techniques may not be entirely what you are looking for but it will give you some good tips on helping your baby learn to deal with playing by itself and finding it's own space and helping you learn how to let it happen.

I do understand where you are coming from because the first two weeks of my first baby, we were separated a bit on and off. I couldn't give her to anyone for weeks, I would get this awful knot in my gut where I just wanted to snatch her back from the arms of anyone who was holding her, except for a couple of people. I had to really hold myself back a few times. And don't even go there with the MIL.....it wasn't good. They do pick up on the anxiety, I have seen it in action with my own baba, so please don't be afraid to go in and unload on your GP.