Christmas Issues

GingerLily

gaynorvader wrote: »

I think people are being ridiculous and unfair. As far as I can make out from your posts OP, you agreed with your OH to spend this Christmas together. Then your Nan got sick (or sicker at least) and you asked if your OH would mind if you spent Christmas with your Nan as it could be the last one, but that you'd still really love to spend Christmas Eve with your OH, which she agreed to (albeit non-enthusiastically). Now, a few weeks down the line, she's announced that she isn't going to be spending any part of the Christmas with you.

I don't think you're being selfish in asking for a few hours Christmas Eve to exchange gifts. What's her reasoning for heading down so early Christmas Eve? Is she relying on a lift? Is it a similar thing with St Stephen's Day? Can she possibly arrange to come up a few hours earlier Stephen's Day or leave a few hours later Christmas Eve so you two can exchange gifts, etc?

I wouldn't make too much of an issue about this as it's a once off thing, maybe next year you can have Christmas at home and invite some of your family, then the next year go with her to her parents?

There are no cars so she needs to use public transport.

His family also essentially don't celebrate Christmas also.

gaynorvader

GingerLily wrote: »

There are no cars so she needs to use public transport.

His family also essentially don't celebrate Christmas also.

Public transport is certainly available after 8am Christmas Eve, but I meant on the other end, perhaps she's being picked up from the bus stop.

I got the impression OP's family celebrate the day, but not the big blowout OP would like to have, so they might go to dinner on the day.

Walter H Price

gaynorvader wrote: »

I think people are being ridiculous and unfair. As far as I can make out from your posts OP, you agreed with your OH to spend this Christmas together. Then your Nan got sick (or sicker at least) and you asked if your OH would mind if you spent Christmas with your Nan as it could be the last one, but that you'd still really love to spend Christmas Eve with your OH, which she agreed to (albeit non-enthusiastically). Now, a few weeks down the line, she's announced that she isn't going to be spending any part of the Christmas with you.

I don't think you're being selfish in asking for a few hours Christmas Eve to exchange gifts. What's her reasoning for heading down so early Christmas Eve? Is she relying on a lift? Is it a similar thing with St Stephen's Day? Can she possibly arrange to come up a few hours earlier Stephen's Day or leave a few hours later Christmas Eve so you two can exchange gifts, etc?

I wouldn't make too much of an issue about this as it's a once off thing, maybe next year you can have Christmas at home and invite some of your family, then the next year go with her to her parents?

Thank's i think that was really my main point like , this had been agreed and it changed due to my na's illness progressing.

There was no perticuular reason for her going down earlier or coming back later other then she wanted to see absolutly everyone and sh has like 10 Aunts and Uncles , i just felt i was a bit unfair to be honest given she could have gone down later and we actualy could of had some of christmas together like we agreed.

I don't want her to be miserable at all i just dont know why she cant be happy to split christmas a bit this year given we had agreed to spend it together entirely and she knows how ****ty am feeling about nan's situation as is. i just thought it was a bit cold on her part.

Maybe it was selfish but i didn't think so. And i was concerned a bit by how quick she was to just ditch our plans for her family again , like i do have a sinking feeling this will be every year. but will wait and see i guess.

osarusan

With siblings that live abroad, my family has sometimes 'put off' Christmas Day until we could all be together - we might have had Christmas Day on Dec 28th or something like that - save the big meal and the presents until then.

Would that be a possibility?

cactusgal

I can see both sides here. I do agree partly with posters who are telling you to let her off to enjoy her time with her family, especially given the public transport issue.
But.
I can see why you're upset. Unfortunately, in my experience, people (even partners/close friends) don't actually care that much if you have a sick relative at Christmastime - they are more concerned with enjoying Christmas with their own families and you're left to deal with your family on your own terms. My mother has has Alzheimer's since I was in my early 20s. For both me and my brother, Christmas is a time to spend with our family, but it's difficult (moreso in the past, when the disease was developing - maybe at the stage where your nana is). Sadly, I have found that people may express borderline interest, but do very little to help you out on the holidays.
That's my experience. Other people may be different. But I can see echoes of my friends/OH's behaviour at Christmas in what you're describing, and all I can offer is my sympathy towards you and your family over your grandmother and just say that at Christmas, people tend to only think of their own families. It's hurtful, but I've gotten over it at this point, and just really focus on my own family and this time of year and expect very, very little from others.

Walter H Price

pookie82 wrote: »

Even more reason, then, to let her go and have a decent time with them.

You want her stuck on a bus, instead, for half of Christmas Eve/Stephens' Day?

I echo 100% what the above poster says ... just because YOU want to see only her, does not mean she should feel the same way. You will suffocate her with such demands. Don't be the guy who wants to alienate her from her family/limit her time with them because you don't like your own.

Shes gunna be on the buses anyway, wether she goes down first thing in the morning or at 4 or 5 in the evening.So i dont see how that makes any diffrence.

all it would mean would be if she went first thing we get no time together christmas eve where as if she goes at 5 we get to do presents and have dinner and a good chunk of the day.

I honestly don't see the issue or you're point to be honest.

Walter H Price

osarusan wrote: »

With siblings that live abroad, my family has sometimes 'put off' Christmas Day until we could all be together - we might have had Christmas Day on Dec 28th or something like that - save the big meal and the presents until then.

Would that be a possibility?

We've donr that every other year and to be honest it's bin grand , but this year we had specifcly agreed to do actual christmas together given next years will be manic between getting married the honeymoon and possibly moving house.

No one is away were both here we can honsetly see our familys at anystage for a few hours , the ony reason that plan change at all was that my gran got sicker and i didnt think it was fair asking her to do christmas day in my Ma's cause it sh!t , but she kinda took advantage of that a bit and that's what annoyed me i suppose.

cactusgal wrote: »

I can see both sides here. I do agree partly with posters who are telling you to let her off to enjoy her time with her family, especially given the public transport issue.
But.
I can see why you're upset. Unfortunately, in my experience, people (even partners/close friends) don't actually care that much if you have a sick relative at Christmastime - they are more concerned with enjoying Christmas with their own families and you're left to deal with your family on your own terms. My mother has has Alzheimer's since I was in my early 20s. For both me and my brother, Christmas is a time to spend with our family, but it's difficult (moreso in the past, when the disease was developing - maybe at the stage where your nana is). Sadly, I have found that people may express borderline interest, but do very little to help you out on the holidays.
That's my experience. Other people may be different. But I can see echoes of my friends/OH's behaviour at Christmas in what you're describing, and all I can offer is my sympathy towards you and your family over your grandmother and just say that at Christmas, people tend to only think of their own families. It's hurtful, but I've gotten over it at this point, and just really focus on my own family and this time of year and expect very, very little from others.

Yeh i 100% get where your coming from , and thanks for the kind words. like i sai i dont enjoy goin to my mams for chritmas but i know id hae major regrets if this was my last christmas with my nan and i wasnt there.

Walter H Price

Walter H Price wrote: »

Neither of us want to spend anytime with each others familys in general christmas is no exception so i do think the only fair compromise is that we do our own thing togheter and invite a few of them up

That's no compromise. Your "solution" is that you get what you want and she loses something very important to her, can't understand how you can't see that and I hope she digs her heels in here.

osarusan wrote: »

With siblings that live abroad, my family has sometimes 'put off' Christmas Day until we could all be together - we might have had Christmas Day on Dec 28th or something like that - save the big meal and the presents until then. Would that be a possibility?

Walter H Price wrote: »

We've done that every other year and to be honest it's bin grand

So you've no problem with celebrating Christmas the two of you on a different day but you're creating this drama because this year didn't go according to your (amended) plan.

And, to be honest, you seem to have quite a low opinion of your fiancé and her motives.

Wile E. Coyote

Oh how I used to love this time of year. The annual 'So what are you doing for Christmas this year?' that would start in September from both families. The knot in my stomach when it was asked, not wanting to disappoint anyone but knowing she only wanted to spend it with hers and there would be little or no compromise. Fun times.....

It seems to me OP that she only agreed to Christmas at home to please you and it's not really what she wanted. It's understandable though, you're attempting to break a 20+ year tradition. Thats never going to be easy.

You both have very different expectations on what this Christmas should be about. For you it's spending the time alone with her because your family doesn't celebrate it. For her it's family. Nothing good can come from you trying to keep her away from her family, especially at Christmas.

You both need to learn to compromise more. Dictating when she goes and when she comes back isn't compromising. Likewise neither is leaving first thing on Christmas eve morning and not arriving home till late on St Stephens night (unless it's due to a shortage of public transport on these days). She should be more considerate when it comes to your nan but I think you need to make more of an effort with her family. Like it or not you're going to marry her so they're going to be in your life for a long time and she will want to see them around Christmas.

And don't think that having kids once you're married will change this and you're going to get your dream Christmas at home with them on your own. Your wife to be is used to and has happy memories of big Christmases celebrated with aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents. She's going to want your kids to experience the same thing.

meeeeh

Op, I suspect you are reacting so harshly because you were hoping to spend Christmas in some idyllic way. Ignoring the fact that Christmas is never as idyllic as we imagine, I am afraid you will just have to adapt and make the best of it. Also your gf lives further away from family so Christmas is ideal situation for her to see everyone and get a lift to different people she wasn't to visit.

My advice won't make a difference this year but eventually one of you should learn to drive or you will always have trouble organizing things.

blairbear

OP, you sound like a sulky teenager. Although I know many teenagers who would be more insightful than you.

I have had to work many Christmas days and in fact have spent Christmas on my own (when work is over) for the last three years. And yeah, it's fairly miserable. I love Christmas and love Christmas at home so much. You need to embrace the hand you have been dealt this year. Do you know how many old people barely get a visitor on Christmas Day? A huge amount. I think you need to look at this differently and appreciate the opportunity you have to spend time with your granny. You say your family have a "bah humbug" attitude. So do you! The derision with which you refer to your gf and her plans is palpable.

Public transport is bloody freezing! And it's colder going into the evening. So it'd be much nicer for her to go early on Xmas Eve. A huge amount of trains and buses don't run on Stephens' Day so it will be hard for her to co-ordinate her journey. Why do you want her to do exactly what YOU want for Christmas? She'll miss out on a lot of family time to make you happy. And by the sounds of things, you'll still be giving out to her.

Also, try using predictive text if on your phone or spellcheck if on a computer. The awful spelling and grammar makes your posts quite the challenge to wade through and decipher.

Walter H Price

blairbear wrote: »

OP, you sound like a sulky teenager. Although I know many teenagers who would be more insightful than you.

I have had to work many Christmas days and in fact have spent Christmas on my own (when work is over) for the last three years. And yeah, it's fairly miserable. I love Christmas and love Christmas at home so much. You need to embrace the hand you have been dealt this year. Do you know how many old people barely get a visitor on Christmas Day? A huge amount. I think you need to look at this differently and appreciate the opportunity you have to spend time with your granny. You say your family have a "bah humbug" attitude. So do you! The derision with which you refer to your gf and her plans is palpable.

Public transport is bloody freezing! And it's colder going into the evening. So it'd be much nicer for her to go early on Xmas Eve. A huge amount of trains and buses don't run on Stephens' Day so it will be hard for her to co-ordinate her journey. Why do you want her to do exactly what YOU want for Christmas? She'll miss out on a lot of family time to make you happy. And by the sounds of things, you'll still be giving out to her.

Also, try using predictive text if on your phone or spellcheck if on a computer. The awful spelling and grammar makes your posts quite the challenge to wade through and decipher.

we dont work ever around christmas so thats not an issue, apples and oranges really . I'm not being sulky at all i was just a bit miffed she ditched our plans so readily.

Her bus runs both days so no issue there and its on the hour every hour so again plenty of options , its a proper coach and unavoidable , she has to do it at some stage literally the only diffence was that if she went at 8 we had none of christmas eve if she went in the mid afternoon we had half the day , same with coming back up stevens day im not talking bout here leaving down there at like 7 in the morning or something im saying 3 or 4 in the afternoon.

Apologies if the spelling and grammar offends I'm dyslexic but i'll try extra hard just for you

Walter H Price

Deleted User wrote: »

That's no compromise. Your "solution" is that you get what you want and she loses something very important to her, can't understand how you can't see that and I hope she digs her heels in here.





So you've no problem with celebrating Christmas the two of you on a different day but you're creating this drama because this year didn't go according to your (amended) plan.

And, to be honest, you seem to have quite a low opinion of your fiancé and her motives.

Dont see how its not a compromise she dosn't want to spend time with my family , i don't want to spend time with hers for different reasons but same end result. Surely whats fair is we do something together and invite both immediate familys , or split the time .

I have a lot of respect for my fience and love her very much , i just thinks she's been a bit harsh in this perticualr circumstance. i would rather do christmas on christmas given were both here again the situation where people are abroad or whatever is apples and oranges here.

BetsyEllen

Walter H Price wrote: »

Her bus runs both days so no issue there and its on the hour every hour so again plenty of options , its a proper coach and unavoidable , she has to do it at some stage literally the only diffence was that if she went at 8 we had none of christmas eve if she went in the mid afternoon we had half the day , same with coming back up stevens day im not talking bout here leaving down there at like 7 in the morning or something im saying 3 or 4 in the afternoon.

If she leaves at 4pm in the afternoon she'll be home at 6pm. She's said she'll be home at 8pm. 2 hours OP...

I also think you're missing the point about the buses running all day on Christmas Eve but she wants to go in the morning.

Christmas Eve is fun. Everyone is excited, preparing food, getting in the Christmas spirit. She wants to be a part of that.

You've already said she has lots of Aunts and Uncles and wants to see them all, which is part of her reasoning for going down early.

A lot of days I hate being single and really wish I had a partner. Then I read a thread like this and remember that actually - single life is not so bad!

pookie82

I actually see no advantage whatsoever to this thread, OP. Countless replies later and every additional comment you make repeats that she's "taking advantage" and "taking the piss" as if you haven't moved an inch from your mindset at the time of writing the original post. The way you even speak about her is really churlish and sulky. You sound needy and demanding, tbh.

You're obsessed with the idea she has slyly "gotten one over on you" or something. You don't want to listen to the other side.

Why did you bother writing here?

blairbear

Walter,

You came on here asking for advice and opinions. We are giving you both. You simply refute all posts that aren't palatable to you or that don't support your view.

The only way she will be spending as much time as you want with you over Xmas will be under duress. Do you really want this?

Giving examples of people working over Christmas or being abroad is not irrelevant; posters are trying to empathise and express how other similar scenarios have worked out.

You aren't seeing it from her point of view at all. I have enormous sympathy for her.

Walter H Price

BetsyEllen wrote: »

If she leaves at 4pm in the afternoon she'll be home at 6pm. She's said she'll be home at 8pm. 2 hours OP...

I also think you're missing the point about the buses running all day on Christmas Eve but she wants to go in the morning.

Christmas Eve is fun. Everyone is excited, preparing food, getting in the Christmas spirit. She wants to be a part of that.

You've already said she has lots of Aunts and Uncles and wants to see them all, which is part of her reasoning for going down early.

A lot of days I hate being single and really wish I had a partner. Then I read a thread like this and remember that actually - single life is not so bad!

be a little shorter then 2 hours for her coming back up a because i'd be picking her up from the airport so probibly and hour and 15 is you take out getting a bus from ours to the airport or vice versa.

Yeh ok christmas eve is fun i get your point but i would say getting up with your fience going for breakfast doing presents going into town and soaking up a bit of the atmosphere getting a hot choclate all that jazz is just as fun or at least should be just as fun as sitting in your ma's or your aunties drinkin tea for hours. she dosn't cook so doubt shed be involved there. So yeh im a bit pissed off that she was prepared to give up our fun stuff on christmas eve to spend more time with peiople shes gunna see when she gets down , christmas day and some of steves day.

Walter H Price

blairbear wrote: »

Walter,

You came on here asking for advice and opinions. We are giving you both. You simply refute all posts that aren't palatable to you or that don't support your view.

The only way she will be spending as much time as you want with you over Xmas will be under duress. Do you really want this?

Giving examples of people working over Christmas or being abroad is not irrelevant; posters are trying to empathise and express how other similar scenarios have worked out.

You aren't seeing it from her point of view at all. I have enormous sympathy for her.

I see her point i honestly do i just don't get how its more important than what we'd agreed and tbh i never will.

I think allot of the posts have been a bit unfair i'm not controlling , or selfish , i do have allot of love and respect for her , i want to spend time with her , i want her to enjoy Christmas. It would just be nice if she could equally enjoy spending some part of it with me like we had agreed to. i don't think i'm out of line being a bit disappointed shes scrapped basically everything we could have done and had talked about doing , i really honestly don't.

To be honest i really haven't found most of the replies in here helpful at all , most were just accusatory some were down right derogatory and to be honest if i could delete the thread i would as it is i think i may un-follow now at this point.

BetsyEllen

Walter H Price wrote: »

be a little shorter then 2 hours for her coming back up a because i'd be picking her up from the airport so probibly and hour and 15 is you take out getting a bus from ours to the airport or vice versa.

Yeh ok christmas eve is fun i get your point but i would say getting up with your fience going for breakfast doing presents going into town and soaking up a bit of the atmosphere getting a hot choclate all that jazz is just as fun or at least should be just as fun as sitting in your ma's or your aunties drinkin tea for hours. she dosn't cook so doubt shed be involved there. So yeh im a bit pissed off that she was prepared to give up our fun stuff on christmas eve to spend more time with peiople shes gunna see when she gets down , christmas day and some of steves day.

2 hours 45 minutes then.
And you're picking her up from the airport now? What...you said earlier it's all public transport as you don't drive due to anxiety??

And actually yeah, I would rather sit in my Mum's drinking tea on Christmas Eve with my family than go out and about with a boyfriend for breakfast or a hot chocolate. You can do that on any normal weekend of the year, it's hardly a novelty! You live together, you get to do this stuff whenever you want.

I think the issue here is that Christmas has always been crap for you with your own family so you have no idea how fun it can be to actually sit on your Mum's sofa drinking tea with your siblings/Aunts/Uncles having the craic with cheesy Christmas music in the background.
It's a great feeling, happens once a year and is something I wouldn't want to miss out on for the sake of going out for breakfast with the person I see every day.

pookie82

Walter H Price wrote: »

I see her point i honestly do i just don't get how its more important than what we'd agreed and tbh i never will.

Then, yet again, there was no point in posting here and wasting everyone's time.

Walter H Price

BetsyEllen wrote: »

2 hours 45 minutes then.
And ou're picking her up from the airport now? What...you said earlier it's all public transport as you don't drive due to anxiety??

And actually yeah, I would rather sit in my Mum's drinking tea on Christmas Eve with my family than go out and about with a boyfriend for breakfast or a hot chocolate. You can do that on any normal weekend of the year, it's hardly a novelty! You live together, you get to do this stuff whenever you want.

I think the issue here is that Christmas has always been crap for you with your own family so you have no idea how fun it can be to actually sit on your Mum's sofa drinking tea with your siblings/Aunts/Uncles having the craic with cheesy Christmas music in the background.
It's a great feeling, happens once a year and is something I wouldn't want to miss out on for the sake of going out for breakfast with the person I see every day.

My folks live in swords id be leaving theres on stevens day , they'd be droppin me back home so would obviously poick her up enrout.

Mybe that's the reason , i don't have a big family , my folks gave up on Christmas once we stopped believing in santa but i still love this time of year. i'm not just her boyfriend we've been together 5 years engaged 1 and we're planning kids pretty soon. I don't think its a big ask for 4 or 5 hours on Christmas eve which we had agreed to and i was looking forward too i honestly don't, and i do find it a tad worrying that it is that big of an ask for her to be honest.

SarahMollie

Walter H Price wrote: »

I see her point i honestly do i just don't get how its more important than what we'd agreed and tbh i never will.

I think allot of the posts have been a bit unfair i'm not controlling , or selfish , i do have allot of love and respect for her , i want to spend time with her , i want her to enjoy Christmas. It would just be nice if she could equally enjoy spending some part of it with me like we had agreed to. i don't think i'm out of line being a bit disappointed shes scrapped basically everything we could have done and had talked about doing , i really honestly don't.

To be honest i really haven't found most of the replies in here helpful at all , most were just accusatory some were down right derogatory and to be honest if i could delete the thread i would as it is i think i may un-follow now at this point.

If you wanted her to enjoy Christmas, then you'd let her do what she wants instead of having arguments. Its clear that being with her family is how she thinks she'd most enjoy Christmas.

You just clearly cannot fathom that she's chosen that over sitting at home with you.

mapaca

Just a point to bear in mind: if she leaves Dublin at 4pm on Christmas Eve on a bus, she will likely be stuck in traffic for a good part of the journey and not get to her folks' place in the two hours it normally takes. Leaving early that morning might actually be better, for practical reasons. This might be why she's planned it this way. I hope ye can sort it out OP.

Walter H Price

SarahMollie wrote: »

If you wanted her to enjoy Christmas, then you'd let her do what she wants instead of having arguments. Its clear that being with her family is how she thinks she'd most enjoy Christmas.

You just clearly cannot fathom that she's chosen that over sitting at home with you.

i've told her to do what she wants im not trying to contoll her but i am a little disappointed.

where above at what point did i say i wanted to sit in ? i want to go for breakfast do gifts which we always go all out on and have again this year. go in to town for a wander an soak up some of the atmosphere and go to coco bo which we love for hotchoclate and ice cream.

xLike its not like im chaining her to a radiator and beating her if she stays , i would say thats a fairly nice christmas eve , maybe not to her and thats whats dissapointed me and made me a little concerned becuse i dont want this to be a stupid fking row every year, but equalyy i dont want to spend every Christmas apart

Big Bag of Chips

OP, I think maybe posters are being a bit harsh on you. I understand where if you'd agreed to spend the whole Christmas together that now with plans changed a bit you'd like to maximise your time together and have an extra few hours. I think that's reasonable. You're not asking her to not go. You're just asking her to go a bit later.

I think, and I think you said it yourself, she reluctantly agreed to spend Christmas with you this year, and I think now you deciding to go to see your nan is the perfect excuse for her to be able to go home. I don't know what you can do, really. I wouldn't make a big deal of it this year. Next year is a big year for you both. A wedding, honeymoon, New house. Don't start off the year with bad feeling between you.

You are both very different people. Family is important to her. Big family get togethers are important to her. This is something you've always known about her. And I assume a part of her that you love? I think spending an extra 2 or 3 hours with you isn't going to ruin her Christmas, she had already agreed to spend the entire 3 days with you, after all.

I understand your disappointment, but I also understand her eagerness to get home to it all. I would have been similar at the same stage in my life. Marriage and a few children later I am delighted to not move outside the sitting room for the day! I'll Skype my family, (who live 20 minutes away!) for a few minutes, but outside of that I will have zero contact with the outside world, and that's what I love now.

You both want very different things, but I would share your concern that every year she will want to be at "home" for it. It seems like she is really not ready to give it up, yet.

Whatever happens, don't fall out with her over a few hours, one way or the other. Its not worth it. Especially not with your whole loves ahead of you.

Walter H Price

Big Bag of Chips wrote: »

OP, I think maybe posters are being a bit harsh on you. I understand where if you'd agreed to spend the whole Christmas together that now with plans changed a bit you'd like to maximise your time together and have an extra few hours. I think that's reasonable. You're not asking her to not go. You're just asking her to go a bit later.

I think, and I think you said it yourself, she reluctantly agreed to spend Christmas with you this year, and I think now you deciding to go to see your nan is the perfect excuse for her to be able to go home. I don't know what you can do, really. I wouldn't make a big deal of it this year. Next year is a big year for you both. A wedding, honeymoon, New house. Don't start off the year with bad feeling between you.

You are both very different people. Family is important to her. Big family get togethers are important to her. This is something you've always known about her. And I assume a part of her that you love? I think spending an extra 2 or 3 hours with you isn't going to ruin her Christmas, she had already agreed to spend the entire 3 days with you, after all.

I understand your disappointment, but I also understand her eagerness to get home to it all. I would have been similar at the same stage in my life. Marriage and a few children later I am delighted to not move outside the sitting room for the day! I'll Skype my family, (who live 20 minutes away!) for a few minutes, but outside of that I will have zero contact with the outside world, and that's what I love now.

You both want very different things, but I would share your concern that every year she will want to be at "home" for it. It seems like she is really not ready to give it up, yet.

Whatever happens, don't fall out with her over a few hours, one way or the other. Its not worth it. Especially not with your whole loves ahead of you.

i haven't at all fall out with her , we had a row over it , i thought she was a bit harsh. As much as i knew she was relutent agrreeing to do our own thing this year she knew how much i stuggeled with cancelling that and deciding to go to my mams for my Nan's sake and to be honest i hope my folks and my sister up their game for her too in case it is her last christmas. we agreed then that we'd do our thing christmas eve and i was a little hurt with how quick she was to ditch that at the weekend.

like i said I've told her to do whatever she wants to do , but i'd be lying if i said it wouldnt concern me if she does decide to blow off all our plans , the few hours on christmas eve to go down earlier. like that still seems a bit sh1tty to me

miamee

Walter H Price wrote: »

My folks live in swords id be leaving theres on stevens day , they'd be droppin me back home so would obviously poick her up enrout.

Mybe that's the reason , i don't have a big family , my folks gave up on Christmas once we stopped believing in santa but i still love this time of year. i'm not just her boyfriend we've been together 5 years engaged 1 and we're planning kids pretty soon. I don't think its a big ask for 4 or 5 hours on Christmas eve which we had agreed to and i was looking forward too i honestly don't, and i do find it a tad worrying that it is that big of an ask for her to be honest.

When I first started reading the thread, I was wondering what the big deal was but now I think you are simply disappointed. Reading between the lines, I don't think you've had an enjoyable Christmas Day since you were a kid and Santa still came and you wanted to recapture that kind of Christmas magic with your fiancée this year. Then when your nan deteriorated, you had to cahnge the plans which was disappointing enough but your fiancée took the opportunity to change them even further which you didn't expect. Try to set aside your anger and accusations of her being sly/opportunistic and tell her that you are just upset and disappointed that the Christmas you were planning is not now happening. She may or may not change her plans but at least she'll know where you are coming from here.

Walter H Price

miamee wrote: »

When I first started reading the thread, I was wondering what the big deal was but now I think you are simply disappointed. Reading between the lines, I don't think you've had an enjoyable Christmas Day since you were a kid and Santa still came and you wanted to recapture that kind of Christmas magic with your fiancée this year. Then when your nan deteriorated, you had to cahnge the plans which was disappointing enough but your fiancée took the opportunity to change them even further which you didn't expect. Try to set aside your anger and accusations of her being sly/opportunistic and tell her that you are just upset and disappointed that the Christmas you were planning is not now happening. She may or may not change her plans but at least she'll know where you are coming from here.

thats literally exactly it , i love christmas we both do but my folks and my sister don't and make literally 0 effort. My OH know how sh!t the last few have been in perticular and how much i wanted to spend a bit of time with her and enjoy some of it at least this year and she'd agreed to that , so yh i would say its totaly fine to be dissapointed and a bit hurt that she just decide to scrap our plans for more time with her family but if thats her call thats her call.

Im not a controlling person and i hate that label , i not going to bar the door nd stop her going but im not going to understand it either if she does go and i will be hurt , dissapointed and if im honest more then a little concerned.

kylith

I think the OP is getting treated quite harshly here. What he wants is to spend Christmas with the woman he loves, opening presents and enjoying each other's company for possibly the only year they'll spend it alone and instead he has to spend it with a bunch if people who don't like Christmas, a dying grandmother, and an empty flat to go back to.

Someone said that the last thin they'd want is to ask their partner to leave their family early to sit in public transport, well it cuts both ways doesn't it? Surely SHE shouldn't want her fiancé to spend Christmas practically alone and thoroughly miserable because she can't be arsed to get a bus a couple of hours earlier.

The OP loves Christmas and by the sounds of it has never had a proper one. The first one he was looking forward to has been scuppered because of his gran's ill-health, and his fiancée cannot be arsed to forego going round the houses to be with him. Sounds to me like if he's selfish the so is she.

Walter H Price

kylith wrote: »

I think the OP is getting treated quite harshly here. What he wants is to spend Christmas with the woman he loves, opening presents and enjoying each other's company for possibly the only year they'll spend it alone and instead he has to spend it with a bunch if people who don't like Christmas, a dying grandmother, and an empty flat to go back to.

Someone said that the last thin they'd want is to ask their partner to leave their family early to sit in public transport, well it cuts both ways doesn't it? Surely SHE shouldn't want her fiancé to spend Christmas practically alone and thoroughly miserable because she can't be arsed to get a bus a couple of hours earlier.

The OP loves Christmas and by the sounds of it has never had a proper one. The first one he was looking forward to has been scuppered because of his gran's ill-health, and his fiancée cannot be arsed to forego going round the houses to be with him. Sounds to me like if he's selfish the so is she.

100% nail on the head , that's exactly what i've been trying to get across.